Don’t give up a second of peace…

May 12, 2021

I saw that quote in a Pinterest post somewhere and it resonated. Anger is a terrible thing and a waste of time. Angry people are usually tense people and that tension is bad for the heart as well as the mind.  Anger is usually directed at someone, although it can be directed at an inanimate object, which is really dumb.

Anger and hate seem to go hand-in-hand, because hate is the most convenient outlet for anger. You often hear angry people saying, “I hate that person (or that thing)” when they are angry at someone or something. I often us the retort, “hate is such a strong emotion to waste upon an inanimate object” if the person is talking about hating a thing. My wife hates that little phrase. Perhaps I overuse it.

We may hear people saying, “I hate that about you” or maybe  “I hate you for that” when they become angry with someone about something usually some behavior. We sometimes hear the phrase about angry people, “He/she was stewing over that”, meaning that they were allowing themselves to be consumed by the anger to the exclusion of all else.  

If we really stop and think about it, there is really nothing that being angry can change about whatever happened to put you in that state of mind. Anger usually results from events that is now in the past, so they are done and there is no way to change what happened. Instead of anger, one might benefit from trying to learn from the events, especially if those event are likely to reoccur if nothing changes. A failure or a rejection that sparked your anger really needs to be analyzed for things that you could change the next time, in order to be more successful.

As the little quote says, anger take us away from being at peace. Perhaps it would help if we reinforced our peace of mind each morning with a prayer. We could ask God to be with us during the day and to help us stay at peace as we encounter things that might upset us. Thinking about God being there, so that we can reach out to Him for reassurance and to steady ourselves may help us maintain that peace during trying times during the day. It can’t hurt to try that.

So don’t waste your time being angry. It accomplished nothing and is bad for your general health. Instead, be at peace. You’ll feel better and the world around you will be a better place for it. I have taken a little liberty with this Bible quote, but we are told –

“Do not be anxious (or angry – ed.) about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:6-7

I’ve posted here before in blogs about a local Methodist Pastor, Doug McMunn, who will often greet people with the little phrase “Be at peace”. Doug is a person who always seems to be in that state of peace and being around him is a calming thing. Maybe, when you next encounter an event that is making you angry, you can whisper Doug’s advice to yourself and “Be at peace.”

Wouldn’t you really rather be in a peaceful place in your life?

Be at peace.

Stuck in phase three…

May 17, 2020

I opined here a couple of times about the four phases that I predicted the people of this country would go through in this pandemic – see post What’s Your Plan? And my second post Time for Plan B. Those posts were made in March and April, which now seems like a long time ago. The first phase I liken to the shock and awe. The second phase is fear and anxiety. The third phase is frustration and anger. The fourth phase is when one accepts the current situation (it is what it is) and begins formulating and acting upon plans to make the best of it – finding ways to get on with life.

We have been through phases 1 and 2 and many have made it through phase 3 and moved on to phase 4, which is getting creative about how to live under the changes brought about by “new normal”. However, many seem to be stuck in Phase 3, primarily those who reacted in anger, due to their frustrations. Within a large population there will also ways be a significant portion who out of ignorance, obstinacy,  anger or all three will defy whatever they are advised or ordered to do. These are many of the same people who don’t stop at stop signs, because it is inconvenient for them to have to obey our stinking laws. They run around in T-shirts with “Live Free or Die” on them, which in the case of this pandemic should be changed to Live Free AND Die.

It would be easy to dismiss them as a radical fringe that should be ignored; however, their actions put other innocent people at risk. Unfortunately, when they return from their protest rallies they mix back into society (although some are easy to spot and avoid, since they refuse to wear masks in public) and go about potentially infecting others. When they get sick, they also demand treatment just like others who took precautions. No wonder the health care workers get so disgusted by their protest actions.

As Christians, this is one of those cases where we have to swallow hard and implement the advice that we have been given to “Forgive those who trespass against us”. I’m not sure that prayer is all that effective against anger and stupidity, but it is what we have to work with; so pray for those who can’t seem to get passed phase 3. Pray that patience, understanding and concern for others will overcome their frustration and anger. Pray for them to turn the energy that they are wasting in angry protest towards figuring out how to adapt to a situation that is not likely to change or go away.  Pray for them to go on to phase 4.

If you are one of those people who find themselves stuck in phase 3, you can pray, too. Perhaps praying, “Not my will, but Thy will be done” will help you pivot away from the self-destructive frustration and anger that you feel now and allow you to refocus on what you can be doing in a positive way to move on and adapt to the situation. Perhaps prayer will also help you see that the sacrifices that you have been asked to make are not a usurpation of your freedoms, but were put in place to try to help everyone be safer and able to move forward.

Get unstuck and move on to phase 4. We need your help getting on with life, not your protests. It’s not all about you, it’s all about us and a nation.

Getting beyond stage three…

April 16, 2020

I wrote back on March 20 (see What’s your plan?) that there are four stages that we all would be going through during this crisis. Stage 1 – Shock and Awe, Stage 2 – Fear and Anxiety, Stage 3 – Frustration and anger and, finally,  Stage 4 – Acceptance and inventiveness.

We have been through stages 1 and 2 for the past few weeks in quarantine and many, if not most, have already entered stage 3, as witnessed by the protest rally at the state capitol yesterday. The frustration and anger are fueled by fear and have been exacerbated by a total lack of leadership at the national level. One is tempted, while watching the daily briefings from Washington, to cue up the music “Send in the Clowns”, but as the song itself says, “Don’t bother, they’re here.”

So here we are, into stage 3 – frustrated and angry. Frustrated that we don’t know who to be angry at and angry that everything that we want to do is frustrated by the situation at hand. For some, that frustration and anger results in stupidity – going to crowded protest rallies unprotected by masks or social distancing comes to mind or going to large church services. For others it has resulted in family friction that threatens to end marriages or cause depression. For many this feels like the same anger and frustration that as children used to cause us to hold our breath until we turned blue. It didn’t work then and it won’t work now.

Stage 3 is the most dangerous stage to get through, since it is the stage that precipitates to most dangerous reactions. When anger takes over your life, reason is often pushed aside in favor of a response – a response that in many cases just makes the situation worse. In this stage, even God becomes a target for our anger – we ask, “How could God let this happen to us?” In fact, it is in this stage that we need God’s help the most. We need to pray for God’s help to let us quickly move on to Stage 4, where we start to take positive steps to deal with the changes needed in our lives. We might pray that God calm our frustrations and anger or end our self-pity party and give us the strength to accept our new reality and find ways move forward within that reality.

The focus at state leadership levels will soon turn to defining the rules that must govern or lives as we return to work. We will not be out of danger with this virus for months, but efforts to flatten the curve have worked to some extent to reduce the severity of the outbreak and prevent the wholesale overrunning of our health care system. We could soon be at an acceptable steady-state level of infections and deaths (if there is ever an acceptable level for deaths), that will allow us to slowly put people back to work. It will not be life as we knew it. Nothing will be as we knew it. Some will call it the “new normal”; many will just use the old hack – “It is what it is”. I call it Stage 4 of this crisis – the accepting and adapting (inventing) stage.

In this next phase we will need to understand how to conduct our lives and our businesses in a manner that doesn’t harm others by re-introducing the virus to them. The virus will still be there. It will always be there. We will not have a widespread vaccine or enough people with herd immunity for a year or more, so we must learn to live without killing each other. Social distancing rules and practices will dramatically affect how we live and how we conduct business.

It will be literally impossible for some businesses to operate profitably under social distancing rules. How can a restaurant, that may have been small to begin with, be expected to continue with half or less of the tables that it needs to be profitable? Yet that may be the new reality, if tables must be far enough apart to prevent the spread of the virus.  How can small stores, in which 3-4 people constitutes a crowd, remain open under new occupancy and social distancing guidelines? How can large events like sporting events or street festivals that draw huge crowds be allowed or made safe? There are no good answers to these simple questions, yet, and we have not even thought of all of the questions at this point.

It is in this stage that our resourcefulness as a people and as a nation will be tested. It is also in this stage where a moral triage of sorts will take place. We will be making the conscious choice to accept a certain level of illnesses and deaths as the necessary price for the survival of our economy. While that has always been true in our society, it has seldom been as starkly apparent as it will be now. We have always chosen to let a certain segment of our society go without access to healthcare (and die) for economic reasons. It was convenient for us to ignore that segment, since they were usually the poor and homeless. This new choice puts our friends, co-workers and families equally at risk. The virus is not discriminatory in that regard.

Let’s move as quickly as we can into stage 4. It is a much more positive stage than the self-destructive environment of Stage 3. Our best scientists and medical professionals will continue to focus on finding treatments and vaccines. Now our best business minds must focus upon creative ways to get America safely back to work. It won’t be easy, but there is not a challenge that we can’t overcome, once we put our minds to the task.

As a business owner, the first task at hand in Phase 4 is making it possible for customers to shop or eat or get services in your business with a minimum risk of becoming infected, and still be profitable while doing so. That task is quickly followed by finding the best way to let your customers know that you are open again and have taken those steps to protect them. Just don’t be the bull-headed merchant who re-opens without regard to the guidelines and gets shuttered again by the authorities (and there will be those jerks).  

Believe me there is plenty of pent-up demand for goods and services and food . It’s time to get to stage 4 and get ready to re-open. There is not a more creative group in our economy than the small business owners who make up the backbone of that economy. It’s time to get creative.

Let’s re-open American for safe business!

Turn that anger into votes…

October 13, 2018

A post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog some time back had this little quote – “Did you know that Dammit I’m mad spelled backwards is Dammit I’m mad?”  (Sent by Norlene)

I read an article in this week’s BusinessWeek magazine about female anger and why it is so often suppressed and allowed to fade away. The #MeToo movement brought to the surface a lot of that repressed anger from women who have been taken advantage of and abused by men during their lives, especially in the business environment. The article speculated on whether the sense of anger and frustration that boiled over this summer, culminating with the confirmation hearings for Judge Kavenaugh, will affect the angry womanNovember elections and change the face of American politics. The article pointed out that a record number of women are running for office this year at all levels of government. Certainly, replacing the good old boys in government with women is one way to overcome the issue (at least in government).It will take a longer, more concerted effort to change the business world. So, maybe the #MeToo movement is morphing into the #OurTurn movement, and that’s a good thing.

In the political world, turning anger into votes is what got Donald Trump elected. He successfully read and tapped into the anger of the voters over issues on which they felt the traditional politicians had abandoned them. He was able to cast the professional politicians who ruled Washington at the time as a part of the problem and offer himself as the solution. It worked because those same politicians had become isolated from, and arrogantdisdainful of, their constituents. They had become focused upon feeding from the trough of lobbyists’ money and doing the bidding of those who paid for their attention. It became well known that the lobbyists were writing the legislation being sponsored by their toadies in Congress and that did not sit well with the breakfast crew at the local café. Given little other outlet for their frustration, it’s no wonder that so many voters took the chance to vote for someone like Trump, who claimed that he wanted to “Drain the Swamp” in Washington. Whether he drained the swamp or just brought in a new crop of snakes and alligators is the topic for another day. He turned that anger and frustration into votes.

Now it’s the women’s turn to change things. The anger level has been building throughout the year as abuse of women scandal after scandal erupted onto the scene. The #MeToo movement may have started out of things that gained attention in Hollywood; but, it has always been there, just below the surface. It was suppressed in the homes and workplaces of America. It was hushed up in the churches and schools of America. It was winked at in Americas’ board rooms and in the Halls of Congress. But ityoung-woman-furious was still there; festering; the anger building. This time, maybe it won’t fade away. This time, maybe it will once again turn into votes. This time, maybe the women of America will do what the President didn’t do and drain the swamp that American politics has become. We shall see on November 6. That’s the day in which women have the opportunity to say “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more.”

Did you leave your 2015 baggage behind?

January 4, 2016

Nelson Mandela“As I walked out the door to my freedom I knew if I did not leave all the anger, hatred and bitterness behind that I would still be in prison.”  (Nelson Mandela), as seen on the Jack’s Winning Ways blog.

We tend to view the start of each New Year as a chance to begin anew. At least we have not had tie enough to mess things up or cause much pain during the first few days of the year. So, it’s as if the beginning of each year gives us the chance to walk out of the prison of the past year and into the freedom of a new beginning. What we choose to take with us when we walk out of that prison is up to us.

The allusion to these things as baggage is really a good analogy. It’s as if baggagewe are carrying this heavy sac of stuff around. The weight of anger, hatred, prejudices and bitterness weighs us down and pulls down the corners of our mouths, causing us to look pained, angry or unpleasant at the least. The furrowing of our brows at the thoughts of those things causes wrinkles on our faces and the invectives that may spew from our mouths make us uninviting friends or guests indeed.

In addition to any resolutions that you may have made going into 2016, you should take Nelson Mandela’s advice about leaving behind any anger, hatred or bitterness that you may have been hauling around in 2015 as your personal baggage. I might add that leaving behind prejudices, fears and preconceived notions would also get 2016 off to a better start.

So, what baggage do you need to discard? Are you still harboring a grudge or bitterness for some slight that you felt in 2015? Are you still angry with someone who you feel harmed you in some way in 2015? Are you still harboring fears or prejudices and you may have been carrying around since well before 2015? Are you still sad because of some events that occurred in 2015? It’s time to let go of all of that baggage.  You cannot really leave the dungeon that those things put you in until you renounce them and move on.  Your soul cannot fly when weighted down with all of those burdens.

There are many ways to try to offload your personal baggage, but the easiest is to accept the help that is offered through faith. Jesus said, “Cobutterfly 2me to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Once you have found peace through your faith and
unloaded your personal baggage, you will find that you have freed your soul and can let it fly in 2016. Walk out of your prison and leave the baggage behind.

Have a great and baggage free 2016!