“What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.” (Cool Hand Luke) – seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.
I remember seeing the Paul Newman movie when it was released and how jarring the
ending was, when the jail warden grabbed the gun and shot and killed Newman’s character. Perhaps in today’s world of seemingly weekly police shootings it would not have been so unexpected.
Sometimes we worry if anyone hears what we are saying. Much of the time that may not be the issue. The real issue is do they understand what we are saying…are we communicating. In the common vernacular the phrase “you know” is used as both a statement and a question and is meant somehow to be a shortcut to understanding. But what if the other party doesn’t know? What if they have no life experience basis for knowing? What if they come from a different culture, where the things that we know are not common knowledge or experiences? How much are you communicating when you use the phrase, “you know?”
Jack made the point also that communications is a critical part of any relationship, 
especially those within a marriage and a family. A failure to communicate is probably the root cause of the breakup most marriages that end in divorce. I’ve written here in the past about the need to have a deeper level of relationship than just the sexual attraction in any marriage and that level is only reached through communications, through sharing and understanding each other’s beliefs, dreams, hopes, and interests openly. It is really a cop-out when one partner says to the other, “Well you should know what I want, I shouldn’t have to tell you.” In fact neither of you will ever just figure things out if you don’t communicate and share with each other – what do you want, what would make you happy, what can I do for you and you for me. It is the lowering of the shields and the baring of the souls to one another through communications that builds the bounds that keep marriages together.
The same rules apply to life in general. If you don’t communicate what you want in life, don’t expect others to be able to figure tit out and give those things to you. At work there may be formal reviews or just informal times with the boss in which you can express your ambitions and ask for his/her help to achieve them. That communications should be a two way learning experience, with you finding out what you need to improve or do and the boss
finding out your ambitions and your willingness to work to achieve them. It also helps you clarify your goals when you have to verbalize them in communications with others.
In any form of communications there is also the task of making sure that you have properly received, interpreted and understand the message or information. Your ability to internalize what has been communicated to you is greatly influenced by your point of view and your background. There is an old saw “seeing is believing”. I wrote recently about people “seeing” things differently in my post “I can see clearly now”. Do you think that blacks and whites see two different realities when they see the dash cam videos that are almost a nightly occurrence on the news.
It is up to each of us to take the time and put in the work needed to communicate to others and to understand what they are trying to communicate to us. For some of us that may mean just shutting up, so that that other party can get a word in edgewise. You are not communicating is you are doing all of the talking. For others the challenge may be to find the right words to express their feelings and desires, without appearing to be selfish or 
self-centered. It is OK to tell that overly attentive partner that you need some “alone time.” We all need some time to ourselves, times of silence and contemplation. Often it is the need of the partner for constant assurances and attention that drive us apart. Their “clinging” is a sign of insecurity that needs to be discussed in an open honest communication with them.
I’ve posted a couple of times here on the topic of the benefits of openly discussing your issues with someone that you can trust, one such post was titled “Can we talk”, which discussed the role of a friend in providing a listening post for you to communicate your issues and your role to return the favor for them. All of these posts about communications end up with the same advice- you have to work at it to make it happen and to benefit from it. Working at it means that you have to be cognizant of your own needs and receptive to understanding the needs of others. Don’t go to your grave with the epitaph “I wish you had told me…” engraved on your tombstone.
Communicate; ask and tell; work at it. Don’t let your life become a failure to communicate.
Posted by Norm Werner 
You’ve stumbled upon people who live their lives by today’s quote. They never give up hope and they are thankful for what they have, even though it may not seem to be much to us. Most of the time you will have also encountered someone who has a deep faith and belief in God. It is upon that rock that they can build their optimistic or upbeat frame of mind and take life as it is.
want to surround themselves with the Eeyores of life, but rather with the Winnie the Poohs or even the Tiggers and Piglets. While there are some who might come across as disgustingly upbeat; they are still preferable to those who only want to drag you into their personal mental dungeons.
with a little prayer that asks for God’s help as the day goes on. Perhaps something like, “Dear God, help me make the right decisions today on the things that I can control; let me hand off to you the things that I cannot control; and give me the wisdom to know the difference.”
world differently because we look at it through the distortions caused by the “lenses” of our experiences and knowledge, our fears and prejudices, or our hope and optimism. Some people look at it through the dark lenses of depression. Others see nothing but rainbows through the rose colored glasses of optimism. Some may see danger lurking behind every bush and tree, while others see opportunities around every corner or behind every door.
immediately see danger in the situation; but walk into a room filled with the same number of people, but one in which they are all very different from you and you might see danger and threats. For most white Americans seeing a policeman approach may cause them to pause to think if they’ve done anything wrong; but, they don’t “see” it necessarily as being threatening. However, ask a resident of Ferguson, Missouri about that scenario and you’ll get a different answer. Perhaps that is because the eyes that they see that policemen through are filled with so many tears from the past.
based upon prejudices or misinformation. We don’t stop to really “see” the person standing n from of us because we are blinded by the labels that flash up in our minds. Our ability to “see” the good, the beauty and the interesting things about that person are obscured by our proclivity to “see” only the things defined by the labels that we have already associated with them. Our vision has joined in the wider conspiracy that we call bigotry.
were removed he could see clearly and it was a bright, bright, sunshiny day. Maybe if you can clear away the obstacles (labels) in your mind you will see more clearly, too; and you too will have a brighter day. Perhaps you’ll even be able to “see” things from the point of view of others and that will make your day and theirs better, too.
pause before acting. We can create our own roadblocks to success in our minds – obstacle illusions.
are frozen by the fear of failure. Many times those are fears of things that have no chance of happening anywhere other than in our minds. We may talk ourselves out of even trying, or let the first set-back stop us from continuing to try. Justr remember a quote by that great motivational speaker Zig Ziglar – “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” So, don’t let obstacle illusions prevent you from starting.
other things get to me enough to cause that reaction. I absolutely don’t think there’s a man out there that didn’t have tears in this eyes while watching the moving ending to the movie Brian’s Song or perhaps at the ending to the movie Love Story. Those things didn’t even happen to us, yet we are so capable of empathy that they cause us to react as if we were an actual part of the story.
lip, be strong – or for girls to “put on your big girl panties” – big girls don’t cry. There is certainly nothing wrong with trying to act mature about things that happen in life, where that maturity is focused upon taking everything in, thinking things out and making good decisions; however, there is nothing in that string that precludes taking a moment or two to let your emotions find an outlet through a few tears or even a good cry. Smokey Robinson and the Miracles had a 1965 hit 
some new incident, which may warrant a few tears. We can have tears of sadness and also tears of joy. So, it’s not just memories that sneak out of your eyes and roll down your face, it’s your emotions finally getting out showing the world that you are human and that care about something. And that’s a good thing. Often we might cry when recalling a failed relationship, either one that we let slip away or one that just wasn’t meant to be. This Jennifer Nettles song talks about that being a “
So, no matter what reason you have to cry, let it out. Have a good cry, then gather yourself and move on with life. Maybe you needed that cry to put that memory is proper perspective or at least to put it back on the shelf in your mind where you keep the memories of the people and things that you don’t want to forget. Maybe having a few good cries about someone or something will help you turn those tears from ones of sadness or remorse or regret into tears of happiness at having had the opportunity to know them or the good fortune to have survived the event.
Is it the way that you’ve treated others; or the way that you comport yourself in public. Do you elicit envy or disdain because of a showy display of wealth? Do you cause a protective reflex from others because of past displays of anger or hostility? Do you secretly enjoy the fear that you cause in others due to your appearance? Do others mistakenly take your naturally shy behavior as an indication of lack of interest in them or their points of view? These are all things that can start the dogs barking in your life. There’s no need to stop and throw stones at those dogs, but you can be sensitive enough about them to make some personal changes that may keep the dogs quite in the future.
affection. It wants you to play. There may be important people in your life who are barking at you because they too want your attention. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our pursuit of our goals in life that we forget to pay attention to those for whom we believe we are pursuing those goals. We miss the opportunities to play with our children or to show affection for our loved ones. All we hear are barking dogs clamoring for our time and attention; but we are too busy to do anything but stop and throw a few stones – “Not now, can’t you see that daddy’s busy” or maybe “We’ll take a vacation next year, I’m too overloaded at the office right now.”
Those aren’t just barking dogs in your life; they are the reason for your life. Your real goal (destination) should not just be to work hard so that you can get things for them; but rather, to provide a loving, safe and happy environment for them and yourself. Those aren’t barking dogs in your life, they are your family pack that is inviting you to become a member. Don’t throw stone at them, join them and go have some fun. That’s what the barking at home is all about.
judgement about people based solely upon their appearance. Others might rush to judge based upon their voice or maybe the vocabulary that they use or perhaps the accent that is evident in their speech. We all tend to stereotype or profile the people that we meet based upon some set of criteria that lurks in the back of our minds. That’s unfortunate and usually a mistake, since we have no real proof to go on when pre-judging people that we’ve just encountered.
The proof is usually found in their words to, since they tend to define broad categories of people that they have some issue about or judgement of. Thus, in their minds it is ALL blacks, or ALL gays, or ALL the homeless who possess and display the characteristics that they fear or abhor.
person. I know that I’m not the only one who’s ever wondered how the homeless man sitting on the corner with a sign that reads “will work for food” got into that situation. We use a prayer for forgiveness in church every week,asking that we be forgiven for the things that we have done and those things that we have left undone. I have not stopped to ask or to help and that is my loss for leaving that undone. When I have taken the time to get to the story behind the person that I see in front of me there is usually something to learn and someone that I end up enjoying knowing. Try it yourself: you might be pleasantly surprised.
things in the news, since the news media thinks we want to see and hear about the misfortunes of others, or at least the sensational bad things that happen in the world around us. In our daily lives both good and bad things happen all around us and we choose which we will focus upon. We encounter people as we go through the day and we can choose to greet them with suspicion and cynicism or with a smile and an open mind.
ion of this approach
So, instead of spending any more time dwelling on that past incident, take the advice of today’s little quote and distance yourself from that and all negative things. Focus instead on finding the beautiful things that are also happening in your life. Meet someone new and perhaps make a new friend. Try something new and perhaps discover a new passion. Look for the rainbows in life and not the dark clouds
church Lent Soup Supper every year. In many of our local Chamber of Commerce events there are always people doing things like collecting trash or manning street barricades or setting up and tearing down tents or tables and chairs. Those aren’t the glamour jobs and those behind-the-scenes workers are seldom shown in the publicity pictures that make the paper; however the event could not take place without them toiling away somewhere out of sight. Doing those jobs well and without worrying about getting credit or publicity for them can be very satisfactory because it is a pure act of service.
never had time for earlier in life. An interesting side benefit of being a little more mature is that you are better able to understand and properly categorize and integrate new knowledge into the knowledge base that you have been accumulating all of your life. For many, the sense of wonder at new things is superseded by a sense of appreciation for them, because you now see more clearly how things fit together and make sense.
tomorrow and do what you can to make today as great as it can be today, knowing that if you do what’s right today, tomorrow will take care of itself. Perhaps we need a little more of that type of thinking at all stages in life. What will your tomorrows bring? No one can say for sure; but, do what’s right today and you’ll at least be able to look forward to tomorrow.
numerous topics in her act. Today’s little saying; which, of course, I saw on the 
confrontational. I’ve written here a few times about letting go of the intractable problems of life or the fears that we conjure up about events that we have no ability to change. Our minds are fantastic at imagining all of the worst possible scenarios, which we then feel obligated to try to solve or come up with plans to deal with them. It usually turns out that none of our imagined disasters really occur and everything works out in the end.
feeling that you have sole responsibility from you. Then, ask for courage, guidance and strength in dealing with the issue, rather than hoping for some miracle that makes the whole problem just go away. That will get you thinking straight again.
comes from letting go of the sense of failure or the fears that accompany particularly thorny problems not only allows me to get to sleep, but usually results in awakening without the fear of facing the problem head on. After all, if God is with me; how bad can any earthly problem really be?
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