Live in the moment…

February 28, 2024

I get graphics everyday from my real estate company – Real Estate One. Most are just supporting pitches to sell your home now or let me find you a new home. This one has a more general meaning…

It is all too easy to spend time reflecting on the past or dreaming about the future. Time spent on the past is usually time spent in regret. Regret for things that you’ve done or maybe things that you’ve left undone. We have a little prayer at the beginning of each service at my church where we ask for forgiveness for those things done and those left undone. I’ve opined here a few times that it is the things left undone that most often dominates my request for forgiveness.

Oft times when we think about future events, we try to fool ourselves into thinking that we are planning for them. In reality, we most often spend a lot of time letting our imaginations run through a gauntlet of bad outcomes, no matter how improbable they may be. The fear of failure conjures up all sorts of negative outcomes, no matter how unlikely.  

Both of these scenarios – spending time thinking about the past or the future – cause us to lose track of the importance of the current moment. We could be doing, instead of just thinking. We could be accomplishing, instead of just planning or regretting.

Right now, in the current moment, is the most important moment of your life. It is the only moment that you are fully in charge of and the only one in which what you do can make a difference. It is that moment when what you do or leave undone will have impact that you will latter feel good about or have regrets about.

Seize this moment. Be consciously aware of the moment and your role in it. Be more aware of the decisions that the moment requires of you. Free yourself from the shackles of fears and prejudices and make your decisions based only on the needs and facts of the moment. You will never get another chance at this moment. Make it count.

Live in the moment.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Care about somebody else today…

February 27, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 2/26/24 – A reprise of posts to the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed. Originally sent July 26, 2013


“In all honesty, everyone is struggling. Some are better at hiding it than others.” (Will Smith) Harry Golden’s essay, “The Show Must Go On,” tells of a man who was late for work one day and was reprimanded by his boss. Later in the day, the man quietly said, “My daughter died last night.” Everyone handles grief and disappointment in a personal way. Everyone has their struggles. Try to be understanding today! 😉  Jack 


Understanding that everyone else has some sort of personal struggle going on is a start. Doing something about it, once you understand that is called caring. Much of the time we are so wrapped up in our on struggles or self-pity that we not only miss the signs of struggle in others, but we ignore them when we do see them.

There is a roadside sign near my home that often features a blurry picture of a woman and the message “Hunger can be hard to recognize”. The sign is sponsored by Feeding America. Most of the struggles that the people around us are going through do not involve hunger and they can be even harder to recognize.  Maybe the person that you encounter has just lost a loved one. Maybe they have just gone through a breakup or even a divorce. Perhaps they have just been laid off or fired from a job. Maybe they were just released from incarceration and are struggling to reenter society. Perhaps they are just tired of dealing with constant discrimination.

No matter what the struggle, that person could use your help, your friendship, your concern and care. Sometimes just having someone to talk to about the things that they are struggling with makes all the difference in the world. Sometimes empathy and sympathy were the missing elements that can help them get through the struggle. They may not expect you to solve their problems. They just need someone to listen to their problems.

Start each day by resolving to play “Hide and Seek” with those whom you meet. Try to find out the struggle that they are hiding and see if you can help. You don’t have to be intrusive or pushy about it, just be honestly caring and a little more perceptive than you might otherwise be. The game is “What are you hiding from me and how can I help” and not “What are you hiding that I can make fun of?”

So, look past whatever façade they are putting on and try to see how you can help. If you do that you may discover that your own struggles seem to fade into the background. Sometimes that is because you realize how much less severe your problems are compared to those of someone else. Most of the time it is because the good feelings that you get from helping someone else replaces the self-pity in which you were mired. You free yourself from that swamp when you help free others.

Care about somebody else today.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Procrastination…

February 26, 2024

I was going to write about this yesterday, but I decided to wait.

That’s how it starts. Procrastination is an insidious thing. It steals one’s time and stifles creativity. Even if you have no real idea how to get to a desired end point, jumping in and getting started is doing something, as opposed to doing nothing.

Doing something, even something wrong, gets one’s creative juices moving. Even the act of planning is better than just putting it off. Planning itself usually leads to some sort of action, doing things or buying things or assembling things that are needed to actually do whatever it is that is you goal. Reviewing past efforts and trying to learn from them is better than continually repeating the same mistakes and expecting a different outcome.

The problem with procrastination is that one becomes inert. Inertia can be a hard thing to overcome, not because it feels satisfying, but because it feels safe. There is little danger associated with inertia, whereas doing something may involve perceived risk or danger.  

Of times the challenge ahead may seem overwhelming. That is often because you can only see it at the macro level – the whole problem at once. One trick to break out of the inertia of procrastination is to break the big job down into small tasks and take on the first small task that must be accomplished. Accomplishing even a small step will get your momentum started. Once you build up any momentum you will find it both rewarding and addictive. You will not want to go back to procrastinating.

So, like the graphic stated, the time is now. Get started. Don’t let procrastination hold yo back. Build momentum instead. Like the Nike tag line says – Just Do It.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Simple is best…

February 20, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 2/20/24 – reposts of the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed…


“In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.” (Longfellow) Christopher News Notes tells of Susan Vogt and how she challenged herself to get rid of one item each day during Lent. Not only did she want to live more simply, but she also wanted to donate things to those in need. It was so successful that she decided to keep on doing it…every day…one item. What a great idea – giving up “things” for Lent!  😉  Jack  
 
Originally sent Feb 18, 2015.

One reason many older people get identified (or misidentified) as hoarders is that they don’t get rid of things. For reasons that are a mystery keeping things (even things that others might call trash) gives them a sense of security. They have their “stuff” all around themselves.

I find myself questioning why I have kept some of my stuff, especially old clothes or shoes that I no longer wear. Some of those items are quite worn, even threadbare, but many are not; I just don’t wear them anymore. I must become more like Susan Vogt and challenge myself to get rid of those things. It’s really not that hard to find places to donate stuff, especially things that are still useful or wearable.

Getting rid of stuff is one way to simplify your life. Another way is to always live truthfully. Living any other way means having to remember the lies that you’ve told or the conspiracy theories that you believe are ruling your life. Conspiracy theories and misinformation are anything but simple and should be easy to identify and avoid. Why then are so many people taken in by them and led astray?  I suspect that the answer is fear of the truth. The truth often exposes our mistakes or past transgressions and, if accepted, could lead to a perceived loss of power, possessions, or prestige.

Instead of expending large amounts of mental energy concocting elaborate conspiracy theories about those who are supposedly manipulating things against you, it is much simpler to just admit that you were wrong, forgive yourself and move on with life – simple. The hidden key to that approach is that you are taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions, rather than trying to blame some invisible hand that you think is trying to manipulate you. The mantra “I’m in charge of me” is much simpler than trying to explain how George Soros (or pick your own conspiracy theory) is somehow controlling things (and you)from behind the scenes.

Life does not have to be complicated. Just remember and heed Longfellow’s words – “In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.” 

In more modern times we have an acronym for that – KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid).

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Posted by Norm Werner

Give yourself a break…

February 12, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 2/12/24 – Originally sent April 21, 2015.


“You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.” (Sent by NCD) Each year my insurance provider asks for a health assessment, including a part which asks me to rate my stress level. I’ve read that some stress is good for all of us. As with much of life–All things in moderation! But, when nerves get you down, take some deep breaths, write a thank you note, go for a walk, make a gratitude list, and don’t forget to pray. 😉  Jack   


 
Most of us stress ourselves by being to critical and unforgiving of ourselves. We are obviously the only ones who can really answer the question, “What was he/she thinking?” and sometimes we just don’t like the answer. In fact, many people deflect blame from themselves by seeking someone or something else to blame for the bad outcome of what was a bad decision. Give yourself a break.

Sometimes we exacerbate the stress by imposing artificial and unrealistic deadlines upon ourselves. Sometimes we commit to achieving success in a task for which we are ill prepared to tackle (if prepared at all). Sometimes we commit to a goal that can only be achieved by a team of people and watch in disgust or despair when teammates let us down by failing in their part of the task. Almost always we look back on a failure and ask ourselves what we could have done differently to change the outcome.  Give yourself a break.

I saw recently in a report that some companies are starting to evaluate the performance of their employees based upon their success with the process rather than the outcome. That is important because it acknowledges that most bigger jobs (tasks) are comprised of multiple steps (the process) that are defined by others and that success at the macro-level is out of the control of the individual performing the detailed steps.  This allows a team-sport athlete who “left it all on the field” to feel good about themselves even in the face of a team defeat. Give yourself a break.

I have posted here a few times about forgiving yourself and that is a big part of giving yourself a break. The road to despair is paved with “what if” and “I should have…” guilt trips. Don’t go there. You didn’t and that is that. Forgive yourself and move on. Give yourself a break.

I like this quote – “The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.” — Thomas S. Monson

We can’t just forget the past or change it, but we can use it as a teaching moment and hopefully learn from it. We also cannot change the future, but we can get ourselves better prepared for it by developing and practicing a better decision-making process. That process begins in the here and now. Give yourself a break.

Becoming more conscious of how you make decisions will hopefully enable you to improve that process. Sometimes that decision-making awareness will expose many of the bad assumptions or prejudices that drive your decisions and behavior. Make correcting those a priority but forgive yourself for having them and move on. Give yourself a break.

Jack’s last suggestion that you can relieve stress through prayer is an important one. Prayer allows you to forgive yourself and free you to move on. Prayer allows you to admit that you do not and cannot have the answers to every challenge. It allows you to lean on your faith and upon God for those answers. I use my little prayer, “Not my will, but Thy will be done” to Give myself a break. Try it, It might work for you, too. Give yourself a break.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What’s the “next play” for you?

February 5, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 2/05/24 – reprises of posts to the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.


“Next play!” (Mike Krzyzewski) A recent article in the Detroit Free Press told how “Coach K”, head basketball coach at Duke, has a ritual of saying to his team after every play (good or bad), “Next play!” No matter what’s happened, focus on the task at hand. We all have “downers.” We need to be able to “let go,” and concentrate on the now, not the past. Success occurs (or is lost) in the brief moment of opportunity. Whatever happens, be ready to yell, “Next play! Next play!” 😉 Jack – Originally posted February 20, 2015

We all have a tendency to linger on the past, especially when focusing upon mistakes that we’ve made. Some never get to the next play because they refuse to let go of the past. In order to move ahead, we must be able to forgive ourselves for our mistakes. We can certainly try to learn from those mistakes; however, no matter how much we may wish to, there is no going back, no “do-overs” in life. For now at least, time only moves in one direction. Next play.

The starting point for moving into your future is to get back to the here and now – the present. You must be able to snap out of those thoughts of regret or remorse and get your bearings in the present. Then you can start to plan for how to get from where you find yourself to where you want to be. Next play.

Maintaining the basketball game theme, you have probably seen many of those instances when the teams take a time out and the coaches sit in a team huddle drawing the next play on a small whiteboard. That’s actually not a bad thing to try in real life. Get yourself a small whiteboard and an erasable marker and sit down and draw out or write out what you want to do next – your Next Play.

Just the process of having to write it down will force a level of clarity into your thought process. It will also force you to think of what things might need to be done (including forgiving yourself) before you can take that next step and make that Next Play.

An interesting side benefit of doing that is that it snaps your mind from focusing upon the past and into thinking about the future. It can be a very real way to deal with the depressing thoughts that there is no future. You can see a future now. It is written down and waiting for you to get to the Next Play.

So take the advice of Coach “K” and Jack Freed. Whether what just happened in your life was good or bad, it is over. Write it down on your little whiteboard and then carefully erase it as you let go of it. Then write down where you want to be. It’s time to focus on the Next Play.

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Posted by Norm Werner