Are you sitting or standing?

October 31, 2017

From a recent post on the Jack’s Winning Words blog – “It’s easy to sit up and take notice.  What is difficult is getting up and taking action.”  (Honore de Balzac)

Last week Detroit hosted a bunch of women who have decided to stand up and take action. This Women’s Convention in Detroit grew out of the Women’s March on andrew-robles-295224Washington, which was itself a protest against what many women felt was a more than just a macho attitude in Washington about women or just boys and men behaving badly. The movement grew out of the decision of one woman to stand up and take action, rather than just sit watching the TV and lamenting the news in Washington D.C. as it unfolded.

The fact is that we are all confronted on a daily basis with many things that we need to evaluate our reactions to and take the appropriate actions. We see bullying and walk bully.pnghurriedly on by; we see acts driven by racism or homophobia and look away in hopes that now one saw us; we pass by the beggar and avoid eye contact; we make it a point to avoid the person who just ended a relationship because we really don’t want to hear about it; we don’t go to visit the sick person in the hospital because we just don’t have the time to waste; we don’t correct the person making inappropriate remarks or touching us inappropriately because we just want to “get along”.

The fact is that we all sit by and take notice of many things that we should be standing up and doing something about. I do. You do. We all do. Does that make it right? No! The coulda woulda shouldaexcuses are all the same. “I don’t want to get involved”.” “It’s not my problem.” “I don’t have time for that.” I would posit that as a fellow human being you are already involved, it is your problem as soon as you recognize it and there is nothing more important that you could spend your time on that helping a fellow human being. In Mark 12:31 Jesus told us that the second Great Commandment is, “Love your neighbor and you love yourself.” You cannot love your neighbor if you ignore him and his problems.

Now, obviously, you cannot spend all of your time seeking out and solving the problems of those around you. That is not what is meant by “getting up and taking action”; however, you can decide to stop avoiding or ignoring what is going on around you. Just like the women who have use the hashtag #MeToo, you can decide to start speaking up about the injustices or prejudices that you experience or see in your day to day life. You may get thrown off a plane, like the women on the News recently who complained about being racially targeted for reassignment of a seat on the plane. You may be passed overstart-with-me for some promotion or reward because you won’t “play ball” with your boss; however, in the long run right will win out.  Being in the right and deciding to stay on that side and take action, not only means never having to say you’re sorry; in many cases, (especially those involving high profile lawyers) being right and standing up and doing something about it is rewarding in more ways than just emotionally.

So, take stock at the end of the day and look back on the things that were wrong that you took notice of. Did you stand up or sit by passively and hope that they would quickly pass? How does that make you feel? What can you do differently tomorrow? Don’t take the easy way out. Don’t just sit up; stand up for what you know is right. Stand up and have a great week.

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Withhold consent…

October 27, 2017

From my little list quotes comes this thought for the day –

“Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” —Eleanor Roosevelt

To which I would respond, withhold consent. Do not give others the power to controlarrogant your life, your emotions, your actions or reactions. Withhold consent. Take charge of your life and decide that you, and only you, will determine how you feel about yourself and about life.

I’ve posted here many times about the need to love yourself before you can love others (see https://normsmilfordblog.com/2017/03/15/first-of-all-be-happy-with-yourself/ ). A strong belief in yourself and comfort with yourself is the base upon which you can begin to build relationships with others. You will not get positive results if you enter into a relationship with the thought that, “I don’t like me, so you probably won’t like me either.” That will become a self-fulfilling prophesy. As Jack Freed posted in his Jack’s Winning Words blog recently –  “If you keep saying that things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of being a prophet.”  (Isaac Singer) Don’t become a prophet about yourself. Withhold consent.

It is not about bragging or being cocky; it about being self-assured and self-confident, this-is-mebecause you like yourself. It brings with it a radiance in your personality that makes women look more beautiful and men look more handsome. If you can get to that state of liking yourself and feeling comfortable with who and what you are, you will notice that what others may think of you, or say about you, takes on much less meaning. What they think or say cannot make you feel inferior because you withhold consent.

And when you encounter those who would try to drag you down to their level by being judgmental, petty, or just plain nasty; just ignore them. I’ve noticed in life that nothingthumbs down makes those people more frustrated than your refusal to rise to the bait that they are using to try to lure you into self-doubt or worse. It is for some a nasty game and for others a way to try to bring others down to their level of misery and self-loathing. Withhold consent.

Perhaps one way to reinforce your positive feelings about yourself is to start each day with a little prayer asking God to be with you throughout the day. If you believe that He man prayingis with you; then, when you encounter someone who is trying to make you feel inferior, you can quickly bring up this thought from Romans 8:31 – “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Indeed. With God in your corner, it’s relatively easy to withhold consent.

Have a great, self-assured and empowered day.


You decide what kind of day to have…

October 25, 2017

From a list of quotes that I keep on hand came a really meaningful one from Stephen Covey – “I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.”

I’m sure that we all know someone, (perhaps it’s you) who is always lamenting their bad luck and complaining how life seems out to get them. They blame their state in life on the circumstances that have befallen them. Perhaps you also know someone who is athis-is-me Pollyanna-type who always finds a way to make lemonade out of the lemons that come their way. Which are you? Which would you rather be?  The one has decided to be unhappy with life and the other will not let life ruin their happiness. You decide what kind of day you will have.

Let’s face it; stuff happens. Life does not always go as we had planned or hoped. failuresSometimes we just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and something bad happens. Sometimes we actually make the bad decision to be at that place. Whichever it is, you are then faced with more decisions about how to react to things that are happening or that just happened. Perhaps another quote sums up your situation best: “Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.” —Charles Swindoll. Since your day is made up of events that you will react to; you decide what kind of day you will have.

I’ve posted her before about reacting to things and problem solving, so I won’t rehash those bits of advice. I think the main thing to focus upon is recognizing that you are reacting to things that are happening around you or to you and that you’re making decisionsdecisions about what to do next, instead of letting some knee-jerk reaction control your future. By being conscious of your situation, you can choose to react in a positive way, rather than a negative way. You can choose to move forward with your life in a positive way, rather than shrinking back or retreating into depression. You can be in control; not of the situation, but of your reaction to it. You decide what kind of day you will have.

In my post – Life is lived somewhere in between – I mentioned a little prayer that I use almost daily to put myself in the right frame of mind for the day – “God help me make good decisions today.” Keeping that little prayer in mind forces me to acknowledge that, right-and-wrongwhile I may not be in control of the things that are happening, I am in control of the decisions that I make in reaction to what is happening. Realizing that causes me to take a little pause and ask myself, “What is the right thing to do?” Just that little pause and that thought will allow you to see what God is telling you to do and you will make better decisions. You decide what kind of day you will have.

Maybe you forgot to say that little prayer this morning and life has already thrown you a curve ball. Maybe your initial reaction to that situation was a knee-jerk response thatwoman-praying took you off in a bad direction. It’s never too late to turn back to God and say “A little help here”. Maybe you need to ask for God to help you recover from a bad decision. God will always be there for you and it’s never too late to ask Him for help. It’s as simple as this little prayer – “Not my will but thy will be done.” You decide what kind of day you will have.

Have a great day! It’s your call.


A good return on your investment…

October 23, 2017

From recent posts on the Jack’s Winning Words blog come these two quotes that just seem to belong together…

“Be nice to people…maybe it will be unappreciated, unreciprocated, or ignored, but spread love anyway.  We rise by lifting others.”  (Germany Kent)

“What I know for sure is that what you give comes back to you.”  (Oprah)

What a nice way to start the week off, by getting in a giving frame of mind. The Bible says, “Give and it will be given to you” – Luke 6:38

When we hear the word “give” our thoughts immediately turn to our wallets and money. There are certainly more than enough appeals going on at any one time to empty out ourdonate 2 wallets and we are a generous and compassionate people. However, what the Bible and these two quotes really mean at their core it to give of yourself – your time, your attention and your love. Give that to others and it truly will come back to you.

What does it cost you to be nice to people? The time and attention and love that you show to someone else by being nice to them doesn’t come out of your wallet, it comes from your heart and it is more precious than anything that you might have in your wallet.

homeless-beggarWalking by a beggar on the street and perhaps tossing a few cents or a dollar in their cup is really a form of ignoring them and their plight. You make them go away in your mind, because you tossed that money their way. After all it’s too much of a bother to stop and talk to them, to try to find out how they got there and what would really help them escape the cycle of poverty that they are in. Our government tends to take that approach all too often.

You may not see a beggar today; but, there are hundreds of people that you might meet who are hungering for someone to talk to or from whom they would appreciate some acknowledgement and perhaps the sharing of a friendly smile. If you ask someone, “How ae you doing?” and they start to tell you about an issue in their life; do you mentally saybeing kind 1 here’s a dollar and wish you could walk away or do you pay attention and offer your support?

You don’t have to try to solve other people’s problems for them; however, by listing, empathizing, and perhaps offering your advice; you may help them see how to solve their problems themselves. At a minimum, you may make them feel better and perhaps you will feel your boat rise a little too by helping them raise theirs.

So, be nice to others this week. I think you’ll see a good return on that investment.


Open House at 730 Milford Glen

October 21, 2017

I’m holding 730 Milford Glen open this Sunday, Oct 22, from 1 – 4 PM.

Come out and see this wonderful 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath Cape Cod in the heart of the Village of Milford. This home features a very hard to find (in the Village) first floor master suite, with huge walk-in closet and a master bath that has separate shower and jetted tub, plus dual vanity sinks. The open floor plan entry level has a great room with gas fireplace and an office/den, in addition to the kitchen, a powder room and the laundry.

It’s an easy walk to the shops and restaurants of Milford from this little development and there is no thru-traffic in the development.

I’ll have a dish of fresh cookies for your, so come on out and see the house and have a cookie.

730 Milford Glen flyer


Question it before you act upon it…

October 16, 2017

From the Jack’s Winning Words blog come this little piece of advice – “It’s a healthy thing to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.”  (Bertrand Russell)

We all have things in our lives that we take for granted, that we have long believed to beworries true; sometimes with no actual basis in facts. Most prejudices are based on things that we hold to be true with no actual facts to back them up. They are based upon unfounded hate or fear of something or someone. All of our fears, uncertainties and doubts are also baseless in facts and mostly founded in our own imaginations.

Even your faith practices may be based upon some things that you’ve long taken for granted without ever questioning why you do some things in certain ways. Asking yourself those questions is not really questioning your belief in God; but, rather, questioning the practices that have been implemented by men. Martin Luther questioned the practices of the Catholic Church hierarchy in his day, martin-lutherbut he was not questioning his faith, just the practices of the men who were the religious leaders of the Catholic Church at the time.

Faith, like patriotism, has never been based upon blind acceptance of whatever direction the leaders of the church (or the country) were taking at the time. Questioning the rules that are promulgated by those leaders does not make one a heretic or any less the patriot, if they are remaining loyal to the principals upon which the institution was based – the Bible or the Constitution, depending upon which one is being discussed.

Children have a natural tendency to question things; to ask why something is the way it is. Often they may run up against the answer from an adult that sounds like this, “that’s just the way it is” or maybe “because I said so.” Some of those things they just file away as things that they take for granted, without further questioning. Some of those things become the prejudices that they carry around with them in adult life. As adults, we all carry some amount of that type of baggage; things that’s we’ve just accepted or stoppedmystery head questioning long ago and taken for granted.

All of those things that we take for granted should set off little warning bells in the back of our minds and force us to question why we believe them to be true. What proof have we ever had for disliking (sometimes even hating) or fearing certain groups of people, people who are somehow different from us? Absent any proof, what sustains those beliefs? Is it just the laziness of mental momentum that keeps those fears or that hate in our minds?  Why not question those beliefs and seek the truth? Why not, as Jack’s quote today suggests, hang a question mark on every fear and prejudice that you carry around? You really have nothing to lose and perhaps quite a bit to gain in terms of new experiences and new friendships.

In your faith, God is the answer, not the question. It is fair to question the practices that men have tried to build to govern the practice of faith. All religions have created structure and rules to try to guide and control the practice of the religion by the believers.  Some have even created elaborate set of rules for day-to-day living and try to control all aspects of one’s life. Some have perverted the teachings that are the basis of the Bible in order to support their personal views of morality. None of that comes from woman-prayingGod, just from the minds of men. At its most elemental level, your faith is your personal relationship with God. All of the rest of the trappings of the various religions are the works of men. So question those trappings if they don’t seem right to you; but, not your relationship with God.

In Isaiah 41:10 God said – “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Having God and the teachings of Jesus at your moral core will give you the light up to which you should hold every other thing in your life that you “believe”. Prejudices melt away when held up to that light. Hate fades into the background when that light is shined upon it. Fears cannot withstand the light of belief in God and his care for us. Evil slinks back into the darkness from which it came when God’s light shines in your life. Uncertainty is replaced with self-confidence when God’s light shines through you.

So, question everything else in life, but hold fast to God as the center of your life and the rest will take care of itself.


Find God and find yourself…

October 13, 2017

A recent post to the Jack’s Winning words blog posed this question – “If I am what I have, and I lose what I have, who then am I?”  (Eric Fromm)

If you’ve watched the news lately there have been many examples of people losing everything, whether it was to hurricanes in the Caribbean or earthquakes in Mexico orfire burning home fires in California. There were scenes on the nightly news of people returning to their homes only to find that they no longer existed. More than one was heard saying, “I’ve lost everything.” Many were also heard thanking God that they had been spared their lives.

Some people seem to base their identities largely on what they have accumulated in life – their possessions. Others, especially men, express their identities through their jobs and what they have achieved at work. In either case, life can throw curves at us that take away either or both. Most people eventually gather themselves up and realize that they can replace or rebuild most things that have been lost and start new careers if necessary. They are forced into the realization that life itself is the most important thing and the lives of those that we love. In some catastrophes even the lives of those we love may have been lost. Even in those darkest of hours, most eventually find strength within themselves to go on.

this-is-meIt is important, as I have expressed here a few times, that you have a strong sense of self and that you love who and what you are; not letting your sense of self-worth be based upon possessions or job.  That’s not to say that you should become self-centered; but, rather, that you become self-confident. If your self-examination of who and what you have become leaves something to be desired, then you have something to work upon and not something to be depressed about. Since no one is perfect, you are always on a self-improvement journey to be the best you that you can be (see my post – see my post Don’t give up the chase…).

Perhaps a good way to start each day is with a little personal assessment about where you are in life and what things you might do today to get to where you want to be. It is also a good idea to acknowledge God’s role in your life and to ask for his help in prayer. Iman praying can’t think of a better way to start the day than being square with yourself and with God. Bring it on, world! I know who I am and where I’m headed and I’ve got God in my corner. Talk about self-confidence as you face the day.

Have a great and self-confident day. God’s got your back.