Celebrating with my soulmate…

August 2, 2016

“True love is finding your soulmate in your best friend.”  (Faye Hall) 

“‘Soulmate’ is an overused term, but a true soul connection is very rare, and very real.” (Hilary Duff)

“A soulmate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communicating and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace.”

—Thomas Moore

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”  (Emily Bronte)

I open with a bunch of quotes that help explain the depth of my personal joysoulmate3 of celebrating 50 years of marriage to my soulmate this month. Like most our relationship was born in the passionate heat of youthful physical attraction. For some that is all that there is in the relationship and when that cools a bit there is no substance left to hold things together. Others may also know the joy of finding the person that you had such physical passion for also turned out to be a soulmate, in the sense that Thomas Moore was describing.

My wife Carolyn is my best friend and my soulmate. We have been through too much together in 50 years of marriage to relate here; but, whatever we faced, soulmate1we faced together and I always knew that she had my back, just as I tried to have hers. As our relationship deepened and evolved it took on that somewhat weird characteristic in which we could somehow be having the same thoughts at about the same time, whether it was about where to go to eat on a weekend night or maybe what to do in certain life situations. Now, a case could be made that we just came to know each other’s tastes and tendencies so well that we are anticipating each other, but I’d submit that this is a part of being true soulmates – you just somehow know what the other person is thinking.

After 50 years of marriage, we are obviously entering the twilight of our lives and I can think of no one that I would rather watch life’s sunset with that her. Have we made each other mad on occasion? Have we disappointed each other from time to time? Have we ever been annoyed with each other? Sure to all of those; however, we always say “I love old cooupleyou” before we go to bed for the night. We get through life’s trials and tribulations. We go on and we find ways to be happy with what God has given us; instead of being envious or bitter about what we do not have. We have two wonderful children with great soulmates of their own and five fabulous grandchildren. We have a home we love in a super little Village and two great little furry companions to keep us smiling. We have a strong faith and a great church family and a circle of supportive friends. Life is good; but, best of all, we both have our soulmate and nothing could be better than that.

solmate2I sincerely hope that all of you who may read this have the great good fortune that I’ve had in my life and find (or have found) your soulmate. To steal a line from a popular commercial, “It doesn’t get any better than this!” May you find, or continue to be happy with, your soulmate. Like Emily Bronte I can truthfully say – Whatever our souls are made of, hers and mine are the same. I love you Carolyn. You are my best friend and my soulmate.

Three little words that can change your life…I love you. (1 of ?)

March 21, 2014

Today I start a new series of post without a clue as to how many there may be in the series. Sometimes the simplest little things can have big impact on our lives. In this series of posts I examine very short sentences (each just three words long) that can make a difference in your life. If you have a three word sentence that changed your life somehow, share it with me and I will share my comments on those words with the world.

loving coupleOK, let’s start with the biggie – “I love you.” I don’t know of to any other three word sentences that will follow in this series that can have the impact of those three, once you have the right person to share them with. Now, it’s true that you have probably used them before in your life, with family and maybe even with best friends; however, they take on a completely new level of meaning once you have found your life partner. I’ve been with my wife for 48 years now and we make it a point to say those three words to each other every day; and we mean it.

Getting to the “I love you” stage with someone else is not easy. Just saying it out loud is a challenge for some; but, once said, it becomes the most liberating, most warming and most comforting thing in your life. Not only does it make the person that you just said it too feel great; it makes you feel great, too. Why is that? Well, it has to do with letting your shields down and exposing yourself, your feelings, your dreams, your desires, and your hopes. You sort of lay it all out on the line when you use those three words with conviction. It is founded on trust and commitment to each other. When you find that special someone who reciprocates that love and openness you will also know what contentment is in your life.

Making sure that it is the right person to say those words to is why so many are so cautious, so slow to get to that point; especially if they’ve had an experience where their feeling s were not in sync with the other person. It’s a major “ouchie” when you’ve just laid your heart out there and it got stomped upon. That really doesn’t happen all that often, but the stories are out there to keep the fear level up. Yet, without taking that risk; without laying it on the line and exposing yourself to whatever is coming, you cannot and will not get to that point where the ultimate reply comes your way – “ love you, too.” SCORE!!!

And what about the “I’m just not ready to make a commitment” angle on this? That’s valid and there is no place in that relationship for the” I love you” words. Maybe “I lust you” fits better. That happens a lot before you are issued your big boy/girl panties.  It’s just a fact or stage of life. Most grow out of that stage and desire something more, something even more satisfying than good sex, in a relationship; some don’t and they make great TV shows about people like them. I won’t attempt to comment on who grows out of that stage first – men or women; but I suspect that we all have an idea on that. Just remember that Peter Pan, after all, was a boy who never grew up.

Great things happen when you finally get to that stage with someone. For one, you stop wasting a lot of time putting on young couplefalse pretenses; on trying to hide who are really are because you are concerned that you are not handsome/pretty enough or not refined enough or not interesting enough or not whatever enough. Enough already! Now you can just be you with someone that you have gotten to a point at which they accept you for who you are, just as you accept them for what and who they are.

So, once you get past the stage where “I love you” is written in tiny letters on a little candy heart that you give to someone on Valentine’s Day and when you move on from mistaking sex for love; then find that one person with whom you can share your life, let down your guard, say, “I love you” and understand what that really means. Those three words will change your life.