The C’s and P’s of life…

March 16, 2022

As a Realtor® I have often written blog posts on my real estate blog about the three C’s of real estate – Condition, Clutter and Cleanliness. Those three things are critical factors in determining the price and speed at which a property will sell. In days past I would also usually also write about the three-P’s that that I advise the sellers about – Price, Patience and Perseverance. In these days of low inventory and rapidly rising prices the Three-P’s advice seems to matter less, but the three C’s still have a big impact on how quickly a property will sell and for how much.

In today’s post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Freed uses this quote from one of his followers – “The 3 C’s of life: You must make a CHOICE to take a CHANCE, or your life will never CHANGE.”  (Sent  by Kathy M)

Certainly, that is good advice. One must stop and think about the direction that life is taking them in and make thoughtful choices about changing that direction by taking a chance on a different direction. Each day, when you wake up you arrive at that inflection point of continuing down the path that you are on or making changes in your direction.

I will submit that there are also three P’s to life which you can also use to control your future – Patience, Perseverance and Prayer.

The first two P’s are often in short supply in today’s fast-paced world of instant gratification; however, events in our lives often unfold at a pace that can be frustratingly slow. Perhaps that’s what makes the third P so important.

As you start each day, if you take time for a little prayer, it will give you the opportunity to ask God for the Patience and Perseverance that are required in life. It may also allow you to recognize that, whatever the small amount of progress that you made yesterday, it was still progress towards your goals. Be thankful for that and ask God’s help to make even more progress today.

I have posted here in the past that one does not have to compose long, windy prayers. God understands your needs, so a little prayer that I like to use, “Not my will, but thy will be done” can work. Even using a sports phrase like, “A little help here” works with God. The important thing is not how you ask but THAT you ask for God’s help. We have been told – “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”  (Matthew 7:7)

So, take to heart the advice from Kathy M and implement the three C’s in your life; but also practice the three P’s of life. If you have the courage to take the chance to make the changes that you see need to be made in your life, also have the faith to practice the three P’s.

Have faith in your new direction. God is with you.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Take the time to learn…

March 15, 2022

This quote from the Jack’s Winning Words blog got me to thinking about how we learn from the past.

“How we handle what’s ahead of us will be determined by what we learned from everything that’s behind us.”  (Craig Lounsbrough)

The key word in that quote is “learned”. All of us have some time behind us, some of us more than others; but, did we learn from the things that are in our past. Some are destined to repeat the mistake of their past simply because they did not take the time to try to learn from those mistakes.

Learning is not necessarily an automatic process. There are some things that our brains process without us giving it a lot of thought, like not touching a hot stove because it will burn us. Most things that we should be learning from do require that we stop ad think about what just happened and what we can learn from it.

Some things that we learn from also require that we admit that we were wrong in our decision making process and require us to examine the “knowledge” that we had at the time upon which we based those decisions. That can be an ugly process because t often brings us face-to-face with our prejudices and baseless fears. Learn from that.

If you stop and think about a situation and the answer to your questioning about why you reacted as you did is ”I did not trust that person or I feared that person because their skin is a different color than mine”, then you have come face-to-face with your own prejudices. Learn from that.

Maybe, when you think about something that just happened that went wrong, you will find that you made some bad assumptions or based your decision on inaccurate or untrustworthy data. Learn from that.

The key to learning is always to stop and think about it. Often you will find that your knee-jerk reaction to a situation is not what you would do once you have had time to consider your response. Maybe just learning to take the time to think is the real learning in that.

Maybe it would help if you actually made time each morning to think about the things that happened yesterday or the day before and ask yourself, “What can I learn from that?” Perhaps you should just add to your morning prayers, “God, please help me learn from the past, so that I might be a better person in the future.”

Never stop learning and never stop trying to learn from your own past. That way you will be better prepared for what is ahead today.

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Posted by Norm Werner

“Almost” should encourage one to keep trying

March 10, 2022

Two recent quotes from the Jack’s Winning Words blog this week seem appropriate to use together –

“It’s hard to measure ‘almost’ because ‘almost’ doesn’t matter.” (Rip: Yellowstone/season 1 episode 4)

“You are capable of more than you know.”  (Glinda, the Good Witch)

The word “almost” has got to rank right up there with “Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda” in life’s list of often used laments.

At least those who “almost” won at whatever they were doing have the satisfaction of having tried, maybe even having tried their best and just fallen short whereas those who coulda, woulda and shoulda didn’t even try.

That effort to attempt something makes “almost” actually matter. Out of most cases of “almost” often comes the resolve to keep trying. The recently concluded Winter Olympics featured television story after story of those who trained for years for the chance to compete yet didn’t win. An oft heard ending to those stories was the phrase, “I’ll be back.” In many cases, even though they did not win, the athletes achieved person bests and proved to themselves that they could compete at that level. In those case, “almost” strengthened their resolve to keep training and keep trying.

That brings us to the second quote from Glinda the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz. The people who continue the pursuit of their dreams even in the face of “almost” embrace the thought that they are capable of more.

There was a story on the local news last night about a boy from Mumford High School in Detroit finally winning what he has been working toward for four years. He is a wrestler and began wrestling as a freshman because his coaches saw more in him that he saw in himself at the time. He did not make the state wrestling championships that year, but the next the year he went to the State competition and came in 8th. Last year, as a Junior, he went to States again and finished second – he almost won. He kept at it and this year was the State Champion in his weight class – the first wrestler from Mumford to ever win a state wrestling championship. He bought into the faith that his coaches initially had in him.

The lesson today is not to let the disappointment of “almost” drag you down into the morass of “coulda, woulda, shoulda”; but, rather, to use it as motivation and take Glinda’s advice to continue to strive for those things that you didn’t know you are capable of. In life that can mean going for that job that you didn’t think you could get or maybe asking that person out who you didn’t think would accept.

Wayne Gretzky famously said – You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” So, take your shots in life; especially if you almost made it last time. You are capable of more than you know. Keep trying.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Challenge what you “know”…

March 7, 2022

A post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog some time ago popped up in my mind again today and I decided it was time to write about it.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” (Maya Angelou)

Angelou has often been called America’s conscience for the advice that she provided in her poetry and writings.

Most of us go through life making decisions based in part (sometimes in large part) on things that we believe rather than things that we know.

I think we all carry around baggage with us of beliefs that we mistake for facts. In recent years we have become more sensitive to the fact that others may be distorting the facts in order to channel our beliefs in a direction favorable to them – it is standard fare in politics were the phrase “Fake News” has gained traction. That is one reason that it is important to always challenge whether things driving our decisions are just based upon beliefs and not proven facts.

Every time you start a thought or start talking with the phrase “I know”, stop and think about that. Do you really “know” based upon observation or proven facts, or do you just believe, based up something that you heard from someone else or maybe saw on the Internet. Much of the time you may discover that you don’t really “know”, you just have believes. Most fears are based on beliefs rather than facts. Those baseless fears are the foundation of prejudice and hate in many.

There are many (if not most) things in life that we cannot prove for ourselves, but we can at least chose to believe (know) things that come from a proven source with direct knowledge or proof from scientific testing. It is tragic that so many people have died during the COVID pandemic because they believed some cockamamie things they saw on the Internet or heard from someone who was not a health care professional. All the while there was validated advice from health experts that those so-called cures or preventatives were just like the snake oil; of old – total BS.

Maybe the best advice is to stop yourself every time that you start to think or say, “I know”, and think about whether you really know or just believe that what you are thinking or about to say is valid. An even worse start to any thought or thing to say would be, “I assume(d)”. Assumptions are not only unproven they are literally things that you made up yourself, without any evidence to support them.

So, when you challenge what you “know” and take the time to sort out the truths from the beliefs, you actually end up knowing better. Angelou’s advice then makes more sense and is easier to heed. Why would you continue to make bad decisions based upon bad beliefs when you now “know” better?

Now you can do better.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Make your dreams come true.

March 3, 2022

Turning your dreams into reality…

There are idle musings called “daydreams” which one never really expects to come true; but they are a fun way to pass the time. Then there are the dreams that define your aspirations in life, the things that you hope (or maybe wish) you can accomplish to have a better life. For some, those aspirations never become reality because they fail to take any action to realize them. Others overcome seemingly impossible odds to achieve their dreams. We often see stories about such people on the nightly news shows.

Most of us are somewhere in the middle. We have dream and aspirations and most of us take some action to turn those dreams into reality. Some lack the resolve to stick with the pursuit of their dreams when times get tough. Others make whatever sacrifices are requited to keep making progress. Persistence seems to be one personality trait that dictates which group you identify with. Calvin Coolidge put it this way –

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”

I would add patience to this list of traits. The impatient seldom stick with things that don’t provide immediate gratification.

A big part of the “action” needed to achieve ones dreams is thoughtful planning. Taking time to plan allows you to look at a seemingly big challenge and break it down into small, more easily achieved steps. It also allows you to prioritize the use of your time. Tackling those small steps one at a time also allows you to pause and congratulate yourself along the way, which encourages further action.

So, look at the achievement of your dreams as a journey and plan your itinerary as you might plan a real trip. Imagine that journey like you might plan a bicycle trip across the United States. It is a long trip, but one that can be accomplished in smaller, manageable steps, with segments of riding (action) followed by stops to rest, evaluate and reset if needed, and then more riding. Just as you might on that imaginary bicycle trip across the U.S., you can also pause to enjoy the places that you pass through along the way. You might even keep a journal of your progress, so that you can see your successes.

No matter what analogy you choose to use for the actions needed to achieve your dreams, never lose sight of the final goal. As you make progress, you may find that a slightly different final goal makes more sense for you and that’s OK.  I know a young woman who started out with a dream of being a physical therapist and then, as she better understood the health care field, decided to dream instead of being a nurse. She actually when on to become a registered, neo-natal care nurse and has dreams that go beyond that.

Never stop dreaming and never stop taking actions to achieve those dreams. Only you can make your dreams come true.

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Posted by Norm Werner

How are things turning out for you?

February 24, 2022

Life is a continuous process of discovery and our reactions to those discoveries. A quote from legendary basketball coach, John Wooden seems to be the most appropriate way to react to the twists and turns of life.

“Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out.”

Railing against things that have already happened or denying them is a gigantic waste of time and changes nothing. Rather, spending your time internalizing recent events and making necessary corrections in your life to move forward seems a much better course of action.

In today’s post to his Blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Freed used this quote from Jane Goodall –

“Lasting change is a series of compromises.  And compromise is all right, as long as your values don’t change.”

So perhaps we could combine the two thoughts and surmise that things work out best for those who are able to compromise and go on with life. But, what about that “values” part of Goodall’s quote. What if it is your “values” for which you need to seek compromise?

There is no generally applicable set of universal values or core beliefs in almost any society today. That is because most modern societies are not made up of people all from the same ethnic, religious or geopolitical backgrounds. The diversity of the population that brings strength to modern societies also dilutes the “values” of any one group. This results in the need for compromise even in the values upon which judgements are being made. If in no other way, it forces us to consider that someone else may have a completely different point of view on what is right and wrong in any given situation, based upon a different set of core values.

At the root of many of today’s seemingly intractable issues, such as LBGTQI rights, abortion and the role of government in our lives are differing sets of values which make compromise seem difficult. When you spend time trying to think about issues like that, you may quickly arrive at the correct conclusion that how you act or react to those issues is your decision and your decision alone. What “everybody knows” or “everyone says” has no real bearing. It is your personal responsibility to decide how you will act or react to the situation. That forces you to examine what you think are your “core values”.

If you are honest with yourself in that evaluation of your values, you may realize that there is not a value at the core of some of your actions/reactions at all; but, rather, that fear is the driving force in your decisions. Even ignorance in any situation leads to fear of the unknown as the driver for reactions.

The step after becoming more aware of what values (if any) are controlling your action is to examine whether compromise may be needed. That is really the reaction that Wooden was alluding to in his quote – making the best of how things turned out. Every fear-driven, knee-jerk reaction is just a “jerk” reaction. You need to stop and think before acting or reacting.

Maybe if you stop and at least think, “I have the power to control how I react to this”, it will force a better response. At a minimum, you will have avoided a knee-jerk reaction and at best you will react based upon your values rather than your fears. If it still doesn’t turn out for you, maybe then is the time to reexamine your “values” and perhaps seek a compromise.

How are things tuning out for you? Who decides? Perhaps one last quote will put you in the right frame of mind to answer that question –

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” (Alice Walker)

You have the power to decide how things turn out for you. Use your power.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Grow up and be you…

February 21, 2022

I saw this quote on-line somewhere and decided to save it – “It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.” – E.E. Cummings

It seems to pair nicely with one that I saved from the Jack’s Winning Words blog – “The thing about chameleoning your way through life is that it gets to where nothing is real.” (John Green)

Too many young people try to chameleon their way through life, emulating the look and life of their favorite rock or movie star or maybe just someone else at their school or in their circle of friends. Some fear being unpopular of they allow others to see them as they really are or maybe they just don’t think who they really are is very interesting. It takes a while for the young, or any of us, to discover and understand themselves. It may take even longer to accept that understanding and have the courage to be who we really are.

Another quote that I’ve had hanging around for quite some time seems appropriate to this post – “If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?”  Gloria Steinem

Obviously, the foot is who you really are and the shoe is who you have been trying to be (or to be like). You must have the courage to be who you really are and to learn to love being that person. I’ve posted here a few times on loving yourself, which means loving who you are. If you can’t love who you’ve become, work on becoming a better you, someone that you can love, not on trying to be like someone else.

So, stop being a chameleon, get real and summon up the courage to be who you really are. You’ll feel better about yourself and I think you’ll find that others feel better about you, too. Those “friends” who only liked the person that you were pretending to be weren’t really your friends at all. You will find new friends who are attracted to and like the person you really are, and they are your true friends.

Grow up and be you.

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Posted by Norm Werner

That’s enough for me…

February 15, 2022

I’ve been saving this quote for some time, trying to figure out the best way to use it, because it sums up so well my feelings after 56 years of marriage. Somehow it makes perfect sense to use it on Valentine’s Day.

“There will be no medals or monuments for me, but I have loved one person with my whole heart and soul, and that’s enough for me.”  (Nicholas Sparks) 

“Image courtesy of Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

When marriages last a long time they undergo many changes, just like the people involved in them. The thing that gets the couples through the tough times that all marriages encounter is love. The thing that endures long after the heat of passion has become glowing embers rather than leaping flames is love. The thing that allows the forgiveness of forgotten birthdays or anniversaries is love. The thing that allows us to look beyond to the ravages of aging bodies and still see beauty is love.  That’s enough for me.

It seems that it takes most people a long time to figure out what is truly important in life; not what you may like or enjoy at the moment, but what really natters and endures. Perhaps that is the maturity and wisdom that comes with age. Most eventually get it, but for some that wisdom comes too late and the one person to whom thy might have given their love to is gone. I was blessed to find my true love 56 years ago and share the biggest part of my life with her. That’s enough for me.

Every night the last thing that my wife and I say to each other as we go to bed is “I love you”. If I didn’t wake up in the morning I would be content that the last thing I said on earth was “I love you” to her and the last thing I heard was “I love you” in return. That’s enough for me.

Happy Valentine’s Day my love. You’re enough for me!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Indeed, it is the deed…

February 9, 2022

Although I saw today’s quote recently on-line somewhere, I’m sure that it has been used in the Jack’s Winning Words blog, probably more than once.

 “The smallest deed is better than the grandest intention.” – Anonymous

I have also mentioned here before that one of my mother’s oft used phrases was, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” She would have agreed that the road to hell should probably be called ‘Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Lane”.

Inaction is often the path of least resistance and one too often chosen by many. For most the underlying cause is fear – fear of real or imagined negative or dangerous outcomes or fear of failure if we try. But surrendering to fear steals our lives away and we become zombies (the living dead). Early Twentieth Century reporter and author Dorothy Thompson put it this way – “Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.”

We should not become content with ourselves if we know that something is wrong and do nothing about it. We do not have to try to single handedly conquer the worlds big problems – hunger, wars, disease, poverty and the like; however, we can act as an individual on any of them by supporting the big efforts that are already underway through organizations like The U.N. or The Red Cross or W.H.O. At a small. Local level there are any number of worthy Go Fund Me drives underway at any time and lots of local volunteer non-profits in need of help. You don’t have to be rich to make an impact locally where your volunteer time is often the most needed resource.

Sometimes it is just acting on your concerns or what you observe that can make a dramatic difference. Think how many recent tragedies might have been averted had someone who noticed a troubled person’s distress had acted to help them or get them help before they acted on their troubled state. Being more aware of your surroundings and the signed that are there as calls for help could make a huge difference in things like domestic violence or human trafficking.

Most people have good intentions, but their comfort zone keeps them on Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Lane instead of taking action to implement those intentions. Keep in mind that the size of the response based upon those intentions is not as important as actually taking the first steps to implement those intentions. Maybe keeping the Nike slogan – Just Do It – in mind will help or maybe remember those little WWJD bracelets from the 1990’s.

From Wikipedia – The phrase “What would Jesus do?”, often abbreviated to WWJD, became popular particularly in the United States in the late 1800s after the widely read book by Charles Sheldon entitled, In His Steps: What Would Jesus Do. The phrase had a resurgence in the US and elsewhere in the 1990s and as a personal motto for adherents of Christianity who used the phrase as a reminder of their belief in a moral imperative to act in a manner that would demonstrate the love of Jesus through the actions of the adherents.

I’m pretty sure that Jesus would not have let himself be trapped on Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Lane and neither should you let yourself be trapped there either. Even your smallest deed to act on those good intentions is better than wishing later that you had acted.

Indeed, it is the deed. Just do it.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Get out of your ruts and improvise…

February 7, 2022

Two quotes that I’ve saved from the Jack’s Winning Words blog just seemed to fit together this morning.

“How do you tell a rut from a tradition?”  (Fr Don Talafous)

“Life is a lot like jazz.  It’s best when you improvise.”  (George Gershwin)

Ruts occur in life all the time. One gets comfortable going to the same places, doing the same things and seeing the same people all the time. It’s not tradition, it’s a rut. Even beloved traditions can become things in which you find yourself just going through the motions, not really enjoying it; but, hey, it’s a tradition. Holidays can be like that. Even small things like gong out to eat can become ruts, when you restrict yourself to a small set of places that you “always go to on weekend.” I suspect that the answer to the question about how to tell if you’re in a rut rather than just following tradition is that ruts have no passion – there is no real enthusiasm in being in them.

Heeding Gershwin’s advice to improvise is the best way to break out of the ruts in your life. Improvising means trying something new, going someplace new or interacting with someone new. The phrase “getting out of your comfort zone” accurately describes what is likely to happen when you improvise. The sense of danger or discomfort in a new experience immediately heightens the enjoyment.

Trying a new restaurant or going to a new store or maybe trying a new sport are all ways to improvise; but, perhaps the most impactful is meeting new people. The other ways of improvising are mostly passive in nature – you mostly just experience them. That’s not a bad thing and experiencing them does add to your store of knowledge; however, you don’t really interact with them, you just experience them. Meeting new people forces you into an interactive mode and may immediately challenge some of the ruts (pre-conceived notions, or stereotypes, or prejudices) that have been dictating your life.

Of greatest impact to get you out of your ruts is meeting new people who are dramatically different from you. Meeting people of different races, ethnic groups or sexual preferences exposes you to points of view that may be very different from yours and forces you to consider those differences. Improvising by meeting new people from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs will also expose to you some of your own prejudices and hopefully cause you to reexamine and debunk them.

When a Jazz musician takes off on a riff he/she may not know where they will end up; they just know that they are enjoying the moment by improvising. The result is new and beautiful music. Life can be like that too. Improvise and enjoy the moment. You may discover that the new relationships that you form on those moments make beautiful music in your life. Get out of your ruts and improvise. You’ll have the best times of your life and maybe make new friends.

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