Make happy memories today…

August 18, 2014

“It’s sad when someone you know becomes some you knew.”  (Henry Rollins) from the Jack’s Winning words blog.

Last week many people spent time remembering Robin Williams; but, all of us have memories of someone we remorsefulknew. Many times those people are still alive, but just not in or life anymore. Maybe you or they moved or maybe the two of you just drifted away in different directions and now don’t associate. Things like that happen, but we still have memories of them that we may revisit from time to time.

Sometimes debilitating diseases like Alzheimer’s or even depression can take away the person that we used to know, leaving only our memories of the person that we knew. In situations like that we have to try harder to get to know the person that remains; sometimes because they need us even more now than they did before.

freinds - 3Sometimes life changes like divorce take people out of our lives; many times for the better, at least temporarily. By the time that happens, the person that we thought we knew was probably long gone and the person that we now know just isn’t someone that you can’t live with. It’s sad, but maybe, over time, you’ll heal and have fond memories of the person that you knew.

Sometimes life-changes , like graduating from school,  getting out of the service, or changing jobs takes you away from the people that you knew.  At the time it may be intensely painful because th4ese are the people that gave meaning to your life at the time and whatever awaits you in your new life  is still unknown.

We tend to remember celebrities who pass away by the events that we experienced that they were a part of – movies, live shows, sports event, etc. We didn’t really “know” them, but they were a part of our life and hopefully one that you will retain good memories of for the rest of your life. Being a little older now, I have memories of celebrities that I knew growing up that more than half of the current population never saw or experienced in person – early TV comics like Sid Caeser, Red Skelton, Milton Berle, Jack Benny and Jackie Gleason were long gone before there were more than just three TV channels to choose from. There are tons of TV and movie stars whose best works were over before the 1970’s and who now live in memories or late-night re-runs.

friends holdi handsIt is a bit sad to contemplate people and even pets that we once knew, especially if they were significant in our life and not just an acquaintance or someone that we saw on TV or the screen. What makes it sad is that we miss the interactions that we might have had with them; the conversations or doing things together. The good news is that the memories that you have of your times together will remain and you can revisit them as often as you like. It seems to me that, over time, it is only the good times and good things that one remembers about most people who have departed; although some are only remembered for the infamy of the bad that they did.

Still, we should hold on to the good memories that we have of people that we knew. We should call those memories up from time to time to remind us that we did have some time together and that those were good times. Yes it is sad that they are gone, but there is some happiness in the fact that they are not forgotten.smiling man

Someday we will all just be memories to others; let’s hope and work to make sure that we are fond memories. When someday they say,”I knew him/her”, let that memory bring a smile to their face. I hope that someday, in the future, people will remember me and say, with a smile on their face; he made me laugh.

So go out and create a great memory of you for someone today.

Eleven Hints for life – 5 of 11

March 14, 2014

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. – Unknown

We could probably argue the timeline in this quote forever; however, the underlying points would stay the same. The whole “love at first sight” thing is probably the crush part. We oftencrush initially mistake a crush for love. A crush is defined as in the Urban Dictionary as “a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special.” Most times the heat in that burning desire is based mainly upon a sexual attraction and it is somewhat telling that crushes are most often associated with the young, who have yet to learn how to control those desires.

friendsYou can probably establish whether you like someone in any hour; however they might also be able to fake it for an hour. The kind of shallow relationship that you can establish in an hour is probably fairly fragile. Sure I can say that I like you after an hour, but maybe what I’m really saying is I don’t not-like you – you haven’t done anything to turn me off yet.  At least I’ve moved off neutral in that hour and hopefully the next few hours will reinforce that feeling. For some the subsequent hours may uncover things about that person that they kept hidden initially and you’ll reconsider whether you like them or not. Time will turn that “like” into friendship (or more) or reveal a bad initial decision that is best put behind you.

I really don’t agree that you can love someone in a day, but you can make a good start at it. I think you can get beyond crush and maybe get to “like’ in that day, but love takes a few more experiences than you can get in within a day. Just like the comments about liking someone, it is possible that you’ve only seen what they carefully wanted you to see in that day. To truly young couplelove someone you have to go through more things, more emotions, more ups and downs and you can’t do that in a day. Love carries with it some unspoken extra criteria – trust being one of the most important. Love means opening up yourself to that person and that requires trust. You don’t usually build that level of trust in a day.

For some there will be a trip through all three levels. They can move from an initial crush to discovering that they really like the person too. When the passion that may have fueled the crush is tempered by time and circumstances and you have a like for that person, there is the opportunity to move on to the next level and truly love them. For most the relationships either die when the crush fades or they settle in at the friendship level and let it go at that. That’s not a bad thing; you need friends – people that you like. Maybe you can even trust them to a certain degree, just not enough to open your sole to them.

Finally, I agree with the thought that it takes a lifetime to forget someone, even if they never made it further than the crush level. Once we take time to focus upon anyone and single them out  beyond being just a face in the crowd they are stamped into our minds forever. They may not be someone that you think about every day; but, I guarantee you that there will be triggers embedded somewhere in your brain that will bring their faces back into view and maybe you will even remember their name. For sure you will remember whatever the circumstances were of your relationship with them. I don’t believe that you will ever really forget them. Hopefully those memories will be pleasant and not negative.

Find someone to like today and start making memories.