The skill of being kind…

June 23, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent Sept 17, 2018. Reposts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.

“If you have to choose between being kind and being right, choose being kind, and you will always be right.” (Sent by Tara Kane) My friend Tara teaches more than public safety to college students. She explains to them (as illustrated in her quote) the importance of knowing how to get along with people. Whether it be a police officer, a fire fighter, or an ordinary citizen, knowing how to be kind to others is an important skill. Keep your eyes open today to “see” kindness….and let others see yours. 😉  Jack

 It is interesting to read that Jack called being kind an important skill that one needs to develop. Being kind is not an emotion caused by something (someone) or even a reaction to something happening. You don’t get kind, like you might get happy or sad and you don’t become kind like you might become afraid. Kindness is an action word; you have to be kind. It requires you to act (or react) in a certain way. Being kind requires a conscious effort or response on your part. That means you have to think about it, whether you realize it or not. Develop the skill of kindness.

I think being kind is based upon making the conscious decision that you wish to be kind in all that you do. That may not be obvious to you, but there are certainly people that you will encounter who have not made that decision. They are sometimes thought of as being cruel. I may call them jerks (sorry, that wasn’t very kind), but I’m sure you have your own name for them. These are the people who cut you off in traffic, who make negative remarks about people or who may call others who are in need losers. They are not being kind. Develop the skill of kindness.

So, how does one develop the skill of being kind? It starts by being more aware of the fact that you are reacting to and making decisions about how to act on everything that is happening to you and around you. You must develop the ability to stop and think, if only for a moment, before you act or react. You must ask yourself the question, what is the right thing, the kind thing to do in this situation? Just that split-second pause will allow you to regain some control over what might have been a knee-jerk reaction. In the next split-second your brain will be able to evaluate the situation and decide between the right and wrong response – the kind response. Develop the skill of kindness.

If you have made the conscious decision to be kind, the actual decision to do so will be easier in any situation, and you will do the right thing. Sometimes that is just catching yourself before you do the wrong thing, making matters worse. Sometimes being kind means doing nothing at all. Even then, being kind means doing so with a smile or a friendly gesture. Putting that smile on your face will make you feel better and may even make others feel better, too. Perhaps adding a line to your daily prayers – Lord help me to be a kinder person today than I was yesterday – would help reinforce kindness for you. Develop the skill of kindness.

Jack advised us to keep our eyes open for acts of kindness by others and let others see your kindness. You can learn new ways to be kind by observing others. Others will see your acts of kindness once you stop just having  kind thoughts and start doing kind deeds. Work on being more cognizant of the opportunities to be kind that you may encounter during the day and then act with kindness on those opportunities. Develop the skill of kindness.

Have a great and kindness filled day… Develop the skill of kindness.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Where will you find inspiration?

June 21, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally posted 1/15/21- Reprints of posts to his blog by the late Pastor Jack Freed

“You can look anywhere and find inspiration.”  (Frank Gehry)  Vanity Fair named Gehry the most important architect of our time.  His quote today became a challenge for me to look around…  What can give me inspiration?.  My hand?  Max Lucado’s book, Wonderful?  How about the waste basket?  I decided on the keyboard’s delete key.  What if there were a delete key for life mistakes?  When it comes to our “sins” God has a delete key on His laptop, too.  😉  Jack

As you have probably noticed if you have read this blog for any time, I used to find much of my inspiration for posts to this blog by reading the daily blog posts that I got from the late Pastor Jack Freed. I would usually expand on the topic from the 2-3 sentences that Jack used in his posts. When Jack passed, I was at a loss for inspiration for a while and my posts to my own blog waned. Then his son started reposting some of his best posts and I again found inspiration in those reposts. I also remembered that I had saved most of the emails that Jack sent with his daily posts in them, like the post above. Where will you find inspiration?

I like Jack’s analogy about the keyboard’s Delete key. Many apps also have an “Undo” feature that backs things up in the workflow to a point before the present and lets you try again. That would certainly be helpful in life, wouldn’t it? However, life doesn’t give us “do overs”. Instead, the best that we can do is to let go of the past and move on.  Sometimes what we need is a little inspiration to get us started again. Where will you find inspiration?

Inspiration doesn’t have to be writing blog posts. You may be inspired to do some work around the house or maybe to do some volunteer work. It could be that you are inspired to go visit somebody or maybe call them. It doesn’t matter what it is; inspiration is that little push that you need to get you started towards some goal. Where will you find inspiration?

Ideas, dreams or desires often turn into inspiration once you get past the inertia of doing nothing about them. Guilt about something that you did or remorse about something that you didn’t do can also inspirate some action to correct things. Many laws have been passed and charity foundations created out of work that was inspired by a loss or tragedy. Some find inspiration in prayer. I like the little prayer I saw recently – “Lord help me to be a better person today than I was yesterday.” Everyone should be inspired by that. Where will you find inspiration?

Look for it and you will find it. Where will you find inspiration?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Focus on the goodness…

June 16, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent June 16, 2009.

“Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.” (Regina Brett) Brett’s quote is a reminder that expecting perfect equity often leads to frustration. But when we separate the idea of “fairness” from “goodness”, we recognize that even when we’re dealt an unfair hand, there are still positive experiences, growth and beauty in this world. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fight for justice, but we can’t let it block out the goodness in life. Have a good day! 😉 Jack

Life seems to have lots of loud things, often bad things, that vie for our attention and quite often drown out the good things. Bad things can be like flash-bang grenades. They go off in our faces, command our attention and sometimes they blind us to the good that is still there. They are the “Hey, hey look at me” things that distract us and which can consume us if we let them. People who experience depression get stuck focusing upon the bad things and can’t see a way out. It’s like being in a long dark tunnel. Yet there is always a little light at the end of the tunnel. That light is Hope. Focus on the goodness.

I wrote about the light of hope for depression back in 2022 – see https://normsmilfordblog.com/2022/01/05/hope-supplies-the-light/ so I won’t repeat myself here. This post is not about depression; it is about focusing upon the goodness of life in your everyday life. That is a great way to balance out all the bad noise that can seem to be all around. Focus on the goodness.

The good news is that the goodness of life is all around us, too. Goodness is usually not as loud and there are few bringing it to our attention. A few of the broadcast news shows now have a segment at the end that takes the time to highlight stories of goodness. These are usually stories of people helping other people or maybe about people overcoming great difficulties and ending up happy. They are feel good stories that are intended to do just that for the viewers – make them feel good. Focus on the goodness.

When you aren’t watching the news you can find the goodness that is around you by looking for it. It may be as simple as observing the goodness of the innocent play, laughter, and happiness of children. Perhaps you will recognize the goodness of someone opening a door for you or feel good when you hold a door open for someone else. Maybe something good will happen to you unexpectedly or perhaps after something bad has happened you stop to realize that you are OK…and that all is good. Focus on the goodness.

The key to seeing and appreciating the goodness around you is your frame of mind. A good way to start is to stop right after you wake up each day and say a little prayer thanking God for another day. At the end of that prayer, ask God to help you focus on the good in life rather than the bad things. Those bad things will still be there, but you won’t be focusing upon them. Try it. You’ll like it. You’ll be surprised how different life looks to you and how much better you feel about life when you stay focused upon the goodness around you.  Focus on the goodness.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Believe in yourself…

June 15, 2025

Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent 5/16/19 – Reprints from pasts to his blog by the late Rev. Jack Freed.

“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch, but on her own wings.  Always believe in yourself.”  (Unknown)  In the Bible Paul wrote to some friends of his…”I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”  As I look back on my life, I see times when God has entered life events and given me a kind of power to persevere.  As the bird trusts in its wings, I trust in God’s omnipresence.   😉  Jack

Unspoken in the quote about the bird and its ability to fly is that the ability to fly is a God given ability. So, too, is the ability to believe in yourself when the going gets tough and to persevere through adversity. There are many places in the bible that talk about God helping people, but nowhere does it say that he did it himself; rather it always talks about God giving the believer the strength, the courage and the self-belief to do it themselves. Believe in yourself.

Fear is the root cause of self-doubt and the major thing that holds us back from doing the things that we want to do. It may be fear of failure or fear of looking foolish or some other fear, but the bedrock upon which all fear is based is the fear of death. That is why a strong belief in God and the acceptance of God in your life can help you overcome those other fears. Acceptance of God through Jesus means that you accept that you will have eternal life beyond your physical death. You need not fear death and after that not fearing other things becomes easier. Believe in yourself.

Believing in yourself does not mean displaying bravado. Indeed, many people who display bravado do so as much to try to convince themselves as to convince others of their bravery. The term foolhardy often follows closely behind such displays. Believing in yourself will give you a quiet sense of confidence with which to proceed, no matter what the outcome. That belief allows you to try and it also encompasses the ability to deal with the adversity of a failure (when the branch breaks out from under you) and learn from it. Believe in yourself.

If you watch much sports on TV you will often see elite athletes who have just accomplished something (winning a race, scoring a goal or making a touchdown) pointing to heaven and thanking God. They also mention God in interviews after the event, often saying that God gave them the ability to do what they did. They may also say that they believed they could do it and that was the key for them. Believe in yourself.

Believing in yourself my sound like it is self-centered and egotistical and it would be if it were not centered around your belief in God. Romans 8:31 says “If God is with us, who can stand against us?”  So, in reality when you say that you believe in yourself you are saying I believe in God. Just do it. Believe in yourself.

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Posted by Norm Werner

The key that only you can hold…

June 11, 2025

Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent Nov 12, 2015 – Reposts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed

“Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.” (Sent by MBO) When John Lennon was 5-yrs-old the teacher asked what he wanted to be when he grew up. When he answered, “Happy!” he was told he didn’t understand the assignment….but I think he did. The pursuit of happiness creates a life well lived, as long as that pursuit includes the happiness of others. 😉  Jack

It seems like too many people surrender the key to their happiness to the wishes of someone else. Perhaps it is locking themselves into a career that their parents wanted for them and not what they truly wanted to do. Maybe it is becoming involved in a relationship (maybe even a marriage) with someone who constantly wants to manipulate you into doing what they want.  It could be that you think that you must always get approval or praise from someone else in order to be happy. Whatever the reason, you have put the key to your own happiness in someone else’s pocket.

Happiness is also one of those terms that seem to have different definitions for different people. Some people spend more time being concerned about being unhappy than thinking about what would make them happy. I think many (if not most) people would have a hard time putting into words what would make them happy. That makes it all the harder to pursue happiness.

So, maybe the key to happiness is to get a better understanding of what happiness is for you and then think about what you have to do to get from where you are to that place of happiness. Once you get that understanding you can begin the pursuit of that happiness. For many people that pursuit of happiness is actually what makes them happy. Whatever applies to you just keep that key to happiness in your own pocket.

I think that one prerequisite to finding happiness is to let go of your day to day worries about things that you can’t control anyway. I have opined here a few times about the little prayer that I use – “Not my will, but Thy will be done” – to let go of those things. Prayer may also help you clarify for yourself what would really make you happy and can help you take back the key to your happiness from wherever it has been. Prayer puts you in the right frame of mind to find your happiness.

Some people are exuberate and loud in their happiness while others may express their happiness with a quiet smile and perhaps a sigh. What about you? Do you ever think about what would make you happy? Do you know what would make you happy?  Are you pursuing your happiness or have you given the key to that happiness to someone else? Maybe it’s time to take back that key and spend some time pursuing that which would make you happy. What would make you happy? Pray about it and grab that key.

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Posted by Norm Werner

We are all waiting…

June 2, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words –  Originally sent Sept 12, 2022.

“Old people just grow lonesome, Waiting for someone to say, ‘Hello in there… Hello.” (John Prine lyrics) The late John Prine was a magician when it came to writing lyrics. “Hello in There” is a poignant song about lonesome old people who have stories to tell…if only someone would listen. Take a look around you. Is there someone waiting for you to say, “Hello?” It isn’t just old people who are waiting and hoping to hear that greeting. It’s surprising what can happen when we speak first. 😉  Jack

OK, in deference to full disclosure, I must admit that I am officially “old”. I have had trouble accepting the characterization of being elderly; however, at age 81 I must accept that I am considered to be “old” by a majority of the population.

My first thought when I read the quote in this post to Jack’s Winning Words is that we are all waiting for someone to acknowledge us and engage with us. Many of us who grew up in the same era were admonished as children not to speak unless spoken to and many of us allowed that advice to carry over into our adult lives. We are not painfully shy, we’re just waiting for someone else to…Speak first.

Jack’s advice to speak first can help anyone break out of the loneliness or silence that they have been living in. It is especially powerful if you can also use the other person’s name in your greeting. People love to be recognized by their name. Speak first.

It is also important to recognize that engaging with someone is a two-way street. They will want to know something about you and your story, too; so, be ready to share information about yourself. But, remember that the person with whom you are speaking really wants someone to listen to what they have to say. Speak first.

There is a tendency to think that you won’t know what to say after you’ve said, “Hello”. You may wish to have a few “go to” phrases ready as a way to increase the engagement or get to the next steps. You can’t expect someone that you just met to just launch into telling you their life story (nor in many cases would you want them to anyway). Phrases such as, “How’s your day going?” or maybe “Do you live around here?” are good conversation openers.  Speak first.

It is really unsatisfying to just sit there looking at someone and hoping that they will speak to you. It gets worse when they get up and walk away and you are left wondering who they might have been and whether or not you would have enjoyed knowing them. Don’t just sit there waiting… Speak first.

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Posted by Norm Werner