“Almost” should encourage one to keep trying

March 10, 2022

Two recent quotes from the Jack’s Winning Words blog this week seem appropriate to use together –

“It’s hard to measure ‘almost’ because ‘almost’ doesn’t matter.” (Rip: Yellowstone/season 1 episode 4)

“You are capable of more than you know.”  (Glinda, the Good Witch)

The word “almost” has got to rank right up there with “Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda” in life’s list of often used laments.

At least those who “almost” won at whatever they were doing have the satisfaction of having tried, maybe even having tried their best and just fallen short whereas those who coulda, woulda and shoulda didn’t even try.

That effort to attempt something makes “almost” actually matter. Out of most cases of “almost” often comes the resolve to keep trying. The recently concluded Winter Olympics featured television story after story of those who trained for years for the chance to compete yet didn’t win. An oft heard ending to those stories was the phrase, “I’ll be back.” In many cases, even though they did not win, the athletes achieved person bests and proved to themselves that they could compete at that level. In those case, “almost” strengthened their resolve to keep training and keep trying.

That brings us to the second quote from Glinda the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz. The people who continue the pursuit of their dreams even in the face of “almost” embrace the thought that they are capable of more.

There was a story on the local news last night about a boy from Mumford High School in Detroit finally winning what he has been working toward for four years. He is a wrestler and began wrestling as a freshman because his coaches saw more in him that he saw in himself at the time. He did not make the state wrestling championships that year, but the next the year he went to the State competition and came in 8th. Last year, as a Junior, he went to States again and finished second – he almost won. He kept at it and this year was the State Champion in his weight class – the first wrestler from Mumford to ever win a state wrestling championship. He bought into the faith that his coaches initially had in him.

The lesson today is not to let the disappointment of “almost” drag you down into the morass of “coulda, woulda, shoulda”; but, rather, to use it as motivation and take Glinda’s advice to continue to strive for those things that you didn’t know you are capable of. In life that can mean going for that job that you didn’t think you could get or maybe asking that person out who you didn’t think would accept.

Wayne Gretzky famously said – You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” So, take your shots in life; especially if you almost made it last time. You are capable of more than you know. Keep trying.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Challenge what you “know”…

March 7, 2022

A post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog some time ago popped up in my mind again today and I decided it was time to write about it.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” (Maya Angelou)

Angelou has often been called America’s conscience for the advice that she provided in her poetry and writings.

Most of us go through life making decisions based in part (sometimes in large part) on things that we believe rather than things that we know.

I think we all carry around baggage with us of beliefs that we mistake for facts. In recent years we have become more sensitive to the fact that others may be distorting the facts in order to channel our beliefs in a direction favorable to them – it is standard fare in politics were the phrase “Fake News” has gained traction. That is one reason that it is important to always challenge whether things driving our decisions are just based upon beliefs and not proven facts.

Every time you start a thought or start talking with the phrase “I know”, stop and think about that. Do you really “know” based upon observation or proven facts, or do you just believe, based up something that you heard from someone else or maybe saw on the Internet. Much of the time you may discover that you don’t really “know”, you just have believes. Most fears are based on beliefs rather than facts. Those baseless fears are the foundation of prejudice and hate in many.

There are many (if not most) things in life that we cannot prove for ourselves, but we can at least chose to believe (know) things that come from a proven source with direct knowledge or proof from scientific testing. It is tragic that so many people have died during the COVID pandemic because they believed some cockamamie things they saw on the Internet or heard from someone who was not a health care professional. All the while there was validated advice from health experts that those so-called cures or preventatives were just like the snake oil; of old – total BS.

Maybe the best advice is to stop yourself every time that you start to think or say, “I know”, and think about whether you really know or just believe that what you are thinking or about to say is valid. An even worse start to any thought or thing to say would be, “I assume(d)”. Assumptions are not only unproven they are literally things that you made up yourself, without any evidence to support them.

So, when you challenge what you “know” and take the time to sort out the truths from the beliefs, you actually end up knowing better. Angelou’s advice then makes more sense and is easier to heed. Why would you continue to make bad decisions based upon bad beliefs when you now “know” better?

Now you can do better.

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Posted by Norm Werner

How are things turning out for you?

February 24, 2022

Life is a continuous process of discovery and our reactions to those discoveries. A quote from legendary basketball coach, John Wooden seems to be the most appropriate way to react to the twists and turns of life.

“Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out.”

Railing against things that have already happened or denying them is a gigantic waste of time and changes nothing. Rather, spending your time internalizing recent events and making necessary corrections in your life to move forward seems a much better course of action.

In today’s post to his Blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Freed used this quote from Jane Goodall –

“Lasting change is a series of compromises.  And compromise is all right, as long as your values don’t change.”

So perhaps we could combine the two thoughts and surmise that things work out best for those who are able to compromise and go on with life. But, what about that “values” part of Goodall’s quote. What if it is your “values” for which you need to seek compromise?

There is no generally applicable set of universal values or core beliefs in almost any society today. That is because most modern societies are not made up of people all from the same ethnic, religious or geopolitical backgrounds. The diversity of the population that brings strength to modern societies also dilutes the “values” of any one group. This results in the need for compromise even in the values upon which judgements are being made. If in no other way, it forces us to consider that someone else may have a completely different point of view on what is right and wrong in any given situation, based upon a different set of core values.

At the root of many of today’s seemingly intractable issues, such as LBGTQI rights, abortion and the role of government in our lives are differing sets of values which make compromise seem difficult. When you spend time trying to think about issues like that, you may quickly arrive at the correct conclusion that how you act or react to those issues is your decision and your decision alone. What “everybody knows” or “everyone says” has no real bearing. It is your personal responsibility to decide how you will act or react to the situation. That forces you to examine what you think are your “core values”.

If you are honest with yourself in that evaluation of your values, you may realize that there is not a value at the core of some of your actions/reactions at all; but, rather, that fear is the driving force in your decisions. Even ignorance in any situation leads to fear of the unknown as the driver for reactions.

The step after becoming more aware of what values (if any) are controlling your action is to examine whether compromise may be needed. That is really the reaction that Wooden was alluding to in his quote – making the best of how things turned out. Every fear-driven, knee-jerk reaction is just a “jerk” reaction. You need to stop and think before acting or reacting.

Maybe if you stop and at least think, “I have the power to control how I react to this”, it will force a better response. At a minimum, you will have avoided a knee-jerk reaction and at best you will react based upon your values rather than your fears. If it still doesn’t turn out for you, maybe then is the time to reexamine your “values” and perhaps seek a compromise.

How are things tuning out for you? Who decides? Perhaps one last quote will put you in the right frame of mind to answer that question –

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” (Alice Walker)

You have the power to decide how things turn out for you. Use your power.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Grow up and be you…

February 21, 2022

I saw this quote on-line somewhere and decided to save it – “It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.” – E.E. Cummings

It seems to pair nicely with one that I saved from the Jack’s Winning Words blog – “The thing about chameleoning your way through life is that it gets to where nothing is real.” (John Green)

Too many young people try to chameleon their way through life, emulating the look and life of their favorite rock or movie star or maybe just someone else at their school or in their circle of friends. Some fear being unpopular of they allow others to see them as they really are or maybe they just don’t think who they really are is very interesting. It takes a while for the young, or any of us, to discover and understand themselves. It may take even longer to accept that understanding and have the courage to be who we really are.

Another quote that I’ve had hanging around for quite some time seems appropriate to this post – “If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?”  Gloria Steinem

Obviously, the foot is who you really are and the shoe is who you have been trying to be (or to be like). You must have the courage to be who you really are and to learn to love being that person. I’ve posted here a few times on loving yourself, which means loving who you are. If you can’t love who you’ve become, work on becoming a better you, someone that you can love, not on trying to be like someone else.

So, stop being a chameleon, get real and summon up the courage to be who you really are. You’ll feel better about yourself and I think you’ll find that others feel better about you, too. Those “friends” who only liked the person that you were pretending to be weren’t really your friends at all. You will find new friends who are attracted to and like the person you really are, and they are your true friends.

Grow up and be you.

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That’s enough for me…

February 15, 2022

I’ve been saving this quote for some time, trying to figure out the best way to use it, because it sums up so well my feelings after 56 years of marriage. Somehow it makes perfect sense to use it on Valentine’s Day.

“There will be no medals or monuments for me, but I have loved one person with my whole heart and soul, and that’s enough for me.”  (Nicholas Sparks) 

“Image courtesy of Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

When marriages last a long time they undergo many changes, just like the people involved in them. The thing that gets the couples through the tough times that all marriages encounter is love. The thing that endures long after the heat of passion has become glowing embers rather than leaping flames is love. The thing that allows the forgiveness of forgotten birthdays or anniversaries is love. The thing that allows us to look beyond to the ravages of aging bodies and still see beauty is love.  That’s enough for me.

It seems that it takes most people a long time to figure out what is truly important in life; not what you may like or enjoy at the moment, but what really natters and endures. Perhaps that is the maturity and wisdom that comes with age. Most eventually get it, but for some that wisdom comes too late and the one person to whom thy might have given their love to is gone. I was blessed to find my true love 56 years ago and share the biggest part of my life with her. That’s enough for me.

Every night the last thing that my wife and I say to each other as we go to bed is “I love you”. If I didn’t wake up in the morning I would be content that the last thing I said on earth was “I love you” to her and the last thing I heard was “I love you” in return. That’s enough for me.

Happy Valentine’s Day my love. You’re enough for me!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Indeed, it is the deed…

February 9, 2022

Although I saw today’s quote recently on-line somewhere, I’m sure that it has been used in the Jack’s Winning Words blog, probably more than once.

 “The smallest deed is better than the grandest intention.” – Anonymous

I have also mentioned here before that one of my mother’s oft used phrases was, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” She would have agreed that the road to hell should probably be called ‘Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Lane”.

Inaction is often the path of least resistance and one too often chosen by many. For most the underlying cause is fear – fear of real or imagined negative or dangerous outcomes or fear of failure if we try. But surrendering to fear steals our lives away and we become zombies (the living dead). Early Twentieth Century reporter and author Dorothy Thompson put it this way – “Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.”

We should not become content with ourselves if we know that something is wrong and do nothing about it. We do not have to try to single handedly conquer the worlds big problems – hunger, wars, disease, poverty and the like; however, we can act as an individual on any of them by supporting the big efforts that are already underway through organizations like The U.N. or The Red Cross or W.H.O. At a small. Local level there are any number of worthy Go Fund Me drives underway at any time and lots of local volunteer non-profits in need of help. You don’t have to be rich to make an impact locally where your volunteer time is often the most needed resource.

Sometimes it is just acting on your concerns or what you observe that can make a dramatic difference. Think how many recent tragedies might have been averted had someone who noticed a troubled person’s distress had acted to help them or get them help before they acted on their troubled state. Being more aware of your surroundings and the signed that are there as calls for help could make a huge difference in things like domestic violence or human trafficking.

Most people have good intentions, but their comfort zone keeps them on Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Lane instead of taking action to implement those intentions. Keep in mind that the size of the response based upon those intentions is not as important as actually taking the first steps to implement those intentions. Maybe keeping the Nike slogan – Just Do It – in mind will help or maybe remember those little WWJD bracelets from the 1990’s.

From Wikipedia – The phrase “What would Jesus do?”, often abbreviated to WWJD, became popular particularly in the United States in the late 1800s after the widely read book by Charles Sheldon entitled, In His Steps: What Would Jesus Do. The phrase had a resurgence in the US and elsewhere in the 1990s and as a personal motto for adherents of Christianity who used the phrase as a reminder of their belief in a moral imperative to act in a manner that would demonstrate the love of Jesus through the actions of the adherents.

I’m pretty sure that Jesus would not have let himself be trapped on Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Lane and neither should you let yourself be trapped there either. Even your smallest deed to act on those good intentions is better than wishing later that you had acted.

Indeed, it is the deed. Just do it.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Get out of your ruts and improvise…

February 7, 2022

Two quotes that I’ve saved from the Jack’s Winning Words blog just seemed to fit together this morning.

“How do you tell a rut from a tradition?”  (Fr Don Talafous)

“Life is a lot like jazz.  It’s best when you improvise.”  (George Gershwin)

Ruts occur in life all the time. One gets comfortable going to the same places, doing the same things and seeing the same people all the time. It’s not tradition, it’s a rut. Even beloved traditions can become things in which you find yourself just going through the motions, not really enjoying it; but, hey, it’s a tradition. Holidays can be like that. Even small things like gong out to eat can become ruts, when you restrict yourself to a small set of places that you “always go to on weekend.” I suspect that the answer to the question about how to tell if you’re in a rut rather than just following tradition is that ruts have no passion – there is no real enthusiasm in being in them.

Heeding Gershwin’s advice to improvise is the best way to break out of the ruts in your life. Improvising means trying something new, going someplace new or interacting with someone new. The phrase “getting out of your comfort zone” accurately describes what is likely to happen when you improvise. The sense of danger or discomfort in a new experience immediately heightens the enjoyment.

Trying a new restaurant or going to a new store or maybe trying a new sport are all ways to improvise; but, perhaps the most impactful is meeting new people. The other ways of improvising are mostly passive in nature – you mostly just experience them. That’s not a bad thing and experiencing them does add to your store of knowledge; however, you don’t really interact with them, you just experience them. Meeting new people forces you into an interactive mode and may immediately challenge some of the ruts (pre-conceived notions, or stereotypes, or prejudices) that have been dictating your life.

Of greatest impact to get you out of your ruts is meeting new people who are dramatically different from you. Meeting people of different races, ethnic groups or sexual preferences exposes you to points of view that may be very different from yours and forces you to consider those differences. Improvising by meeting new people from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs will also expose to you some of your own prejudices and hopefully cause you to reexamine and debunk them.

When a Jazz musician takes off on a riff he/she may not know where they will end up; they just know that they are enjoying the moment by improvising. The result is new and beautiful music. Life can be like that too. Improvise and enjoy the moment. You may discover that the new relationships that you form on those moments make beautiful music in your life. Get out of your ruts and improvise. You’ll have the best times of your life and maybe make new friends.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Get real…

January 31, 2022

In today’s post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Freed used this quote – “Generations will scarce believe that such a man (as Gandhi) ever in flesh and blood walked upon the Earth.”  (Albert Einstein)

I can’t believe that I was able to use a picture of Gandhi two posts in a row.

It is hard to understand how some people are able to disbelieve something happening or the existence of someone just because they did not see it for themselves. Some instead believe something that they heard from someone else or saw misrepresented somewhere else (mainly on the Internet).

I do remember Gandhi and the news coverage of him and his movement to free India from British rule. The first U.S. President that I can recall being aware of was Harry Truman at the end of his term in office. I remember what a newsworthy event it seemed to be when his daughter Margaret entertained guests in the White House. I remember when Dwight Eisenhower became President his love of golf made coverage of his golf outings a news event. I was in college when John F. Kennedy was President and remember vividly the day when he was killed. Trust me, those people all lived and I remember them – I saw them for myself (mainly on TV).

Not many people deny that those people existed, even if they were not alive at the time. Many events in history, on the other hand, seem more open to people believing or not believing that they ever took place, even those that have been well documented. Incredibly there are those who choose to believe that the Holocaust never happened, that was all made up somehow. Others believe that the landing on the moon never happened, that it was all an elaborate Hollywood studio trick.

Now we have people spouting all sorts of theories and false claims about things like COVID-19 and the 2020 election, which an unfortunately large number of people choose to believe. Those who buy into those theories and claims live in an alternative reality. So, we are all faced with living in what seems like a never-ending episode of that old Rod Serling show – The Twilight Zone. I remember the opening line – “You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind.”

So here we are, watching nightly news casts of people shouting and carrying signs against restrictions for a disease that they don’t believe exists or against the best medical advice, which they believe is a giant conspiracy somehow launched to try to control them. We see otherwise seemingly intelligent people continuing to rail against the official results of a long over election because their reality is different from what the facts (and several courts) indicate. We hear about complex conspiracies launched by hidden forces or people that aim to control our minds and our daily lives – alternative realities as far fetched as the Hollywood moon landing theories.

It seems to me that too many people never get past the question, “Is it possible…?” and don’t ask themselves the question, “Does it make sense…?” None of the currently popular conspiracy theories stand up to the cold logic of answering that question honestly. Theories that depend upon “someone, somehow, somewhere…” without identifying and verifying any of those variables just don’t hold water.

So, take the time to examine and question what you see on the Internet or hear from someone else before you let it settle into your mind as a belief that will guide your future behavior. Gandhi did walk the earth and men did walk on the moon and COVID-19 is a real disease that can kill you. That is the true reality. Don’t get trapped in the Twilight Zone of theories and lies. Get real.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Be a better you…

January 26, 2022

Today’s post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog contained this quote – “Our innermost prayer should be that a Hindu should become a better Hindu, a Muslim a better Muslim and a Christian a better Christian.”  (Attributed to Gandhi)

In essence all are praying to be a better person and that’s a good thing. At their core all religions believe in and worship a supreme entity that rules the world that they know. Christians call that entity God. The other religions have their own names for the supreme being, some even using the word God in their beliefs, too.

Most religions also have written documents that define and codify the beliefs of the followers. All of those documents and books were written by followers, with most of the authors themselves being held in great reverence by the faithful. In most of those religious books that I know of, or have heard of, there are instructions given to the followers about how to be a better person by emulating the characteristics of the supreme being. In other words, there are instructions on how to be a better you.

As a Christian, I am reminded of the little bracelets that were embossed with WWJD.  In the 1990s a youth group leader at Calvary Reformed Church in Holland, Michigan, named Janie Tinklenberg, began a grassroots movement to help the teenagers in her group remember the phrase; it spread worldwide in the 1990s among Christian youth, who wore bracelets bearing the initials WWJD – What Would Jesus Do.

Certainly, holding oneself up to the standard of Jesus is a tall task and likely impossible; however, stopping to think about that phrase before acting in any situation is both worthwhile and beneficial. It can help you be a better you.

In most cases being a better you means doing what is right, just, and honorable. But right, just, and honorable by what standards? That is where one’s religious beliefs come into play. They provide a set of standards by which we can measure ourselves. You should stop to think, “When this is all said and done, will I be proud of how I acted?” Proud by what standard? By the standards that you believe are set by your religious beliefs. If you are a Christian and what you are about to do does not meet the WWJD standard, then you will feel the guilt of failing to meet that standard. That feeling may be enough to deter you from that action (or inaction).

So, take the advice of Gandhi to heart and add to your prayers the request that God help you be a better Christian/Hindu/Muslim/Whatever, a better you. And, if you are a Christian, remember to stop and think WWJD. Be a better you.

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Posted by Norm Werner

At least pull the trigger…

January 25, 2022

A quote that I saved from the Jack’s Winning Words blog inspired this morning’s post – “I learned a long time ago that there is something worse than missing the goal, and that’s not pulling the trigger.”  (Mia Hamm)

Mia Hamm has been a long-time star on the Us Women’s soccer team and related the many times she pulled the trigger on scoring attempts that failed on her way to the record setting successes that she had. She expressed no regrets on having tried and failed. Her quote shows that a strong and consistent commitment to taking action is preferable to being paralyzed by fear or indecision.

I have another quote that I saved from Jack’s blog that goes well with Hamm’s – “Don’t plan it all. Let life surprise you a little.” (Julia Alvarez)

It is in the tendency to over plan life that many become bogged down in paralysis by analysis and end up doing nothing, not pulling the trigger. Allowing life to surprise you every now and then is essentially taking a chance and pulling the trigger without taking time to consider all of the potential outcomes. That does not have to be as reckless as it might sound. I am not espousing doing really dangerous or stupid things – things like one might see on the show Jackass – but rather that many unplanned or surprise things turn up in life may well lead you in new directions without involving excess danger. You will never know unless you try them. At least pull the trigger…

The most simple and common example of life’s surprises is meeting new people. One encounters people every day that you may not have met before. At that moment you have a choice to make. Do you smile and say hello, in hopes of getting a response or do you lower your eyes and hurry past them in hopes that they do not notice you? If you never pull the trigger on those occasions, think of how many interesting people you will never meet. Sure, you may end up meeting a few jerks or people that you just wish you could get away from – those are the misses that Hamm talked about. But what a pleasant surprise when you meet someone with whom you can have a nice conversation and maybe even begin a friendship. At least pull the trigger…

The same is true of things like trying a new restaurant or a new store or going to a new place for vacation. Too many times we allow the safe comfort zone of the places that we know stop us from trying those new places. In today’s fast-paced world of high technology, many older people have resisted embracing new technologies, sometimes out of fear that they will look stupid while trying to learn. Those who embraced new communications technologies were much better prepared to ride out the restrictions on personal meetings imposed by the current pandemic; unlike those who allowed themselves to become isolated because they would not learn how to use Zoom or other methods of sharing time with others. At least pull the trigger…

So rather than let fear of the unknown or the need to plan everything out prevent you from trying new things, meeting new people and journeying on new adventures, let life surprise you a little and at least try them. Embrace the Nike motto and “Just do it”. Instead of stopping yourself, by thinking that it would be reckless or dangerous to proceed, try thinking of it as a grand new adventure full of wonderful possibilities. That positive attitude will help you get over any initial rough spots and enable you to enjoy the benefits of new knowledge, new experiences, and new friends.  At least pull the trigger…

You’ll be glad that you did.

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