Be brave and dare to love someone…

November 17, 2022

A couple of quotes in my saved quote file just seemed to fit together this morning –

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” (Anaïs Nin)

“Love comes… when you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.” (Joyce Brothers)

There is little else that expands one’s life as much as sharing love with another person. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to share that love takes the courage to dare that you could be hurt, especially if your love is not returned. Yet, even unrequited love expands your life, since you become more aware of your ability to love someone else.

Loving someone else does not have to be restricted to romantic love. When you form strong bonds with friends it’s often because you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable with them, perhaps sharing secrets or dreams or fears. By opening yourself up and sharing personal things with them your life has expanded to take them into your personal space. Sometimes that may prove to be a mistake, but most times they reciprocate by also sharing parts of their life with you that are their secretes. Think of your BFF’s and the things that you each shared with the other. That took courage.

Being brave enough to keep trying for friendship or love means being able to overcome the disappointments of past attempts that did not work out. In almost all cases it means being able to forgive and move on. I’ve posted here many times about forgiveness – forgiving others who might have hurt you by betraying the thrust that you placed in them; as well as forgiving yourself for misreading the situation and placing trust in someone who was not ready to honor or return that trust.

The bruise that is left by a betrayed trust or an unrequited love can be deep, but it will heal if you let it. Sometimes it is important to forgive yourself first and then move on to forgive the others. That is why Jesus included in the prayer that he taught the disciples in the Lord’s Prayer that they needed to forgive nor only their own transgressions but those who transgressed against them. I chose that version of the wording of the prayer because the word “transgressions” seems to have wider and more inclusive meaning that the word “sins”.

Don’t let your life shrink into loneliness. Put yourself out there and life will become expansive for you. Have the courage to keep being vulnerable, to keep making new friends or searching for love. 

Dare to love and you will find love in return.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Grow up and be you…

February 21, 2022

I saw this quote on-line somewhere and decided to save it – “It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.” – E.E. Cummings

It seems to pair nicely with one that I saved from the Jack’s Winning Words blog – “The thing about chameleoning your way through life is that it gets to where nothing is real.” (John Green)

Too many young people try to chameleon their way through life, emulating the look and life of their favorite rock or movie star or maybe just someone else at their school or in their circle of friends. Some fear being unpopular of they allow others to see them as they really are or maybe they just don’t think who they really are is very interesting. It takes a while for the young, or any of us, to discover and understand themselves. It may take even longer to accept that understanding and have the courage to be who we really are.

Another quote that I’ve had hanging around for quite some time seems appropriate to this post – “If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?”  Gloria Steinem

Obviously, the foot is who you really are and the shoe is who you have been trying to be (or to be like). You must have the courage to be who you really are and to learn to love being that person. I’ve posted here a few times on loving yourself, which means loving who you are. If you can’t love who you’ve become, work on becoming a better you, someone that you can love, not on trying to be like someone else.

So, stop being a chameleon, get real and summon up the courage to be who you really are. You’ll feel better about yourself and I think you’ll find that others feel better about you, too. Those “friends” who only liked the person that you were pretending to be weren’t really your friends at all. You will find new friends who are attracted to and like the person you really are, and they are your true friends.

Grow up and be you.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Be brave and be at peace…

August 10, 2021

I saw this quote recently and knew that it was worthy of a blog post – Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace. (Amelia Earhart)

Think about it. Can you be at peace if you are consumed by the Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda’s? We get those thoughts about things that we didn’t do because we didn’t have the courage to try at the time they occurred.

One can find peace, even in failure, if you tried your best, but just fell short of achieving your goal. Many athletes find solace in a losing effort if they achieved their personal best in the effort. For others, just the fact that they tried and didn’t quit gives them peace.

We can learn from efforts that were not successful, but we get nothing but regrets for attempts not made due to a lack of courage. The road to mediocrity and unhappiness branches off from the road not taken due to fears, uncertainties and doubts.

Perhaps you can add to your prayers this thought – “God grant me peace by giving me the courage to try.” At the end of each day, if you can look back without regrets for not even trying new things or having the courage to meet new people, you will find yourself at peace.

There is much to learn from the motto of the athletes that compete in Special Olympics events – “Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt.”

If you can live your life with that motto in mind you will find yourself at peace with yourself and the world.  Be brave and be at peace…

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Posted by Norm Werner

Who are you living for?

April 23, 2021

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” – from The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, a 2012 book by Australian author Bronnie Ware.

Does Ware’s regret apply to you? Are you living your life trying to meet the expectations of others? How would your life be different if you where living it true to yourself?

The regret that Ware postulates is actually quite common, whether we are aware of it or not. From a very young age we are “conditioned” to consider what others think or want from us and act accordingly. Being a “good girl” or “good boy” means acting like or doing what we are told others expect of us. If we don’t we are called bad and punished. It sinks in fairly fast for most and we become used to conforming to the expectations of others. It’s almost as if we start to think of ourselves in the second person.

As we grow up things like being considerate of others or being politically correct take the place of admonishments from mom and dad, and the awareness of our need to go along to get along becomes a driving force. This is not to say that being polite or not blurting out offensive remarks is a bad thing. That is a sign of self-control and consideration for the feelings of others. However, there ae probably other things “holding you back” from being true to your own feelings or desires. Those are the things that Ware was alluding to in the regret that she expressed.

Having the strength and courage to live true to yourself means taking risks in life. Sometimes that can mean taking big risks, like quitting a job that you hate to pursue a new career in a field that you love, even if it pays less. It may involve asking out that person that you ae sure is going to turn you down or maybe just working up the courage to introduce yourself to that person. Don’t end up regretting that you never took that chance to be true to yourself.

The secret to not ending up with these regrets is to continually ask yourself why you are dong what you are doing and who are you doing it for? Sometimes we are doing things to meet the expectations of others, but those expectations are what we expect of ourselves, too. Husbands and wives do many things for each other that they hope to meet the expectations of their partners. Parents also do many things for their children, sometimes thinking “I wish my parents had done this for me”. Oher times we might stop and think about why we are doing something, especially something that just doesn’t feel right. If the only answer that you come up with is just “that’s what’s expected of me”; it maybe time to ask the next question- “expected by whom?”

There are things in societies called “norms”, which are the expected behaviors in certain situations. Those are what we sometimes call “common knowledge”; however, that does not mean that they are irrefutable or true. For many years there were norms and even laws that defined the behaviors expected of blacks in America. There were separate areas on buses and in restaurants where they could sit or fountains from which they could drink. It was only through the concerted efforts by some blacks during the Civil Rights Movement of the 50’s and 60’s who refused to live up to the expectations of the whites in their communities that the laws were changed. It is taking longer to change the expectations of some. Some of those expectations became deeply embedded in the fabric of our society such that they became systemic. It is the battle to root out those systemic things that is being fought right now.

Maybe to avoid the regret that Ware wrote about one can pray each day for the courage to live life true to themselves. If one has to live up to the expectations of someone else, it might be wise to choose the best role model that we know of – Jesus. You might refer to this passage from the Bible –  “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)

Perhaps being true to yourself is being true to God’s will.

Try it. You’ll like it. Meet God’s expectations of us.

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Posted by Norm Werner

It’s time for that courage…

March 24, 2020

Some time ago, pastor Freed used this quote ion his blog Jack’s Winning Words –

“Sometimes it takes courage not to be discouraged.”  (Ben Ferenze) 

That quote seems very appropriate right now, as we enter day two of our state’s lockdown order (I count yesterday as Day 1, even though the Governor’s Executive Order didn’t technically go into effect until Midnight). The events of the last 2-3 weeks have been like shoes dropping – you just kept waiting for the next one to drop. They were dropping so often and so fast that it began to sound like a tap dance number from a Broadway musical.

Now, we’ve all become virtual prisoners of the virus, confined to our homes. As I wrote a few days ago, that does not mean that we allow ourselves to become victims. We must summon up the courage not to be discouraged. One way to do that is to keep busy in positive and constructive ways. We may have been forced into situations that could seem to be boring, but it does not have to be. A good number of us have to try to work from home. All of us have those small projects or jobs around the house that we have been putting off. One of our church members has reported that she finally has the time to do the cleaning and pantry organizing that she has been putting off. I know that my workbench is a mess. I better get on that.

Most of us probably have family or friends that we’ve been meaning to talk with or write a letter to, if only there was time. Well, guess what? Now you have nothing but time. Get busy and knock out those projects and jobs, write those letters or make those calls. You will be surprised how welcome your letter or call is and good it makes yo feel to finally get around to doing it.

For those who don’t have a lots of the things listed above to keep them occupied, I would recommend creating some for yourself. If you belong to a church, organize a calling circle among the congregation members to keep in touch with and check up on fellow members. If you are a tech-savvy person , use Skype to make calls to other tech-savvy people. There is something uplifting about seeing and interacting with another person that way, even if it is on-line. There are groups that write letters to troops stationed in war zones – find a group in your area and start writing.

If you are well and able, volunteer for charity groups like Meals on Wheels or other groups that deliver goods to shut-ins. Even though you may have to talk to them through a closed door as a precaution, it is better than just sitting at home and talking to yourself. I’m assuming that Meals on Wheels is exempt from the shelter in place order – it certainly should be. I’m sure that there are otgher volunteer organizations that could use your help – if you are well and able to help.

For some this may be the opportunity to try something new that you’ve been putting off. I have an app that I bought over a year ago that I’ve just not taken the time to learn. Now is that time. If you’ve read this blog and thought to yourself that you might like to try blogging, if you had the time – now is the time.  There are all sorts of good advice blogs on how to write a blog.

Almost any of the ideas here will be more satisfying than sitting and mindlessly watching TV or playing endless games of solitaire. Many involve interacting with others, even if electronically or through a letter. Some just involve the self-gratification of finally accomplishing something that you have had in the back of your mind. None of them involve sitting around feeling sorry for yourself or seeing yourself as a victim.

Have the courage not to be discouraged and get busy! You’ve got things to do, people to talk to or write and maybe places to go. You don’t have time to be discouraged.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Be the person that you would like to be…

March 13, 2017

I attended a very good real estate training session last week, put on my Steve Woodruff of The Woodruff Group. Steve is a well-known in the real estate world as a great motivational speaker and trainer. I came away with enough sayings from that session to last me a long time here, especially when I combine them with things that I get from Jack Freed in his blog Jack’s Winning Words.

One of the first good quotes from Steve was this one – “How would the person that I would like to be do what I’m about to do?” Some might try to substitute the little phrase WWJD“What would Jesus do?”, but I submit that doing so abstracts the process too much. These are our decisions to make and it is up to us to make them. Perhaps a better way to phrase that last saying might be to ask yourself, “What would a person who follows the teachings of Jesus do?” That at least brings us full-circle back to thinking about the person that we’d like to be – a person who follows the teachings of Jesus.

Bringing up thinking leads us to a little quote from Jack’s blog –

“Many problems in life are caused because we act without thinking or because we think without acting.”  (Unknown)

How often do we see an injustice or someone in need and just pass the situation by, thinking that we don’t have time for that right now?  That leads to the second quote from Jack’s blog –

“How soon, not now, becomes never!” – Martin Luther

Perhaps the situation is one that requires that you break away a bit from the norm and gopredjuices against the stream of what appears to be commonly accepted practice. That requires courage and a strong belief that what you are about to do is the right thing, the thing that the person that you wish to be would do. Steve had a great quote for that –

“The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it’s conformity.” – Rollo May

It takes courage to stand up for the person being bullied. It takes courage to befriend the person in your class who is “different”. It takes courage to stop hiding in the closet and come out and live the life that you were born to live. It takes courage to admit that you need help and seek it. It takes courage to stand on the opposite side of the police line and courageprotest the treatment of people of color or ethnicity. It takes courage to stand up and say that I will not be treated like an object anymore or take any more of your abuse. It takes courage to decide that you are not going to continue to “go along to get along” anymore. Be the person that you would like to be and act now, before “not now” becomes never in your life.

Many people like to play the role of the victim. They are constantly complaining about what others have done to them or done that holds them back. Steve had a great quote for that, too.

Do not complain about what you permit – Anon

I found a great follow-on to that quote – No one can “walk all over you” unless you lay down and let them. – Maria Moore

The point to both quotes is that you control what happens to you – the situations that you life-choicesget yourself into and the reactions that you have to them. Ask yourself how the person that you would like to be would act and react in those situations. Would that person show courage or cowardice? Would that person act without thinking or think about it without acting and perhaps let not now become never?

A great way to start off this week is to take a moment before you dive into your normal workday life and think about another short series of quotes from Steve Woodruff –

Success is a choice not a circumstance – make the choice and act upon it

Take Responsibility – It’s your life and no one else can live it for you and make the decisions for you unless you lay down and let then walk over you

Attack your Fears – Fears, uncertainty and doubts are just temporary roadblocks that life throws up in front of us. Do not let them stop you. Attacked them, overcome them and move on.

Invent your Future – Become that person that you would like to be and you will have the life that you’ve dreamed of living.

Have a great week ahead.

 

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Posted by Norm Werner

Have the courage to listen and to speak and don’t be a dead fish…

October 20, 2015

“Some people should use a glue stick instead of Chapstick.”  (Pinterest) – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Today’s little quote is somewhat judgmental about others, but makes a good point about shutting up and talking-2listening. Sometimes the best thing that we can do is to listen, to hear out the other person, before we jump in with our own comments or thoughts. One of the hardest human traits to break, or at least control, is the tendency to be so wrapped up in your own thoughts and opinions that you don’t really listen to the opinions of others. We just can’t wait to get their own thoughts into the conversation and, in so doing; we ignore or miss the thoughts of the other parties. Does that ever happen to you? I know someone like that and after she starts talking to express her thoughts, she often stops and says, “No wait. What did you say?” It’s as if her brain is on a 10-20 second delay about what you said somehow and it only catches up after she has started talking.

I like the way Winston Churchill put it – “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

I think what Churchill was getting at is the courage it takes to really listen and understand the other person’s point of view on things. Taking the time to listen might also better equip you to make a more appropriate response or,listening even better, to realize that sometimes no response is really needed. Is it more courageous to lash back at someone who has just made a hateful remark towards you, or to quietly say “I’m sorry you feel that way”, and go on with life? What do you gain by lashing back at that person? Maybe both you and they need some more time to think about the situation before anything else is said.

Sometimes, when you sit down and listen, you realize that the person making hateful or racist or homophobic remarks has no basis other than hate or fear for making the remarks, even if they try to mask them in the context of religious beliefs. Once you recognize the underlying ugliness for what it really is, your anger may quickly turn to pity. If you realize opinionatedthat something in that person’s life has happened to bring them to this hateful state, you might think, “How terrible it must be to be filled with such angry and hate; I’ll pray for you.” You’ll have to be the judge on whether saying that out loud would help or just further inflame the situation. Either way, say the prayer for them.

Many times, especially early in life, incidents may happen when you are among those whom you consider to be your friends. It is during those times that the advice of J. K. Rowling comes to mind –

“It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.”

It is not only the brave thing to do, but the right thing to do to stand up and say something, even to your friends, if what is happening is wrong. That is especially true in situations of bullying in school or invitations to do things thatfriends at school you know just aren’t right. It is true later in life when you decline to be drawn into gossip about others or to join in hateful talk or actions. There is great peer pressure at all ages to join others who may be for or against certain things or people or who are doing things that are wrong. The old phrase “go along to get along” was invented to describe the easy (cowardly) way to deal with those situations.

Many times the topic of conversation or of the actions at hand are not something that you may not have formed an opinion about one way or the other. Rather than having the courage to sit and listen and then make an informed decision; you just go along with the crowd, sometimes as much as anything on a dare. It’s as if someone has said to you, “What, are you afraid to cast the first stone?” So you go along with the crowd, even if it is going in an uncomfortable direction. At times like that, perhaps the advice of Jim Hightower will help –

“The opposite for courage is not cowardice, it is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow.”

dead fishHave a great day and have the courage of your convictions. If you don’t have convictions in any situation, have the courage to admit that to yourself and listen and think before you act or join in the action. Don’t be a dead fish going with the flow.

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Posted by Norm Werner

“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.” ― H.G. Wells

June 11, 2015

“Ambition is the path to success.  Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in.”  (Bill Bradley) – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

I would add to Bradley’s quote that “perseverance is the fuel that keeps the vehicle going”.  There are a number of quotes that have to do with people quitting when they are in reality just around the next corner from reaching their goal. They had the ambition and they may have been persistent in pursuing their goal for some time, but eventually theystruggle could not persevere through the setbacks that they hit along the way.

On the Dictionary.com site the word to persevere means to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly. In my real estate business life I tell would-be sellers that they need to mind their P’s and C’s. The three P’s of real estate are Price, Persistence and Perseverance. While the Realtor will provide useful information and market guidance to help the seller set the price, it is really up to them. After that they must be persistent in their efforts to keep the house ready to show at any time and they must persevere through what could be a long process, with potentially many disappointments when offers don’t materialized or work out.

The three C’s that are also their responsibility are Condition, Clutter and Cleanliness. They need to take care of the things that could detract from the marketability of the house, whether that be routine maintenance items or something bigger. Of course getting rid of clutter and keeping the place clean for a showing comes with the territory, too. I suspect that there is value in applying those same guidelines to life in general, by keeping yourself maintained (in good health and condition and looking presentable) and decluttering your life. I’m just going to assume that you keep yourself clean (literally and figuratively).

reaching goalAs I revisit the first sentence in today’s little saying I think that ambition is what turns dreams into goals and plans to achieve those goals. We all have dreams about getting somewhere in life or achieving some goals in life, but not everyone takes the next steps with those dreams and creates plans to achieve them (ambitions). Those plans are the road maps (the paths if you will) for how to get there (what you have to do) to achieve those dreams. There may be stops or turns along the way and those may be intermediate goals. Dreams that are never turned into ambitions are sometimes called pipe dreams.

Some people advise us to pray for what we want in life. I would advise that you pray for the perseverance needed to get what you want in life. Pray for the strength to work through adversity, to endure the pains and burdens that you may have to bear and for the belief in yourself that you will achieve your goals if you just work long enough and hard enough towards them. Instead of saying “Lord, do this for me”, pray instead, “Lord, give me the strength, the courage, the faith and the perseverance to do this myself.” Then, as you are on the journey towards achieving your ambitions; when your persistent efforts exhaust you; you’ll know who to turn to in order to refill your tank (to persevere).

Here’s a great little saying by Mary Anne Radmacher –  “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”  That is the courage to persevere. Have a great today and tomorrow.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Hope is stronger than fear…

November 24, 2014

I happened to watch The Hunger Games over the weekend or at least a part of it. I hadn’t seen the movie, since we seldom go to movies anymore. At the end there is a scene in which the character Bow and ArrowSnow, played by Donald Sutherland, President of the Capitol in country of Panem  says, “The only thing stronger than fear is hope.” Snow and the Capitol rule Panem through the use of fear; but the success of Katniss and Peeta give hope to the people in the outlying Districts and they begin to riot.

While it was an interesting action film; and it is not necessarily what I would pay to go see; it did have an overall moral message of good overcoming evil and of Hope for the future. I’ve written here before about Hope. In fact Hope was the only candle left burning after the other three of the four had been extinguished in my post about the Four Candles. I also wrote about it in posts titled Hope Leads to Great Memories and my post, Don’t Worry, Be Hopeful.

Of those previous posts, I think the Four Candles one applies most to today’s theme that Hope is stronger than fear. There are so many troubled places in the world today where the first two or three candles have been extinguished; where Peace and Love are hard pressed to be found or expressed. In many of those places Faith, especially faith other than the stated religion of the rulers (or the dictated lack of religion) is hard to keep lit. Even in those evil places and under the worst of circumstances Hope may still be found.

In most of those places fear is the main tool of the oppressive rulers. Fear of being found out and turtletortured or killed, if one has different religious beliefs or maybe is even of a different sect within the same religious belief. Fear is a powerful tool. Fear can cause people to cower and stay in line. Fear can turn people against each other. Fear causes people to look at their shoes when evil acts take place right in front of them. Fear allows a small minority to rule over the great majority. But fear is not a foundation upon which to build the future. Fear does not encourage and support.

Hope is the only thing stronger than fear. Hope allowed people in East Berlin to take the chance to run across mine fields and through barbed wire in order to get to freedom. Hope getting outprovides the courage and the persistence for families to make long journeys through rugged terrain in places like Iraq to get to a better place. It is Hope for a better life for their children that sustain people through the long hours of toil necessary to give their children a chance at a better life. It is Hope that allows the other three candles to be relit if only one waits long enough and has Hope enough. And it is Hope that steels the backbone and steadies the hand in the face of overwhelming odds; it certainly cannot be logic or knowledge.

President Snow in The Hunger Games was right to call out Hope as the biggest threat to his reign. People with Hope will overcome fear and great odds and will eventually prevail. Once they have tasted victory, they will move on relight to the candles of Faith, Love and, eventually, Peace. I have no idea what happens in the next two episodes of the Hunger Games trilogy, but I suspect that they will inevitably move towards victory for the oppressed people of Panem and the rekindling of the other three candles.

butterfly1In our world one can hold onto Hope for people stuck in places like China and North Korea, much of the Middle East and many places in Africa, plus the places in Eastern Europe still ruled by dictatorships based upon repression and fear. If one were to pray for help for those areas, it should not be that they somehow magically change overnight (that will not happen); rather pray that Hope is kept alive in the hearts and minds of the oppressed. Eventually it will be that Hope that will allow the people to find a way to overcome the dictators and throw off the shackles of fear and repression.

In our own day-to-day lives, it is our Hopes and dreams that keep us going, too. Hope represents our future and having no Hopes would mean having no future. Many of us might Hope for better futures for our children and work to make that happen. Then, we might hold out Hope for our grandchildren’s future, too. As we get older we might shift our focus to Hoping for a long and healthy life and for comfort and security in our waning years; but, we never lose Hope. Eventually, it is the Hope found in our religious beliefs that help us overcome the biggest fear of all – the fear of death.

What are your Hopes? How does Hope help you overcome your fears. How does Hope sustain you?

I Hope you have a great and Hopeful week ahead.

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Posted by Norm Werner