The skill of being kind…

June 23, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent Sept 17, 2018. Reposts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.

“If you have to choose between being kind and being right, choose being kind, and you will always be right.” (Sent by Tara Kane) My friend Tara teaches more than public safety to college students. She explains to them (as illustrated in her quote) the importance of knowing how to get along with people. Whether it be a police officer, a fire fighter, or an ordinary citizen, knowing how to be kind to others is an important skill. Keep your eyes open today to “see” kindness….and let others see yours. 😉  Jack

 It is interesting to read that Jack called being kind an important skill that one needs to develop. Being kind is not an emotion caused by something (someone) or even a reaction to something happening. You don’t get kind, like you might get happy or sad and you don’t become kind like you might become afraid. Kindness is an action word; you have to be kind. It requires you to act (or react) in a certain way. Being kind requires a conscious effort or response on your part. That means you have to think about it, whether you realize it or not. Develop the skill of kindness.

I think being kind is based upon making the conscious decision that you wish to be kind in all that you do. That may not be obvious to you, but there are certainly people that you will encounter who have not made that decision. They are sometimes thought of as being cruel. I may call them jerks (sorry, that wasn’t very kind), but I’m sure you have your own name for them. These are the people who cut you off in traffic, who make negative remarks about people or who may call others who are in need losers. They are not being kind. Develop the skill of kindness.

So, how does one develop the skill of being kind? It starts by being more aware of the fact that you are reacting to and making decisions about how to act on everything that is happening to you and around you. You must develop the ability to stop and think, if only for a moment, before you act or react. You must ask yourself the question, what is the right thing, the kind thing to do in this situation? Just that split-second pause will allow you to regain some control over what might have been a knee-jerk reaction. In the next split-second your brain will be able to evaluate the situation and decide between the right and wrong response – the kind response. Develop the skill of kindness.

If you have made the conscious decision to be kind, the actual decision to do so will be easier in any situation, and you will do the right thing. Sometimes that is just catching yourself before you do the wrong thing, making matters worse. Sometimes being kind means doing nothing at all. Even then, being kind means doing so with a smile or a friendly gesture. Putting that smile on your face will make you feel better and may even make others feel better, too. Perhaps adding a line to your daily prayers – Lord help me to be a kinder person today than I was yesterday – would help reinforce kindness for you. Develop the skill of kindness.

Jack advised us to keep our eyes open for acts of kindness by others and let others see your kindness. You can learn new ways to be kind by observing others. Others will see your acts of kindness once you stop just having  kind thoughts and start doing kind deeds. Work on being more cognizant of the opportunities to be kind that you may encounter during the day and then act with kindness on those opportunities. Develop the skill of kindness.

Have a great and kindness filled day… Develop the skill of kindness.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Vividly experience the opportunities that life gives you…

January 14, 2025

“In the pursuit of extraordinary performance, it’s easy to succumb to anxiety and pressure, because so much is out of your control. When you learn to live a life that is fully engaged, however, then you can perform your best and love the challenge. Every performance, presentation, or problem you face is an opportunity to learn and grow and vividly experience each moment.” From “Inner Excellence”, written by performance coach Jim Murphy.


Life’s opportunities come in all sizes, shapes and forms. Some are purely pleasurable, simple and straightforward. Some are mysterious or complex. Some are frightening. All are new. How you react and what you do when presented with a new opportunity will determine the satisfaction that you get out of life. Get fully engaged in life.

Some spend their lives trying to avoid or run away from the opportunities (or challenges) that life presents. They may choose never to take a chance for fear of losing, looking bad or getting hurt. That can extend to relationships with others. Some may never ask that special girl (or guy) out for a date or to dance for fear of rejection. Some may never experience the exhilaration of a roller coaster ride out of fear of injury or thoughts about some catastrophic failure of the ride. Some may choose to limit themselves because they don’t want to do the work necessary to get ahead or make a change. Get fully engaged in life.


I suspect that many hesitate in the face of an opportunity because they see it as one big whole thing that must be tackled all at once. In most cases, whatever the challenge is that one is facing, it can be broken down into smaller manageable and achievable steps. One just needs to take the time to think about it in that way and then commit to taking the first small step. Once you have taken two or three of those small steps you will feel a sense of momentum that will propel you towards the solution or end point – you will be living in the moment, vividly learning and growing from the experience. Get fully engaged in life.


Force yourself out of your comfort zone a few times and vividly experience the feelings of success or even of failure (from which you learn) and live in the moment. You may find yourself enjoying the feelings that you experience, even the temporary fears. People will often use the phrase, “I never felt more alive” to explain their emotions during those moments. You will never have those feelings in your safe, daily routine. Get fully engaged in life.


So, get engaged, scare yourself a little and experience life by accepting and taking on the challenges that life throws your way. Learn, grow and vividly experience every moment. Get fully engaged in life.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Open a new door today…

September 30, 2023

I remember years ago watching The Price Is Right with Bob Barker. There was always a segment in each show where the contestants were given a choice of three doors, behind which was either a great prize or a bust. These days there is a wedge on the Wheel of Fortune prize wheel that is either worth $10,000 or is a Bankrupt. Contestants who land on that wedge must make the choice to move forward with what they have already won or take the chance on that wedge being worth $10,000. Open a new door today.

Life presents many instances where we are faced with multiple doors – multiple courses of action. The doors that we are presented with seldom present the choice of $10,000 or bust; however, they do often present the choice to try something new or to meet someone new or to ignore them as you pass by. Open a new door today.

Life presents us with many choices every day. Behind each choice (each door) lies the unknown. Some doors may be marked, “Danger, proceed with caution”, while others just look innocuous, no matter what dangers lie beyond. One may be stopped by the real or imagines dangers and never open any doors; or, one may be cautiously optimistic and open doors only after getting prepared for whatever might be behind them.  There are those also who blithely open all doors with little regard for the potential consequences. Open a new door today.

The most common doors that we are faced with each day involve personal relationships – whether to return a greeting from someone or ignore it; whether to return obvious affection or hold back; whether to commit to a relationship or spurn it out of fear or unwillingness to commit. Those are doors in our lives. There may be wonderful things behind those doors. Occasionally there also might be a bust. You will never know unless you open the doors. Open a new door today.

There are few things as sad as ending a day or a life with only memories of what you “coulda, woulda, shoulda” have done, with only a gallery of unopened doors in your memory. Life will take care of presenting the doors to you. It is up to you to make the decision whether to open them or not. My advice is to go big or go home. Open a new door today.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Sorry I did vs. Sorry I didn’t…

January 1, 2023

I got this quote yesterday from one of those Internet pop-up ads that I seem to be on some list to receive…

“I’d rather regret the things I have done than the things that I haven’t.”  (Lucille Ball)

One could live their life in Coulda,Woulda, Shoulda land, but it would be a life of regrets and probably pretty boring. Never taking a chance or always holding back due to fears of what might happen might lead to a fairly safe, but I suspect an unsatisfactory life. We learn more by doing than just by reading or hearing about something.

Some things that we decide to do will turn out to be bad ideas or at least not turn out the way that we had imagined and hoped that they would. Sorry about that. That’s life. But even in failure or disappointment we learn something. We may even decide to try it again and apply what we’ve learned to the next attempt.  One learns nothing from not trying.

It is certainly OK to pause before trying something to give consideration to any dangers involved and then make a rational choice whether or not to proceed. Too many include in those considerations what others may think of them for trying or for failing. Those aren’t real dangers, they are imagined consequences spawned out of our own insecurities.

The same email that had the above quote from Lucille Ball also had this quote –

“I cured myself of shyness when it finally occurred to me that people didn’t think about me half as much as I gave them credit for. The truth was, nobody gave a damn… When I stopped being prisoner to what I worried was others’ opinions of me, I became more confident and free.” (Lucille Ball)

If you find yourself constantly worrying about what others may think of you or what you are doing, you have allowed yourself to become a prisoner of those concerns. Free yourself to live your life as you want to and not as you think you should in order to please others. You may end up doing some things that you are later sorry that you did. We all do. That is still much better than being constantly sorry for the things that you didn’t do.

Perhaps it would help if you added a little prayer each morning asking God to help you make good decisions throughout the day. Maybe knowing that you have God at your side will allow you to do the things that you might otherwise not have done and leave you with no regrets for the things that you didn’t do.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Make the choice yourself…

November 29, 2022

I got this graphic in a daily inspirational email…

One of the first thoughts that came to mind as I look at this is how many people decide to be victims. I’m sure that you know some people like that. These are the people whom “the world is out to get.” Their misfortunes are never their fault. They are just the victims of circumstances or of conspiracies against them. They are people for whom the mantra “Poor Me” was invented.

But, as Emerson pointed out, it was never pre-ordained that become victims…they willed that upon themselves. We all have choices in life, and we all make those choices. For some the easiest choice is just to decide that success was not to be for them. They settle into the comfort of being the victim. For others the choice to quit, to give up and give in is a non-starter. They chose to endure the pain of setbacks or failures in a never-ending pursuit of their goals.

It is hard to imagine that one can become satisfied in seeing themselves as a loser – a victim. Emerson tells us that the decision is ours to make.  Winners in life have decided not to be victims. They have decided to be a winner, no matter what. They may finish 2nd or third in the race and still feel good if they’ve achieved a personal best or at least know in their hearts that they gave it their best shot – for this time.  They will be back to compete again and again in pursuit of the goal of winning. For them, it is as much about the journey as it is about the destination.

Life is not all about winning races or achieving goals. Oft times it is about how you play the game, how you live your life. At the end of each day, ask yourself if you are happy about how you lived that day, the decisions that you made and the trajectory that you are on. If you are not happy, then remember Emerson’s advice and decide to make changes that will get you back onto the path that you want for your life.

Make your life what you want it to be. It really is up to you. I often use this line in my prayers – “help me make good decisions today”. I find that combining that with the prayer, “Not my will but thy will be done”, puts me in the frame of mind to accept the responsibility for my life and puts me back in control of who I want to become. Try it, maybe you’ll find that it helps you, too.

Become the person that you want to be.

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Posted by Norm Werner

The C’s and P’s of life…

March 16, 2022

As a Realtor® I have often written blog posts on my real estate blog about the three C’s of real estate – Condition, Clutter and Cleanliness. Those three things are critical factors in determining the price and speed at which a property will sell. In days past I would also usually also write about the three-P’s that that I advise the sellers about – Price, Patience and Perseverance. In these days of low inventory and rapidly rising prices the Three-P’s advice seems to matter less, but the three C’s still have a big impact on how quickly a property will sell and for how much.

In today’s post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Freed uses this quote from one of his followers – “The 3 C’s of life: You must make a CHOICE to take a CHANCE, or your life will never CHANGE.”  (Sent  by Kathy M)

Certainly, that is good advice. One must stop and think about the direction that life is taking them in and make thoughtful choices about changing that direction by taking a chance on a different direction. Each day, when you wake up you arrive at that inflection point of continuing down the path that you are on or making changes in your direction.

I will submit that there are also three P’s to life which you can also use to control your future – Patience, Perseverance and Prayer.

The first two P’s are often in short supply in today’s fast-paced world of instant gratification; however, events in our lives often unfold at a pace that can be frustratingly slow. Perhaps that’s what makes the third P so important.

As you start each day, if you take time for a little prayer, it will give you the opportunity to ask God for the Patience and Perseverance that are required in life. It may also allow you to recognize that, whatever the small amount of progress that you made yesterday, it was still progress towards your goals. Be thankful for that and ask God’s help to make even more progress today.

I have posted here in the past that one does not have to compose long, windy prayers. God understands your needs, so a little prayer that I like to use, “Not my will, but thy will be done” can work. Even using a sports phrase like, “A little help here” works with God. The important thing is not how you ask but THAT you ask for God’s help. We have been told – “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”  (Matthew 7:7)

So, take to heart the advice from Kathy M and implement the three C’s in your life; but also practice the three P’s of life. If you have the courage to take the chance to make the changes that you see need to be made in your life, also have the faith to practice the three P’s.

Have faith in your new direction. God is with you.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What will you change today?

November 29, 2021

You woke up this morning. Great. Now what? It is a new day and a new chance to make changes in your life. It is a chance to forgive yourself for some past mistake and heed the advice of that great philosopher Alice Cooper, who said – “Mistakes are part of the game. It’s how well you recover from them, that’s the mark of a great player.”

The changes that you make each day don’t have to be big ones. In fact, trying to make huge changes in your life often leads to failure. However, making small incremental changes each day can alter the course of your life over time. Even seemingly inconsequential things like changing your route to get to work can have an impact by providing you with a different perspective on things. Wearing different clothes than you would “normally” wear puts you in a different frame of mind. Talking with someone that you would usually just walk by without acknowledgement may provide new insights into the seemingly ordinary things in life.

You do not need to just be focused upon correcting mistakes in your life. Many times, just finally acknowledging that you made a mistake and taking ownership of it is a difference maker. Sometimes, when you think about a mistake that you made in the past, you realize the impact that it had on the course of your life and can consciously decide if you want to get back on that original course. Career decisions are sometimes made that way.

Aside from dealing with mistakes, giving some thought to what you might need to change in your life is a positive thing. No one is perfect, so there may be little things that you can pay attention to, in order to improve. For many people, it is just resolving to make the effort to be more open and friendly to strangers that can open up their lives to a richer and more satisfying existence. For some is might be heeding the advice of Martin Fraquhar Tupper – “Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.”  

The point is to make the decision to change something in your life today and see where that decision takes you. It is bound to be somewhere you would not have ended up if you had not made that change. If it turns out to be a mistake; well, that’s what tomorrow’s change can address. That is what makes life interesting.

What will you change today?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Choose wisely…

May 25, 2021

In today’s post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Freed explored the free will that God give us to make our own choices beginning with this quote – “It’s choice, not chance, that determines your destiny.”  (Jean Nidetch)

There is a tendency to use the words fate and destiny as if they have a common meaning and indeed the dictionaries often show them as synonyms; however, when I did a little quick research, I found some useful definitions of the differences –

“Fate and destiny are both words dealing with a predetermined or destined future. That’s why they are so easy to mix up. However, while fate is concrete and determined by the cosmos, destiny depends on your choices in life.”

It is that ability to make choices that is made possible by free will and the impact of free will is further defined in these two sentences that I found –

Fate brings you opportunities, and free will determines whether or not you take them.

Fate parades options in front of you, but you have to use your free will to reach up and grab one.

So, rather than believe that God has somehow pre-determined the course of your life, it is perhaps more accurate to think that God already knows what choices fate will present to you and can foresee the choices that you will make. There are all sorts of sayings about God being one’s co-pilot in life or being there with you as you make those choices. It is also comforting to know that even if you make bad choices, God forgives you and sticks with you.

Still, it is our free will that give us the opportunity to make those choices and we should take that responsibility seriously and make good choices. There are things that take away free will, like an addiction to drugs or alcohol, which cause people to make bad decisions. That is why some form of interdiction must take place, so that they can begin to exercise their free will and once again make the right decisions. One should admire those who attend AA or DA meetings because they have taken back control of their free will and made a good choice.

Rather than surrender to fate, take control of your destiny. Make the first good choice each morning with a prayer for God to watch over you during the day and help you make good choices at the inflection points that fate throws at you during the day. Remember Nidetch’s quote that is your choices and not chance that will lead to your destiny. Most choices that you face during the day will not seem to be all that important, but each one will impact your destiny, so exercise your free will and choose wisely.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Make a best choice…

December 3, 2018

In a recent post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Jack Freed used this little saying that he saw on a plaque somewhere – “You’ve got 3 choices in life: Give up, Give in, or Give it all you’ve got.” (Wall Plaque)

There are tons of those types of plaques and posters and other “motivational” materials out there and tossing off little sayings like that one is the fodder of most sports lockerVince Lombardi room talks. Legendary coach Vince Lombardi was a master at those types of sound bite, motivational advice. All of those sayings and plaques and posters are built around the same principal – that you alone are in control of your own destiny. The key thought is that if you give it all that you have, try your hardest and do your best, that you will achieve the things that you desire.

There is certainly merit in trying your hardest and doing the best that you can. Very little can be achieved without effort on your part; but, perhaps there is a fourth, and, I submit, the best, choice that you can make in life that would help you even more – give it to God. That is not to say that you can just pray, “OK, God, you got this” and then sit back and it will happen. That’s not how it works. Rather that you man prayingshould pray, “God give me the strength, perseverance and wisdom that will help me achieve my goals. Watch over me and guide me. Lift me up when I stumble. Keep me humble when I succeed. Help me to show the world your strength and glory through my actions. Most importantly, God; thy will be done.”

There’s a short phrase in sports that participants use when they need some assistance from a fellow player – “A little help here.” That what you are praying for when you give it to God – a little help here on earth. You see quite a few athletes pausing after a success,help-me like a touchdown run or catch, to point to heaven and thanking God. Their prayers were answered and they got that little help here in the game. Were they trying their hardest already? Probably, but it was that little something extra that made the difference.

Most of us aren’t athletes and most of what you might need help with is not a game. Maybe the help you need is with grief over the loss of a loved one. Perhaps you need a little help here to deal with depression or with your fears. Maybe you need to see a way out of where you find yourself and towards a better life. It could be that you are struggling with a debilitating health problem. You might be at the point of making those bored2first two choices to give up or give in, because you feel like you have given it your best and failed. You still have that fourth choice. You can still put your life in God’s hands and allow Him to give you that little help here. Try making that choice.

Once you put your life in God’s hands you will notice an immediate change. A great weight will be lifted from your shoulders. Your perspective on life and your priorities in life will change. Your outlook on life will emerge from the dark place that it had been living and a long-lost smile will return to your face. Good things will begin to happen insmell-the-roses your life and you will notice and appreciate them. You will again find beauty and satisfaction in the things and people around you. All because you made the fourth choice and gave your life to God. With God at your side, giving it all that you’ve got will bring new success and satisfaction.

So, you’ve got four choices in life. Make the best choice today…

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Posted by Norm Werner

Choices, choices, choices…

July 30, 2018

The primary elections are coming up in a little over a week and the choices ae hard to figure out. Do I vote for the homophobic bigot or the gay socialist? How do I choose between the scallywag and the scoundrel? What is the difference between the near-do-well and the do-nothing candidates? Is one candidate less of an opportunistic professional liar than the other is? So many questions and so many bad answers.

For some, I suppose, the sleaze factor in our modern politics is just an accepted part of the game; although I have a hard time imagining that one wakes up one morning and decides to enter a profession where character assassination and mudslinging aredebaters required skills. The allure of power is very compelling and apparently sufficient to overcome common sense, personal morals and a sense of good taste in most of the political candidates. One almost feels sorry for those unwilling to lower themselves into the pit that is our current political arena. There is no way in this era of dark-money, PAC-based, mudslinging that their good names will not be dragged down to the level of their opponents.

We do not have a political environment that is necessarily based upon the voters making educated and considered choices; but, rather one that is highly susceptible to appeals to emotional messages based upon our fears and insecurities. The electorate tend to seek arrogantout and vote for those candidates with whom we can best identify in the never-ending “Us vs. Them” battle of self-interest. Since those battles are almost always based upon fear, the candidates who can best feed upon and amplify those fears often get our attention and our votes. The poor candidate espousing doing what is “right” is seldom heard above the shouts of “protect what is ours.”

There is, of course, a case to be made that this system has been with us from the beginning of the country. Political battles from the very beginning of our nation wereThomas Jefferson often filled with unsubstantiated accusations that one of the candidates was somehow unfit to serve. The Chicago Tribune did an interesting article about the history of political mudslinging during the last presidential election – see http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/commentary/ct-campaign-mud-slinging-history-flashback-perspec-1002-md-20160930-story.html.  Somehow, the nation has survived a long procession of elected scoundrels (at least that’s how the winners were characterized by their opponents during the election cycle).

So, on August 7th, we will once again hold our collective noses and vote for the candidates whom we found to be the least onerous. Admittedly, it is sometimes hard to votesee the good that is within those for whom we vote, since their opponents and their PACs have covered them with so much mud. And, remember that this primary election is like one of the undercard matches at a WrestleMania extravaganza. We haven’t seem anything yet. Wait until the main event, when the real fireworks start going off. You want mud? We got mud. Let the real mudslinging  begin!

Ahhh, politics. Choices, choices, choices. Get out and vote on August 7th. At a minimum you can then sport one of those bumper stickers that reads, “It’s not my fault. I voted for the other guy.”

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Posted by Norm Werner

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