“You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.” (Wayne Dyer) – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.
I like today’s saying on Jack’s blog, because it helped me get unstuck here. I haven’t posted much lately because I got stuck waiting for the right inspiration. I suppose that I also got a bit busy and distracted with the things going on leading up to Christmas – shopping, wrapping and the like. All I really had to do was look around to see things that should have inspired me to write something. I guess I decided to be stuck for a while.
It seems to me that sometimes we aren’t even aware that we are allowing ourselves to become stuck. That can apply to things like your job or your relationships. Of course we have developed euphemisms to substitute for the term “stuck”. We may say that we are in our “comfort zone” or perhaps use the phrase “go with what you know.” Sometimes our relationships settle into a kind of rut because we allow ourselves to become stuck. It’s not that this is necessarily bad; but, at the same time, if that comfort zone becomes a “boring zone” or worse a “dead zone”, then the relationship can whither and become unsatisfactory. That happens a lot in marriages if the couples don’t explore reasons to love each other beyond just the sexual attractions that may have fueled the relationship initially. They get stuck.
Getting stuck at a certain level or in a specific job at work can also be bad. We are creatures who thrive on learning and challenges. In most jobs there is an initial learning curve and then a period of building experiences enough to master the tasks involved. Once you get to that level, people normally look for new challenges. If the current job doesn’t provide for those new challenges and growth, people move on to another job and new learning curves. There is, of course, much to be said for job security; however, keeping jobs interesting and workers challenged would seem to be a key to successful companies. Don’t let your workers feel like their stuck.
The last half of the little opening quote is the important part for all of us – unless you decide to be. A key to dealing with any issue in your life is to accept that only you really have the ability to change how you deal with it. You have the ability to assess whether you are stuck and it’s time to move on to a new and more challenging job. You have the responsibility in your relationships to decide that your actions and reactions aren’t going to be the things that keep you stuck in a less than satisfying state.
What you do, once you accept the responsibility for getting yourself unstuck doesn’t mean that you go right to the boss and quit or that you go ask your spouse for a divorce. It means that you plan a course of action to get yourself out of the rut that you are stuck in. That may mean signing up for some classes to learn new skills for a new career or it may mean doing things with your life-partner that you usually don’t do – maybe signing up for ballroom dance lessons or something as simple as sitting down after work and talking with them for a while about your relationship or a small thing like going to church with them. What needs to happen is something that wasn’t happening before, something out of the ordinary, something that will help you get unstuck.
Men seem to have a much harder time getting unstuck in their relationships ruts, I suspect because it requires that they first admit that there is a problem and that they may be a part of the problem. Almost all of the TV ads that we see that are focused upon men seem to be focused upon sexual performance and none deal with emotional performance – the ability of the man to drop his guard and let his partner into his soul. That’s not considered to be manly. The problem is that we become stuck in that macho stereotype and can’t get out of that deep rut. Those who do find a way to get unstuck are able to
forge the deep, lasting relationships with their life-partners that you see depicted on 50th anniversary cards.
The challenge for today is for you to examine your own life and see if you can identify areas of it in which you are “stuck.” Once you can do that, the challenge becomes doing something about it and finding a way to get unstuck. Life’s ruts are not lined with Gorilla Glue. It is possible to go in new directions, to experience new challenges and the new joy of meeting those challenges. Get unstuck today. You’ll be happy that you did.