NormsMilfordBlog

There are some events or competitions that take very little time in themselves. The 100 meter dash comes to mind or a quarter-lime drag race. Both can be over in under 10 seconds, but both events are really just the culmination of lots of hard work – sometimes years’ worth of preparation.

We have become a society more conditioned to, and used to, instant gratification. Patience and perseverance have been largely relegated to the dust bin of history in this era of smart phones and short attention spans. The mantra, “we want it all and we want it now” rules the day for many.

Yet, there are those who still understand that great things take time and sustained effort. Every now and then the TV coverage of one of those seemingly short-term successes will go behind the scenes to report on the amount of training time and effort that went into that 10 second blast of success. Only then do we appreciate the patience and perseverance of the winning athlete that went into that moment.

Many people pursue great things/goals without giving much conscientious thought to them. Being a good person, spoouce or parent pops to mind. Goals like those are just lurking there in the back of your mind. One might pause every now and then to think about what the “right thing” to do is in any particular situation, and the commitment to being a good person or a better husband or parent kicks in and guides your decisions.

Unlike the winner at the end of the 100-meter dash, we do not get to wrap ourselves in a flag and take a victory lap for having been a good person or parent. We may sit and reflect upon the success of the parenting work that we put in as we listen to our son or daughter take their wedding vows. I suspect that there isn’t a dad or mom who didn’t tear up while doing the wedding dance with their child. That was their victory lap and they realized it.

As I enter the Autumn years of my life, I look back and realize so many of the ambitions and goals that I pursued, including most of those that I accomplished, turned out to be relatively meaningless. The goals that really mattered – to be that better person and a good husband and parent – are still what drives me day-to-day. Those are great things worth pursuing with patience and perseverance. My hope is that my last thought on earth will be – I won those races.

Then, I’ll take my victory lap in heaven.

Procrastination is the biggest roadblock to success if not to greatness. Pausing to think before acting may be OK, if that pause is limited and temporary. That pause needs to be focused upon the positives and not the negatives that one can see in the actions ahead. So, start already…

One does not have to have all the answers and solutions to possible scenarios in order to get started. The real key is having confidence in one’s decision making when the unexpected things pop up along the way. I most often pray not so much for a specific positive outcome but for God’s help in making good decisions on things that crop up in the future. Try it. Maybe it will help get you off the starting line. So, start already…

“If you truly love yourself, you’re never really alone.” (Charlotte Gale, the new owner of Duck Ledges Island) The quote appeared in a story about Charlotte buying Duck Ledge Island, Maine, after meeting the requirement to spend a night alone on the island in the tiny cabin that is there. Her quote came in reply to a question from the seller about whether she felt alone in the tiny cabin on the little island in the middle of nowhere. The seller liked her answer and felt that she was the right person to whom to pass the island.

I remember in my corporate life taking a class called “I’m OK: you’re OK”. It was based upon the book of the same title by Thomas Harris. The class focused upon how to recognize the different personality types that one might encounter and how to deal with them. Whether we realize it or not that is what we do every day in life. Life is transactional. The key here is the first line – I’m OK. You must understand and be OK with who you are in order to deal with (have transactions with or even love) others.

Many people spend quite a bit of time trying to figure out what others are thinking or what is motivating them to do what they do. I’m sure that you know people like that. That seemingly inquisitive bent is not so much driven by real interest as it is by those people being unsure of themselves. They don’t love who they are, so they keep looking for examples from other people, hoping to find someone that they can be like. Their thought process is “I don’t love me; can I be like you?”

People wandering around in this state often use the phrase, “I’m trying to find myself.” The truth is that you are not lost, you just don’t love yourself, yet. There is a popular TV show called, “This is us”. It is premised upon following the lives of relatively ordinary people. Perhaps we should imagine ourselves as being a new show called, “This is me.” You’re gonna love the main character. In this show the main character is comfortable with who they are, how they look and how they act towards others. The main character loves themselves. Put yourself in that role.

I have posted here a few times about forgiving yourself and about loving yourself. I think it is critical that you accept and love who you are before you can even try to love someone else. That even includes loving God. If you cannot or do not love yourself, you will end up blaming God for your perceived shortcomings. Maybe that is a chicken or egg conundrum. Perhaps, if you truly accept God’s forgiveness and unconditional love for you, that will allow you to forgive and love yourself. Try it.

I realize that this sounds like overly simplistic advice, but the truth is that it is that simple. Stop hating yourself. Don’t try to be someone else. Love yourself first. You will find that just by being real and getting comfortable being who you are, others will be more comfortable being with you. You may also find that others who are around you stop faking it, too. The world is a simpler and nicer place when everyone doesn’t have to remember all of the lies that they were trying to live.

Love God, love yourself, love life.