Last minute Christmas gift idea in the Huron Valley

December 19, 2014

We are in the final week of the Christmas gift buying season. If you still have some people on your list that you don’t have gifts for this Christmas, here are some great gift ideas. We tend to focus upon giving things, but some of the best gifts that I’ve received in the past involved services rather than goods. These are not things that might come immediately to mind, but which could end up being the best presents that you’ve ever given to someone; and for the most part, you don’t need to worry about wrapping them.

For the younger people on your list, consider giving the gift of a better future by getting themMathnasium_logo signed up for help at the Mathnasium of West Huron Valley located in Milford. Math skills are the absolute base for many good career paths, whether or not the student goes on to college or just joins the workforce out of high school. Modern “common core” curriculums are leaving many student struggling with math, but Jeffery Levine at Mathnasium can get them up to speed give them those competitive skills. Can Mathnasium at 248-676-2971 or go to their web site http://www.mathnasium.com/westhuronvalley for more information. This is a gift that will keep on giving for years to come.

Perhaps your youngster is artistically inclined and needs help and direction to bring out and nurture that skill. You should check out the programs at the Village Fine Arts Associate’s Susan VFAA_logo-2Haskew Art Center (SHAC) at 125 South Main St, Suite 700 in Milford, Michigan 48381. You may be able to sign them up and pre-pay for classes to help develop that latent talent. You can also call or email Andrea Perry, SHAC Director of Development: shac@milfordvfaa.org , 248-797-3060 or Susan Gollon, Milford VFAA Executive Director: contactus@milfordvfaa.org, 248-421-3337

For those who need the encouragement, programs and structure of a workout club, I’d recommend the one that I go to – Anytime Fitness of Milford. Located at 141 South Milford Road, Milford, MI 48381 (the old Farmer Jack’s Shopping mall), this Anytime Fitness location has all of the machines and weights and other “stuff” that you need for great workouts, plus a anytimne fitness logogreat staff of personal trainers who can customer tailor a workout program for you. They have a free trial period offer, so that you can see if this is for you. Call Willa Danowski, Club Manager, at 248-685-8373 and arrange a time to go in and talk to her about joining. If you like to workout early in the morning you are likely to see me there most days. Their web site is http://anytimefitness.com/gyms/1020/milford-mi-48381. One nice thing about joining Anytime Fitness is that you can use any club, any time anywhere in the U.S., so you can find a place to work out on vacations.

One of the best gifts that my wife has given me in the last few years was a gift card good for 60
esential massage logominutes of massage at Essential Massage and Wellness Center – 1641 S Milford Rd, Suite B,   Highland, MI 48357. Essential Massage has a number of different types of massage, from relaxation focused sessions to deep muscle pain relief sessions and everything in between. They also have an acupuncturist on staff  who can use that alternative medicine approach to pain relief. You can go on-line to order you gift card or to arrange an appointment or call 248-714-9901 and ask for Tammy or Cindy. Tell them that Norm sent you. I had two wonderful sessions to deal with some pain that I have in my shoulder fro a fall last winter and they both left me feeling great.

A family portrait makes a great gift and is something that most families don’t think of buying for themselves anymore. Call Bill Abram of Memorable Moments Art toll free at 877-640-8150 to set up a session. We still have our family portraits from when our kids were growing up and display them in our home. The grandkids in particular get a kick out of seeing mom or dad as youth. I recommend getting one done every few years, so that you document the family during the grade school, middle school and high school years. They can make great Christmas card material, too.

If you, or someone that you know, struggle with depression this time of year, you may benefit from the advice and tools that Norma Nicholson of Wise Owl Enterprises can equip you (or them)  with to fight off that depression. Norma is an author and private consultant and Wise owl graphic as jpegworkshop facilitator in the area of healing depression the natural way. Give her a call at 248-684-7987 or email norma786@comcast.net to arrange for a confidential consultation. She is in the process of setting up her web site. I will admit that I have not used Norma’s services, but I have known her for quite a while and know that she is a good, honest and caring person who developed many of her techniques and tools as mechanisms for coping with things in her own life. This is another gift that will keep on giving for years to come.

If you have someone that needs help with a fear or phobia or maybe just riding themselves of a nasty habit, call my friend Nichole Merline of MTU Hypnosis at 248-568-0831 or visit her web Nicole Merlinesite at www.mtuhypnosis.com. Nicole helps a wide variety of people with issues or problems in their lives that they want o overcome. For the young it may be a fear or test taking or an inability to focus upon studying. For adults there is a wide range of issues that Nicole can help with from fears and phobias to stopping smoking, losing weight or feeling more at ease in social settings. The human mind is a powerful thing and Nicole can help you put yours to work for you, instead of against you.

If you have an elderly parent who has been stubborn about making the transition into a senior living environment, perhaps Julie Haskins-White can help. Julie is the principal in Creative Eldercare Consultants, LLC. Julie may be reached at 800-355-8932 or 248-842-4980. What Julie and staff bring to the process is over 30 years of Senior Care experience and a very deep knowledge of what the alternatives are based upon each unique situation. Julie can work directly with your senior or with the family to assess what the best course of action and placement option might be.

Finally, if you are totally stumped and none of the above seem to fit, go to the Huron Valley Chamber of Commerce office at 317 Union Street, Milford, MI 48381 and buy them some Chamber Bucks. Chamber Bucks are cash equivalents which can be used in most local restaurants and many local stores. To see where they are good, click here.

So, I’ve kind of wandered through a variety of gifts for the young and the elders in your life. Most of these aren’t things, they are services (some may result in things, such as the family portrait) that you can buy or pre-pay for someone on your list. Most involve things that they might not do or buy for themselves, but they’ll be glad that you did.  Have a great and Merry Christmas!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t get stuck…

December 18, 2014

“You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.”  (Wayne Dyer) – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

I like today’s saying on Jack’s blog, because it helped me get unstuck here. I haven’t posted much lately because I got stuck waiting for the right inspiration. I suppose that I also got a bit busy and distracted with the things going on leading up to Christmas – shopping, wrapping and the like. All I really had to do was look around to see things that should have inspired me to write something. I guess I decided to be stuck for a while.

It seems to me that sometimes we aren’t even aware that we are allowing ourselves to become stuck. That can apply to things like your job or your relationships. Of course we have developed euphemisms to substitute for the term “stuck”. We may say that we are in our “comfortdissapointed lady zone” or perhaps use the phrase “go with what you know.” Sometimes our relationships settle into a kind of rut because we allow ourselves to become stuck. It’s not that this is necessarily bad; but, at the same time, if that comfort zone becomes a “boring zone” or worse a “dead zone”, then the relationship can whither and become unsatisfactory. That happens a lot in marriages if the couples don’t explore reasons to love each other beyond just the sexual attractions that may have fueled the relationship initially. They get stuck.

Getting stuck at a certain level or in a specific job at work can also be bad. We are creatures who thrive on learning and challenges. In most jobs there is an initial learning curve and then a sad looking manperiod of building experiences enough to master the tasks involved. Once you get to that level, people normally look for new challenges. If the current job doesn’t provide for those new challenges and growth, people move on to another job and new learning curves. There is, of course, much to be said for job security; however, keeping jobs interesting and workers challenged would seem to be a key to successful companies.  Don’t let your workers feel like their stuck.

The last half of the little opening quote is the important part for all of us – unless you decide to be. A key to dealing with any issue in your life is to accept that only you really have the ability to change how you deal with it. You have the ability to assess whether you are stuck and it’s time to move on to a new and more challenging job. You have the responsibility in your relationships to decide that your actions and reactions aren’t going to be the things that keepout on limb you stuck in a less than satisfying state.

What you do, once you accept the responsibility for getting yourself unstuck doesn’t mean that you go right to the boss and quit or that you go ask your spouse for a divorce. It means that you plan a course of action to get yourself out of the rut that you are stuck in. That may mean signing up for some classes to learn new skills for a new career or it may mean doing things with your life-partner that you usually don’t do – maybe signing up for ballroom dance lessons or something as simple as sitting down after work and talking with them for a while about your relationship or a small thing like going to church with them. What needs to happen is something that wasn’t happening before, something out of the ordinary, something that will help you get unstuck.

Men seem to have a much harder time getting unstuck in their relationships ruts, I suspect thnk about itbecause it requires that they first admit that there is a problem and that they may be a part of the problem. Almost all of the TV ads that we see that are focused upon men seem to be focused upon sexual performance and none deal with emotional performance – the ability of the man to drop his guard and let his partner into his soul. That’s not considered to be manly. The problem is that we become stuck in that macho stereotype and can’t get out of that deep rut. Those who do find a way to get unstuck are able tosunday walk
forge the deep, lasting relationships with their life-partners that you see depicted on 50th anniversary cards.

The challenge for today is for you to examine your own life and see if you can identify areas of it in which you are “stuck.” Once you can do that, the challenge becomes doing something about it and finding a way to get unstuck. Life’s ruts are not lined with Gorilla Glue. It is possible to go in new directions, to experience women dreamingnew challenges and the new joy of meeting those challenges. Get unstuck today. You’ll be happy that you did.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t know, don’t say…Don’t be a dwarf

December 8, 2014

Re-blogged from the Jack’s Winning Words blog –

 “To like an individual because he’s black is just as insulting as to dislike him because he isn’t white.”  (e.e. cummings)  Reverse black and white in the quote.  Does it make a difference?  Substitute LGBT and Straight for black and white.  Does it make a difference?  Many of the problems around us these days seem to have root in the fact that we do not see people as people.  You can’t legislate love.  Unless it comes from the heart, the problems will continue.    😉  Jack

I suspect that Leonardo da Vinci put his finger on a big part of the problem that Jack wrote about today when he said – “You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand.”  Too much of the bigotry in the world today is based in ignorance; opinionatedignorance about the backgrounds and perspectives of the people against whom the bigotry is directed. It’s impossible for a white person to understand the impact of the repressive environment that many non-white people feel and experience day-to-day in America. What chance do you have to establish an understanding and appreciation for someone else, if you start from a base of fear because of their color?  

There was a political cartoon in the paper this weekend that captured some of that. It showed a young black person backed up against a wall by a heavily armed white policeman and an average citizen looking out their window at the policeman. Each had a thought bubble above their head with the work “fear” in it. While that cartoon was within the context of recent police shootings; it clearly demonstrates the pre-existing mental context that colors the interactions of many people with each other. That is a pre-existing prejudice that gets things off on the angry accuserwrong foot.  Chris Crutcher, author of Whale Talk, put it well – “…racist (bigoted) thought and action says far more about the person they come from than the person they are directed at.”
Something similar may be said about our notions of the LGBT community. Many censure those in the LBGT community because they do not understand it. Armistead Maupin put it well when he said – “I know I can’t tell you what it’s like to be gay. But I can tell you what it’s not. It’s not hiding behind words, like family and decency and Christianity.”  Having just gone through an election where every homophobic bigot on the ballot chose to hide behind those words, Maupin’s words ring true.

So, one may surmise that bigotry is based upon ignorance; but its real strength is based in
rejectedpreventing the exploration of knowledge about the topic, thereby shutting out the discovery of the truth. Like many other things in life that we fear, because they represent unknowns; fears based upon color or lifestyle evaporate once we know and understand the truth. As E.H.Chapin put it – “Bigotry dwarfs the soul by shutting out the truth.”

Don’t let yourself become a dwarf. Don’t know…don’t say. Go seek the truth.

 

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t be distracted; get real…again!

December 7, 2014

“The whole point of getting things done is knowing what to leave undone.”  (W. Clement Stone) This little quote from a recent  Jack’s Winning Words blog post was one that I copied and put aside, knowing that there are things to write about contained in Stone’s thought.

emailAn image immediately came to mind of me headed to my computer with a task in mind, only to see that I have some new eMail and getting sidetracked dealing with it. I feel the need to answer some right away or to delete others. Soon I’m walking away, satisfied that I have handled the eMail task at hand and completely forgetting what I went to the computer for in the first place. Has that ever happened to you?

The second thing that comes to mind is a bit more disturbing. It seems to me that the rapid rise of the smartphones and tablets is creating a whole generation of people who are more concerned with what’s happening in the palm of their hands than is what’s going ontablet computer around them. Don’t take me completely wrong. I love what I can do with and on my smartphone and I’m guilty of spending way too much time looking down at the palm of my hand at my phone. What’s concerning is that there may be a generation who are becoming somewhat disconnected from reality; because, for them, reality is what’s going on in that tiny screen. They spend more time with it that they do in face-to-face encounters. I read recently that breaking up with someone via a text message is now fairly common and accepted. How cold is that?

I have found that the ubiquity of Google has taken over a part of my life. I no longer look things up or ask someone – I Google whatever it is that I need to know. That’s both convenient and somewhat sad at the same time. Fortunately that and checking eMail are the primary smartphone intrusions into my life.

I recall, when I was much younger, that some behavioral scientists of the day were similarly concerned about the impact of television on children, especially when TV kids watching TVbecame sort of a pseudo babysitter that parents could plop their kids down in front of for hours. That fear has largely proven to be unfounded. I suspect that is because watching TV, while captivating, is a very passive thing. Using one’s smartphone is interactive and, for some, about as involved as they get with much of their life. With smart-phone based technologies such as eMail, texting, Skype, video conferencing and other interactive means of communicating with another person without being there, it is possible to go for long periods feeling like you are connected without ever actually being with another human being. How scary it that?

So, getting back to our opening quote; maybe what needs to be left undone is some of this artificial “communications” and to get back to more one-on-one real face time with others. Posting on my Facebook wall or sending me a Tweet is not really the same. Try sitting down together at a Starbucks and not sitting at two different Starbucks texting each other. If you want to know where I am and what I’m doing…find me and ask me directly. At that point I’ll be with you and talking to you. What could be better?

Vincent Nichols was on to it, when he said – “We’re losing social skills, the human interaction skills, how to read a person’s mood, to read their body language, how to be patient until the moment is right to make or press a point. Too much exclusive use of electronic information dehumanises what is a very, very important part of community life and living together.”  I’m pretty sure that he had our modern smartphones in mind when he said that.

The good news is that we still have the capacity for the things that we have allowed our distractions to keep us from. As Nicholas A. Christakis put it – “Social media and the Internet haven’t changed our capacity for social interaction any more than the Internet has changed our ability to be in love or our basic propensity to violence, because those are such fundamental human attributes.” The key then is to leave undone some of the things that we allow to distract us and get back in touch with our human capacities and attributes. Put down the smartphone and look around you at the real people in your world. OMG!

 

 

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Posted by Norm Werner

The great equalizer…

December 4, 2014

“No matter how big your house is, or your bank account is, our graves will always be the same size.”  (Quoted by Tara)  – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog. Jack went on to write: With all the talk of the 99% and the 1%, the “haves” and the “have-nots,” death is the great equalizer.  Kenny Wayne sings, “I ain’t never seen no hearse pullin’ a U-Haul.”

I was going to use the little phrase, “you can’t take it with you”; but, then I remembered the guy who loved his Mercedes Benz so much that he was buried in it. I guess he did take it with him. I found another story of a man buried in his 1973 Pontiac Catalina. You can watch the video of that here. So, other than maybe your car, I suppose that you could take other things with you when you are buried. I guess the hearse would be the one pulling the U-Haul to the graveyard.

The ancient Pharaohs believed that they could take it with them “to the other side”; sopharoah they arranged to be buried with lots of stuff, including slaves and servants to assist then on the journey. I guess that would have been a great day to stay home from work with you were one of the Pharaoh’s servants.

Jack went on to write about some in the very wealthy class, such as Warren Buffet, coming to grips with the inevitability of death and what to do with their great wealth. Buffet and others, like Microsoft founder Bill Gates, seem to be trying to use their wealth for worthy causes while they are still here to help direct the benevolence. I think that is great. It gets them more involved in the causes that they are supporting than just handing the money over or waiting until they are gone.

While I don’t dwell upon it, I do find that as I get older the thought of death becomes more real. When I was younger, I was like most young people and saw death as something that was so far off in the future that I was unconcerned about it. It now looms close enough to get some thought time every now and then; but, I refuse to fixate upon it. I remember when my father returned from the funeral of his father, how he couldn’t let go of the image of his dad laying in the coffin, with his hands positioned to appear to be pulling up a small blanket. My dad would often sit in his chair with his hands mimicking that pose. I now realize how sad that was.

As for me, I prefer to focus upon living each day to the fullest and finding ways to be of service or to help others. I’m still a working Realtor; so, I don’t even have to say that I’m retired. I’ll likely never really retire. I enjoy taking the time to make posts here and to dogthe other 3-4 blog suites that I post to on a somewhat regular basis. I also maintain four web sites, so there is always something that needs updating to keep me busy. Add to all of that having the greatest wife/companion that one could ask for and two wonderful dogs and I am a rich man indeed.

 

I guess the positive message for this post is that spending much time worrying about what you don’t have is really a waste, since you can’t take it with you anyway. Rather, spend what time you have here enjoying what you do have with those you love. You and Warren Buffet will end up with the same thing on the other side. Have a great day!

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Posted by Norm Werner

“Someday never comes.” (John Fogerty)

December 1, 2014

“There are seven days in a week, and Someday isn’t one of them.”  (Rita Chand) – both the headline and this little sentence were seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog. Jack went on to write – Fogerty’s parents were divorced when he was a child, and he remembers his dad saying, “Someday you’ll understand.”  And then he found himself repeating the same words to his 5-yr-old son.  There are kids who ask their dads, “When are we going fishing?”  And dad responds, “Someday!”  There are many things in this life that we put off until…Someday.  Maybe today is the day to do something about Someday.

listeningDid your parents ever use that phrase, “someday you’ll understand,” with you? Did that someday ever arrive for you? Maybe you’ve promised yourself that, “Someday, I’ll get around to doing that.” Are you still waiting for that someday? Someday is even more nebulous than tomorrow, which is also a day that never seems to get here when you’ve put something off until it arrives. This weekend, I finally got around to fixing a light on our back porch that I had promised I would do someday. I made that promise 5 months ago. Someday was a long time in coming.

Of course someday is also featured in our hopes and dreams, such as in the song “Someday my prince will come”, from the Disney movie “Snow White and the seven dwarfs.”  Are you waiting for your prince or princess to come, someday? Someday is also the timetable for our “bucket list”; the things that we’ll get around to doing someday, before we kick the bucket. There is comfort to be found in the inexact commitment of “someday” for items on that list. It allows us to put of those things that scare us.

I think the saddest someday of all are the ones that we use to put off doing things with our children. It turns out that someday they won’t be children anymore and by then itfishing with grandpa will be too late. Taking the time to go fishing with your 7 or 8 year old is more important than almost anything for which you may be putting it off.  Don’t wait to find out that all of those rain checks and IOU’s gave your children expired tears ago when they grew up. “One day you will wonder what was so important that you put off doing the most important things. ‘Someday’ can be a thief in the night.” ― Deborah Brown

Another someday that never seems to arrive is the one where you stop working so hard to provide the things that you think will make your family happy. What would really make them happy would be for you to be there now, not someday. Their games and the plays and the concerts are going to happen someday. You’re likely to find that they
father daughter wedding dancehappened yesterday, if you wait until someday to make the time for them. It is often sad to see a father dancing with his daughter in her wedding day with tears of regret in his eyes that he missed her growing up years. The someday that he kept promising her never came and now it’s too late. Don’t let that happen to you. Resolve to dance with her every year and at every opportunity.

 

Finally, someday is not the commitment that you need to make with the person that old cooupleyou love. Rather, you should show her/him that love every day. Waiting until someday to ask that person out or to share you true feelings for them may well be too late. Perhaps Mark Twain said it best when he said – “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.”

 

Perhaps the best advice of all to deal with “someday” comes from Gaddy Bergmann –  “Someday is now.” Cut to the Nike slogan and Just Do it.

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Posted by Norm Werner

See a need, Fill a need…

November 29, 2014

“See a need, fill a need.” – Story headline from a recent Realtor magazine. Every year Realtor Magazine runs a special contest and story about the Realtor who has contributed the most to their community. They call their chosen Realtor the Good Neighbor of the year. This year’s winner is Jane Locke of South Carolina who saw a need for financial help for families with children with disabilities and diseases that wasn’t being filled by existing charities; so she and a group of like-minded people in her area started Carolina Children’s Charity to fill that need. Find out more about that charity at http://www.carolinachildren.org/

caringWe often have the tendency to think that we can’t make a difference through just our own small local efforts; but such is not the case. It is also not the case that every effort has to be a large one in and of itself. Lots and lots of little efforts eventually accumulate and make a difference. Even a small, seemingly insignificant effort may make the difference in someone else’s life. If they go on to also make a difference by doing something the whole thing can snowball into a huge difference.

I think a key to filling a need that you may see is to be happy within yourself that you did the deed or filled the need and not to be disappointed if no one else noticed or praised you for having done it. Sometimes you will get a “thank you” if you do something for someone else that they see; however, many times the good works that you do are not such that they would be recognized by giving moneywhomever you helped. You must also feel good about your contribution, no matter how small when compared to others; so long as your effort was sincere and honest. That is especially true if you are just doing things to raise money for a worthy cause. So what, if you managed to give or collect $20 and someone else gave $200 or even $2,000? If your $20 represented your honest effort to help and was given without expectations of any reward, it is as important as the larger amounts.

Much of the time the needs that you might see are not about money; rather they are about the need for services – drivers to deliver Meals on Wheels, for instance; or people to visit shut-ins. volunteer builderSometimes the need s are well behind the scenes and out of the spotlight, such as packing the meals that will be delivered or putting together gift boxes to be sent overseas to our troops. Sometimes it involves joining a groups to accomplish a big task, like building a house for someone in need. Sometimes the needs are very personal – providing someone to listen and talk with for a person who has gone through a loss or who may be suffering through an illness. Maybe it’s just being there in programs such as Big Brother or Big Sister to provide role models and companionship.

We actually “see” needs around us all the time; it’s just that we‘re too busy to stop and help, to fill the need; or we think we are too busy.  All too often the things that we are “busy with” are superficial or contrived and have little actual meaning or consequence. We have created the illusion of being busy out of things like checking our email or texting or playing a game on our helping elderly
phones. Our distractions and amusements have morphed into our “busy.” In the meantime, the needs are still there unfulfilled; we just don’t have the time to look for them or see them because we are “busy.” Take the time out of your busy lifestyle to look around and recognize the needs that are all around you. Fill just a few of those needs and you will feel so much better about yourself and about life. You may even find that you didn’t miss checking your phone or texting while you were actually helping get something meaningful accomplished.

So, today, resolve to See a need, Fill a need.  You likely won’t be in the headlines in tomorrow’s paper, but you will feel really great about yourself as you drift off to sleep tonight. If the need you filled happened to involve direct contact and help for another person that will make two happy people at the end of the day. Have a great and meaningful weekend.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Three little words that may change your life – Give yourself permission…

November 28, 2014

I’m kind of a work-aholic (I suppose there really is no way to be kind of a work-aholic) and my wife often tells me to “give yourself permission” to stop or take a break. As I thought about those three little words, I realized not only what good advice she was giving me, but just how important it can be to empower yourself.

Certainly, giving yourself permission to take a break is a good thing and can save you from becoming stressed out or overworked. There are many other things that you need to give yourself permission for that may also be life changing or life enhancing.

chasing goal You need to give yourself permission to fail every now and then. Not every endeavor will result in a win or getting done what you set out to accomplish. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself that it’s OK to fail, as long as you tried your best and you can learn something from the failure. It’s OK to be wrong every now and then, too. For many people that is a hard permission to grant themselves (or to admit to themselves). “Perfection is an illusion. Allow yourself room to make mistakes and permission to be happy regardless of outcome.”  ― Dawn Gluskin

Many people await someone else’s permission to take a chance or try something new, when they could easily just give themselves permission. For some, even allowing a relationship to progress to the point of making a real commitment is something that they have a problem giving themselves permission to do. For some the issue may be be the permission to feel your emotions. “I gave myself permission to feel and experience all of my emotions. In order to do that, I had to stop being afraid to feel. In order to do that, I taught myself to believe that no matter what I felt or what happened when I felt it, I would be okay.” – Iyanla Vanzant

Have you given yourself permission to feel and experience your emotions, or do you stifle them while you seek someone remorsefulelse to give you permission? Let me string together two quotes – “Don’t look for society to give you permission to be yourself.” ― Steve Maraboli and “When you are open to others, you give permission to those around you to be open to you.” ― Bryant McGill. So, give yourself permission to be you and to be open about yourself and your feelings. Others will open up to you.

We often hear about some organization or cause being empowering for the people involved; but, that is waiting for some outside group or event to give you permission, to empower you. Rather, have the confidence in yourself to give yourself the permissions that you think you need. Empower yourself. “Give yourself permission to get the most out of your life.” – Sandra Lee

What things are you waiting for permission to do in your life? Where do you think that permission is going to come from? cheering upYou can’t call your mom and ask for permission to fall in love. You have to give yourself that permission. Only you can grant yourself permission to stop grieving over a loss and move on with life. And, only you can give yourself permission to change your own life. “Dream and give yourself permission to envision a You that you can choose to be.” – Joy Page

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Posted by Norm Werner

Machismo not required…

November 26, 2014

“You got to go through it to get to it.”  (Joel Osteen) – as seen on a recent post at the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

That little saying, if taken out of context, seems to be just dripping with machismo, to which I would reply No Mas! The phrase men butting heads“man up” has taken on way too much testosterone over the last few years. To be a man is not about being able to withstand pain or shaking it off and getting back in the game. There is way too much evidence that the whole “shake it off” mentality is wrong and harmful. “Man up” was, is and should be about taking responsibility for your actions; and it really isn’t just about men; although “person up” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

But, do you really have to go through it to get to it? And what are the two it’s in that little phrase all about? I guess you had to hear the context in which Osteen used that phrase and it had nothing to do with going through some sort of trial or pain or test to get to heaven. Osteen’s sermon was about persevering through the tough times by remembering that God is always with you and will not abandon you, just because things are tough.

We’ve become a country full ofpills people who believe that taking a pill for things like obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure or high cholesterol  is a better answer than doing the exercise and weight loss work that really would help the most and maybe even provide a cure. Sometimes we don’t preserver and do what is needed in our relationships either; we take short-cuts or the easy way out of resolving issues with people, by using email or text messages, rather than confronting them in person.

So, there are some things that you may have to go through or figure out in order to get through life; however, you do not have to fight your way through them. I have found that taking the time to analyze the situation and trying to find a win-win solution is a good alternative answer. Life is not a football game; life is more a game of compromises and partnerships; small set-backs and small victories and making sure that you are striving for the right things and not just things. Maybe the saying should be, “You’ve got to figure it out to get to it.”

The other issue that the quote can seem to allude to is that you have to go through life’s trials alone – Mano a Mano!  Macismo, again! That was not the point of his sermon, which brought God into the picture and assured his audience that we are never alone. After all, he is a preacher and that is one of the most powerful messages of the Good News that he is trying to spread.

In Maine they have created a program called Mano en Mano (which they define as Hand in Hand) to provide assistance and guidance to those in need, especially those of diverse cultural backgrounds.  Somehow that seems to be a much better answer than just standing back and telling the people in need to tough it out.

Community Sharing logoAs we approach our uniquely American holiday of Thanksgiving, we should be thankful for people who create and run programs like Mano en Mano and all of the rest of helping and sharing programs that provide help to those in need. In our area, Community Sharing, Lighthouse of Oakland County  and Meals on Wheels and so many other volunteer organizations provide assistance so that people don’t have to go through pain and suffering just to live day-to-day. If you want to be a part of the solution and not just stand by lamenting the problem, sign up to volunteer at organizations like these. Then you can say, “”I’ve got to do it tothanksgiving family help others through it; then we’ll both get to it.” Machismo not required.

Have a great Thanksgiving.

 

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Posted by Norm Werner

Let go and dream…

November 26, 2014

“The best dreams happen when you’re awake.” – Cherie Gilderbloom

I’m not sure where I saw this quote, but I knew I wanted to save it and write about it eventually. I’ve opined about having dreams and hopes many times and even about day dreaming; but this quote is really talking about our ability to “see” (to dream) a better future for ourselves.

The dreams that we have when we are asleep are mostly random, unruly and mostly without any point. The dreams that you can conjure up while awake have more context and meaning for your life. They don’t have to be constrained by your current reality, but they usually take that into consideration as a starting point. It’s where you end up in those dreams that really makes them fun.

man daydreamingYou may say that a dream while you’re awake is just letting your imagination run away with you. That’s true that it takes a vivid imagination; but, it is running away with you in a direction that you control. It is a mix of fantasy and reality that is unshackled from the constraints that we normally place upon ourselves. Maybe you see yourself scoring the winning touchdown or slugging the winning home run. Perhaps you envision yourself relaxing on the beach on a tropical island or maybe you’re out on a date with the girl that you could never get up the nerve to ask out. These dreams go one step beyond the visualization that many professional athletes use to “see” their next play or move. You can come very close to actually feeling like you are experiencing the moment that is in the dream.

We often hear people who have just won something – an event, a prize or contest – say that it thinking hardfeels like they are in a dream; maybe the same is true about actually being in an awake dream – it feels like it’s real. It’s fun to think that could be the case; but, I suspect that Cherie Gilderbloom was actually talking about more than day dreaming. She may have been saying that the things that we actually experience in life, while wide awake, are much better than the things that we dream about. While dreams are fun, they are also disconcerting, because you don’t have a frame of reference in them. Dreaming while wide awake maintains a frame of reference that both anchors you and allows you to snap back into full consciousness at any time. In some cases it allows you to fold some reality back into the dream to change its direction if needed. In an awake dream you don’t forget where you left your car.

facing new dayPerhaps dreaming while you are awake is really letting your hopes direct your mind for a while. Hopes often get pushed aside or pushed out into the future. Dreaming about them brings them back to the forefront and allow you to explore them and imagine possible outcomes. Dreams based upon hopes can be a great antidote to a numbing life. Call it escapism if you like, but escaping even for a moment or two into the future that you are striving to reach can be a great motivator to continue the struggle.

dreamsWhatever the case, I think taking a little time to dream, even while you are awake, is necessary for our mental health, just like taking a little time every now and then to be silly or to play or to laugh. We cannot go through life constantly constraining ourselves to the situation at hand. We cannot always be on guard, on the ready, constantly serious and on the defense. We all have dreams that need to get out and breathe every now and then. We have aspirations that we’ve never shared with anyone that need a stage upon which to rehearse. Dreaming while we are wake provides the release necessary to let those hopes stay alive and grow. Don’t stifle yourself when it comes to dreaming.

What do you dream about while you’re awake?

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Posted by Norm Werner

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