Focus on the important things…

April 28, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent April 30, 2021
“You’ll never reach your destination if you stop to throw stones at every dog that barks at you.” (Winston Churchill) There’s lots of “barking” going on these days. It reminds me of the carnival pitchmen (barkers) who’d try to get our attention. A friend of mine would say, “Jack, remember to make the main thing the main thing.” In other words, keep your focus on the important events, not the sideshow. I try to keep that in mind as I watch the news and read the ads. Churchill was a great leader, because he was able to focus. It makes for a more peaceful life too. 😉 Jack


As always, Jack’s words are resonant today as they were back in 2021. There may be different dogs barking today, but they are still only the sideshow. One of the traits of great leaders that Jack pointed out is the ability to identify and focus on the things that are really important in our lives.


For leaders of people or nations, the things that are important tend to have wide-ranging consequences that impact all, whether they be wars or economic trends or climate change. For us as individuals the important things most often involve interpersonal relationships – things that impact our wives, our children, our family or our friends.


We focus on providing for those that we love, so we work at jobs to earn the money to provide. For some the focus shifts from the reason that we work to the work itself, and career advancement becomes the most important thing for them. Becoming too focused upon one’s career is one of the main reasons that marriages fail, and families break up. There is a saying in business that “it’s lonely at the top”. Perhaps that is because so many interpersonal relationships were sacrificed to get there.


Another thing that sometimes get shoved down (sometimes completely off) the list of important things in our lives is our faith. Through much of the last half of the twentieth century and the first quarter of the 21st century church attendance has been declining. There are many reasons, but one cannot help but see the shift of attention away from this important matter and onto things that are just sideshows – the so-called “blue laws” that kept most stores closed on Sundays gave way to 24 hours a day seven days of the week sales and shopping, sports events or practices for children and adults became the focus for Sunday mornings, and we became more used to thinking of Sunday as a day to have fun than a day to worship.


So, maybe it is time to step back and re-look at what you have been focusing upon. What is really important in your life? Maybe you’ll discover that it is not what but who is important in your life. You will probably be able to come up with a short list of people whom you consider to be important. The longer you think about that and the more you re-arrange the list in order of importance the more God will advance up the list, until He takes His place at the top of the list.


Focus on the important things. If you make it back to that place where God is the most important thing in your life a strange thing happens – you stop hearing the barking dogs of life’s distractions. The fears and anxieties about things over which you have no real control anyway will melt away. As Jack puts it at the end of his remarks, it makes for a peaceful life.

Focus upon the important things!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Chose to do the right thing…it matters.

April 16, 2025


The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent April 6, 2016.
“The only alternative to co-existence is co-destruction.” (Nehru) There’s been some scary talk lately about the use of nuclear weapons. This world is better served by leaders who seek ways to co-exist with diversity than to work toward eradicating any way but “our” way. In any relationship there has to be give and take (bargaining) to make it work. The healthiest families have learned this. Even God bargains: “If you will be my people, I will be your God.” 😉 Jack


I suspect Jack would be appalled by today’s political environment in the United States. I know that if he were still alive he would not be silent about his displeasure with and opposition to the things happening here in America and around the world in places like Ukraine.


I am reminded of the words of Martin Luther King when he said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter”. There are lots of things that matter under attack right now. Many politicians (usually of a specific party) have chosen to remain silent about what is happening. Not so, obviously, for members of the other political party.


A key thing to watch and understand is why these politicians are remaining silent (or in some cases even defending the wrongs that they see happening). Just like children, they are succumbing to bullying. They are afraid, and in that fear their cowardice and sense of self-preservation overcomes their basic sense of right and wrong. Indeed, some have even convinced themselves that what they see happening is right and good.


Let me stop here and state that I do not disagree that there are many things that need to be fixed or corrected. The issue for me and I suspect many others is the approach that is being taken to solving those problems. That concern about the approach is also what seems to be driving so many of the judicial restraining orders and temporary halts to actions being taken to solve the problems.


Can federal employees be fired or laid off? Certainly, just not in the capricious ways that are currently being employed. Can illegal immigrants be deported? Of course, just not without some level of due process ,as we are currently seeing. Can people disagree with what is happening and voice that disagreement, whether in peaceful protest or in news articles or broadcasts. Yes, that is a fundamental right in the Constitution.


So here we are. People are being rounded up, shipped off to holding facilities thousands of miles from their family and friend or put on planes and flown to foreign prisons all without due process. Major decisions that should be considered, debated and voted upon by our elected representatives are now made by decree. And the restructuring of the federal bureaucracy, which certainly can be defended as being justified and long overdue, continues at a chaotic and destructive pace with no thought or plan in evidence.


While the current politicians in power appear to have chosen the co-destruction option, there is still hope that sanity and some latent sense of right and wrong will prevail. However, we cannot just sit on the sidelines and hope for the best. We must not be silent about things that matter. It is up to each of us and all of us to resist what we know is wrong, even in the face of the bullying that we know will come as a result. What form that resistance takes is also up to each of us. What will you do? It matters.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Have no regrets…

April 2, 2025


“Minimize regret by making decisions based on who you are, not who you wish you were.” (Unknown)
I recently saw that saying somewhere on-line (I can’t remember where). I Googled it and it turned out to closely match the sayings of a life coach who teaches people how to make decisions with minimal regrets. Who knew such people exist?


The other thing that comes up when you Google that phrase are stories about how Jeff Bezos made his decision to leave the Wall Street world and start Amazon. Out of his experiences has come a concept called the Regret Framework, a methodology for making decisions with minimal regret potential. I had no idea that a whole framework existed for avoiding regrets.


While interesting in the context of decision making, I think the basic concept of accepting and understanding who you are and using that understanding as the foundation for living your life is the key. I have posted here before about accepting and loving yourself (see Love Yourself First, and Forgive Yourself). Those are ways that you acknowledge and accept who you are. When you do that, you let go of the burden that comes with trying to be like someone else and can focus on just being the best you that you can be. You will have no regrets.


Our measurement-oriented society does not make living without regrets easy. From a very young age we are encouraged (indeed required) to measure ourselves against others. It is not just about how you did; it is about how did you do against Billy or Sally? Everything becomes a contest where there are declared winners and losers. Regrets are associated with being the loser in whatever it is. Those are most often self-inflicted regrets. Stop measuring yourself against others. You will have no regrets.


One of the organizations that has rejected that scenario is the Special Olympics, where every participant in an event is considered to be a winner for having tried their best. Everyone gets a medal and no one has to have regrets. Be the best participant in life that you can be. You will have no regrets.


If you accept and learn to love who you are you will have no need to measure yourself against others. You will stop trying to meet expectations based upon someone that you wished you could be. You allow yourself to be happy with what you were able to accomplish. You will have no regrets.


Forgiving yourself and accepting yourself are both solitary experiences and one might think that you will feel lonely in such experiences. I posted about that to in Don’t be lonely…love yourself. You will have no regrets.


If you find that you need a framework for your life so that you don’t end up with regrets, look to your faith. There are tons of examples and guidance for a regret free life to be found in the Bible. No better example for living a regret-free life exists than Jesus. Jesus does not ask that you measure yourself against him. Rather he sets the example of what to strive for, His life provides goals for us to use for our lives. Keep those goals in mind and You will have no regrets.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Vividly experience the opportunities that life gives you…

January 14, 2025

“In the pursuit of extraordinary performance, it’s easy to succumb to anxiety and pressure, because so much is out of your control. When you learn to live a life that is fully engaged, however, then you can perform your best and love the challenge. Every performance, presentation, or problem you face is an opportunity to learn and grow and vividly experience each moment.” From “Inner Excellence”, written by performance coach Jim Murphy.


Life’s opportunities come in all sizes, shapes and forms. Some are purely pleasurable, simple and straightforward. Some are mysterious or complex. Some are frightening. All are new. How you react and what you do when presented with a new opportunity will determine the satisfaction that you get out of life. Get fully engaged in life.

Some spend their lives trying to avoid or run away from the opportunities (or challenges) that life presents. They may choose never to take a chance for fear of losing, looking bad or getting hurt. That can extend to relationships with others. Some may never ask that special girl (or guy) out for a date or to dance for fear of rejection. Some may never experience the exhilaration of a roller coaster ride out of fear of injury or thoughts about some catastrophic failure of the ride. Some may choose to limit themselves because they don’t want to do the work necessary to get ahead or make a change. Get fully engaged in life.


I suspect that many hesitate in the face of an opportunity because they see it as one big whole thing that must be tackled all at once. In most cases, whatever the challenge is that one is facing, it can be broken down into smaller manageable and achievable steps. One just needs to take the time to think about it in that way and then commit to taking the first small step. Once you have taken two or three of those small steps you will feel a sense of momentum that will propel you towards the solution or end point – you will be living in the moment, vividly learning and growing from the experience. Get fully engaged in life.


Force yourself out of your comfort zone a few times and vividly experience the feelings of success or even of failure (from which you learn) and live in the moment. You may find yourself enjoying the feelings that you experience, even the temporary fears. People will often use the phrase, “I never felt more alive” to explain their emotions during those moments. You will never have those feelings in your safe, daily routine. Get fully engaged in life.


So, get engaged, scare yourself a little and experience life by accepting and taking on the challenges that life throws your way. Learn, grow and vividly experience every moment. Get fully engaged in life.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Let it heal…

January 13, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/13/25 – Originally sent January 13, 201
“Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo.” (Jon Sinclair) My temptation is to comment about tattoos, but Sinclair’s words are about failure and how to overcome it. Jerome Kern wrote: “When my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.” There’s book by Robert Schuller titled “Tough Times Never Last, Tough People Do.” I’ve known some tough people in my life. Perhaps you have, too. They’re an inspiration for us to hang in there! 😉 Jack


I like the opening quote by Sinclair that Jack used in today’s Winning Words. Some people let the adversity or failures that they’ve had in life become tattoos for all to see and that defines them. Some, like people with tattoos sometimes do, cover them up so that others can’t see them; but they’re still there impacting their lives. Life’s adversities do not tattoo you; rather, they leave a bruise. Let it heal.


I’m not sure that I agree with the book title from Schuller’s book. The image that it conjures up is one of sucking it up and fighting your way through adversity, injury or disappointment. It seems to invoke an image of overcoming rather than accepting. The fact is that it (whatever it is) happened and there is nothing that you can do to change that. What you can change is how you react to whatever it is. Anger, denial, remorse or fear are all negative reactions. Toughing your way through it is just a self-serving form of denial. All of those reactions are based on the mistaken belief that you have (or had) some level of control over the situation or events. The sooner you give up that delusion the faster the bruise that the event caused can heal. Let it heal.


A good way to start the healing process is to admit that you are not in control, you cannot change the past, and you need help with the healing process. I use a simple little prayer to get into that state of mind – “Not my will, but thy will be done.” It is amazing how emancipating that little prayer can be. In one sentence you surrender to God’s will. I also use a little phrase that I remember from my youth – “a little help here.” God knows what help you need and was just waiting for you to ask for help. Let God help. Let it heal.


Perhaps we should add a little to Kerns advice – “When my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up, dust myself off, start all over again and let the bruise heal.” In some big failures there may be a scar left after the healing, but that just adds to your character and wisdom. Move on and let it heal.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Learn from experience, don’t regret it…

September 10, 2024

The Best of  Jack’s Winning Words 9/9/24 – Originally sent June 20, 2013

“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.” (Victoria Holt) Victoria was an English writer of romance novels. Her quote could probably apply to some situations in her fiction. It could also relate to some everyday life experiences. You can find both romance and “the pits” in relationships, if that’s what you’re looking for. The key is to realize that life has ups and downs. So don’t regret, live a little, and learn a lot. 😉  Jack  

I like a line from the song “My Way”, made famous by Frank Sinatra, says, “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention.”

A setback or a failure, maybe a rejection or disappointment, every bad experience can be turned into a learning experience instead of a regret if we handle it the right way. What is the right way to handle the bad things in life? Maybe it begins by not taking everything so personally. Life and God aren’t out to get you. Most of the time other people who might have been a part of it did not do whatever it is purposefully to hurt you (bullying is the exception to that).

Things just happen, both good and bad and you can’t control that. What you can control is how you react to the things that happen around you or to you. You can stop and think before you react. If another person is out of control in the situation, you can try to be the calm voice of reason, rather than contributing to the chaos by joining in.

Most of the time, even in bad situations, things aren’t really out of control, it’s just your reactions that might need reining in. Some of the biggest things that might be driving your over reaction are anger, fear, stress or grief. Just stopping to ask yourself, “Am I angry at something or someone? Am I afraid of something or someone? What is it that has me stressed out? Or, what loss in my life is causing this grief?

Force yourself to ask and then force yourself to answer. Why? Because now you have started an intellectual conversation with yourself that will also force you to deal with whatever it is by asking, What can I learn from this?

Sometimes what you learn is that you need to take the time to have a good cry, to get them out and let the emotions wash over you for a few moments. A god cry can be a catharsis in moments of grief.

Sometimes you may just need to take a deep breath and retake control over a fear, usually by realizing that it is unfounded. Or maybe that deep breath will help you realize that the stress that you were feeling is a self-inflicted thing that you can control.

Many times, you may find that the anger that you were experiencing is anger at yourself. Go ahead and call yourself a name or whack yourself in the face. Doing either will allow you to see the stupidity and humor of the situation and free you to take the next step of forgiving yourself.

So it’s not really good or bad. It’s all good, so long as you learn from it. Just don’t regret it.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t abuse yourself…Get the help that you need!

October 4, 2019

In today’s post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog, Jack used this quote –

“Take care of your body.  It’s the only place you have to live.”  (Jim Rohn)

One of our local Chamber of Commerce members is Nancy McDaniels, who is a personal trainer. Nancy uses a tag line that is similar – “Remember that your body is the only place that you have to live.”

While today’s post title may sound like I’m talking about active self-destructive behavior in which you abuse your body, it is just as much about just letting your body (or mind) go to pot as anything. Doing nothing is a popular option when contemplating following the proper diet and doing the exercise that you should be doing routinely. However, doing nothing is not a benign option; it is a destructive choice that too many people allow to rule their lives. Doing nothing is as abusive as doing obviously harmful things.

The body needs regular exercise to maintain muscle tone and to retain balance and flexibility. Up until he was on his deathbed, my grandfather had a daily morning routine in which he ran through a series of stretching and movement exercises to maintain his body. He lived to be 98. My father did not follow that example and only lived into his mid-70’s. Unfortunately, lately I have been more like my father than my grandfather. I need to get back to a regular routine of exercising.

Sometimes we all need someone else to prod us into doing the things that we should be doing. In the case of your physical health that somebody is often a personal trainer. Just joining a gym or health club isn’t really enough, just like buying an exercise bike for your home isn’t usually successful either. Both are easy to blow off when you have no one to hold you accountable. That’s one of the roles of the personal trainer.

In addition to abusing your body by not exercising regularly, one can abuse themselves mentally by getting down on themselves all the time or allowing themselves to be mentally overwhelmed into a state of depression. Often the root cause of alcoholism this feeling of being overwhelmed and seeing alcohol as the way to feel better. That is not the answer!

I’ve also posted here a few times about the importance of loving yourself – See https://normsmilfordblog.com/2019/02/18/start-your-day-with-love-and-the-rest-will-take-care-of-itself/ or

https://normsmilfordblog.com/2019/04/25/look-within-first/

The point of these posts, and others that I’ve done on that topic, is that you must deal with your own self-image and get comfortable with who you are, in order to keep yourself mentally healthy.  Only then will you really be able to deal with the things that life throws at you that initially may seem to be overwhelming.

The feeling of being overwhelmed can quickly spiral into depression if you can’t deal with it. Depression can be as debilitating as an injury or physical illness.  Dealing with depression requires that you have some ability to identify it and I posted about that.

See – https://normsmilfordblog.com/2016/11/24/what-does-depression-feel-like/

Depression is seldom something that you should try to deal with alone; so, knowing when and how to ask for help is important. Maybe you will be on the other side, providing that help.

See –  https://normsmilfordblog.com/2016/12/12/get-help-give-help/

The take-away from all of this is that one needs to be proactive in managing both their physical and mental health. In both cases, there is positive impact to be had from engaging an outside party as your coach or councilor. Both your physical well being and your mental state can severely impact your body and that really is the only place that you have to live.

Don’t continue to abuse yourself; get the help that you need to keep your mind and body in great shape, whether that is a personal trainer or perhaps a mental health counselor.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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