Where’s that man gone?

July 29, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent August 3, 2018. Reposts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.

Mark Twain

“Never lie to someone who trusts you and never trust someone who lies to you.” (Mark Twain) I read that 60% of people will lie at least once during a 10-minute conversation – little white lies, mostly. Whatever…truth is taking a beating these days. We used to believe: “A man’s as good as his word.” Where’s that man gone? If we’re to have a culture of believability, it has to start with us. Lying, as a norm, is unacceptable. We can do better than that. 😉  Jack

 We have lots of new terms to cover lying, especially in the current political environment – misinformation…disinformation…fake news…and more. Twain would have simplified them all as lies. Although often attributed to Arthur Schopenhauer, Twain is also credited with saying, “All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” We have certainly witnessed a lot of the ridicule and violent opposition stages in recent years.

I think the key takeaway from Jack’s post is that if we want the culture to change it has to start with us. We can and should be doing better in our own day-to-day loves by embracing and living in an honest and ruthful way. We must be honest not only with others but with ourselves, too. There are no “little white lies”, there are just lies, especially when we are lying to ourselves.

The lies that we tell ourselves are especially insidious because they encourage us to lie to others about things such as how we feel or what we believe. Many times, the lies that we tell ourselves are really just excuses – excuses for failures, excuses for things that we have done and for things that we have left undone.

In the prayers of confession that start our church service each week we pray for forgiveness for things that we ‘ve done and things that we’ve left undone. Perhaps we also need t forgive ourselves in order to move on with life. I wrote about forgiving yourself back in 2022 – see https://normsmilfordblog.com/2022/10/08/forgive-yourselffree-yourselfmove-on/

So, stop lying to yourself and to others. Forgive yourself for things that are in your past and move on. You will have no need for lies. The creation of a culture of believability starts with you. Jack asked where has that man gone? Answer by saying, “He is here, I am him”. We can do netter than that and it starts with us.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Believe in yourself…

June 15, 2025

Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent 5/16/19 – Reprints from pasts to his blog by the late Rev. Jack Freed.

“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch, but on her own wings.  Always believe in yourself.”  (Unknown)  In the Bible Paul wrote to some friends of his…”I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”  As I look back on my life, I see times when God has entered life events and given me a kind of power to persevere.  As the bird trusts in its wings, I trust in God’s omnipresence.   😉  Jack

Unspoken in the quote about the bird and its ability to fly is that the ability to fly is a God given ability. So, too, is the ability to believe in yourself when the going gets tough and to persevere through adversity. There are many places in the bible that talk about God helping people, but nowhere does it say that he did it himself; rather it always talks about God giving the believer the strength, the courage and the self-belief to do it themselves. Believe in yourself.

Fear is the root cause of self-doubt and the major thing that holds us back from doing the things that we want to do. It may be fear of failure or fear of looking foolish or some other fear, but the bedrock upon which all fear is based is the fear of death. That is why a strong belief in God and the acceptance of God in your life can help you overcome those other fears. Acceptance of God through Jesus means that you accept that you will have eternal life beyond your physical death. You need not fear death and after that not fearing other things becomes easier. Believe in yourself.

Believing in yourself does not mean displaying bravado. Indeed, many people who display bravado do so as much to try to convince themselves as to convince others of their bravery. The term foolhardy often follows closely behind such displays. Believing in yourself will give you a quiet sense of confidence with which to proceed, no matter what the outcome. That belief allows you to try and it also encompasses the ability to deal with the adversity of a failure (when the branch breaks out from under you) and learn from it. Believe in yourself.

If you watch much sports on TV you will often see elite athletes who have just accomplished something (winning a race, scoring a goal or making a touchdown) pointing to heaven and thanking God. They also mention God in interviews after the event, often saying that God gave them the ability to do what they did. They may also say that they believed they could do it and that was the key for them. Believe in yourself.

Believing in yourself my sound like it is self-centered and egotistical and it would be if it were not centered around your belief in God. Romans 8:31 says “If God is with us, who can stand against us?”  So, in reality when you say that you believe in yourself you are saying I believe in God. Just do it. Believe in yourself.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Focus on the important things…

April 28, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent April 30, 2021
“You’ll never reach your destination if you stop to throw stones at every dog that barks at you.” (Winston Churchill) There’s lots of “barking” going on these days. It reminds me of the carnival pitchmen (barkers) who’d try to get our attention. A friend of mine would say, “Jack, remember to make the main thing the main thing.” In other words, keep your focus on the important events, not the sideshow. I try to keep that in mind as I watch the news and read the ads. Churchill was a great leader, because he was able to focus. It makes for a more peaceful life too. 😉 Jack


As always, Jack’s words are resonant today as they were back in 2021. There may be different dogs barking today, but they are still only the sideshow. One of the traits of great leaders that Jack pointed out is the ability to identify and focus on the things that are really important in our lives.


For leaders of people or nations, the things that are important tend to have wide-ranging consequences that impact all, whether they be wars or economic trends or climate change. For us as individuals the important things most often involve interpersonal relationships – things that impact our wives, our children, our family or our friends.


We focus on providing for those that we love, so we work at jobs to earn the money to provide. For some the focus shifts from the reason that we work to the work itself, and career advancement becomes the most important thing for them. Becoming too focused upon one’s career is one of the main reasons that marriages fail, and families break up. There is a saying in business that “it’s lonely at the top”. Perhaps that is because so many interpersonal relationships were sacrificed to get there.


Another thing that sometimes get shoved down (sometimes completely off) the list of important things in our lives is our faith. Through much of the last half of the twentieth century and the first quarter of the 21st century church attendance has been declining. There are many reasons, but one cannot help but see the shift of attention away from this important matter and onto things that are just sideshows – the so-called “blue laws” that kept most stores closed on Sundays gave way to 24 hours a day seven days of the week sales and shopping, sports events or practices for children and adults became the focus for Sunday mornings, and we became more used to thinking of Sunday as a day to have fun than a day to worship.


So, maybe it is time to step back and re-look at what you have been focusing upon. What is really important in your life? Maybe you’ll discover that it is not what but who is important in your life. You will probably be able to come up with a short list of people whom you consider to be important. The longer you think about that and the more you re-arrange the list in order of importance the more God will advance up the list, until He takes His place at the top of the list.


Focus on the important things. If you make it back to that place where God is the most important thing in your life a strange thing happens – you stop hearing the barking dogs of life’s distractions. The fears and anxieties about things over which you have no real control anyway will melt away. As Jack puts it at the end of his remarks, it makes for a peaceful life.

Focus upon the important things!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Before it’s too late…

April 15, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent July 24, 2010
“Why do people always apologize to corpses?” (David Brin) Recently I saw an article about how to say, “I’m sorry.” The writer suggested that empathy (putting yourself in the other’s place) is the start of a good apology. Besides that, people who apologize tend to have better mental health. Oftentimes we will make an admission of guilt but fall short of asking for forgiveness. They go together. “I’m sorry! Forgive me!”. How about sharing those words with someone today…before it’s too late. 😉 Jack


Jack’s advice to do it now, before it’s too late, is valid for apologizing and asking for forgiveness from others and for admitting your own mistakes and forgiving yourself. It is as big of a mistake to go to the grave with guilt and remorse things that you should have forgiven yourself for doing (or not doing) as it is to wait too long to apologize and as for forgiveness from someone who has died.


People don’t realize how debilitating remorse can be to their own health. It can deprive them of sleep and will certainly deprive them of being as happy as they otherwise might be. Don’t wait. Deal with it. Forgive yourself and move on.


Some may ask, how do I apologize to myself and forgive myself? Whatever it was that you have remorse for having done (or not done) was likely offensive to God, too. It may be easier to first apologize to God and ask his forgiveness.


So, take Jack’s advice and use the words that he recommended in a prayer – “God, I’m sorry for what I have done (or not done). [You may wish to insert the details of your transgression here.] Please forgive me.” You will likely feel an immediate sense of relief for having ask for God’s forgiveness and that will make it easier for you to forgive yourself.


While you are in that positive frame of mind it is a great time to take the next step and unburden yourself of the false belief that you can control the things happening in your life. As long as you are already talking to God, you might as well go ahead and add the little prayer that I use a lot – “Not my will, but thy will be done.”

walking man


Doing both of those things will free you from the guilt of things in your past and the anxiety about things in your future. You will be free to live in the moment, and that’s a good thing.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Keep hope alive in your life…

April 2, 2025


The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent February 6, 2019. Reposts of some of the blog posts of the late Rev. Jack Freed
“When the world says, ‘Give up,’ hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.” (Unknown) The Little Engine That Could reminds me of the importance of not giving up. A similar one is, “Never, never, never give up!”, said by Churchill during WW II. Every life has some tough times. We all, at one time or another, need some encouragement to hang in there, to keep on trying, and to keep fighting for what we know is right. 😉 Jack

Like most people, I suspect, when the talk turns to never giving up and hope, we tend to imagine tough times or big, important matters or great challenges. The truth is that our everyday lives are full of those little moments of decisions on whether to give up on something or someone or try one more time. In fact, our relationships in life are constantly being challenged by situations or decisions in which it might seem to be easier for us to make the choice to give up, rather than continue to deal with the issues or the other person.

Marriages are the perfect example of the need to “try one more time”, rather than give up. One might also “try to be more understanding” or perhaps “try to be more patient” also, but first one must “try one more time.” Hope in a marriage can be as strong as the love that brought you together and is sometimes stronger than love in keeping couples together.

Certainly, there are situations where the correct choice is to give up and move on. Abusive relationships should be abandoned rather than continuing to hold onto hope that the abusive partner will change. Maybe hope should whisper, “try something different” in that case. That is hoping for a better life, the life that you deserve.

I think it is important to keep hope alive in your daily life. Hope is a positive thing and having hope can put you in a positive frame of mind. Losing hope or drifting away from having hope in your life every day can lead to depression and despair.

Faith is based upon hope and faith can reinforce hope. Perhaps if one starts each day by touching base with their faith and gaining the reassurance that God is always with them it will help them renew and reinvigorate their hopes. If nothing else, a quiet moment of faith each day helps remove the fear of being alone in one’s hopes. Faith in God’s promise of life after death is the ultimate hope.

So, keep hope alive in your daily life. Don’t give up on things or people. Have faith and listen to the quiet voice of hope and “Try one more time.” You’ll be glad that you did.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Try giving some slack and a hug…

March 7, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent February 24, 2015.
“The ones who are hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most.” (Peaceful Warrior) When my sister would meet up with someone who wasn’t particularly likeable, she would bake a batch of cookies and give it to that person the next time they met. It’s surprising how often the relationship changed into a more positive one. I’ve found that angry people usually have other issues in their life, so I try hard to give them some slack. 😉 Jack


I’m sure that we have all met someone who is not very likeable, maybe even hostile. Is your immediate reaction to try to love them or to ignore them or to be hostile in return? It is not usually our knee jerk reaction to reach out and hug someone who is being unfriendly or unlikeable in some way.


Jesus said in Matthew 5:43-45 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven”.


So, Jesus wants us to go beyond just giving them a little slack. He wants us to love them, to pray for them, and I’m sure somewhere in there he wants us to forgive them if they have wronged us in the process of being unlikeable. I think it is important to keep the message from Peaceful Warrior in mind that these are people who most need your understanding, forgiveness and friendship.


Perhaps baking a batch of cookies for them would still work, but you can get started by just being as pleasant as you can towards them the next time that you meet. Avoiding them is not helpful to them or you. You must engage them if you are ever to find out what their real issues are. You have to go slow on that. Asking, “What’s your problem?” is more harmful that saying nothing at all. Whatever the issue or problem is will come out eventually.


Sometime just being willing to listen is the best approach. It is natural that people want to share whatever it is that is bothering them and causing them to act the way that they are. For unlikeable people the issue is often anger; anger at some recent event that they can’t change and need to vent about. Listen patiently and do not try to jump in with an answer or to say, “I understand”; you don’t. Just be empathetic and sympathetic and let them get it off their chest.


The process of venting and getting it off their chest is often cathartic enough to change them from an unlikeable person into someone who could be your friend. At the minimum, since they have unloaded their issue on you, you now represent someone that they can trust or at least talk to and that will change their approach to you.


Initially cutting them some slack at least partially defuses the situation; however, what Jesus commands and what Peaceful Warrior was pointing to is the need for you to take positive actions to love that unlikeable person and in the process help both of you.


Now get out there and find someone that you may think is unlikable and give them a hug.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Look for the value in others…

March 5, 2025


The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent March 1, 2017

“Your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” (Unknown) One of the things I like about Jesus is how he sees value in what some see as worthless. “Come to me, all you who are poor and heavy-laden.” He was criticized for hanging out with the riff-raff, but he did that because he saw the value in all. Remember…you have value, even if others don’t see it. 😉 Jack

Jesus saw the value in others because he took the time to look beyond the superficial surface that others saw and saw into their hearts. Sometimes the most honest person you’ll meet is the one who seems to have the least. They have nothing to be pretentious about and most times are thankful for what little they have.


As a society, to often we tend to judge the value of others based upon their apparent wealth or their position – in what we can “see”. We equate their “worth” with what they are worth in monetary or power terms, instead of their value as a human being.


If we take the time to think about it, those whose wealth or power is on obvious display deserve our pity more than our admiration or envy. In Matthew 19:24 Jesus said, “I’ll say it again-it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!” Why? Because the rich man is burdened and blinded by all his possessions, wealth and/or power.


So how is one to evaluate the “worth” of someone else; how can we see their value. You cannot stand off and see or understand the worth of another person. The term “mien” describes what the world sees in one’s face when they are at rest or neutral about things. Most of us are unaware of the mien that our face presents to the world.


We might be surprised to learn that other people think we are unhappy or even mad, based on how our face looks when we are not trying to have any look at all. To find out how your mien looks, have a friend or family member take a snapshot of you when you aren’t expecting it. Did your mien surprise you?

The only real way to try to evaluate someone’s worth is to engage with them in conversation. One can tell quite a bit about the values, beliefs and prejudices of someone else by engaging in a serious conversation. Keep in mind that there is worth finding out about differing opinions that others have on things and different frames of reference from which they draw conclusions. Perhaps that is the real value of them – their different view of things. How boring life would be if everyone had the same opinions on everything. You don’t have to agree with them, but you may be forced to reexamine your own point of view.


So, rather than avoiding those who have different points of view on life, one should engage them and try to understand their perspective on life. You might even learn a thing or two about yourself. Look for the value in others to better understand your own value to others.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t waste your time…

February 14, 2025


The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally posted August 10, 2017.


“Life appears to me too short to be spent nursing animosities.” (Charlotte Bronte) In Alice in Wonderland, White Rabbit says: “So little time. So much to do.” I’m on the same page with him. So was Jim Croce. “There never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do.” Even though you might not want to do it, Bronte suggests that getting rid of animosity is one thing that needs doing before life’s end. If you have a hatchet that needs burying, do it today. 😉 Jack


Animosity is just one of the timewasters that I can think of. Others include hate, prejudice, jealousy, and envy. Putting those things behind you allows you to focus your energy on positive things and relationships.


Letting animosities fester many times leads to wasting even more time plotting revenge and always takes you to a dark place where you really don’t want to be. Revenge, like the animosity that drives that need is best relegated to the rubbish bin. The old saw that “revenge is a dish best served cold” should be replaced with “revenge is a dish best not served at all.”
Perhaps it is the wisdom that comes with getting old that has helped me see this more clearly now. Time for an elderly person becomes the most precious thing that they have and they don’t want to waste it on unimportant things like animosities.


In the song “Let it be” written by John Lennon he appeals to the virgin Mary, but it can be generalized as an appeal to God. The reply from Mary (God) in the song for dealing with adversities is, “Let it be.” Jesus used the phrase “Be at peace”, which may be thought of as a way to let it be. That is good advice or dealing with animosities and other hatred that may be controlling your life.


The quickest way that I’ve fond to let it be and be at peace is to surrender to God’s will with the little prayer, “Not my will but thy will be done.” That little prayer takes whatever it may be that is consuming you off your plate and hands it to God. There is a palpable sense of relief that will come over you if you sincerely pray that prayer.


So, don’t waste your time holding grudges and animosities. Life is too short. Give those things to God. Let it be and be at peace.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Heaven Help US…

November 4, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 11/4/24 – Originally sent October 17, 2016.
“Do not be afraid…for the Lord will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) Are you one who fears what will happen after Election Day? I ask you to reread the quote from Joshua. A new book by David Gushee has the sub-title, From Fear To Faith In Unsettled Times. Its purpose is to help the believer think through the societal changes of today and move from fear to faith. All sorts of fears can consume us. “Be not afraid…The Lord will be there after Election Day.” 😉 Jack

There is a large dose of irony to be found in the repost of the words that Jack wrote in 2016 on the eve of that year’s election. We find ourselves once again is the situation where Donald Trump is running against a female opponent, who would be the first woman to ever be elected to the Presidency. This year the first would also include that she would be the first female of color to be elected.

The world did not end after that election, but it certainly changed quite a bit. Your political preferences will dictate whether you view those changes as good or bad. The world will not end this year when the election results are in; however, it is likely to change significantly once again. What will not change is that God will still be there, no matter who wins. Perhaps times like this and the change like that which is to come that make the constant presence of God in our lives all the more important.

So, don’t panic this week if your candidate doesn’t win. Instead put your faith in God and remember that He is with you always. Turning to your faith is times like this helps put things into perspective. In Mark 12:17 Jesus said, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” Caesar represented the government back then. The political parties and the candidates make up government today. Just keep in mind that the things that are important –faith, love and family – come from God, not the government.

So, get out and vote; but remember “Do not be afraid…for the Lord will be with you wherever you go.”

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t stress out, get stronger instead…

October 1, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 9/30/24 – Originally sent September 24, 2021.
“It is how people respond to stress that determines whether they will profit from misfortune or be miserable.” (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi) Cardiologists use stress tests to warn people if they need to “slow down” before the heart reaches the breaking point. Many things, besides a treadmill, can put the heart under stress. Maybe it’s the job, listening to the news, or a relationship that’s not going well. Stress can cause misery, but it can also make us stronger. Athletes stress their bodies when training to be stronger when it matters. If you’re dealing with stress, try to build strength from it. It isn’t easy, but it can work. 😉  Jack

Let’s begin by admitting that much, if not most, of the stress in our lives is what might be called a self-inflicted wound. It is us reacting badly to what are largely imagined things. I’ve commented here many times about how wonderful the human mind is at imagining all of the possible bad outcomes to almost any situation. Imagination is a powerful human thing that has led to all sorts of useful inventions and discoveries; however, it has also led to many cases of psychosis and even to depression. Stress feeds our imagination and then feeds on what our imagination has conjured up. That is a powerful loop which is sometimes hard to break.

Stress is a fellow traveler with fear, anger, remorse, regret and other negative reactions that we have to life’s twists and turns, whether they are expected or not. Since stress is mainly self-imposed, it is usually up to us to deal with it ourselves. I have danced around this issue before. On August 8, 2015 posted “Dealing with Life’s Problems” and on August 3, 2022, penned the post “Dump Your Ego and Find Peace”. In both cases I was discussing how to deal with things that would cause stress in your life.

One of the keys to dealing with life and stress is to be able to Forgive Yourself. Which I posted about this on August 12, 2021. Since you may being stressed because you are beating yourself up about something that you did or maybe that you did not do; you need to forgive yourself before you can move on. Sometimes it helps to realize that God forgives you, whatever it is. And if God can forgive you, who are you to go against God’s will and continue to beat yourself up? Surrender to Gods will byu using the little prayer that I use in my posts quite often – “Not my will, but Thy will be done.”

If you can get top that point and honestly use that prayer, you will be surprised how quickly the stress fades away. You might also be surprised how much stronger you feel after that. Why? Because you have taken control of yourself by trusting God with your life.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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