Find healing in your memories…

May 27, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent May 25, 2009.

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.” (Seen on a headstone in Ireland) This is a good one to think about while Memorial Day is still fresh in our minds. We all have our memories that can never be taken away from us, don’t we? 😉 Jack

The sharp pain of the loss of a loved one may fade into a constant ache but it never completely goes away. What slowly replaces it is the warmth of our fond memories of that person. The tears of the loss are replaced by the smiles of the memories. It is in those memories and the memories of others who knew them that the departed live on.

Our memories of loved ones help us build a wall to keep out the pain while creating a calming and pleasant garden containing the love that we had for them. Start building that wall by spending time remembering the good times that you had together, the great adventures that you shared or the moments of triumph that you experienced together. Rethink about those times over several days and the wall will build. You will have pleasant and fond memories of them instead of the pain of their loss. That is what you want to keep in your heart.

Many times, the key to creating or unlocking that garden is prayer. Prayer puts you in the right frame of mind to allow you to remember the good and to shove any bad memories to the other side of the wall. Prayer allows the loved that you had for that person to overcome the grief of their loss. Prayer reinforces the hope and belief that you will be together again for eternity.

If you do this for all of the loved ones that are no longer here, you will find that quiet times that once might have been filled with sadness or loneliness are now spent in a garden filled with fond memories of pleasant times. No one can steal that away from you. It’s your garden that you build out of your loving memories.  Go there to remember and heal.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Learn from experience, don’t regret it…

September 10, 2024

The Best of  Jack’s Winning Words 9/9/24 – Originally sent June 20, 2013

“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.” (Victoria Holt) Victoria was an English writer of romance novels. Her quote could probably apply to some situations in her fiction. It could also relate to some everyday life experiences. You can find both romance and “the pits” in relationships, if that’s what you’re looking for. The key is to realize that life has ups and downs. So don’t regret, live a little, and learn a lot. 😉  Jack  

I like a line from the song “My Way”, made famous by Frank Sinatra, says, “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention.”

A setback or a failure, maybe a rejection or disappointment, every bad experience can be turned into a learning experience instead of a regret if we handle it the right way. What is the right way to handle the bad things in life? Maybe it begins by not taking everything so personally. Life and God aren’t out to get you. Most of the time other people who might have been a part of it did not do whatever it is purposefully to hurt you (bullying is the exception to that).

Things just happen, both good and bad and you can’t control that. What you can control is how you react to the things that happen around you or to you. You can stop and think before you react. If another person is out of control in the situation, you can try to be the calm voice of reason, rather than contributing to the chaos by joining in.

Most of the time, even in bad situations, things aren’t really out of control, it’s just your reactions that might need reining in. Some of the biggest things that might be driving your over reaction are anger, fear, stress or grief. Just stopping to ask yourself, “Am I angry at something or someone? Am I afraid of something or someone? What is it that has me stressed out? Or, what loss in my life is causing this grief?

Force yourself to ask and then force yourself to answer. Why? Because now you have started an intellectual conversation with yourself that will also force you to deal with whatever it is by asking, What can I learn from this?

Sometimes what you learn is that you need to take the time to have a good cry, to get them out and let the emotions wash over you for a few moments. A god cry can be a catharsis in moments of grief.

Sometimes you may just need to take a deep breath and retake control over a fear, usually by realizing that it is unfounded. Or maybe that deep breath will help you realize that the stress that you were feeling is a self-inflicted thing that you can control.

Many times, you may find that the anger that you were experiencing is anger at yourself. Go ahead and call yourself a name or whack yourself in the face. Doing either will allow you to see the stupidity and humor of the situation and free you to take the next step of forgiving yourself.

So it’s not really good or bad. It’s all good, so long as you learn from it. Just don’t regret it.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Crying time will pass…

August 23, 2014

I was ask the rhetorical question “Will I ever stop crying?” recently by a client going through a divorce. It may asremorseful
well have been someone who had just experienced the loss of a life-mate. The obvious answer was yes, but at that moment more was needed. A hug was needed. Sometimes a good cry is a wonderful thing. It lets out the tension. It drains away some of the emotion and frustration of the moment. It is cathartic.

Unfortunately, many seem to use crying as an entrance into the realm of being a victim or worse as the slide into depression. Those are doors best left closed. You are not a victim unless you let yourself become one. Read or re-read my post on “Be a victor, not the victim” and/or “Make happy memories today.” But, eventually one must end the crying and get on with life.

Sometimes things change so fast in our lives that it can make our heads swim and become overwhelming. The person who used to do so many of the shared tasks of living is no longer there and all of a sudden it is your responsibility to think of everything, to do everything to be responsible for everything. For people whose long-term life mate is suddenly no longer there, even simple things like paying the bills or the taxes or cleaning the gutters or preparing meals or hundreds of other day-to-day tasks can suddenly start piling up.  In times like that it caringis often the help of a friend or relative that gets you through. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Many times you will find that there were people just waiting and wanting to help, but they didn’t want to offend you by “butting in.”

So, go ahead and have a good cry; but, when crying time has passed, put away the Kleenex, put on your big girl/boy pants and get on with life. I’ve posted several posts about that – facing reality and finding a way to survive and then thrive. The point of all of them is that life goes on, no matter what we may think or feel for a short while; and we must find a way to go on, too. Keep in mind, too, that there are people in your life who are standing ready to help. Ask them to help, accept their help and then thank them for their help. You’ll feel better and they will, too. Crying time will pass. Life will go on and so will you.

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Posted by Norm Werner