Hang in there…

January 29, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/29/24 – reprises of posts from the late Pastor Jack Freed…


“If the mountain were smooth, you couldn’t climb it.” (Quoted by Wintley Phipps) Many of us were fascinated in 2015 when TV showed two people climbing the sheer face of El Capitan, using only hands, feet, and a rope. They were able to succeed because small fissures in the rock allowed them to get finger and toe holds. There are some life problems that seem impossible to solve. Usually there’s a way. Keep searching, climbing…and keep hanging in there! 😉  Jack    
 
Originally sent April 11, 2016.

I also got this graphic today in another email –

One cannot climb a mountain or reach new heights without putting in the hard work. Sometimes that may feel like you are like a rock climber and just hanging in there by your fingertips. That too is part of the journey.

Life, like the mountain in Jack’s post, is not smooth and that’s actually a good thing. When you encounter a challenge or problem in life that seems to have no solution, look for that small crack or fissure that you can hold on to.

Perhaps you have nothing left to grasp but your faith. But faith alone can provide you with a solid toehold or fissure to grip. Faith can overcome fear and give you the strength and the courage to pull yourself up and go on. Faith can help you reach those new heights.

Keep the faith and hang in there. This is your year to reach new heights.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Dealing with your selfie…

January 24, 2024

Every now and then, in an unguarded moment of honesty we get a glimpse of ourselves – a mental selfie, if you will. Not everyone likes what they see. Not everyone can deal with what they see.

self

/self/

noun

  1. a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.

Introspection may lead to feelings of guilt or shame over something that we did or maybe didn’t do. In some cases, one’s selfie may result in feelings of inadequacy or disappointment over aspirations not met and goals not achieved. In many cases those feelings reflect our perception of how others see us; however, some, if not all, eventually resolve down to how we see ourselves – our mental selfie.

I believe that it is critical to your mental health to be able to forgive yourself. You must be able to forgive and let go of your past mistakes in judgement or deed. You must be able to give up what might have been, forgive yourself for the decisions that resulted in you ending up where you are, accept who you are and what is and move on.

Most of us do a better job of feeling sorry for ourselves or even hating ourselves than we do at forgiving ourselves. Sometimes in order to forgive ourselves we need someone else to forgive us first. That is where God comes in.  

Since, by definition, these moments of introspection usually occur when we are alone, there is no one else to turn to for forgiveness. It’s just you and God sitting there contemplating what you have discovered or admitted in your selfie. The Good News is that if you accept Him into your life, God forgives you no matter what it is and God loves you no matter who you are. You are then free to forgive yourself.

I have shared here a few times the simple little prayer that I use to forgive myself by accepting God’s forgiveness – “Not my will but thy will be done.” That simple prayer is your surrender of yourself to God and with it comes the transfer and forgiveness of your entire past and the entrusting of your entire future to God. You can feel the weight of your guilt or disappointment, or self-loathing being lifted from your shoulders as the hope for a better future rushes in.

So, go ahead and do your mental selfie. Take a look at what you see and realize that you are not alone while seeing these things in yourself. Accept God and hand Him your past. Accept His forgiveness and then forgive yourself. Now you can face the future without the baggage of the past. There’s a new you ready for your next selfie. You’ll love what you see in that one.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Define yourself…

January 11, 2024

“Other people’s definitions of you, sometimes they’re more about making themselves feel better. You gotta define yourself.” – Christopher Moltisanti from the TV show The Sopranos

How do you define yourself? Do you defer to what you think others might think about you or do you have your own definition of who you are?

Defining yourself sounds a lot like thinking of yourself in the third person, but really it’s about just being comfortable with who and what you are. A big part of defining yourself, as I have posted here a few times before, has to do with forgiving yourself. People who cannot forgive themselves for mistakes or poor decisions end up with very negative self-images – they define themselves as losers. Define yourself.

None of us are losers and none of us are perfect, without faults or mistakes in our lives. It is the ability to recognize, to own, and forgive their errors that frees people to move on and to define themselves. A big part of that comes from not focusing upon how others try to define you; but, rather, being conscious and proud of who you know you are. Define yourself.

There’s a James Bay song titled Let it go that contains the lyrics “why don’t you be you and I’ll be me”. While this song is a break up song and kind of a downer, those lyrics offer good advice for us all. Let everyone else be themselves and you just be you. Define yourself.

Another part of the James Bay song talks about letting things go and that is a key to being happy with yourself. You must let go of your feelings of guilt or failure or disappointment. I find the little prayer, “Not my will but thy will be done” to be a great help with letting things go. You must forgive yourself and you must move on. Define yourself.

There is also a song by the Staple Singers titled Respect Yourself that makes the point that if you don’t respect yourself no one else will respect you either. The first step towards respecting yourself is defining yourself and being happy with that definition. As the Staple Singers might have put it – “Ain’t nobody going to do it for you”. You can move on to respecting yourself once you Define Yourself.

Sometimes the jobs or positions that we are in serve to define a big part of who we are, or at least what the expectations of others might be of us, given the role that we are playing. That is true of first responders and police, of those who serve in the military and of pastors and priests. It is true also for those in positions of business or political power. The phrase, “with great power comes great responsibility” was coined for those people. They are judged and most certainly judge themselves by how they handle that responsibility. Define yourself.

It is important then to take some time to get a clear view of who and what you are trying to be – the definition of you that you hope others see, but more importantly the definition of you that you see. Let go of fears and prejudices, let go of uncertainties and doubts, let go of the past and guilt, let go of the definitions of others. You be you and I’ll be me. Define yourself.

Respect yourself.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What are you aiming to do better?

January 8, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/8/24 – reprised posts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.


“All I aim to do this year is better.” (PictureQuotes.com)  Are you into making resolutions? How’s it going? Recently a related quote was handed to me: “A year from now you’ll wish you had started today.” When we’re really serious about making changes in our life, it has to happen one day at a time. I’ve read that if you’re going to move a mountain, you begin by moving the first stone, even if it’s only a pebble. Basically, I aim to do better…starting today. 😉  Jack

Originally sent January 14, 2016.

I got the graphic below separately from today’s post from the Jack’s Winning Words blog, but it just seemed to be appropriate.

At this time of the year people and businesses are busy setting their goals for the coming year. Sometimes people call their goals resolutions. The one consistent factor in these plans/resolutions is a desire or need for change. Even a goal as nebulous as “doing better” begs the need for change.

In order to understand what needs to change or how you can do better, one needs to understand where they are starting from – what is the current situation that you would like to change? That understanding constitutes your starting point and the baseline from which you will measure the progress of the change.

Reflecting on what you’ve accomplished over the last year also allows you to think about what worked and what didn’t. It may require a reset of your goals or at least a reexamination of them to see if that is really still a goal worth pursuing.

One aspect of goals that is often misjudged is the timeline to accomplish them. Most of the time that is caused by a failure to breakdown ands understand the steps and sequence of events that must be accomplished on the journey to the end goal. Quite often with bigger or more ambitious goals there are a host of enabling things that must be accomplished before one can make progress on the main goal. Often these enabling steps involve education or training, which can take years in itself. So, perhaps one of the things that you’ll need to get better at is patience. Another is persistence.

In the business world there is a good advice about goal setting:

Goals must be achievable.

Goals must be measurable.

Goals must have a time constraint.

We should strive to make our resolutions for the year ahead adhere to those guidelines. Another good business practice to follow in our pursuit of our resolutions is that we must be held accountable. Someone else needs to know what your goal is and agree to provide you with an evaluation and feedback on your progress.  In business we call that someone your “accountability partner”.

So, as you begin another year with new resolutions (goals) for change and improvement, make sure that they are realistic (see list above). At the end of each day/week/month, take time to reflect back on how you spent your time and evaluate whether or not you actually accomplished and steps, no matter how small, towards your new goals for the year. Then renew your commitment to persistence and patience.

Move that first (or next) pebble today.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Escape your prison in 2024…

January 2, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/2/24 – reposts from the late Pastor Jack Freed’s blog


“As I walked out the door to my freedom, I knew if I did not leave all the anger, hatred and bitterness behind that I would still be in prison.” (Nelson Mandela) As we walk into the New Year, it would be well to follow Mandela’s example and leave behind that which has kept us from being the best that we can be. It is possible to let the past be the past and to live life in a new way. Let that be our resolve. 😉  Jack

Originally sent January 4, 2016.

As you begin a new year, perhaps focusing upon things that you decide not do are as important as making resolutions about things that you hope to do. If you can resolve to start 2024 by leaving behind the anger, hatred and bitterness in your life, you will have a much better year.

Instead of focusing upon getting even with someone else over some real or perceived harm that they may have caused you, focus instead upon forgiving them and moving on with your life.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity over poor decisions that you made in your past, focus upon forgiving yourself, learning from your mistakes, and moving on with life.

Instead of allowing fear and hatred to dictate your reaction to others who may no be like you, open your heart and your mind to the possibilities of new understanding, new learning and new friendships.

Instead of limiting yourself over concerns about what others may think, or trying to meet the expectations of others, be true to yourself and be the best that you can be.

Walk out of the prison of your past and begin a new life.

Have a great New Year in 2024.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Whose expectations are you trying to meet?

December 26, 2023

As I get older, some things that used to be important to me have lost that sense of importance, especially as it related to the use of my time. And, when I take the time to really think about it, many of those things were things that I was doing not so much because I really wanted to as it was that I thought someone else expected me to. I was letting what I perceived to be their expectations of me dictate the direction of my life.

Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that some level of recognition and acceptance of the expectations of others is required for an orderly society. The alternative is chaos. We all accept and obey the laws and expectations of society to some level. Those who choose to deviate from those expectations may be classified as criminals or perhaps as inventive genius’ or entrepreneurs. They are meeting their own expectations.

One does not have to be a criminal or a genius to focus upon their own expectations. I could use the words hopes and dreams in place of the word expectations. The point is understanding what is driving your behavior – what you want or what someone else wants?

When we are young, we may not really have a clear or firm vision of where we would like to go in life, so we “go with the flow” and let the expectations of others (parents, teachers, fiends) dictate our direction. At some point in life our own expectations gel and we seem to know what we want and take steps to get achieve those goals/ambitions/expectations.

By the time that one achieves that level of clarity about their personal expectations, they may be so locked into the roles that others expect of them that they cannot see any way to pursue their own goals. They may be married and have children. They may be deeply committed to some profession. That doesn’t mean that they can’t still pursue their dream, just that it will be harder and more complicated to do so.

If all of this makes pursuing your own expectations seem like a self-centered or selfish way to live there is some truth to that, but it is not necessarily something to be ashamed of. Shakespeare said in his play Hamlet, “To thine own self be true”. Acknowledging and pursuing your own hopes, dreams, and expectations is just being true to yourself.

If you have that nagging feeling at the end of each week that you ae not happy, even though you may be meeting the expectations of others in your role as employee, spouse or parent, take the time to think about what it is that you really want to be doing – what your hopes and dreams and expectations are in life. At least acknowledge that you have expectations of your own and that achieving them is also important in your life.

Once you get that clear, you can start thinking about how you might achieve those goals without completely disrupting your current life. Those new expectations can co-exist with the expectations that you are already locked into meeting. Talk with your spouse about what you want to do and seek their support for your effort. Start making small progress steps towards those new goals – maybe a college-level class or some introductory instruction on a needed skill.

Perhaps the “down time” between Christmas and New Year’s Eve provides a good opportunity to stop and think about whose expectations you are meeting in your daily life and to rediscover your own hopes and dreams. Perhaps you can set a few expectations for yourself based upon them. Your New Year’s Resolutions can then include meeting a few of your own expectations.

Have a great New Year of meeting your own expectations.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t put away everything…

December 18, 2023

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 12/18/23 – a reprise of a post made by the late Pastor Jack Freed.
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in the department store, and he asked me for my autograph.” (Shirley Temple Black) The Bible says, “When I was a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put away childish things.” I loved believing in Santa, but, as an adult, I appreciate knowing about the “real” St. Nicholas who went around giving gifts of food, clothing and firewood to the poor. In this time of Christmas, let’s remember St. Nicholas. He wasn’t make-believe. 😉  Jack
 
Originally sent December 23, 2020.

Our society embraces the concept of “growing up” and putting away childish things – perhaps too much. I like the words of George Bernard Shaw, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

It is the need to constantly be serious and “adult” about everything that causes us not only to grow old but to suffer the mental condition we call depression. The inability to stop being serious and just play is oppressive. Our reluctance to see and acknowledge the absurdities in life and our self-imposed restriction of our sense of humor can create a very rigid and dour individual. We need to let the child in us out to play again.

“We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything than when we are playing.” -Charles Schaefer.

Watching young children play, one is treated to the sense of wonderment and pure fun that all too quickly is replaced as we grow up by the need to compete with others. Very young children don’t often play “us verses them” games; they just play “us having fun” games. We need to revisit that realm as adults. It is the introduction somewhere along the path of “growing up” that of the concept of “keeping score” is introduced and the games that we play are never the same again.

 “The opposite of play is not work. It’s depression.” Brian Sutton-Smith

Even in what we call our recreational time, the games that we play as adults all seem to have some way of keeping score and that leads to comparing ourselves against others. Once those comparisons start, it is all to easy to become obsessed with “beating the scores of others. We can’t just be happy to play by ourselves, we have to be better, smarter, prettier than someone else. Our games become zero sum where someone must lose in order for us to win. We have lost the ability to play like a child and that is not good. Perhaps the problem is that we become captives of the games we play.

“Take someone who doesn’t keep score, who’s not looking to be richer, or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality: he’s free.” — Rumi

So, don’t put away all things from your childhood. Free yourself to play again like you did as a child. Sing and dance like nobody’s looking. And don’t worry about the need to work., That will take care of itself.

“This is the real secret of life — to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.” – Alan Watts

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Posted by Norm Werner

Look for God’s beacon…

December 11, 2023

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 12/11/23 – posts made to his blog by the late Pastor Jack Freed, now being reposted by his son.

“A candle of God’s goodness can serve as a beacon of hope for those navigating dark passages of their lives.” (Hanukkah Quote) One thing that Hanukkah and Christmas have in common is a message of HOPE. God’s goodness is always with us…told by the menorah’s nine candles, or the one Christmas Star. As we traipse the dark passages of life, let’s not forget that God is with us. In the darkest hours, seen or unseen, our Hope is that God goes with us. 😉  Jack 
 
Originally sent December 10, 2020.

We may think of those going through dark times in their lives and hope that God is with them; however, there are quite often others with them that we seldom stop to think about. They are the ones who

provide support and comfort to those involved in life’s darker moments.. They are the first responders who arrive at scenes of chaos, accidents, tragedies or pain and loss They include the healthcare workers who are involved at the hospitals or those who must visit the homes or bedsides to offer support or condolences.  We do not spend much time thinking about the impact on their lives made by the things they must deal with daily, yet that impact can be profound. Those are dark passages.

 When you really stop to think about it, it’s not hard to understand why these people may be impacted. They are, after all, people who care enough to want to help and they are often involved in an extremely hard time for those they are helping. Some of the pain, sadness, anguish or sorrow cannot help but rub off on them, too. Their empathy is a conduit for sharing those feelings and it is impossible for it not to have an impact. Those are dark passages.

I certainly include in this group the priests and pastors who try to bring spiritual strength to people in situations when it an seems like God has abandoned them. How terribly difficult it must be to assure the parents or loved one’s of the victims of a mass shooting that God is with them. How hard it must be after the loss of a spouse to try to comfort and reassure the grieving survivor. How it must tear at the soul of even the most devout to preside over the funeral of a young life cut short by drugs or violence or suicide. Those are dark passages.

Yet, through all of our dark passages, if we but turn to God, his goodness will shine as a beacon and the light will show us the way out of the darkness. Seeking God’s help doesn’t have to be something elaborate, just something sincere. In my personal times of darkness, I have turned to the simple prayer, “Not my will, but thy will be done.” Try it and let God’s beacon of hope show you the way out of those dark passages.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What will you deliver?

December 4, 2023

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – reprises of post made by the late Pastor Jack Freed
“Remember that at the end of the day, it’s not what you say or do, but how you make people feel that matters the most.” (Tony Hsieh – Former CEO of Zappos) Tony was a multi-millionaire businessman who died tragically in a house fire at age 46. He was living proof that you could be successful and a good human being, too. His business mantra was, “I want to deliver happiness.” It’s a good mantra for any of us as we go through life. 😉 Jack
 
Originally sent December 9, 2020.

Whether we are aware of it or not, every encounter with someone else makes some kind of impression and affects their day in some way. We aren’t aware of it. We don’t think about it. Maybe we don’t care about it. But maybe we should. What will you deliver?

Very few people ae aware of what their normal, “at rest” mien looks like, or maybe even what the word mien means –

 Mien – noun

  1. a person’s look or manner, especially one of a particular kind indicating their character or mood.

Our “at rest” mien is the look that the world sees when we really aren’t trying to give any look at all. Most of the time we walk around with our at rest mien on our faces. What we don’t realize is that this look might convey to others that we are unhappy or sad or maybe even mad. A face at rest tends to droop and may even droop into a frown. The people that you encounter aren’t aware that you may be completely neutral in your feelings; they just see a frown on your face assume that you ae unhappy or having a bad day. You are not delivering happiness. Quite the opposite. What will you deliver?

So, what is one to do? It is hard to keep a smile on your face all the time. Perhaps, instead, if you adopt the attitude that every encounter is an opportunity to give and to receive happiness your mien will automatically adjust to the situation. What will you deliver?

Start by deciding to give the happiness of a smile and a greeting to everyone that you meet. Greeting someone that you don’t even know shows them that you are interested in them and friendly. A greeting made to someone almost always gets a response and that exchange alone can cause a smile or pleasant look to come to your face, too. What will you deliver?

Resolve this morning to go through the day more aware of the encounters with others that will occur and more conscious of what they will see and experience from you because of those encounters. Try to imagine the impact that meeting your will have on them and their day. Did they pass by a grumpy old man (or woman) who did not acknowledge them, or did they encounter a friendly, smiling person who greeted them and made their day a little better? What will you deliver today?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Throw something back…

November 28, 2023

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 11/27/23

Maya Angelou

“You can’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.”  (Maya Angelou)  Giving Tuesday is today, a reaction to Black Friday and Cyber Monday. As we spend for holiday giving, let’s not forget the charity needs around us.  😉 Jack

 Originally sent December 1, 2020. These posts reprise the work of Pastor Jack Freed.

There really shouldn’t be a need for a Giving Tuesday, but I suppose it does serve to give people pause in this season of excess to think about those in need. Maybe we can assuage whatever sense of guilt we have about our excess by throwing a buck or two into a red kettle. Perhaps it makes us feel good about ourselves (however temporarily) because we emptied our pocket of change to give to some cause or person. But are these acts really throwing something back or just covering over our feelings of guilt?

There is a convenient comfort in thinking that just throwing money at the problems is the answer. That seems to be the approach that many so-called Liberal politicians have to the problems of poverty and disadvantage in America. At least it is better than the approach of the so-call Conservatives which is to say, “I got mine, you get a job and get your own.” Both approaches turn a blind eye to the underlying causes and offer no long-term solutions.

So, what can we throw back to really help solve the problems that cause poverty and disadvantage. The answer may be based more on the Conservatives call for work over charity; however, their “solution” stops there without offering supporting programs of education and training to help put people to work. For too many it is easier to budget for places to lock people up than it is for places to educate and train people. Our society cannot just stand piously saying, “Get a job”, without providing some support for job training and placement.

On an individual level what we can throw back may be an opportunity for some disserving, but disadvantaged person. Most of the time that help starts by just taking the time to listen to them. By understanding how they go where they are you can more easily formulate a plan of assistance to get them where they need to be to get back on their feet. Just the fact that you probably have access to the Internet, and they might not, equips you to help them.

Some get swept up in vicious cycles involving drugs or alcohol and a key to breaking those cycles is found in intervention and rehabilitation programs. That person may have the necessary education or skills to succeed, if only they can break out of that drug or alcohol cycle that has kept them a prisoner for some time. Your throw back in those cases might be to direct them to such programs (use the Internet for that, too) and to support and encourage them as they progress through the program.

The important point of all of this is that you should be more than just a taker in life.  You can and should throw something back. What will you do to throw something back?

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Posted by Norm Werner

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