How are things turning out for you?

February 24, 2022

Life is a continuous process of discovery and our reactions to those discoveries. A quote from legendary basketball coach, John Wooden seems to be the most appropriate way to react to the twists and turns of life.

“Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out.”

Railing against things that have already happened or denying them is a gigantic waste of time and changes nothing. Rather, spending your time internalizing recent events and making necessary corrections in your life to move forward seems a much better course of action.

In today’s post to his Blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Freed used this quote from Jane Goodall –

“Lasting change is a series of compromises.  And compromise is all right, as long as your values don’t change.”

So perhaps we could combine the two thoughts and surmise that things work out best for those who are able to compromise and go on with life. But, what about that “values” part of Goodall’s quote. What if it is your “values” for which you need to seek compromise?

There is no generally applicable set of universal values or core beliefs in almost any society today. That is because most modern societies are not made up of people all from the same ethnic, religious or geopolitical backgrounds. The diversity of the population that brings strength to modern societies also dilutes the “values” of any one group. This results in the need for compromise even in the values upon which judgements are being made. If in no other way, it forces us to consider that someone else may have a completely different point of view on what is right and wrong in any given situation, based upon a different set of core values.

At the root of many of today’s seemingly intractable issues, such as LBGTQI rights, abortion and the role of government in our lives are differing sets of values which make compromise seem difficult. When you spend time trying to think about issues like that, you may quickly arrive at the correct conclusion that how you act or react to those issues is your decision and your decision alone. What “everybody knows” or “everyone says” has no real bearing. It is your personal responsibility to decide how you will act or react to the situation. That forces you to examine what you think are your “core values”.

If you are honest with yourself in that evaluation of your values, you may realize that there is not a value at the core of some of your actions/reactions at all; but, rather, that fear is the driving force in your decisions. Even ignorance in any situation leads to fear of the unknown as the driver for reactions.

The step after becoming more aware of what values (if any) are controlling your action is to examine whether compromise may be needed. That is really the reaction that Wooden was alluding to in his quote – making the best of how things turned out. Every fear-driven, knee-jerk reaction is just a “jerk” reaction. You need to stop and think before acting or reacting.

Maybe if you stop and at least think, “I have the power to control how I react to this”, it will force a better response. At a minimum, you will have avoided a knee-jerk reaction and at best you will react based upon your values rather than your fears. If it still doesn’t turn out for you, maybe then is the time to reexamine your “values” and perhaps seek a compromise.

How are things tuning out for you? Who decides? Perhaps one last quote will put you in the right frame of mind to answer that question –

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” (Alice Walker)

You have the power to decide how things turn out for you. Use your power.

Burst your own bubble…go beyond

September 28, 2019

The news these days is full of stories that reflect the clash of value systems as much as anything. In most cases the parties involved believe, some fervently, that they are in the right and the other parties are wrong. They believe that they are right because they are looking at things from within their own value systems. Let me explain.

Let’s begin by defining the term value system –



(plural value systems)

1. A hierarchy of values that all moral agents possess, demonstrated by their choices. Most people’s value systems differ, making the imposition of a singular value system by the state a source of constant social warfare. This is an individualistic concept. One’s value system is molded by one’s virtues or vices.

2. A person’s standards and self-discipline set, based on the common sense and wisdom of knowing what the proper moral rules and discipline are, and the amount of willingness to see themselves and others abide by them.

While a person’s value system is a very individual thing, the way that most people form their values is strongly influenced by the external factors that surround them where they live. Thus, ones values are often regional in nature. You can see this, if you look, when you travel from region to region in the United States or if you get the opportunity to travel or live in a foreign country. Not only is the language (or dialect) different from place to place, but many of the core “values” that impact how people act and interact may be dramatically different. It is more common, in the casual interactions that may occur, to notice the speech differences than to see the value difference.

One would almost have to be blind not to notice the difference in how people from various ethnic backgrounds and races interact in Canada, verses in the US. Based upon my admittedly limited travel experiences in Canada, there just seems to be more of a natural acceptance of people without any of the fears or prejudices that are prevalent in the U.S. jumping in the way before you’ve even had the chance to interact with them. That starting point provides the base for a much more civil and satisfying interactions.

Differences in religion and the role and importance of religion in the lives of people can have a major impact on their value systems. Although the United States has tried to maintain a secular governmental environment, a number of the most basic elements of our country’s collective value system and even our laws were based upon Christian values of right and wrong that the founders had when they declared independence from England. That is not the case in other countries, although religion does pay a major role in the value systems of many countries, especially those in which the population is primarily Islamic.  

I had the opportunity to live for a couple of years in Iran in the Middle East, prior to the Islamic Revolution. During that time, I got to know a few Iranians fairly well and was at least exposed to some of the influence of their Islamic religion. Religion plays a huge role in forming the values systems of the people in that country and in the region in general. I got an interesting and first-hand insight into how a value system that is based upon a completely different set of religious principals works. It is not something that can be easily understood, when viewed from the perspective of a base of Christian values; but, it drives the day-to-day behavior of believers in Islam as certainly as the values and beliefs of Christians drives their behavior.

So, we all live in our own little value systems and view the rest of the world through lens that are tinted by those values. That value system also defines the boundaries or limits of our world – – the places where we now stop or pull back because we are afraid to go beyond those points. Those boundaries are often marked by confusion, fear, loathing or hate. They define our pre-conceptions and prejudices. They are things that we don’t do, or people that we don’t interact with or places that we don’t go, because… There is seldom anything real after the “because” and that is because we don’t really have a reason for those reactions.  They are just part of the value system that we have accepted for ourselves – the little bubble that we live in.

If we are conscious of the fact that our actions and reactions are driven by our own value system, we can begin to change that value system by pushing beyond the boundaries that currently define our comfort zone. We can try new things, meet new people and form new opinions, based upon actual experiences and not limit ourselves to doing what our old value system defined as proper.  The challenge then is to think outside of the bubble that your value system has defined for you, to go beyond your comfort zone and push the boundaries of your value system. Find out for yourself.  You may find that “those kinds of people”, which your old value system labeled as dangerous and to be avoided, are actually quite interesting and fun to be around. You could discover that adventuring into places where “we don’t go” or doing “things that we don’t do” because of your old value system are actually quite fun and add to your knowledge base.

I am not espousing that you abandon all of your values; just that you continue to question any that may serve mainly to keep you from trying new things. Question your current fears, try to recognize your prejudices and be brave enough to push beyond the current limits of the bubble that you have built for yourself and experience new things, new places, new people. I think you will find the feelings of discomfort or fear are soon replaced by the delight found in experiencing rather than fearing, meeting rather than avoiding or seeing new places rather than being trapped in the same old ruts.

Have a great day pushing out the boundaries of your value system. Burst your own bubble and go beyond.

We are living in dangerous times, educate yourself…

September 26, 2016

“Dangers to Human Virtue: Business without ethics; Science without humanity; Politics without principles.”  (Gandhi) – from a past post on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

GandhiGandhi would surely be aghast at the current times. We see daily headlines about businesses, especially big banks conducting their business without ethics or morals. We read about more and more science being devoted to removing humans from the daily activities of life, including driving; and, we certainly are in the midst of one of the most unprincipled presidential election seasons ever. We have national level politicians loudly proclaiming that they are standing upon their principals as they obstruct legislation; when, in fact, the perches that they occupy are those of bigotry, hate, homophobia and racism.

In these dangerous times it is perhaps more important than ever to have a strong personal base of morals, ethics and principals, not to use as a shelter to hide away from the world, but as the knowledge base upon which you make decisions. That knowledge base is called “values” and those values are the result of educating yourself. William R. Inge said it best – “The aim of education is the knowledge, not of facts, but of values.” 

We tend to equate the term “education” with schooling; and, indeed, there is much to learn in the schools that we attend. Unfortunately, parts of what is learned in school are the bad values of some of one’s fellow students who are uneducated, perhaps even from the “teachers” that are there, too.

Perhaps a better source for establishing a good base of values is to be found in the Christian churches of America and the Bible upon which they are based. One aim of most religions is to establish rules bypreacher-pointing which the faithful can live. The perversion of many religions comes from the leaders within those religions who find ways to manipulate the written messages of their faith to serve their own purposes. Even in Christianity there are church leaders who loudly thump their Bibles as they spit out messages of hate, exclusion and bigotry. Perhaps Gandhi should have included a fourth danger in his quote – “Religion without love.”

There is an old saying about taking things with grain of salt. It is an idiom of the English language, which means to view something with skepticism, or to not take it literally. One must certainly do that in politics these days, as well as in business and science. One would do well to apply the same skepticism to some of what we hear coming from various religious leaders, too. Those who point to passages in the Bible and loudly proclaim that it is those words that justify their acts of bigotry or exclusion, must be viewed skeptically, for they are proclaiming a religion without love.

So, educate yourself to protect against the dangers of the world around us. Start with the Great Commandment – “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy WWJDheart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” — Matthew 22:35-40. If you can get those two down as the base of your values, you are off to a great start.

Have a great week ahead.