Imagine a different future…

July 14, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 7/14/25 – Reposts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed – Originally sent March 2, 2021.

Picture of Jack Freed

“Laugh when you can; apologize when you should; and let go of what you can’t change.” (Posted by Carrie Goldring) Carrie is a friend of mine and writes regularly about how to cope after divorce. Divorce can be a roller coaster ride, creating stress, anxiety, and fear. Relaxed exercise helps keep a mind ready for making decisions. While it’s certainly hard to abandon a dream, sometimes the moment arrives to imagine a different future. 😉 Jack

 I always get inspiration from Jack’s posts and today’s repost is a great example of why. Jack’s posts almost always related something about how the saying for that day can be used in our daily lives. He also almost always threw the ball back into the reader’s court to figure out how it related to their life.  Imagine a different future.

I’ve posted here quite often about letting go of the past and moving on, but I like the way that jack put it – “sometimes the moment arrives to imagine a different future.” Many of us spend too much time lamenting things from the past or imagining all of the things that could go wrong with something in the future. Imagine a different future.

If you would like to read my advice for letting go of things, please refer to:

https://normsmilfordblog.com/2022/08/03/dump-your-ego-and-find-peace/ or maybe https://normsmilfordblog.com/2020/08/12/let-it-go-spit-it-out-taste-the-joy/

In sports this is called visualization. Professional athletes, especially pro golfers spend some time before each shot visualizing (imagining) how the shot will go – the trajectory, the landing and the backspin. They “see” the shot before it happens and then they try to execute the shot as they have imagined it. Imagine a different future.

Many motivational speakers will tell you that you can do the same thing in your daily life. Whether it is attending a meeting or making a sales call or just how you will react or act when encountering someone else socially or on a date; you can imagine that event and see it as you would like it to occur. This “preloads” the desired outcome into your mind and prepares you to keep things moving in the desired direction by making good decisions that support your desired outcome, in case there are any glitches.  Imagine a different future.

Perhaps we can best sum up what Jack found helpful in Carries quote by adding Jack’s thought to it to make it read – Laugh when you can; apologize when you should; let go of what you can’t change; and imagine a different future. When you do that, if you can do that, your life will change for the better. Life can be what you imagine it to be if you let it. Imagine a different future.

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Posted by Norm Werner

We are all waiting…

June 2, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words –  Originally sent Sept 12, 2022.

“Old people just grow lonesome, Waiting for someone to say, ‘Hello in there… Hello.” (John Prine lyrics) The late John Prine was a magician when it came to writing lyrics. “Hello in There” is a poignant song about lonesome old people who have stories to tell…if only someone would listen. Take a look around you. Is there someone waiting for you to say, “Hello?” It isn’t just old people who are waiting and hoping to hear that greeting. It’s surprising what can happen when we speak first. 😉  Jack

OK, in deference to full disclosure, I must admit that I am officially “old”. I have had trouble accepting the characterization of being elderly; however, at age 81 I must accept that I am considered to be “old” by a majority of the population.

My first thought when I read the quote in this post to Jack’s Winning Words is that we are all waiting for someone to acknowledge us and engage with us. Many of us who grew up in the same era were admonished as children not to speak unless spoken to and many of us allowed that advice to carry over into our adult lives. We are not painfully shy, we’re just waiting for someone else to…Speak first.

Jack’s advice to speak first can help anyone break out of the loneliness or silence that they have been living in. It is especially powerful if you can also use the other person’s name in your greeting. People love to be recognized by their name. Speak first.

It is also important to recognize that engaging with someone is a two-way street. They will want to know something about you and your story, too; so, be ready to share information about yourself. But, remember that the person with whom you are speaking really wants someone to listen to what they have to say. Speak first.

There is a tendency to think that you won’t know what to say after you’ve said, “Hello”. You may wish to have a few “go to” phrases ready as a way to increase the engagement or get to the next steps. You can’t expect someone that you just met to just launch into telling you their life story (nor in many cases would you want them to anyway). Phrases such as, “How’s your day going?” or maybe “Do you live around here?” are good conversation openers.  Speak first.

It is really unsatisfying to just sit there looking at someone and hoping that they will speak to you. It gets worse when they get up and walk away and you are left wondering who they might have been and whether or not you would have enjoyed knowing them. Don’t just sit there waiting… Speak first.

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Posted by Norm Werner

You’re not too old to dream?

September 25, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 7/15/24 – Originally sent June 27, 2008.

“The world ages us too fast. We grow up too quickly; we stop dreaming too early, and we develop the ability to worry at far too young an age.” (Doug Wecker) I don’t know who Doug is, but I think he’s hit the nail on the head. If we would just dream more and worry less, we’d be in better shape. Sigmund Romberg wrote the song, When I Grow Too Old To Dream. Too old to dream? How sad. Dream on and stay young. 😉  Jack

I think the thing that ages us too fast is that we become too serious about everything , too focused, too intense, too logical. We lose the ability to let things go and relax. We lose the ability to be silly every now and then, to laugh at the things that happen in life and to laugh at ourselves. We embrace the idea that “acting like an adult” means being serious and sober all the time, not letting our emotions show and certainly not being silly.

That’s the reason that I wrote a post back in 2022 about not letting yourself lose the ability to be silly (see – https://normsmilfordblog.com/2022/12/10/never-lose-your-ability-to-be-silly/

In that post I suggested that you start each day by making a funny face at yourself in the mirror as you are getting ready in the morning. That’s still a good idea, It breaks the ice for the day and puts you in the right frame of mind to face whatever the day holds for you.

Another good exercise each day is to take some alone time to just let your mind wander and to dream. The human mi nd is an amazing thing. Not only can it conjure up all of the bad things that can happen when yo are being to serious and worrying too much; it can also imagine wonderful  things when you give it free reign to dream. And, remember Jack’s advice that if you would just dream more and worry less you will be in better shape.

As for me. I’m going to make a funny face in the mirror again tomorrow morning and remember that I’m never too old to dream. How about you?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t put away everything…

December 18, 2023

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 12/18/23 – a reprise of a post made by the late Pastor Jack Freed.
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in the department store, and he asked me for my autograph.” (Shirley Temple Black) The Bible says, “When I was a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put away childish things.” I loved believing in Santa, but, as an adult, I appreciate knowing about the “real” St. Nicholas who went around giving gifts of food, clothing and firewood to the poor. In this time of Christmas, let’s remember St. Nicholas. He wasn’t make-believe. 😉  Jack
 
Originally sent December 23, 2020.

Our society embraces the concept of “growing up” and putting away childish things – perhaps too much. I like the words of George Bernard Shaw, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

It is the need to constantly be serious and “adult” about everything that causes us not only to grow old but to suffer the mental condition we call depression. The inability to stop being serious and just play is oppressive. Our reluctance to see and acknowledge the absurdities in life and our self-imposed restriction of our sense of humor can create a very rigid and dour individual. We need to let the child in us out to play again.

“We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything than when we are playing.” -Charles Schaefer.

Watching young children play, one is treated to the sense of wonderment and pure fun that all too quickly is replaced as we grow up by the need to compete with others. Very young children don’t often play “us verses them” games; they just play “us having fun” games. We need to revisit that realm as adults. It is the introduction somewhere along the path of “growing up” that of the concept of “keeping score” is introduced and the games that we play are never the same again.

 “The opposite of play is not work. It’s depression.” Brian Sutton-Smith

Even in what we call our recreational time, the games that we play as adults all seem to have some way of keeping score and that leads to comparing ourselves against others. Once those comparisons start, it is all to easy to become obsessed with “beating the scores of others. We can’t just be happy to play by ourselves, we have to be better, smarter, prettier than someone else. Our games become zero sum where someone must lose in order for us to win. We have lost the ability to play like a child and that is not good. Perhaps the problem is that we become captives of the games we play.

“Take someone who doesn’t keep score, who’s not looking to be richer, or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality: he’s free.” — Rumi

So, don’t put away all things from your childhood. Free yourself to play again like you did as a child. Sing and dance like nobody’s looking. And don’t worry about the need to work., That will take care of itself.

“This is the real secret of life — to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.” – Alan Watts

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Posted by Norm Werner

Make opportunities happen today….

November 1, 2023

I like today’s graphic because it forces the issue of being proactive.

I know too many people who seem to be waiting for opportunities to come to them. They are usually not happy people and may be frustrated people. They are almost always very passive people – people who don’t speak unless spoken to and who never extend their hand first when greeting others. I’ll bet that you know some people like that, too.

The interactions that we have with others always presents opportunities – opportunities to learn and to make new friends. Those opportunities never come to those who choose not to interact,, usually out of fear.

Other opportunities may present themselves if one just ventures out in the world, perhaps the opportunity to experience something new and exciting. Yet there are those who out of fear of harm or the fear of failure hunker down in their homes and seldom venture out. They exchange the passive role of observer, perhaps through the use of television or the internet, for that of participant. Opportunity seldom knocks through the TV or PC screen.

So, what are you to do to create opportunities? The simplest answer is the old phrase, “put yourself out there”, both literally and figuratively.  You cannot score the winning goal or make the sale that gets you the promotion or find your true soulmate for life if you are literally not out there trying. And, being out there but shrinking back from everyone and everything will not bring opportunities either. If you have gotten yourself to the game the next step is to get into the game.

Opportunities for growth, for friendships and even for love are all around you if you but expose yourself to them. Make your opportunities happen. Put yourself out there and put yourself in the game.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Celebrate your wins…

July 31, 2023

This past weekend Lee Hodges won his first PGA Tour event at the 3M Open. The TV announcers made sure that the audience knew that he had played in 65 PGA events without a win. Players on the Tour and the announcers who cover it on TV know that it is not easy to win on the PGA Tour. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to stick with the practices and it takes determination and self-confidence to persevere through the disappointments. But, as the announcers also pointed out, there is nothing like that first win, that victory that you have been working so hard to achieve for so long.

It is not unusual to see athletes break down into tears when they have final achieved a goal or won a match or game for which they had been training for some time. That is why the Olympics next year will be so dramatic for so many athletes. They will have trained for 4 years for those winning moments.

In our everyday lives there are probably things that you have been working towards (training for) for a long time. These are not trivial little things to you. Maybe they are life goals for education or achieving some level at work. Perhaps they are positions of responsibility that you aspire to or maybe they involve seeing the success of a child or spouse that you have worked hard to support.

Whatever your victory or success, take the time to celebrate and relish it. Reflect for a few moments on the hard work involved and let yourself admit that it was worth it. Sure, you can look forward to new goals and start working towards them; but take a breath and take a moment to give yourself a pat on the back. You did it! You reached that goal that has been driving you for so long. Feel good about it. Give a fist pump for yourself. Put that win in your mental trophy case and look at it for a few moments before you move on with life.

Celebrate your wins.

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Posted by Norm Werner

If you love to walk…

July 27, 2023

If you love to walk there are some great places to live in Michigan. There are various ways to measure the “walkability” of an area, town or city. These usually involve some evaluation of what is within easy walking distance – basically what you can get to or what you can get done within some walkable radius. Other factors include the ease with which you can walk, i.e. are their sidewalks and what amenities might exist to support or welcome walkers, such as benches, signage in crosswalks giving pedestrians  the right of way, and such.

I wondered about how walkable the cities in Michigan are and found a ranking of them online. The most walkable city in Michigan turned out to be Hamtramck, with a walk score of 82. The top ten cities, in order and with their score were:

City                                           Walk Score

Hamtramck                                     82

Ferndale                                          67

Ypsilanti                                           62

Lincoln Park                                    60

Wyandotte                                      60

Birmingham                                   60

Dearborn                                        58

Royal Oak                                        57

Eastpointe                                       57

Madison Heights                            57

I was kind of surprised that Ann Arbor didn’t make the top 10, but it did come in at #14 with a walk score of 52.

This list can be found at https://www.walkscore.com/MI/#:~:text=The%20best%20cities%20in%20Michigan,%2C%20Norton%20Shores%2C%20and%20Romulus

It is a list made up only of cities in the state, so my little Village of Milford isn’t in that list. One can find out the walk Score for your own are by gong to https://www.walkscore.com/score/

When I did that and put in the Village of Milford, I was not surprised that is came back as a very walkable place to live with a walk score of 74. I live within three blocks and can easily walk to a micro-brewery, 10 restaurants, 2 barber shops, over 25 cute retail stores, several hairdressers, three skin care businesses, chiropractors, tattoo parlors, accountants, lawyers’ offices, and more. There’s even a major brand grocery store and a well-known drug store within easy walking distance.

I moved to the Village of Milford from a typical bedroom suburban community in which you had to get in your car and drive to get to almost anything, so this was all new and different for me. Now it just seems natural to say, “I’ll walk down and pick up my prescription” or let’s walk downtown for dinner.

See how the area that you live in scores on walkability at the site referenced above and if you are planning to buy a new house, check out the area it is in to see how walkable it might be. For many that will be a big factor in their move decision.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Be happy and be successful…

June 13, 2023

Today’s inspirational picture points out one of life’s great truths.

All too often we get caught up in the trap of thinking, “If only I could do this, I would be happy.” Or maybe we think “if only I had this, I would be happy.”

In reality, those who are happy with what they already have or have already done, are already successful. Rather than constantly striving for something that is just out of reach, they are thankful for what is already in their grasp.

Instead of thinking about all of the things that you might still have to do tomorrow at the end of the day, spend time being happy about the things that you did get done today…be happy about your successes today. If the events of the day did not go as you had planned and hoped, spend some time reflecting on what you might do differently the next time and allow yourself the “success” of having learned from your mistakes. Be happy that you are still here and that there will be a next time.

We may see people smiling and celebrating a success and think that their success made them happy; however, quite often it was fact that they were happy to begin with that allowed them to be successful. So, don’t worry, be happy and you will be successful, too.

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Posted by Norm Werner

You make change happen…

April 17, 2023

Many people start their day hoping (dreaming) that something will happen during the day to change their life and make it better.  The truth is that change only really happens when you make that change happen. Waiting passively for something good to happen that will change your life has about as much chance of success as buying a lotto ticket hoping that it will make you rich. Does it happen sometimes – Yes. Does it happen often – No.

Many people allow themselves to be overwhelmed by the thought of change, or at least the change that they desire. The change may seem to be too big to possibly accomplish. They cannot “see” how to get from here to there.  Those who succeed do so by turning the change that they desire into their goal and never losing sight of it. They then spend the mental time to break down the intermediate steps that may be required to accomplish that big goal and turn those steps little goals along the way. They can end each day by looking back on their accomplishment of a little, intermediate goal or two and feel good able making progress towards the big goal.

If they suffer a setback it is usually only a setback to a small portion of the journey towards their big goal. That setback does not mean that they must abandon their big goal, but perhaps some of the intermediate steps and goals must be retried or even rethought.  They get another chance to change their own direction.

The key to accomplishing your big goals and changing your life is making that decision to be in charge of the change, instead of just waiting for it to happen.

So, take charge. Be in charge. Make change happen in your life and the changes that you desire will come true for you. It may make you smile to think of yourself as the little red boat in the graphic sailing off in a new direction. Don’t be scared. Be excited. You are changing for the better.

Have a great week full of change and new adventures!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Never lose your ability to be silly…

December 10, 2022

I recently collected a few quotes on silliness –

“Children have one kind of silliness, as you know, and grown-ups have another kind.” (C.S. Lewis)

“[Silliness is] very, very, important. Very important. The other side of it is taking yourself terribly seriously. Which I think occasionally, you know, if you’re a brain surgeon, I wouldn’t want him to be silly when he’s doing the operation. But afterwards, if he wants to go laugh around that’s fine. There’s got to be a silly side to all of it.”  (Michael Palin)

“Mix a little foolishness with your prudence; it’s good to be silly at the right moment.” (Horace)

“Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity.” (Christopher Morley)

Why?

I have posted here in the past a couple of times about making funny faces to yourself in the mirror in the morning as you get ready for your day. Doing that provides a short break in the seriousness of your day and lets your mind reset into a more neutral mode. You cannot be like Palin’s brain surgeon during surgery all of the time. Taking a moment to be silly also allows us to be free, if just for that moment, of our self-imposed unanimity as adults – we can do something that is not being done because we think it is what is expected of us.

Because I think it is critical to our mental health that we retain an ability to be silly from time to time. As C.S. Lewis said, children have a different kind of silliness, one that is uncensored by concerns of what others may think. As we grown up we are conditioned by society to suppress our urges to be silly. We are forced to conform more and more to the more serious norms and expectations of society. We are told to “act like a grownup”, which usually means with great seriousness. However, I think some of these quotes get it right – it is important to we find some time and ways to be silly, even as adults.

Some of the quotes that I collected, but chose not to use, substituted the word “foolish” for the word “silly”; but, I thought about it, that word is too close to “foolhardy” to be comfortable for me. Being foolish has a connotation of being stupid in it, at least in my mind. It is that connotation that seems to apply to shows like Jackass, where the actions are sometimes dangerous and almost always stupid, instead of just silly. Being silly does not have to be dangerous.

So, give yourself a mental break from the serious business of being an adult and find a way to be silly today. Make a funny face in your mirror while getting ready in the morning or allow yourself a little chuckle at something that maybe only you find funny during the day. Have your moments of silliness during the day. Others may say (or think), “Oh, that’s just silly”, and that’s OK; that’s the point. Being silly will provide the little mental breaks that you need to keep you sane.

Never lose your ability to be silly.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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