Chose to do the right thing…it matters.

April 16, 2025


The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent April 6, 2016.
“The only alternative to co-existence is co-destruction.” (Nehru) There’s been some scary talk lately about the use of nuclear weapons. This world is better served by leaders who seek ways to co-exist with diversity than to work toward eradicating any way but “our” way. In any relationship there has to be give and take (bargaining) to make it work. The healthiest families have learned this. Even God bargains: “If you will be my people, I will be your God.” 😉 Jack


I suspect Jack would be appalled by today’s political environment in the United States. I know that if he were still alive he would not be silent about his displeasure with and opposition to the things happening here in America and around the world in places like Ukraine.


I am reminded of the words of Martin Luther King when he said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter”. There are lots of things that matter under attack right now. Many politicians (usually of a specific party) have chosen to remain silent about what is happening. Not so, obviously, for members of the other political party.


A key thing to watch and understand is why these politicians are remaining silent (or in some cases even defending the wrongs that they see happening). Just like children, they are succumbing to bullying. They are afraid, and in that fear their cowardice and sense of self-preservation overcomes their basic sense of right and wrong. Indeed, some have even convinced themselves that what they see happening is right and good.


Let me stop here and state that I do not disagree that there are many things that need to be fixed or corrected. The issue for me and I suspect many others is the approach that is being taken to solving those problems. That concern about the approach is also what seems to be driving so many of the judicial restraining orders and temporary halts to actions being taken to solve the problems.


Can federal employees be fired or laid off? Certainly, just not in the capricious ways that are currently being employed. Can illegal immigrants be deported? Of course, just not without some level of due process ,as we are currently seeing. Can people disagree with what is happening and voice that disagreement, whether in peaceful protest or in news articles or broadcasts. Yes, that is a fundamental right in the Constitution.


So here we are. People are being rounded up, shipped off to holding facilities thousands of miles from their family and friend or put on planes and flown to foreign prisons all without due process. Major decisions that should be considered, debated and voted upon by our elected representatives are now made by decree. And the restructuring of the federal bureaucracy, which certainly can be defended as being justified and long overdue, continues at a chaotic and destructive pace with no thought or plan in evidence.


While the current politicians in power appear to have chosen the co-destruction option, there is still hope that sanity and some latent sense of right and wrong will prevail. However, we cannot just sit on the sidelines and hope for the best. We must not be silent about things that matter. It is up to each of us and all of us to resist what we know is wrong, even in the face of the bullying that we know will come as a result. What form that resistance takes is also up to each of us. What will you do? It matters.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Have no regrets…

April 2, 2025


“Minimize regret by making decisions based on who you are, not who you wish you were.” (Unknown)
I recently saw that saying somewhere on-line (I can’t remember where). I Googled it and it turned out to closely match the sayings of a life coach who teaches people how to make decisions with minimal regrets. Who knew such people exist?


The other thing that comes up when you Google that phrase are stories about how Jeff Bezos made his decision to leave the Wall Street world and start Amazon. Out of his experiences has come a concept called the Regret Framework, a methodology for making decisions with minimal regret potential. I had no idea that a whole framework existed for avoiding regrets.


While interesting in the context of decision making, I think the basic concept of accepting and understanding who you are and using that understanding as the foundation for living your life is the key. I have posted here before about accepting and loving yourself (see Love Yourself First, and Forgive Yourself). Those are ways that you acknowledge and accept who you are. When you do that, you let go of the burden that comes with trying to be like someone else and can focus on just being the best you that you can be. You will have no regrets.


Our measurement-oriented society does not make living without regrets easy. From a very young age we are encouraged (indeed required) to measure ourselves against others. It is not just about how you did; it is about how did you do against Billy or Sally? Everything becomes a contest where there are declared winners and losers. Regrets are associated with being the loser in whatever it is. Those are most often self-inflicted regrets. Stop measuring yourself against others. You will have no regrets.


One of the organizations that has rejected that scenario is the Special Olympics, where every participant in an event is considered to be a winner for having tried their best. Everyone gets a medal and no one has to have regrets. Be the best participant in life that you can be. You will have no regrets.


If you accept and learn to love who you are you will have no need to measure yourself against others. You will stop trying to meet expectations based upon someone that you wished you could be. You allow yourself to be happy with what you were able to accomplish. You will have no regrets.


Forgiving yourself and accepting yourself are both solitary experiences and one might think that you will feel lonely in such experiences. I posted about that to in Don’t be lonely…love yourself. You will have no regrets.


If you find that you need a framework for your life so that you don’t end up with regrets, look to your faith. There are tons of examples and guidance for a regret free life to be found in the Bible. No better example for living a regret-free life exists than Jesus. Jesus does not ask that you measure yourself against him. Rather he sets the example of what to strive for, His life provides goals for us to use for our lives. Keep those goals in mind and You will have no regrets.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Vividly experience the opportunities that life gives you…

January 14, 2025

“In the pursuit of extraordinary performance, it’s easy to succumb to anxiety and pressure, because so much is out of your control. When you learn to live a life that is fully engaged, however, then you can perform your best and love the challenge. Every performance, presentation, or problem you face is an opportunity to learn and grow and vividly experience each moment.” From “Inner Excellence”, written by performance coach Jim Murphy.


Life’s opportunities come in all sizes, shapes and forms. Some are purely pleasurable, simple and straightforward. Some are mysterious or complex. Some are frightening. All are new. How you react and what you do when presented with a new opportunity will determine the satisfaction that you get out of life. Get fully engaged in life.

Some spend their lives trying to avoid or run away from the opportunities (or challenges) that life presents. They may choose never to take a chance for fear of losing, looking bad or getting hurt. That can extend to relationships with others. Some may never ask that special girl (or guy) out for a date or to dance for fear of rejection. Some may never experience the exhilaration of a roller coaster ride out of fear of injury or thoughts about some catastrophic failure of the ride. Some may choose to limit themselves because they don’t want to do the work necessary to get ahead or make a change. Get fully engaged in life.


I suspect that many hesitate in the face of an opportunity because they see it as one big whole thing that must be tackled all at once. In most cases, whatever the challenge is that one is facing, it can be broken down into smaller manageable and achievable steps. One just needs to take the time to think about it in that way and then commit to taking the first small step. Once you have taken two or three of those small steps you will feel a sense of momentum that will propel you towards the solution or end point – you will be living in the moment, vividly learning and growing from the experience. Get fully engaged in life.


Force yourself out of your comfort zone a few times and vividly experience the feelings of success or even of failure (from which you learn) and live in the moment. You may find yourself enjoying the feelings that you experience, even the temporary fears. People will often use the phrase, “I never felt more alive” to explain their emotions during those moments. You will never have those feelings in your safe, daily routine. Get fully engaged in life.


So, get engaged, scare yourself a little and experience life by accepting and taking on the challenges that life throws your way. Learn, grow and vividly experience every moment. Get fully engaged in life.

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Posted by Norm Werner

You can’t walk in my shoes…

January 6, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/6/25 – Originally sent October 19, 2021.
“We have met the enemy, and he is us.” (Pogo) After winning a battle with the British Royal Navy in the War of 1812, Commodore Oliver Perry reported: “We have met the enemy, and they are ours.” Cartoonist Walt Kelly changed the last three words, making commentary on the strife going on in America in the 1960’s: Americans fighting Americans. Could it be that something similar is happening in America today? There’s an old saying: “We are our own worst enemy.” I’m not going to win a prize for coming up with an idea for peace but trying to walk in someone else’s shoes for a while might help. Give it a try. 😉 Jack


It is literally and figuratively impossible to walk in someone else’s shoes; however, we can take some time to try to understand the different perspective that someone else is experiencing the world from. If that too proves to be impossible, then at least acknowledging that they see things differently from you and in a way that you don’t understand is a good starting point. Perhaps acknowledging that you don’t understand their pain or anger or position on something will allow you to move on to being more helpful by exploring their feelings and point of view and trying to figure out the best things that you can do to help or comfort them.


This is particularly true when dealing with someone of a different ethnic or racial or sexual orientation background. You may have no idea what it is like to be of middle eastern heritage or to be a person of color or maybe a person who is undergoing or has made a sexual-orientation or gender change. There is little to no understanding of that person that a white, middle-class, Christian person of European ancestry brings to the encounter. So, saying I understand your pain, or anger, or confusion is just B.S. Better that you should say, “I don’t understand how you feel right now or how you got here, but help me understand what I can do to help.” That may at least start a conversation that will help you understand a little bit of the perspective of the person and should help you define with them what things you can do to help, if anything.


So, start to help someone by admitting that you don’t understand their pain. Try to get a better picture of what that person is feeling and what brought them to this state. Don’t rely on your own perspective…it will be wrong. However, your own experiences in similar situations may help you suggest things that worked for you to resolve similar issues that you faced or to deal with pains, disappointments or failures that you have experienced. Sometimes, just providing a shoulder to cry on or an attentive ear to listen to their story is all the help that they need.


Jack wasn’t wrong, but he was speaking metaphorically. Walking in someone’s shoes is really about making the effort to understand their perspective and their problem or issue. Jack was a master at that very thing and helped so many people because he took the time and made the effort to understand them and their perspective before he tried to help them.

You can’t walk in someone else’s shoes, so what will you do when you encounter someone who needs your help?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Have no regrets…

October 7, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 10/7/24 – Originally sent March 6, 2010.

“Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.” (George Halas) When I was growing up, the Chicago Bears were “my” team, and I admired George “Papa Bear” Halas. Win or lose, he could never be accused of not giving his best as a coach. His quote is more than about playing football; it’s about playing the game of life. Give it your best today. 😉 Jack

 Many times, giving something your best effort will still result in not winning. I chose to say it that way because, if you gave it your best, you did not lose; you just fell a little short of winning. If you watch sports events that involve individual competitions, such as track and field, you will often see athletes who did not win the event, but who are happy and maybe even celebrating because they may have achieved a personal best in the event. Have no regrets…

Life presents us with many opportunities (some might say challenges) and each time it does we are faced with the choice of giving it our best or just going through the motions. One almost always regrets later that they did not give the opportunity their best effort. Have no regrets…

In our personal lives many have lingering regrets about not being able to summon up the courage to ask out that person we’ve been admiring from afar. Maybe we regret having passed by the person begging for help. What would your best have been if you had not ignored that opportunity? Perhaps we held back when the call when out for volunteers to help on some project or effort that seemed hard or unglamorous. What difference to that cause would you have made, had you given it your best effort? Have no regrets…

A major difference between highly successful people and those who are not as successful in life is that the highly successful people don’t wait for opportunities to present themselves; they seek them out or create those opportunities themselves. Win or lose at those opportunities those highly successful people never regret having tried and giving it their best effort. In fact, many times they eventually win, or succeed, because they keep coming back and giving it their best shot again and again. Have no regrets…

Thomas Edison is the classic example of a successful person who did not let failures stop him. He is quoted as having said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”. Edison tried to learn something from each failure. So, keep giving it your best and learn from any failures. Most of all remember George Hallis’s advice and give it your all. Have no regrets…

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Posted by Norm Werner

You’re not too old to dream?

September 25, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 7/15/24 – Originally sent June 27, 2008.

“The world ages us too fast. We grow up too quickly; we stop dreaming too early, and we develop the ability to worry at far too young an age.” (Doug Wecker) I don’t know who Doug is, but I think he’s hit the nail on the head. If we would just dream more and worry less, we’d be in better shape. Sigmund Romberg wrote the song, When I Grow Too Old To Dream. Too old to dream? How sad. Dream on and stay young. 😉  Jack

I think the thing that ages us too fast is that we become too serious about everything , too focused, too intense, too logical. We lose the ability to let things go and relax. We lose the ability to be silly every now and then, to laugh at the things that happen in life and to laugh at ourselves. We embrace the idea that “acting like an adult” means being serious and sober all the time, not letting our emotions show and certainly not being silly.

That’s the reason that I wrote a post back in 2022 about not letting yourself lose the ability to be silly (see – https://normsmilfordblog.com/2022/12/10/never-lose-your-ability-to-be-silly/

In that post I suggested that you start each day by making a funny face at yourself in the mirror as you are getting ready in the morning. That’s still a good idea, It breaks the ice for the day and puts you in the right frame of mind to face whatever the day holds for you.

Another good exercise each day is to take some alone time to just let your mind wander and to dream. The human mi nd is an amazing thing. Not only can it conjure up all of the bad things that can happen when yo are being to serious and worrying too much; it can also imagine wonderful  things when you give it free reign to dream. And, remember Jack’s advice that if you would just dream more and worry less you will be in better shape.

As for me. I’m going to make a funny face in the mirror again tomorrow morning and remember that I’m never too old to dream. How about you?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Learn from experience, don’t regret it…

September 10, 2024

The Best of  Jack’s Winning Words 9/9/24 – Originally sent June 20, 2013

“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.” (Victoria Holt) Victoria was an English writer of romance novels. Her quote could probably apply to some situations in her fiction. It could also relate to some everyday life experiences. You can find both romance and “the pits” in relationships, if that’s what you’re looking for. The key is to realize that life has ups and downs. So don’t regret, live a little, and learn a lot. 😉  Jack  

I like a line from the song “My Way”, made famous by Frank Sinatra, says, “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention.”

A setback or a failure, maybe a rejection or disappointment, every bad experience can be turned into a learning experience instead of a regret if we handle it the right way. What is the right way to handle the bad things in life? Maybe it begins by not taking everything so personally. Life and God aren’t out to get you. Most of the time other people who might have been a part of it did not do whatever it is purposefully to hurt you (bullying is the exception to that).

Things just happen, both good and bad and you can’t control that. What you can control is how you react to the things that happen around you or to you. You can stop and think before you react. If another person is out of control in the situation, you can try to be the calm voice of reason, rather than contributing to the chaos by joining in.

Most of the time, even in bad situations, things aren’t really out of control, it’s just your reactions that might need reining in. Some of the biggest things that might be driving your over reaction are anger, fear, stress or grief. Just stopping to ask yourself, “Am I angry at something or someone? Am I afraid of something or someone? What is it that has me stressed out? Or, what loss in my life is causing this grief?

Force yourself to ask and then force yourself to answer. Why? Because now you have started an intellectual conversation with yourself that will also force you to deal with whatever it is by asking, What can I learn from this?

Sometimes what you learn is that you need to take the time to have a good cry, to get them out and let the emotions wash over you for a few moments. A god cry can be a catharsis in moments of grief.

Sometimes you may just need to take a deep breath and retake control over a fear, usually by realizing that it is unfounded. Or maybe that deep breath will help you realize that the stress that you were feeling is a self-inflicted thing that you can control.

Many times, you may find that the anger that you were experiencing is anger at yourself. Go ahead and call yourself a name or whack yourself in the face. Doing either will allow you to see the stupidity and humor of the situation and free you to take the next step of forgiving yourself.

So it’s not really good or bad. It’s all good, so long as you learn from it. Just don’t regret it.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Procrastination…

February 26, 2024

I was going to write about this yesterday, but I decided to wait.

That’s how it starts. Procrastination is an insidious thing. It steals one’s time and stifles creativity. Even if you have no real idea how to get to a desired end point, jumping in and getting started is doing something, as opposed to doing nothing.

Doing something, even something wrong, gets one’s creative juices moving. Even the act of planning is better than just putting it off. Planning itself usually leads to some sort of action, doing things or buying things or assembling things that are needed to actually do whatever it is that is you goal. Reviewing past efforts and trying to learn from them is better than continually repeating the same mistakes and expecting a different outcome.

The problem with procrastination is that one becomes inert. Inertia can be a hard thing to overcome, not because it feels satisfying, but because it feels safe. There is little danger associated with inertia, whereas doing something may involve perceived risk or danger.  

Of times the challenge ahead may seem overwhelming. That is often because you can only see it at the macro level – the whole problem at once. One trick to break out of the inertia of procrastination is to break the big job down into small tasks and take on the first small task that must be accomplished. Accomplishing even a small step will get your momentum started. Once you build up any momentum you will find it both rewarding and addictive. You will not want to go back to procrastinating.

So, like the graphic stated, the time is now. Get started. Don’t let procrastination hold yo back. Build momentum instead. Like the Nike tag line says – Just Do It.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Define yourself…

January 11, 2024

“Other people’s definitions of you, sometimes they’re more about making themselves feel better. You gotta define yourself.” – Christopher Moltisanti from the TV show The Sopranos

How do you define yourself? Do you defer to what you think others might think about you or do you have your own definition of who you are?

Defining yourself sounds a lot like thinking of yourself in the third person, but really it’s about just being comfortable with who and what you are. A big part of defining yourself, as I have posted here a few times before, has to do with forgiving yourself. People who cannot forgive themselves for mistakes or poor decisions end up with very negative self-images – they define themselves as losers. Define yourself.

None of us are losers and none of us are perfect, without faults or mistakes in our lives. It is the ability to recognize, to own, and forgive their errors that frees people to move on and to define themselves. A big part of that comes from not focusing upon how others try to define you; but, rather, being conscious and proud of who you know you are. Define yourself.

There’s a James Bay song titled Let it go that contains the lyrics “why don’t you be you and I’ll be me”. While this song is a break up song and kind of a downer, those lyrics offer good advice for us all. Let everyone else be themselves and you just be you. Define yourself.

Another part of the James Bay song talks about letting things go and that is a key to being happy with yourself. You must let go of your feelings of guilt or failure or disappointment. I find the little prayer, “Not my will but thy will be done” to be a great help with letting things go. You must forgive yourself and you must move on. Define yourself.

There is also a song by the Staple Singers titled Respect Yourself that makes the point that if you don’t respect yourself no one else will respect you either. The first step towards respecting yourself is defining yourself and being happy with that definition. As the Staple Singers might have put it – “Ain’t nobody going to do it for you”. You can move on to respecting yourself once you Define Yourself.

Sometimes the jobs or positions that we are in serve to define a big part of who we are, or at least what the expectations of others might be of us, given the role that we are playing. That is true of first responders and police, of those who serve in the military and of pastors and priests. It is true also for those in positions of business or political power. The phrase, “with great power comes great responsibility” was coined for those people. They are judged and most certainly judge themselves by how they handle that responsibility. Define yourself.

It is important then to take some time to get a clear view of who and what you are trying to be – the definition of you that you hope others see, but more importantly the definition of you that you see. Let go of fears and prejudices, let go of uncertainties and doubts, let go of the past and guilt, let go of the definitions of others. You be you and I’ll be me. Define yourself.

Respect yourself.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Celebrate your wins…

July 31, 2023

This past weekend Lee Hodges won his first PGA Tour event at the 3M Open. The TV announcers made sure that the audience knew that he had played in 65 PGA events without a win. Players on the Tour and the announcers who cover it on TV know that it is not easy to win on the PGA Tour. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to stick with the practices and it takes determination and self-confidence to persevere through the disappointments. But, as the announcers also pointed out, there is nothing like that first win, that victory that you have been working so hard to achieve for so long.

It is not unusual to see athletes break down into tears when they have final achieved a goal or won a match or game for which they had been training for some time. That is why the Olympics next year will be so dramatic for so many athletes. They will have trained for 4 years for those winning moments.

In our everyday lives there are probably things that you have been working towards (training for) for a long time. These are not trivial little things to you. Maybe they are life goals for education or achieving some level at work. Perhaps they are positions of responsibility that you aspire to or maybe they involve seeing the success of a child or spouse that you have worked hard to support.

Whatever your victory or success, take the time to celebrate and relish it. Reflect for a few moments on the hard work involved and let yourself admit that it was worth it. Sure, you can look forward to new goals and start working towards them; but take a breath and take a moment to give yourself a pat on the back. You did it! You reached that goal that has been driving you for so long. Feel good about it. Give a fist pump for yourself. Put that win in your mental trophy case and look at it for a few moments before you move on with life.

Celebrate your wins.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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