Sorry I did vs. Sorry I didn’t…

January 1, 2023

I got this quote yesterday from one of those Internet pop-up ads that I seem to be on some list to receive…

“I’d rather regret the things I have done than the things that I haven’t.”  (Lucille Ball)

One could live their life in Coulda,Woulda, Shoulda land, but it would be a life of regrets and probably pretty boring. Never taking a chance or always holding back due to fears of what might happen might lead to a fairly safe, but I suspect an unsatisfactory life. We learn more by doing than just by reading or hearing about something.

Some things that we decide to do will turn out to be bad ideas or at least not turn out the way that we had imagined and hoped that they would. Sorry about that. That’s life. But even in failure or disappointment we learn something. We may even decide to try it again and apply what we’ve learned to the next attempt.  One learns nothing from not trying.

It is certainly OK to pause before trying something to give consideration to any dangers involved and then make a rational choice whether or not to proceed. Too many include in those considerations what others may think of them for trying or for failing. Those aren’t real dangers, they are imagined consequences spawned out of our own insecurities.

The same email that had the above quote from Lucille Ball also had this quote –

“I cured myself of shyness when it finally occurred to me that people didn’t think about me half as much as I gave them credit for. The truth was, nobody gave a damn… When I stopped being prisoner to what I worried was others’ opinions of me, I became more confident and free.” (Lucille Ball)

If you find yourself constantly worrying about what others may think of you or what you are doing, you have allowed yourself to become a prisoner of those concerns. Free yourself to live your life as you want to and not as you think you should in order to please others. You may end up doing some things that you are later sorry that you did. We all do. That is still much better than being constantly sorry for the things that you didn’t do.

Perhaps it would help if you added a little prayer each morning asking God to help you make good decisions throughout the day. Maybe knowing that you have God at your side will allow you to do the things that you might otherwise not have done and leave you with no regrets for the things that you didn’t do.

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Posted by Norm Werner

First things first…

January 24, 2022

Let’s get the day and the week off to a great start with this quote – “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” (Lucille Ball)

Self-depreciation is alright as a comedy routine. Rodney Dangerfield made a great living off self-depreciation and was very funny doing it. For most that takes the form of humility and that’s OK, if not taken too far.

Start off by saying to yourself, “I know who I am, and I love who I am.” Doubting yourself or trying to be like someone else is a waste of time and self-defeating. Acknowledge yourself as you are and accept that God loves you just as you are. Then, having accepted God’s love for you, love yourself.

walking man

The kind of love for oneself that Lucille Ball was talking about takes the form of self-confidence that bolsters and supports our efforts in life. Even in the face of setbacks, people who love themselves and are confident in themselves will quickly bounce back and forge ahead.

A secondary benefit of loving yourself is that it allows you to love others and for them to return that love. People who love themselves and exude self-confidence also attract followers and supporters who help them achieve what they set out to do. People who are down on themselves seldom travel with an entourage.

So, let’s all start the week off by acknowledging ourselves and loving who we are and where we are and then set out to get things done with confidence.  You’re going to love what happens when you love yourself first.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Three little words that may change your life… afraid of rejection.

April 29, 2014

Sometimes the simplest little things can have big impact on our lives. In this series of posts I examine very short sentences or phrases (each just three words long) that can make a difference in your life. If you have a three word sentence or phrase that changed your life somehow, share it with me and I will share it with the world.

I read a story today from one of the real estate news feeds that I get that reported that many would-berejected buyers, especially first-time buyers are sitting on the sidelines right now because they don’t believe that they could succeed if they applied for a mortgage. They haven’t tried, but they’ve read all of the newspaper reports and seen the stories on TV about how hardline the mortgage companies have become; so they are frozen in their tacks because they are  afraid of rejection.

Boy, do those three little words bring back memories all the way back to high school and spending prom night without a date, or walking home alone from the bar in college (and later in life) or even being reluctant to interview for the job that I wanted or to ask for the raise that I deserved. Or how about later in life not asserting a point of view in a conversation or not bidding on that house that you really love; all because you were afraid of rejection.

Fear of rejection or of failure tends to limit what you try in the first place, so it limits your potential for success and that is the greatest danger of all. The fear is usually about the unknown, since there would be no reason to worry and fret if you knew the outcome already. The unknown plays terrible tricks on our minds because it allows us to mentally explore all possible outcomes and we tend as humans to focus upon the negative alternatives. Good motivational coaches would work with you  to turn that around and tell you to focus upon visualizing the best outcomes to avoid being afraid of rejection.

In an earlier post titled Just do it, I talked of not letting fear uncertainty and doubt about something keep you from doing that thing. That post was more oriented towards trying new things and taking turtlerisks. One of the risks that life throws at us is the risk of rejection. You may have finally worked up the courage to ask that pretty girl that you’ve been admiring to the dance and then you get rejected. So what? You may have finally gone in to see the boss about that job opening in the department and got rejected. So what? You may have displayed your art at a show or fair and nor had a single buyer. So what? You’re still standing. The only blood spilled was that of your ego taking a hit. You’ll still be here tomorrow and tomorrow may present another chance; and, if not then, maybe the next day will be your day. You can’t be like a turtle and pull back into your shell from life because you are afraid of rejection.

Stuff happens. Rejection happens. Life goes on. In fact I challenge you to stop and think for a minute when rejection happens – Did that hurt as much as you feared  it would or was it really just disappointing? Did all of the terrible things that you had imagined come to pass or did the moment pass without all of that drama?  Did you go into whatever it was with a positive attitude or were you thinking,anxious “I’ll probably get rejected,” from the get go.  If you can admit to yourself that you went into it with that negative attitude then you’ll know what to work on for the next time. And, there will be a next time – a time when you won’t be afraid of rejection.

That’s the next thing that you’ll realize if you stop and think about it is – it didn’t kill me; I’m still here;  I’ll have another chance. If you can get to that point mentally, you’re on your way to where you really want to be – that place where you boldly go ahead with your dreams and plans. You’ll get there once you’ve been knocked down a few times and realize that you got back up and went on. You’ll get to that place of self-confidence because you’ve looked it in the eye, you got back up and you are no longer afraid of rejection.

Congratulations when you get to the mental place that you need to be at; you have discovered self –confidence. Self-confidence isn’t blind, stupid belief that you can do anything (we have the Jackass facing new daymovie franchise for that) but rather a logical and calculated belief, based upon experiences, that you can accomplish great things because you are not afraid to try. You have reached that state where, as  Nelson Mandela said, “I am the master of my fate and the captain of my destiny” and you are no longer afraid of rejection.

Go for it!

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Posted by Norm Werner