It’s just a boo-boo; you’ll live…

January 14, 2016

“Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo.”  (John Sinclair) – as seen recently on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

I really like that little saying because it is such an appropriate way to think about the failures and setbacks in our lives. The analogy holds up to a good deal of thought, too. Usually the event that causes a bruise involves something that causes pain first – a bump or a fall or running into something. It hurts at that instance and then your body may turn the site of the bump it into a bruise. The bruise still hurts, if you poke at it; but over time it heals and goes away. Of course, if the incident was traumatic enough to have broken or cut the skin, you may also end up with a scar instead of just a bruise. Scars are more like tattoos: they stay with you for a long time, but they, too, fade away over time. Some failures in life may leave scars, too.

Remember when you were little and fell off your bike or ran into the door while trying to mother with childrun away playing tag. It hurt; but, your mom kissed it and told you it was just a boo-boo and that you’d be OK – you’d live. Life’s failure are much the same, only mom isn’t there anymore. If you’re lucky you have a life partner who can kiss you and tell you that it’s just a boo-boo and that you’ll live. That failure is just a bruise (primarily to your ego) it’s not a tattoo. It may take a while for the bruise to heal and for you to forget about it, but it will heal eventually and you will forget and move on with life.

There are things that can tattoo you for life and I suppose that they might be called failures; although most of them are called crimes. Having a criminal record, especially for the more heinous crimes definitely act like tattoos on those who commitment. The record follows them around and some crimes involving sex or children or both result in those tattoos being registered in databases that all in the public can see. The exceptions usually involve juvenile offenders whose youthful criminal records are expunged when they turn 21. It’s sort of like having that tattoo removed through laser surgery.

Other things that we experience may causes bruises in our lives. The loss of a loved one, remorsefulrejection by someone that we hoped would be a loved one, loss of a job, divorce and more can all cause bruises. All of those bruises heal over time, though some require quite a bit longer than others.

There is a corollary saying that also rings true – “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” You may not think that the healing of that latest life bruise will make you stronger; but, you will learn something from it, you will know better the next time and you may be able to avoid getting bruised again by the same thing or person. If you develop the ability to look at life’s failures and setbacks as temporary bruises, it will make life much less stressful or depressing when you have those failures.

If you don’t have a loved one to turn to for a kiss and the reassurance that everything will be OK – that you’ll live; turn to the One who is always there for every boo-boo in life, the One who will never judge you or abandon you; the One to whom you can and will turn to even in the final moment of your life – embrace God and let Him kiss your boo-boo and make it better. In fact, even if your mom is still there, or you do have a loved one that you share your life with; taking your boo-boos and bruises to God in prayer will speed the healing. As you get older you may get a bit cynical about the medicinal impact of mom’s kisses, but you should never lose faith in the healing power of God.

If you must get a tattoo, get a small cross tattooed somewhere where you can look at it when yo need to. Then, in those times when something has just happened that you know is going to leave a bruise WWJDor maybe even a scar; you can look at that tattoo and say out loud, “this is the only thing that is permanent in my life.” That will start the healing process. If you really don’t want a tattoo, get one of those bracelets that have WWJD engraved or printed on them and wear that; because what Jesus would do is kiss your boo-boo and make it better.

It’s just a boo-boo: you’ll live and you’ll be stronger for it. Have a great day.


No single way is always the right way…

January 11, 2016

“6+3=9, but so does 5+4.  The way you do things is not always the only way.  Respect other people’s way of thinking.”  (Facebook Posting) – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog today.

Also in the news in today’s Oakland Press was a story about Oakland County Executive L. Brooks Patterson stating that he is in favor of theexclusion constitutional amendment to the Michigan Constitution that would protect the GLBT community from discrimination. Patterson is a well-known Republican conservative, but has also recognized the ugliness and hate that comes with discrimination. He is basically saying – respect other people’s way of living.

My wife often has to admonish me when I say something or do something that corrects or questions her way of thinking or doing things. She has her own way of doing things and it is often not the way that I would do it; so, that makes it “not the right way” in my mind (at least until I’m reminded to think more about it.) In addition to asking me to mind my own business, she is gently (sometimes not so much) telling me to – respect other people’s way of living.

I am reminded of the many stories in the Bible of the pharisees and priests who were aghast at the things that Jesus did, both in the temples and in Jesus in templegeneral. Our modern day pharisees are the moralizing, so-called Christian evangelicals who seem to spend more time criticizing the lives of others than putting their own lives in order. Like the high priests and pharisees of old, these modern day pharisees are sure that they occupy the moral high-ground and that their way is the only right way to live. And like those hypocrites of old, they try to take actions to correct or discriminate against those who choose to live differently. In modern times this holier-than-thou group uses political power to try to legitimize their discrimination through laws (or lack of laws) aimed at those who are “different.” They wrap themselves in a false morality that does not – respect other people’s way of living.

This same group of modern day pharisees is at the core of the current movement to also discriminate against those who practice religions different from theirs: since, obviously, their religion is the only correct one. They completely miss the irony that this country was founded by opinionatedpeople who were immigrants escaping religious persecution due to the fact they the religion that they practiced at the time was different from the prevailing religion in England and Europe. It is convenient also to forget about the threat that their immigration to America posed to the Native Americans who were already here. They essentially took the country from those who owned it at the time. Imagine if the Native Americans had enacted a law stopping the flow of these refugees from religious persecution from entering America because they posed a threat. Maybe that would have solved everything. The early settlers obviously did not – respect other people’s way of living.

I suspect that if we all focused upon doing a better job of being ourselves, instead of focusing upon the lives of others, we would all be in a better
place. Instead of spending time working about what negative impact people who choose to live in GLBT lives will have on us or being concerned about people who practice a religion that is different from ours; perhaps we should spend more time living our lives such that they will have a positive impact on those that we meet. Maybe if we are all kinder, more compassionate, more caring and more helpful to others; they will act the same to diversityus in return, no matter what lifestyle they choose to live. In the end, wouldn’t that make the whole world a better place in which to live? It would, because it would be a place in which we all would – respect other people’s way of living

The reality is that the only person that we really have control over is ourselves and many of us haven’t been doing that great of a job with thatbridgiing gaps responsibility, much less worrying about how others live. We need to focus less on others and more on doing the right things ourselves to make sure that we aren’t becoming modern day pharisees and discriminating against those with lives that are different from ours. So, as we begin a new week maybe, before we leave the house today we can resolve to – respect other people’s way of living.


What are the little things in your life?

January 8, 2016

“Enjoy the little things in life, because one day you will look back and realize they were the big things.”  (Kurt Vonnegut) – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Word blog.

We all revel in the big moments in life at the time they occur – our babywedding day, the birth of our children, maybe a big job promotion or the day we closed on our first house; but it is often the little, private moments that result in the most enjoyable and lasting memories. I may be a tender moment between husband and wife or maybe a quiet time of love shared with a child. It is perhaps that final little squeeze of the hand with a loved one right before they pass away or the hug that says I need you and I trust you from an injured loved one.

The big moments in life are often filled with so much hoopla that they often just become something that you remember going along with rather than something that you really had the opportunity to enjoy. If you are fortunate you may have recorded some of the little moments in pictures, so that you can look back on them with that prop to help heighten the experience; but for the most part these are incidents or times in your life that were very private and in which taking pictures was the last thing on your mind. Fortunately that same mind is where they now reside and can be recalled.

What makes these seemingly unremarkable moments in your life so important? It is probably the fact that they occurred in unscripted, caregiver hands
unguarded and totally open and honest moments of your life where your soul touched another soul and shared an experience or a moment. Think back on the moments in your life in which you experienced those “Ah, ha!” moments of love or understanding and sharing with a loved one or a good friend. Those are the memories that you will take with you to the end, because they were really the big things.

The sad thing about Vonnegut’s quote is the truth that it is only later in life that most really understand this, many times after it is too late to go back and relive it with the other person involved. We remember these moments after our parent are gone. We relive them after our friends have passed away. Our children are grown and gone and out on their own before we realize the significance of the important moments that we had with them. It is unfortunate that we have to look back and finally realize that they were the most significant moments of our lives.

father-daughter danceMaybe that does not have to be. Perhaps, if we take the time to think about the little things in our lives that happen every day, we can revel in the moment. We can go to the ball game or the dance, instead of working those extra hours. We can pause to say, “I love you” every night, instead of taking our partners for granted. We can heighten our awareness of the little things (to us) that mean so much to others and make the effort to participate in and celebrate those moments.

Why is this important? Because, you don’t want to end up, as Vonnegut’s quote would have it; “looking back” and realizing how much of life that you missed, because you didn’t recognize the little things in life that were really important. Life is too short to miss all of the little things. Take the time take them in and realize that they are really the big things in life. They are the things that connected you to another human being in a moment of shared joy – and that’s a great thing.

In your final eulogy; far more important that any recital of all of your

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“Image courtesy of Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

business achievements   will be the personal remarks from family and loved ones – “I’ll miss my spouse/parent/grandparent/good friend and the things that we used to do together.”  Those were the little things that were important in the life that you lived. So, enjoy the little things in your life, because you don’t have to wait to look back some day to see that they were important.

Have a great weekend and enjoy those loved one that are around you


I hear you knockin’, but you can’t come in…

January 7, 2016

In 1955 Smiley Lewis recorded the Song I hear you knockin’, but you can’t come in. It was an early, slow rock and roll song that was covered by Fats Domino, who had more success with it than Smiley did. Fats Domino went on to fame and fortune, while Smiley’s career languished and he died in poverty.

I thought of this song recently while thinking about how often I hear God access deniedknocking and trying to help me, but I won’t let Him in. The free will (it might also be called ego) that God gave mankind can also act as a door to keep Him out when we most need him. We toil through life trying to solve things ourselves, letting our egos get in the way; rather than letting Him take our burdens and help.

Do you hear God knocking on your door? Do you let Him in? If not, why not? Is it because your ego won’t let you admit that you need help?

Men in particular seem to be less inclined to ask God for help with troubles in their lives. I’m not sure why we are “trained” to “keep a stiff upper lip” or when we are indoctrinated in a culture of stoic resolve to solfootball player1ve all problems without help. I remember the “big boys don’t cry” admonishments as a child and the “shake it off” advice for almost any hurt while growing up and the “suck it up” guidance for dealing with pain or disappointments. I suspect that athletics in general contribute greatly to that self-image of being able to live with pain.

Women seem to be so much better at sharing their problems and needs with other women and I suspect in turning to God for help in troubled times. I wonder if there is a difference in women athletes in that regard, since athletics is one area where the whole “macho” image thing is an important factor. The whole concussion problem that we now take veryfemale soccer player seriously grew out of the macho “shake it off” creed of athletics. So, I wonder if female athletes, especially those engaged in contact sports (which include soccer) develop a more insular approach to life and religion because of the stoicism required for those sports. Do they hear God knockin’ but they won’t let Him in? I suspect that it is not the case, as it is with men.

I’m just not sure when the “Jesus loves me” messages of Sunday School were replaced by the “Don’t share with others and don’t ask God” stoicism of adult life. Fortunately, I found my way back to that trust in God that we all started with as children, before adult cynicism settled in. I am neither reluctant nor ashamed to ask for God’s help when I need it, which is more often than my ego used to let me admit.

So what are we to do when we hear Him knockin’? Just ignore the quiet little voice saying, “Let me help you” and go about life in pain or desperation? I think rather than say,”I hear you knockin’, but you can’t come in”, perhaps we should take the approach of another song, this one a contemporary Christian song by Chris Tomlin and say, “Lord I need you.”

How will you respond when He knocks on your door today?


“A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.” (Charlotte Bronte)

January 5, 2016

I have, more often that I’d like to admit, taken problems to bed with me and spent some of those nights restlessly trying to solve them. Most of usrestless sleep probably have a hard time “turning off” our minds so that we can sleep at night, rather than tossing and turning all night wrestling with some problem or perhaps our fears about some upcoming event. It’s hard not to think about things that have happened and how we should react to them or not to run over and over all of the worst case scenarios that we can imagine about some upcoming event.

The truth is that what we really need is a good night’s sleep so that we can awaken refreshed and ready to take on whatever we face that day. Pulling an “all-nighter” never worked for me in college and it doesn’t work today when faced with problems that will need to be solved tomorrow. Perhaps John Steinbeck had it right when he said:

“It is a common experience that a problem, difficult at night, is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.” 

The human mind is a wonderful thing, but it can also be highly self-destructive. During the day there are usually lots of things going on to keep it busy, even if it is also engaged in solving a problem or planning for mind at workan upcoming event. While we are fully awake, most of us have the discipline to focus our minds on the tasks at hand in some organized way. It is when we lie down to sleep that we may find that given nothing else to occupy it our mind starts to run wild and in many directions at once (creating that “ruffled mind” that Charlotte Bronte referred to).

As we lay there at night, our imagination conjures up scenario after scenario, perhaps each more implausible than the last, but still we explore them in our half-asleep state. We’re not really asleep, but our minds are creating nightmares. Why? Because we feel that we must somehow solve whatever the problem is that we are fixated upon; even if there is no “solution”. We cannot admit that there may be no solution. We cannot accept that we can’t somehow solve it (whatever “it” is).

Perhaps the hardest thing for me to learn in my life was to let go of things and admit that I cannot solve all of the problems that I might encounter. Sometimes I just have to lay there in bed and let go by using my favorite little prayer – “Not my will but thy will be done.” I will admit that I prayingmentally fight it sometimes and I may have to repeat that prayer several times before I really can let go and trust that everything will be OK if I just put things in God’s hands.

Sometimes, when I need to convince myself that I’m still a little bit in charge of things I’ll change it up a bit by praying instead, “Lord, help me make the right decisions.” It least that lets me feed my ego and think that I’m more involved the solution process then. The important thing is to let go of the feeling that you are alone in whatever the situation is and that only you can affect the outcome and ask God for help. Try my little prayer and see if it works for you, too.

If you can get to that point where you can let go and put things in God’s hands; then you can get that good night’s sleep that you really need. You will likely find in the morning that Steinbeck’s advice then applies.

Have a great night’s sleep tonight!


Did you leave your 2015 baggage behind?

January 4, 2016

Nelson Mandela“As I walked out the door to my freedom I knew if I did not leave all the anger, hatred and bitterness behind that I would still be in prison.”  (Nelson Mandela), as seen on the Jack’s Winning Ways blog.

We tend to view the start of each New Year as a chance to begin anew. At least we have not had tie enough to mess things up or cause much pain during the first few days of the year. So, it’s as if the beginning of each year gives us the chance to walk out of the prison of the past year and into the freedom of a new beginning. What we choose to take with us when we walk out of that prison is up to us.

The allusion to these things as baggage is really a good analogy. It’s as if baggagewe are carrying this heavy sac of stuff around. The weight of anger, hatred, prejudices and bitterness weighs us down and pulls down the corners of our mouths, causing us to look pained, angry or unpleasant at the least. The furrowing of our brows at the thoughts of those things causes wrinkles on our faces and the invectives that may spew from our mouths make us uninviting friends or guests indeed.

In addition to any resolutions that you may have made going into 2016, you should take Nelson Mandela’s advice about leaving behind any anger, hatred or bitterness that you may have been hauling around in 2015 as your personal baggage. I might add that leaving behind prejudices, fears and preconceived notions would also get 2016 off to a better start.

So, what baggage do you need to discard? Are you still harboring a grudge or bitterness for some slight that you felt in 2015? Are you still angry with someone who you feel harmed you in some way in 2015? Are you still harboring fears or prejudices and you may have been carrying around since well before 2015? Are you still sad because of some events that occurred in 2015? It’s time to let go of all of that baggage.  You cannot really leave the dungeon that those things put you in until you renounce them and move on.  Your soul cannot fly when weighted down with all of those burdens.

There are many ways to try to offload your personal baggage, but the easiest is to accept the help that is offered through faith. Jesus said, “Cobutterfly 2me to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Once you have found peace through your faith and
unloaded your personal baggage, you will find that you have freed your soul and can let it fly in 2016. Walk out of your prison and leave the baggage behind.

Have a great and baggage free 2016!


OK, it’s a new year; so, now what?

January 1, 2016

“A good beginning makes a good end” – old English proverb

The New Year’s Eve parties are over and we have launched into 2016 (maybe lurched into it for some who partied a bit too hardy). So; now what? Does the start of each new year really mark a whole new beginning for most people; a chance to start over or to change women dreamingtheir lives through the resolutions that that make? Well, maybe it could provide that new beginning; but only if you really want to change.

Every new day is the first day of the rest of your life; so that hackneyed old saying certainly applies. New Year ’s Day will only be different from any other day to the extent that you commit to make it different. If nothing else, New Year’s Day gives many of us a day off to reflect on where we are and where we’d like to go from here. We can spend the day in a hang-over stupor, watching football games and munching on party leftovers or we could spend some time on a serious self-examination of our current state and our goals in life; and give some thought to what we need to do to reach those goals.

I’ve never espoused beating oneself up or wallowing in despair about the past. It is what it was; but the past does not have to dictate your future. One technique that I’ve written about here before is the one used by many successful people in various walks of life and by athletes in particular – visualization. Spend some time visualizing the future that you want, but don’t dwell on that far-out goal for too long or it turns into just a dream. visualizationInstead, start backtracking from that goal and try to “see” the steps that are necessary to get to that goal. Those steps become your intermediate goals; the little things that when all are completed will result in you achieving your goal in life.

Breaking down complex tasks into smaller, more manageable steps is another trick of successful people. It allows them to manage their time and efforts in ways that keep them moving towards their goals. Being able to see and then achieve small steps in the lengthy journey to your ultimate goal also allows you stops along the way to celebrate and rejuvenate. There will be no marching bands and parades to celebrate those little victories. Most times a quiet little fist pump by yourself or a smile on your face may be the only indication that you’ve meet an intermediate goal.

Some have found that having someone act as an accountability partner helps. I wrote about that in this blog a few days ago. Many people find that sharing their goals with explainingsomeone, announcing their plans to them and then asking them to hold you accountable for achieving those plans helps keep them on track. One cannot let one’s self off the hook as easily when you have to report back to an accountability partner why you did not do what you said you were going to do. The other benefit is that it gives you someone to celebrate those small victories with once you have completed a step in the process.

Back to the question at hand; what will you do to make the New Year different from last year? IF your goals remain the same as last year what differences in your approach to achieving them can you take? What did you learn in the past year about yourself and about the process necessary to get to your goals? Can you “see” the steps necessary to achieve those goals? Where are you in the process? What are the next steps? What do you need to do tomorrow, next week or next month to make steady progress towards thoseto do list goals? Do you have the needed prerequisites   – education or training/skills or tools – to be able to achieve those goals. If not; should acquiring those prerequisites be an intermediate goal?

Break it all down and then be honest with yourself about where you are today and what the next few steps need to be. Some may find it helpful to actually chart out what they see as the steps needed to achieve their goals. Drawing things out in sequence and on a timeline may help you see the holes in your current plans and perhaps help you set a more realistic timetable for yourself. Using that technique may also help you identify the prerequisites that you need to plan into the process, which will further impact the timeline. If you break it down into small and achievable steps it makes it easier to set short-term goals for yourself and to see the progress that you are making.

reaching goalSo, here we go into 2016. What have you got planned for this week and next that are steps along the way towards your goals? As you achieve those intermediate steps, don’t forget to take time to congratulate yourself on your progress. Also take time every month to review your plan to see, based upon your new experience, if you need to add some things to your drawing. That’s not a setback. That’s experience turning into wisdom and a wiser you is much more likely to achieve those goals.

Have a great journey towards your goals in 2016 and congratulations on taking the first steps today.


We’re not going that way.

December 31, 2015

“Don’t look back.  We’re not going that way.”  (Book by Marcia Wallace) – as seen on the blog Jack’s Winning Words.It

It is a time of the year that we glance back at the events of the year just passed. To say the least, 2015 was a scary year for many. There were too many storms across the country, too many wars still being fought overseas and too much killing and resulting unrest in the streets of America. The economy was still a bit shaky and none too generous for those with jobs. But, the good news is – We’re not going that way.

Looking ahead and seeing promise in the future has always been the American way. There are those who would like to take us back to the “good ole days”, but most understand that those days, while maybe containing a few fthinking of the pastondly remembered events, weren’t necessarily all that great.  We cannot turn back the clock and recapture the simpler life depicted in the fictional TV town of Mayberry; nor would we really want to, because we would be missing out on the great advances that have been made in technology and medicine and other fields that makes life better today that it was 10-20 years ago – in simpler times. That won’t happen of course, because – We’re not going that way.

Perhaps you have some friends that you might classify as Luddites. Those 19th Century self employed weavers went on rampages against the invention of automated looms that threatened to  (and eventually did) put them out of business. They were against the march of technology as a way to save on labor n industry. We use the term today to refer to people who resist modern technologies. Perhaps you know someone who refuses to have a computer or an email account or a smartphone (or a phone of any sort for that matter). They steadfastly resist modern technology and many live lives “off the grid” so to speak. Some even live without electricity and other modern conveniences. It’s hard to imagine life without all of those things and most of us don’t have to because – We’re not going that way.

Then there are the people that you might know who believe that their best days are behind them. There’s the high school jock who relives forever the high school homecoming game in which he threw the winning football playertouchdown. He may still be living in the same town and still wearing his high school letter jacket 40-50 years later. He works down at the car wash now, where he is still a minor celebrate (at least in his mind) to the people of the town who remember his heroics. Or maybe you know the guy or gal who never married because they are still holding out hope that a failed romance or marriage of decades ago will somehow be rekindled and work this time. They can’t let go; but you can, because – We’re not going that way.

Famed black baseball player Satchel Paige had a saying – “Don’t look back, something might be gaining on you.” He might have been referring to old age and death or just about someone from your past trying to catch you about something that you did. In either event his advice was good – look ahead rather than back because – We’re not going that way.

So keep your eyes on the prize, which is always ahead and not back. You may have missed the opportunity for last year’s prize; but until the time travel promise of the movie Back to the Future comes true, you’ll need to dreamsfocus ahead on the opportunities that lie in front of you for 2016. There’s an exciting adventure just ahead, with interesting twists and turns and a wonderful prize at the end. There’s a really neat person that you haven’t met yet just waiting for you in 2016 and a new job opportunity that hasn’t been create yet. A wondrous New Year is about to unfold;  so, come on, let’s go; I can’t wait while you look back at the past because – We’re not going that way.


What time do you have?

December 30, 2015

“Time is more valuable than money.  You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.”  (Jim Rohn)  – from the Jack’s Winning Ways blog. Jack went on to write: I read last week that ½ of 1% of Americans have as much money as the lower 90%.  So…?  They all have 24 hours a day, and no amount of money can buy more.  Steve Jobs said, “Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me.” 

chasing moneyIn general, people do seem to be more fixated upon money – the making of it, the collecting of it and the spending of it. One can make the case that if one runs out of money, there are still ways to live. One could sleep on a park bench, for instance. However, when one runs out of time there is only one place that they end up sleeping – forever – and no amount of accumulated money can do anything for you then.

While money is certainly important, how we spend what time we have seems to be a bit more important; largely because no one knows how much time they actually have. If we spend all of our time heclockhead manads down and working to earn more and more money, are we spending our time wisely? I think not. There are so much more rewarding ways to spend our time, enjoying the world around us with family and friends.

Perhaps we should begin each day with a little thank you prayer for having been given another day and a period of planning on how to make the most of this time that we’ve been given. Practicality may dictate that a certain amount of the day be devoted to working to earn enough to house, feed and clothe ourselves and the family; but that is never the whole day and even in the midst of that work there are family grroupopportunities to enjoy life and those around you. More importantly there is always time after work to do the things that really make life worth living.

Perhaps you have discovered the joy to be found in helping or serving others and the new day will present you with new opportunities. Spend your time wisely. Perhaps you have been blessed with loving family all around. Give of your time unsparingly. Perhaps you have discovered how alone at sunsetto be happy and content just being with yourself. Cherish your time alone. In all cases, at least be aware of and thankful for the time that you have and treat each day as if it may be your last; for you really don’t know if that may be the case.

Maybe, if you’ve lived a life in which you’ve recognized and celebrated each day as a new gift of time, you can join Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes in the theme song for the 1987 film Dirty Dancing, “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life”.

Are you having the time of your life? If not, why not? What time do you have? Make sure that whatever time you have is spent in such a way that at the end you, too, can say, “I had the time of my life.”

Spend your time wisely, my friends.


Look forward to making new memories…

December 29, 2015

“The nice thing about memories is that even if we forget some…We can always make new ones.”  (Ziggy) – as seen some time ago on the Jack’s Winning Words blog. This is the time of the year that we reflect back onZiggy the events of 2015 and look ahead to 2016. Hopefully we also use our memories of events in 2015 as teaching moments and learn from them. Then we can move on and make new and more rewarding memories in 2016.

More recently Jack posted about Jimmy Carter and his ability to use the things that happen to him in life as teaching moments in his Sunday school class – “Everything that happens in life, good or bad, he uses as a teaching experience.”  (Marina Fang) Carter recently used the announcement of the death of his grandson as the basis for a Sunday school class about turning to God for comfort in times of loss. Hopefully you find new knowledge and wisdom in reflecting upon the things that have happened to you. And, hopefully, you also know that God is there when you need him to help you get through some of the darkest moments.

For those who fail to learn from their own mistakes and misfortunes, dinosaurthere is another saying that Jack posted recently by poet Robert Frost – “How many things have to happen to you before something occurs to you?”  Hopefully, you are not so oblivious that Frost’s quote applies to you. I have known people who couldn’t figure out why bad things seemed to happen to them all the time and they tend to be people who put themselves in bad situations due to poor decision making. There is a difference between just having bad luck and making bad decisions that put you in harm’s way. Try to see the differences and understand how to make better decisions.

So, here we are approaching a new year – one that is full of new memories for us. Take the time to reflect on 2015; the decisions that you made personally and the outcomes that resulted. For the things that happened to you that turned out badly, try to see where you might have made different decisions that could have resulted in different outcomes. decisionsSometimes there were no alternatives available, because some things just happen and you just happened to be there when they occurred. But many times, there were different paths that you could have taken that day to arrive at a different place and not be in the position to have those bad things happen to you. Most people can see where they went wrong when they reflect back on the events and decision leading up to an event. Learn from that hindsight.

Probably the most important advice for going successfully into the New Year is to be open to change. Too many people try to live in the past; they can’t let go of how things used to be. Politicians in particular seem to use references to how things used to be as if going back to the “good ole days, when America was great” is either possible or even preferable. They allude to simpler times – the good ole days when there were fewer of “them” and when people just looked the other way and  racism, sexism, and prejudices were the accepted way of life. All of their simplistic sloganeering accomplishes nothing, but it evokes nostalgia in a portion of the electorate. The “change” that they espouse is to march backward in time, which is impossible and why most of them fail when elected. They had no real plan for the future.

Rather than look back (other than to learn from our mistakes), it’s betterwomen dreaming to look forward to the new things that have yet to happen. Yes, the old songs of 2015 and before were great, but think of all the new songs that you have yet to hear. Your old friends will still be there (most anyway) and there are new friends to be made. The adventures that you had in 2015 may have been wonderful, but there are still unexplored places and new things to try in 2016. There are memories out there just waiting for you to have them.  The future is a wondrous place and you are about to step into it.

Prepare to have a great 2016.