Before it’s too late…

April 15, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent July 24, 2010
“Why do people always apologize to corpses?” (David Brin) Recently I saw an article about how to say, “I’m sorry.” The writer suggested that empathy (putting yourself in the other’s place) is the start of a good apology. Besides that, people who apologize tend to have better mental health. Oftentimes we will make an admission of guilt but fall short of asking for forgiveness. They go together. “I’m sorry! Forgive me!”. How about sharing those words with someone today…before it’s too late. 😉 Jack


Jack’s advice to do it now, before it’s too late, is valid for apologizing and asking for forgiveness from others and for admitting your own mistakes and forgiving yourself. It is as big of a mistake to go to the grave with guilt and remorse things that you should have forgiven yourself for doing (or not doing) as it is to wait too long to apologize and as for forgiveness from someone who has died.


People don’t realize how debilitating remorse can be to their own health. It can deprive them of sleep and will certainly deprive them of being as happy as they otherwise might be. Don’t wait. Deal with it. Forgive yourself and move on.


Some may ask, how do I apologize to myself and forgive myself? Whatever it was that you have remorse for having done (or not done) was likely offensive to God, too. It may be easier to first apologize to God and ask his forgiveness.


So, take Jack’s advice and use the words that he recommended in a prayer – “God, I’m sorry for what I have done (or not done). [You may wish to insert the details of your transgression here.] Please forgive me.” You will likely feel an immediate sense of relief for having ask for God’s forgiveness and that will make it easier for you to forgive yourself.


While you are in that positive frame of mind it is a great time to take the next step and unburden yourself of the false belief that you can control the things happening in your life. As long as you are already talking to God, you might as well go ahead and add the little prayer that I use a lot – “Not my will, but thy will be done.”

walking man


Doing both of those things will free you from the guilt of things in your past and the anxiety about things in your future. You will be free to live in the moment, and that’s a good thing.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Have no regrets…

April 2, 2025


“Minimize regret by making decisions based on who you are, not who you wish you were.” (Unknown)
I recently saw that saying somewhere on-line (I can’t remember where). I Googled it and it turned out to closely match the sayings of a life coach who teaches people how to make decisions with minimal regrets. Who knew such people exist?


The other thing that comes up when you Google that phrase are stories about how Jeff Bezos made his decision to leave the Wall Street world and start Amazon. Out of his experiences has come a concept called the Regret Framework, a methodology for making decisions with minimal regret potential. I had no idea that a whole framework existed for avoiding regrets.


While interesting in the context of decision making, I think the basic concept of accepting and understanding who you are and using that understanding as the foundation for living your life is the key. I have posted here before about accepting and loving yourself (see Love Yourself First, and Forgive Yourself). Those are ways that you acknowledge and accept who you are. When you do that, you let go of the burden that comes with trying to be like someone else and can focus on just being the best you that you can be. You will have no regrets.


Our measurement-oriented society does not make living without regrets easy. From a very young age we are encouraged (indeed required) to measure ourselves against others. It is not just about how you did; it is about how did you do against Billy or Sally? Everything becomes a contest where there are declared winners and losers. Regrets are associated with being the loser in whatever it is. Those are most often self-inflicted regrets. Stop measuring yourself against others. You will have no regrets.


One of the organizations that has rejected that scenario is the Special Olympics, where every participant in an event is considered to be a winner for having tried their best. Everyone gets a medal and no one has to have regrets. Be the best participant in life that you can be. You will have no regrets.


If you accept and learn to love who you are you will have no need to measure yourself against others. You will stop trying to meet expectations based upon someone that you wished you could be. You allow yourself to be happy with what you were able to accomplish. You will have no regrets.


Forgiving yourself and accepting yourself are both solitary experiences and one might think that you will feel lonely in such experiences. I posted about that to in Don’t be lonely…love yourself. You will have no regrets.


If you find that you need a framework for your life so that you don’t end up with regrets, look to your faith. There are tons of examples and guidance for a regret free life to be found in the Bible. No better example for living a regret-free life exists than Jesus. Jesus does not ask that you measure yourself against him. Rather he sets the example of what to strive for, His life provides goals for us to use for our lives. Keep those goals in mind and You will have no regrets.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Keep hope alive in your life…

April 2, 2025


The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent February 6, 2019. Reposts of some of the blog posts of the late Rev. Jack Freed
“When the world says, ‘Give up,’ hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.” (Unknown) The Little Engine That Could reminds me of the importance of not giving up. A similar one is, “Never, never, never give up!”, said by Churchill during WW II. Every life has some tough times. We all, at one time or another, need some encouragement to hang in there, to keep on trying, and to keep fighting for what we know is right. 😉 Jack

Like most people, I suspect, when the talk turns to never giving up and hope, we tend to imagine tough times or big, important matters or great challenges. The truth is that our everyday lives are full of those little moments of decisions on whether to give up on something or someone or try one more time. In fact, our relationships in life are constantly being challenged by situations or decisions in which it might seem to be easier for us to make the choice to give up, rather than continue to deal with the issues or the other person.

Marriages are the perfect example of the need to “try one more time”, rather than give up. One might also “try to be more understanding” or perhaps “try to be more patient” also, but first one must “try one more time.” Hope in a marriage can be as strong as the love that brought you together and is sometimes stronger than love in keeping couples together.

Certainly, there are situations where the correct choice is to give up and move on. Abusive relationships should be abandoned rather than continuing to hold onto hope that the abusive partner will change. Maybe hope should whisper, “try something different” in that case. That is hoping for a better life, the life that you deserve.

I think it is important to keep hope alive in your daily life. Hope is a positive thing and having hope can put you in a positive frame of mind. Losing hope or drifting away from having hope in your life every day can lead to depression and despair.

Faith is based upon hope and faith can reinforce hope. Perhaps if one starts each day by touching base with their faith and gaining the reassurance that God is always with them it will help them renew and reinvigorate their hopes. If nothing else, a quiet moment of faith each day helps remove the fear of being alone in one’s hopes. Faith in God’s promise of life after death is the ultimate hope.

So, keep hope alive in your daily life. Don’t give up on things or people. Have faith and listen to the quiet voice of hope and “Try one more time.” You’ll be glad that you did.

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Posted by Norm Werner

So, get off your duff already…

March 26, 2025


The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent March 27, 2012.
“Those who want milk should not seat themselves on a stool in the middle of a field and hope the cow comes to them.” (Elbert Hubbard) I smiled when I read this quote. Can’t you just “see” the person on the stool? The one who makes the sale is the one who gets off of the stool. It works in the business world, at home and even in the church. By my computer is a sign: “Get tough–get off your duff.” Today is a good day to follow that advice. 😉 Jack


Every now and then you may experience a fortuitous stroke of luck and some good fortune may befall you. But, for the rest of life, and indeed for most of life, one must get off the stool and make one’s own luck through hard work and persistence. Get off your duff!


I have posted here a few times about the importance of getting started and about breaking dauntingly big jobs down into smaller tasks (steps) that can be more easily accomplished. It is easy to let what should be planning time turn into daydreaming time. Things don’t get dome just because you dream about them being done. Focus on the planning and on getting started. Get off your duff!


Sometimes you may have to go off in a completely different direction than where you are headed to accomplish some intermediary step or some prerequisite. Just be sure to keep your goal at least in the corner of your eye, so that you don’t lose track of it or get discouraged by your apparently lack of progress towards the goal. Get off your duff!


More times than we’d like to admit, we may actually start off in the wrong direction and go very far down what proves to be a blind alley. Don’t get discouraged. Learn from your mistake. Backtrack to the starting point and choose a different direction. Thomas Edison famously said about his numerous failures – “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.” So, now, like Edison, you have successfully found one way that will not get you to your goal. Don’t go that way again. ” Get off your duff!


Jack posted a reminder for himself next to his computer. For him, that helped him to remember that ha was committed to writing a daily post to his Blog – Jack’s Winning Words – five days a week. There was no winning to be had if he just sat there and waited for the words of a new post to come to him. He had to get off his duff and write the post for that day. Get off your duff!


I have found it helpful to post notices to myself on the bathroom mirror where I have to look at them when I’m shaving in the morning. It may be a reminder for something that I need to get done that day or just a restating of the goal, so that I get renewed energy to work towards it that day. Whichever, it serves as a reminder to me to…Get off your duff!

I took the time to go back and look at a number of the posts that I have done over the years about tackling large or difficult tasks or pursuing lofty goals. One recurring theme that all of those posts in some way contained was the advice to take time to ask for God’s help. There is nothing more calming and reassuring in the face of daunting tasks or goals than touching base with your faith in God. Take God’s hand and he will help you …Get off your duff.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Try giving some slack and a hug…

March 7, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent February 24, 2015.
“The ones who are hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most.” (Peaceful Warrior) When my sister would meet up with someone who wasn’t particularly likeable, she would bake a batch of cookies and give it to that person the next time they met. It’s surprising how often the relationship changed into a more positive one. I’ve found that angry people usually have other issues in their life, so I try hard to give them some slack. 😉 Jack


I’m sure that we have all met someone who is not very likeable, maybe even hostile. Is your immediate reaction to try to love them or to ignore them or to be hostile in return? It is not usually our knee jerk reaction to reach out and hug someone who is being unfriendly or unlikeable in some way.


Jesus said in Matthew 5:43-45 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven”.


So, Jesus wants us to go beyond just giving them a little slack. He wants us to love them, to pray for them, and I’m sure somewhere in there he wants us to forgive them if they have wronged us in the process of being unlikeable. I think it is important to keep the message from Peaceful Warrior in mind that these are people who most need your understanding, forgiveness and friendship.


Perhaps baking a batch of cookies for them would still work, but you can get started by just being as pleasant as you can towards them the next time that you meet. Avoiding them is not helpful to them or you. You must engage them if you are ever to find out what their real issues are. You have to go slow on that. Asking, “What’s your problem?” is more harmful that saying nothing at all. Whatever the issue or problem is will come out eventually.


Sometime just being willing to listen is the best approach. It is natural that people want to share whatever it is that is bothering them and causing them to act the way that they are. For unlikeable people the issue is often anger; anger at some recent event that they can’t change and need to vent about. Listen patiently and do not try to jump in with an answer or to say, “I understand”; you don’t. Just be empathetic and sympathetic and let them get it off their chest.


The process of venting and getting it off their chest is often cathartic enough to change them from an unlikeable person into someone who could be your friend. At the minimum, since they have unloaded their issue on you, you now represent someone that they can trust or at least talk to and that will change their approach to you.


Initially cutting them some slack at least partially defuses the situation; however, what Jesus commands and what Peaceful Warrior was pointing to is the need for you to take positive actions to love that unlikeable person and in the process help both of you.


Now get out there and find someone that you may think is unlikable and give them a hug.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Look for the value in others…

March 5, 2025


The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent March 1, 2017

“Your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” (Unknown) One of the things I like about Jesus is how he sees value in what some see as worthless. “Come to me, all you who are poor and heavy-laden.” He was criticized for hanging out with the riff-raff, but he did that because he saw the value in all. Remember…you have value, even if others don’t see it. 😉 Jack

Jesus saw the value in others because he took the time to look beyond the superficial surface that others saw and saw into their hearts. Sometimes the most honest person you’ll meet is the one who seems to have the least. They have nothing to be pretentious about and most times are thankful for what little they have.


As a society, to often we tend to judge the value of others based upon their apparent wealth or their position – in what we can “see”. We equate their “worth” with what they are worth in monetary or power terms, instead of their value as a human being.


If we take the time to think about it, those whose wealth or power is on obvious display deserve our pity more than our admiration or envy. In Matthew 19:24 Jesus said, “I’ll say it again-it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!” Why? Because the rich man is burdened and blinded by all his possessions, wealth and/or power.


So how is one to evaluate the “worth” of someone else; how can we see their value. You cannot stand off and see or understand the worth of another person. The term “mien” describes what the world sees in one’s face when they are at rest or neutral about things. Most of us are unaware of the mien that our face presents to the world.


We might be surprised to learn that other people think we are unhappy or even mad, based on how our face looks when we are not trying to have any look at all. To find out how your mien looks, have a friend or family member take a snapshot of you when you aren’t expecting it. Did your mien surprise you?

The only real way to try to evaluate someone’s worth is to engage with them in conversation. One can tell quite a bit about the values, beliefs and prejudices of someone else by engaging in a serious conversation. Keep in mind that there is worth finding out about differing opinions that others have on things and different frames of reference from which they draw conclusions. Perhaps that is the real value of them – their different view of things. How boring life would be if everyone had the same opinions on everything. You don’t have to agree with them, but you may be forced to reexamine your own point of view.


So, rather than avoiding those who have different points of view on life, one should engage them and try to understand their perspective on life. You might even learn a thing or two about yourself. Look for the value in others to better understand your own value to others.

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Posted by Norm Werner

That is leadership…

February 17, 2025

Jack’s Winning Words 2/17/25 – Originally posted February 17, 20
“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” (John Quincy Adams) On this Presidents’ Day, J.Q. Adams gives a good description of what a president should be…a leader. In your opinion, which president has been tSome great leadershe best leader? For me, it was FDR; leading the country out of the Great Depression and to the conclusion (almost) of WW 2. He wasn’t loved by all, but most say his economic and social policies laid the foundation for future stability and prosperity. 😉 Jack


The key to J.Q. Adams quote is the word “actions”. Leading by example is the best, and really the only, way to lead. Giving inspirational speeches but not actually doing the things that you are espousing that others do only serves to promote cynicism. That means that you have to dream more, learn more, do more and become more yourself, so that others will see your actions and follow your example. That is leadership.


Some great leaders recognized the importance of their action and their leadership role, but many leaders just go about their lives in such a way that they inspire others to follow in their footsteps. You see stories on the news every so often about teachers being honored for their many years of service and quite often you also hear stories from their former students about how that teacher inspired them to go on to do great things in life. That is leadership.


Faith leaders are often thrust into roles that require that they demonstrate their faith while consoling others by pointing to that faith for comfort and healing. They call upon their own faith to help them in that role. By demonstrating the strength and peace that faith can bring in times of great loss and sadness, they help to lead who are grieving out of their despair. That is leadership.


Perhaps one of the most important and little recognized leadership role is that of being a parent. There is nothing as powerful for teaching and leading than the examples set by parents. The old hack “do as I say, not as I do” is powerful testament to the role (good and bad) of the examples that we set as parents. If done well and consistently, the examples that we set fore our children result in wonderful adults. That is leadership.


You may not even recognize how some of your actions impact and inspire others. Stopping to help someone cross the street or maybe to load groceries into their car may be seen by someone else who then becomes inspired to help some else later in the day. Anything you do that reflects the “right thing to do” may be noticed by others and emulated. That is leadership.


So, be a leader today. Do the right things. Dream more, learn more, do more and become more. Live a life that inspires others by your example. That is leadership.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t waste your time…

February 14, 2025


The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally posted August 10, 2017.


“Life appears to me too short to be spent nursing animosities.” (Charlotte Bronte) In Alice in Wonderland, White Rabbit says: “So little time. So much to do.” I’m on the same page with him. So was Jim Croce. “There never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do.” Even though you might not want to do it, Bronte suggests that getting rid of animosity is one thing that needs doing before life’s end. If you have a hatchet that needs burying, do it today. 😉 Jack


Animosity is just one of the timewasters that I can think of. Others include hate, prejudice, jealousy, and envy. Putting those things behind you allows you to focus your energy on positive things and relationships.


Letting animosities fester many times leads to wasting even more time plotting revenge and always takes you to a dark place where you really don’t want to be. Revenge, like the animosity that drives that need is best relegated to the rubbish bin. The old saw that “revenge is a dish best served cold” should be replaced with “revenge is a dish best not served at all.”
Perhaps it is the wisdom that comes with getting old that has helped me see this more clearly now. Time for an elderly person becomes the most precious thing that they have and they don’t want to waste it on unimportant things like animosities.


In the song “Let it be” written by John Lennon he appeals to the virgin Mary, but it can be generalized as an appeal to God. The reply from Mary (God) in the song for dealing with adversities is, “Let it be.” Jesus used the phrase “Be at peace”, which may be thought of as a way to let it be. That is good advice or dealing with animosities and other hatred that may be controlling your life.


The quickest way that I’ve fond to let it be and be at peace is to surrender to God’s will with the little prayer, “Not my will but thy will be done.” That little prayer takes whatever it may be that is consuming you off your plate and hands it to God. There is a palpable sense of relief that will come over you if you sincerely pray that prayer.


So, don’t waste your time holding grudges and animosities. Life is too short. Give those things to God. Let it be and be at peace.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Keep your eye on the donut…

January 17, 2025

Famed director David Lynch died recently. In announcing his death, his family included one of his favorite sayings – “Keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole.”

I must admit that I never watched any of the movies or TV shows that Lynch directed; however, I find his advice in that little saying to be of value. Too many of us spend way too much time staring into the holes in life and not seeing and appreciating the donuts of life. Keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole.

One could start by just being happy to wake up to another day instead of starting the day by being miserable about something that happened yesterday. That was then, but you are in the now and that is something worth being happy about. Our memories are rooted in the past tense and reflect where you’ve already been. Today and tomorrow represent your future and allow you to think about where you might be. Memories of misfortune, losses, or mistakes evoke regret or remorse. Those are the donut holes of life. Keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole.

There are those who see the donut the wrong way and turn it into a hole…those who are never happy with what they have and constantly pursue getting a bigger donut or maybe one with sprinkles. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be better or to do better, whether in sports or in life; however, many confuse the pursuit of a bigger donut with the material rewards of doing better or one may be envious of someone else’s donut. It is the process of life that one needs to focus upon doing better and not the awards or possessions that one collects. The donut is being a better you. Keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole.

So, today, when you wake up, start by being thankful that you did wake up. Thank God for another day and ask His help to make it a great day by helping you be a better person and helping you make better decisions. Make sure that you focus on the donuts of today and tomorrow and not the holes that were left over from yesterday. Make some plans and prioritize what you can do today and don’t fret about something that you did or didn’t do yesterday. Live in the moment. Keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole.

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Vividly experience the opportunities that life gives you…

January 14, 2025

“In the pursuit of extraordinary performance, it’s easy to succumb to anxiety and pressure, because so much is out of your control. When you learn to live a life that is fully engaged, however, then you can perform your best and love the challenge. Every performance, presentation, or problem you face is an opportunity to learn and grow and vividly experience each moment.” From “Inner Excellence”, written by performance coach Jim Murphy.


Life’s opportunities come in all sizes, shapes and forms. Some are purely pleasurable, simple and straightforward. Some are mysterious or complex. Some are frightening. All are new. How you react and what you do when presented with a new opportunity will determine the satisfaction that you get out of life. Get fully engaged in life.

Some spend their lives trying to avoid or run away from the opportunities (or challenges) that life presents. They may choose never to take a chance for fear of losing, looking bad or getting hurt. That can extend to relationships with others. Some may never ask that special girl (or guy) out for a date or to dance for fear of rejection. Some may never experience the exhilaration of a roller coaster ride out of fear of injury or thoughts about some catastrophic failure of the ride. Some may choose to limit themselves because they don’t want to do the work necessary to get ahead or make a change. Get fully engaged in life.


I suspect that many hesitate in the face of an opportunity because they see it as one big whole thing that must be tackled all at once. In most cases, whatever the challenge is that one is facing, it can be broken down into smaller manageable and achievable steps. One just needs to take the time to think about it in that way and then commit to taking the first small step. Once you have taken two or three of those small steps you will feel a sense of momentum that will propel you towards the solution or end point – you will be living in the moment, vividly learning and growing from the experience. Get fully engaged in life.


Force yourself out of your comfort zone a few times and vividly experience the feelings of success or even of failure (from which you learn) and live in the moment. You may find yourself enjoying the feelings that you experience, even the temporary fears. People will often use the phrase, “I never felt more alive” to explain their emotions during those moments. You will never have those feelings in your safe, daily routine. Get fully engaged in life.


So, get engaged, scare yourself a little and experience life by accepting and taking on the challenges that life throws your way. Learn, grow and vividly experience every moment. Get fully engaged in life.

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