Never lose your ability to be silly…

December 10, 2022

I recently collected a few quotes on silliness –

“Children have one kind of silliness, as you know, and grown-ups have another kind.” (C.S. Lewis)

“[Silliness is] very, very, important. Very important. The other side of it is taking yourself terribly seriously. Which I think occasionally, you know, if you’re a brain surgeon, I wouldn’t want him to be silly when he’s doing the operation. But afterwards, if he wants to go laugh around that’s fine. There’s got to be a silly side to all of it.”  (Michael Palin)

“Mix a little foolishness with your prudence; it’s good to be silly at the right moment.” (Horace)

“Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity.” (Christopher Morley)

Why?

I have posted here in the past a couple of times about making funny faces to yourself in the mirror in the morning as you get ready for your day. Doing that provides a short break in the seriousness of your day and lets your mind reset into a more neutral mode. You cannot be like Palin’s brain surgeon during surgery all of the time. Taking a moment to be silly also allows us to be free, if just for that moment, of our self-imposed unanimity as adults – we can do something that is not being done because we think it is what is expected of us.

Because I think it is critical to our mental health that we retain an ability to be silly from time to time. As C.S. Lewis said, children have a different kind of silliness, one that is uncensored by concerns of what others may think. As we grown up we are conditioned by society to suppress our urges to be silly. We are forced to conform more and more to the more serious norms and expectations of society. We are told to “act like a grownup”, which usually means with great seriousness. However, I think some of these quotes get it right – it is important to we find some time and ways to be silly, even as adults.

Some of the quotes that I collected, but chose not to use, substituted the word “foolish” for the word “silly”; but, I thought about it, that word is too close to “foolhardy” to be comfortable for me. Being foolish has a connotation of being stupid in it, at least in my mind. It is that connotation that seems to apply to shows like Jackass, where the actions are sometimes dangerous and almost always stupid, instead of just silly. Being silly does not have to be dangerous.

So, give yourself a mental break from the serious business of being an adult and find a way to be silly today. Make a funny face in your mirror while getting ready in the morning or allow yourself a little chuckle at something that maybe only you find funny during the day. Have your moments of silliness during the day. Others may say (or think), “Oh, that’s just silly”, and that’s OK; that’s the point. Being silly will provide the little mental breaks that you need to keep you sane.

Never lose your ability to be silly.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Another year…another Halloween

October 31, 2022

For whatever reason that I cannot fathom, each year Halloween seems to be the day that serves to mark the passing of another year for me. It has been a very cold night for the past few years, although not so much tonight, if the weather holds to the forecast.

Halloween is the night when kids dress up and pretend that they are their favorite adult heroes (real or imagined) and when adults can dress up and pretend that they are children again. It has become the second biggest retail event of the year after Christmas, with candy, costumes and home decorations raking in millions of dollars.

And, while we still have all of the scary skeletons, ghosts and ghouls decorating our homes, Halloween has shifted from a scary night into a fun night for most. Casper the Friendly Ghost and Scooby Do grace as many lawns as Frankenstein these days. That’s a good thing. We certainly have enough scary stuff going on in the world with hunger, homelessness, pandemics and wars going on. We need a little comic relief and a good laugh.

I’ve even noticed over the last few Halloweens that the traditional greeting from kids of “Trick or Treat” is usually followed by “Happy Halloween.” That’s a good thing, too.

So, tonight I’ll mark another year handing out candy and saying Happy Halloween to our little visitors. None of us will be afraid tonight. What’s really frightening is what’s coming next week on November 8th. One has only to watch the constant negative TV ads to become very scared. It would seem from the ads that no matter which candidate we vote far we will be electing lying, cheating and dishonest scumbags who will lead us into oblivion. Now that’s scary. Maybe we should write in Scooby Do for some of those political positions.

Have a Happy Halloween!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Where did your traditions start?

December 3, 2021

While the graphic points to a quaint belief about traditions starting at home, many traditions start somewhere else, usually Mom’s house or maybe even Grandma’s house. I remember that the first 5-10 years of our married life my wife and I (and eventually our kids) traveled back “home” to our parents houses for Christmas.

We had our own home, of course, whether it was an apartment or a house, but “home” for Christmas always meant going back to our parents’ houses. This was not a casual day trip since we lived several states away most of that time. So it was a multi-day stay, usually at my wife’s parent’s house.

Fortunately, our parents lived fairly close to each other, so we could celebrate with both sets of parents on that one trip. Also fortunate was that they had two different sets of Christmas traditions, at least in terms of the timing of things. My wife’s parents always celebrated on Christmas Eve bye going to a Christmas Eve church service during which time Santa would magically come and put presents under the tree. The kids didn’t figure out until later why Grandpa was always late getting to the car to leave for church. My family celebrated on Christmas morning, which gave Santa the rest of the night to get from my wife’s family home to my folk’s house and put out the presents.

It really wasn’t until the kids were of Middle School age that we started celebrating Christmas at our own home and adopted the Christmas Eve tradition. Once the kids were out on their own, we still observed the Christmas Eve tradition, with a Christmas Eve church service, dinner at a restaurant or at our house and opening of presents. That makes for a peaceful and quiet Christmas morning.

Sadly, but inevitably, the Christmas Eve tradition has morphed from lots of excitement and noise as toys were unwrapped into the more subdued enjoyment of seeing how much money is in the cards. Now that all the grandchildren are in Middle or High School clothes and money have become the de jure gifts. This year, for the first time, one of our children is hosting the Christmas Eve get together, so the tradition shifts again, as it should. We’re looking forward to again being guests at the celebration.

What are your Christmas traditions and how and where did they start? How have they shifted over time? What memories will your children have of your holiday traditions?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Lighten up and remember how to play…

July 6, 2021

Watching children play can bring back memories of when your life was as carefree and play came naturally. Two quotes that I had in my quote collect seemed to go together and cry out today for a blog post –

“It is a happy talent to know how to play.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

And

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw (I’ve used Shaw’s quote in this blog in the past.)

I’m not sure when most people stop taking time to just play, but I can remember people telling me, “Grow up. You’re too old to play.” How sad that we use “play shaming” to discourage children from playing. Somehow taking away that hallmark of childhood sems important to adults. Perhaps they just want to share their unhappiness at not being able to play anymore themselves.

So, somewhere along the way in life we lose that ability to just play – oblivious to the rest of the world and content in the fantasy land of our play.”  I think that may happen somewhere around middle school time, when recess turns from random fun on the playground to “organized activities” – how adult of us.

We were not competing when we played, just playing for the fun of it. Remember when “Who’s it?”, was more important than, “What was your score on that last hole?” Most of what we adults call play is just another competition, slightly different from work but something that we “work at” all the same. Even adult Dodge Ball is not the same playful game that we knew as kids. We forgot how to just play – without rules and competition, without winners and losers, without a plan other than to have fun.

Sometimes you might see an elderly person engaging in playful behavior (at least as much as they are able) with their grandchildren or just neighborhood kids. Many older people have decided that they have been taking life much too seriously and need to relearn how to let go and just play. They may say, “I don’t care what you think, I’m having fun.” They are playing again; sometimes, if only in their minds.

We can’t stop the progression of age, but we do not have to grow “old” if we can recapture the ability to play. So, lighten up, don’t be so serious all the time. Re-develop the happy talent that Emerson spoke of and relearn how to play.  You don’t have to be competing to play, there is no score kept when you play, just fun.

Come on. Let’s go out and play.

Now, “Who’s it?”

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Posted by Norm Werner

Wander your Wonders…

July 5, 2021

Travelocity has a new ad campaign out based on the theme “Wander wisely”. But how does one wander wisely through life? I suggest that you should “wander your wonders”.  Rather than wandering aimlessly through life, seize upon the things that you wonder about and use them as motivation and a guide.

Do you wonder what a specific place is like or even a whole country? Find out. Go there and wander about. Do you wonder if you would like a specific restaurant or maybe a food type? Go there to eat, or go to a restaurant that specializes in that type of food, and wander through the items on their menu. Do you wonder what someone that you just encountered is like? Find out. Engage them in conversation and wander through their mind.

Some may say that this is just another way to say, “Follow your dreams”, and I’m OK with that as a part of this. Dreams are just another form of wondering. The point may be that following up on thing that you wonder about is different than just wandering about aimlessly. You are learning as you wander when you pursue the answers to your wonders.

Perhaps life is nothing but a journey of wandering to answer our wonders. There are those who wander about for their whole life trying to answer their wonder about why they are here. They wonder about the meaning or purpose of their life? Other, less philosophical people, focus on the more mundane or routine issues of life like wondering how they will making a living and provide for their family.

We all wonder about things and many of us wander about through life.  So, why not put the two together and wander our wonders? I wonder why not?

Excuse me while I wander away thinking about that.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Just say it…

June 16, 2021

In yesterday’s post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Freed reminds us not to hesitate to say nice things to people with this quote – “Why do we have to wait for special moments to say nice things or tell people we care about them?”  (Randy Milholland)

I suspect that we are embarrassed, or think we would be, if we just blurted out a complement to someone that we met during the day (t least men might be). Telling someone that they look nice or that they are wearing a nice outfit shouldn’t be embarrassing to you or to them. Nike uses the tag line, “Just do it”; perhaps, if a compliment comes to mind when we are with someone, we should all use the tag line, “Just say it”.

We don’t seem to be embarrassed asking them the largely rhetorical question, “How are you?” or maybe “How’s it going?” Those are certainly more intrusive questions into the person’s personal life than just saying, “You look great today.” Just say it…

Of course, men have to be careful with complements that could be taken the wrong way by a woman. She may think that he is fliting with her or hitting on her. It is even more difficult to express that we care about a woman friend or acquaintance in a way that cannot be mistaken for an inappropriate remark. Things have gotten much more difficult of late, with all the revelations in the news about inappropriate behaviors, but we cannot let that stop us. Just say it…

Parents shouldn’t wait for special moments, like a graduation ceremony to tell their children that they are proud of them. We toss off air kisses and “I love you” without putting a lot of meaning behind either. We should take every opportunity that we can to let our kids and grandkids know that we recognize their accomplishments and that we are proud of them. Just say it…

Husbands and wives also need to be more cognizant of and appreciative of their mates and let them know it through compliments. Everyone loves to be appreciated, especially for the little things that they do that usually go unnoticed or at least not verbally recognized.  Rather than just sit there at the dinner table wolfing down the meal, take a moment to thank your mate for making it and maybe mention how nice it is to come home from work to them each day (now that we actually get to go to work again). Just say it…

Make it a habit to find something each day to compliment your significant other about. That will force you to stop, think and take notice of them and your home environment. It may even cause you to think about how you can help them with some of the things that they (and wouldn’t that be a good thing?). Just say it…

If you make it a practice to find something nice to say to or about each person that you meet during the day, I suspect that you will find life to be a much brighter and happier experience. Just say it…

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Posted by Norm Werner

What’s playing in your mind?

March 1, 2021

A few days ago, Pastor Freed wrote this in his blog, Jack’s Winning Words – “After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.”  (Aldous Huxley)  I know the thought that Huxley is expressing, but the passing thought that comes to my mind is how Charlie Chaplin was able to use music in his silent movies…a talent for putting silence and music together. 

The use of music to set a mood or pace in a movie is still used today. We seldom notice it because we have grown to expect it, rather than silence. In fact, total silence can be disturbing, just as total darkness is frightening and disturbing. We are used to being immersed in sounds. Many people have music constantly playing around them, either for real or imagined. I have little songs playing out in my head as I walk my dog. The imagined music fills a void in the mind and keeps it amused and active.

I will admit to not being a music person, someone who has to have songs playing around them in the background as they drive or just sit there. I went through a phase in life where music was more important to me and I have an extensive collection of music in various, now-outdated recording formats, most of which is now to old to even make it onto the Classic Rock stations.

Now instead of donning ear pods to listen, I can just turn my mind loose on the music that is stored there. Often the little songs that we use for our gospel acclimation in our church service will pop to mind. They are catchy little tunes and easy to repeat over and over in one’s mind.

While we listen to the words (if there are words) in the songs that we hear (real or imagined), I suspect that it is really the melody that catches the attention of the mind. Music and math are inextricably linked in the mind. Our brains are wired for the mathematical order that the melody in music brings with it. Whether aware of it or not, the melody writers are creating mathematical sequences of notes or melodies that appeal to our brains. Great classical music of operas and symphonies are mathematical tours-de-force. The Norwegian composer Marcus Paus has argued: “Melody is to music what a scent is to the senses: it jogs our memory. It gives face to form, and identity and character to the process and proceedings.”

There has also been a small, but dedicated, movement for some time focused upon non-melodic music, which is now called experimental music. It is hard to imagine music from that genre getting stuck in the mind and playing away in the background as I walk the dog.

Perhaps what Huxley was trying to say is that music brings with it an orderliness which helps the mind express the inexpressible. Music can certainly calm the mind by drowning out the noise of the world and bringing order out of chaos. One can go from neurons randomly firing off in all directions, within the confused or frightened mind, to the order and smoothness found in a good melody by just conjuring up a good tune. Try thinking of your favorite song the next time that you are anxious or confused about life. Let the melody play out in your mind and seek comfort in orderliness of it.

What music is playing in your mind?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Yolanda is soooooo over…

November 15, 2020

I get several emails a day that are apparently misaddressed because they are all supposed to be for someone named Yolanda. That’s the “cute” opening written by some hack with too little imagination to come up with something original. The Yolanda opening was cute, perhaps one time, but it is just tedious now and sufficient reason to hit delete without even reading the rest of the missive.

If one Googles “Who is Yolanda? The Google answer is – Yolanda Hadid – a Dutch-American television personality and former model. She is best known as a star of the American reality-television show The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

So, perhaps all of those emails addressed to Yolanda that I got from the political parties asking for contributions were meant for her. I also get emails from companies advertising various products, so perhaps Ms. Hadid is also an avid on-line shopper.

Like so many other cultural things that go viral in today’s world, the Yolanda things seems to be yet another cute idea that quickly went viral and stale at the same time. It is a Beanie-Babies moment for the late 20-teens and 2020 – over used and quickly tiresome.

I sure some inventive soul will come up with the next cute thing that all of the hacks of the world can jump on. Until that time, I will probably have to keep deleting emails to Yolanda before I read them. Speaking of hacks, remember when that was the big thing? Everything new or any suggestion for doing something differently quickly became a “hack” of some sort. Was that annoying or what? The originality-challenged are still using the term “hack” as they bring up the rear of things grammatically.

What will be the next big thing? I don’t know, but it is sure to be fresh and original for a nano-second or two before “going viral” and becoming overused and stale. The internet is the fastest way to spread and to kill a good new idea, phrase or approach. Once out there on the web, it becomes repetitive and tedious almost immediately.

Hey, Yolanda, have you heard about…

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Posted by Norm Werner

Ready or not, here it comes…

October 20, 2020

Fall has definitely arrived in Michigan and winter cannot be far behind. Pastor Freed used this quote in today’s post to his Jack’s Winning Words blog – “Listen!  The wind is rising and the air is wild with leaves.  We’ve had our summer evenings; now for October eves.”  (Humbert Wolfe)

I know that the weather doesn’t care, but I wasn’t quite ready for the changes this year, especially the shorter days. Perhaps it’s just a consequence of getting older, but the aches and pains in my body seem to linger a little longer in the day with no warming sun to help them fade and I do miss being able to take a ride with my wife after dinner to see if we can spot any deer. Of course, that disappointment is mitigated somewhat by being able to instead turn on the fireplace and sit watching the flames dance. Each season has it’s own pleasures if one just looks for them; although, it is getting harder and harder to find the good things to say about winter.

I saw a young mother and her little girl make a huge pile of leave the other day and then sit in the pile, pretending that it was a fort of some sort.  They found a way to have fun with the fallen leaves. I tried to remember the last time that I made a big pile of leaves and then jumped into it, but that memory has faded to far into the background. I can remember my kids doing that and the times I spent burning big piles of leaves (before that became an incorrect thing to do).  What memories do you have about fall and leaves?

The coming winter always brings memories of snow and the days in which that snowfall was welcomed because it meant no school, the fun of sledding, snowball fights and other fun things to do. Now it is more about getting out the snow blower and shoveling off the steps. My wife always comments about how beautiful everything looks with a fresh coat of snow, as I grumble about having to clear the driveway and clean off the cars. I must admit that a fresh snowfall looks good for a few moments and the fireplace feels even better when one comes back inside after blowing snow for an hour.

So, I guess Wolfe’s advice to listen to the rustling leaves in the October winds is as good a way as any to get in the proper mood for accepting the changes that are occurring in the weather and  in our lives and make the best of them. There are lots of things that happen in our lives over which we have no control – the weather is just one of them. The key may be to accept the fact that they are occurring and find a happy place in your memories to retreat to in front of a crackling fire. If reliving some pleasant experiences from the past isn’t your thing; then, use the down time to think about some fun things to do in the future, after the winter, when spring again foretells of the rebirth of the trees and flowers and the warmth of a mid-day sun.

What memories will you turn to in front of the fireplace or what wonderful new adventures will you plan?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Have a good laugh…

July 13, 2020

“People who have a sense of humor get through life more comfortably than those who don’t.”  (Carl Reiner)

That was the quote that Jack used in a recent post to his Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Life without a sense of humor must be a mentally desolate place to live. There are certainly many things in life that are serious matters, but a life spent focused only upon only the dangers or sadness or anxiety in life is one that is usually shorter and much less satisfying than a life filled with humor and laughter. My wife and I often say in the midst of some calamity or setback that we’ll look back on this someday and laugh. Just saying that to each other is usually enough to lighten the moment.

The quick smile or laughter involved with turning something into a humorous thought is enough to break the grip of the tension that being too serious brings with it. You can actually feel your body letting go of the tension. Some people use other techniques, such as yoga to deal with that tension. It is the ability to refocus yourself away from the thoughts that are causing that tension that really makes them work.

There is an old bit of wisdom that states that when we are confronted with a threat or defensive response may be characterized as “fight or flight”. Do we turn to face and fight the threat or do we take flight to avoid it? Perhaps those with a good sense of humor find a way to get a laugh out of the situation. For them the situation may be defused by seeing the absurdity in it or in their reaction to it. How many times have you been frightened by a surprise happening, only to laugh at it, or your reaction to it, when you finally see that it is not the scary thing that you initially thought it was – like a baby with a Jack-in-the-box?

The death of a loved one or friend would seem to be the last place that one could find relief from grief through humor; yet, it is in the telling of stories, many of them recounting humorous events during  the deceased one’s life, that we find comfort. Those stories of good times often involved things that were laughed at and enjoyed together.

People who can laugh at themselves are especially blessed because they can also forgive themselves. Being down on yourself all the time is a sure recipe for depression. We all make mistakes or do stupid things every now and then. Being able to step back and say to yourself, “boy, that was really stupid” and then having a good laugh at your own expense is a great way to let yourself off the hook and go on with life. Those who cannot do so are destined for a life of self-inflicted misery.

So, lighten up people.  Find your sense of humor. Life is too short to spend it in a gloomy mood. Go to a mirror and make a funny face at yourself. Then say aloud, “Look at that dork!” Have a good laugh! That dork will be a happier person.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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