Let it go. Spit it out. Taste the joy.

August 12, 2020

I save many of the little quotes that Pastor Jack Freed uses in his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, because they provide inspiration for posts that I write. Every now and then, I notice that a couple of those saved quotes just seem to be right when one puts them together. Today is one of those days and these are the quotes that I saved over time.

“Suffering is not holding you, you are holding suffering.” – Buddha

“Life is like eating a watermelon.  Spit out the seeds of woe and taste the pulp of joy.”  (Unknown) 

Buddha was a pretty cool dude when it came to sayings that make a lot of sense and explain a lot of things. Likewise, “Unknown” (or Anon as he/she is often called) is always a good source of wisdom.

I’m sure that most of us know someone who just can’t let go of the suffering over some  tragedy or setback in their life – the loss of a loved one or perhaps the disappointment of being passed over for a promotion at work. We often label these people as “long suffering.” They just can’t let it go. They go through life with a mouthful of seeds instead of spitting them out. They never taste the sweet pulp of the melon because they are content to suffer with the seeds of woe. The suffering is not holding them. They are holding onto the suffering, because that has become their life.

If you know someone like that, or perhaps realize that you have become someone like that, it’s time for an interdiction. Help is as close as your bible. In it you will find –

 “Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.” – John 16:24

Most of the time you will find that long suffers have not stopped and asked God for help. They have not asked God to take away the pain and suffering, and let them get on with living their life. In some cases, they cannot forgive themselves for “things left undone” – missing the chance to say I love you one last time, or letting some sign of distress go unnoticed. If you can just get them to ask by earnestly praying for God’s help, you and they may be amazed at what God can do to take the seeds of woe out of their life and allow them to once again taste the pulp of joy.

Sometimes you may find that these long suffering people have just wandered away from their faith and become confused about why God would allow the tragedy to happen in their lives. There have been tons of articles and books written on the conundrum of why bad things happening to good people and God’s role in both the good and the bad in our lives. They always come back to the same conclusion – that God is not controlling everything that happens in our lives, but that faith in Him can control how we react to those things. It is faith that allows one to let go of the seeds of woe and taste the joy in life. Faith allows us to endure whatever this life throws at us, because we are confident that our next life is going to be wonderful.

These days it is easy on Social Media or maybe with a card to express condolences or offer a word of encouragement to someone who is suffering woes, but that is less helpful that taking some positive action. Perhaps your role is to help that long-suffering person fine their way back to their faith. One small way to help is to offer to pray with them. Prayer is usually a very personal thing, so opening yourself up to them n that way is a very powerful act of kindness and sharing that may allow them to break out of their shell of self-pity and seek God’s help. It also helps them to see that they are not alone, which many suffering woes feel.

If he person that needs help is the person that you see in the mirror every morning, there is nothing more powerful that coming to that conclusion and asking for God’s help. One does not have to say long, ponderous prayers in order to call for God’s help. I have posted here a few times about the short, but extremely powerful, little prayer that I use, “Not my will, but Thy will be done.”  Just saying that little prayer is earnest can help you let go and spit out the seeds of woe. You will then be free to taste the pulp of joy in your life.

Let it go. Spit it out. Taste the Joy.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Turn your “m” upside down to turn your life around…

August 11, 2020

There is a simple way to make a rather dramatic change in the trajectory of your life. It involves letting go of a self-centered approach to life and embracing a life dedicated to the common good of all. I call it turning your “m” upside down – taking the letter “m” from the self-centered word “me” and turning it upside down until it becomes the letter “w” and the word become “we”. It is a conscious effort to consider the impact on others when making decisions in your life and not just yourself. It is also a commitment to be more inclusive, less prejudiced and more open to others – to expand the “we” members in your life.

We became a very me-oriented society sometime in the 1990’s and things have only gotten worse in the new century. It is that focus on “me” that has also increasingly lead to the polarization of society, as people began to seek out and gravitate towards others who thought like “me”. It became the norm to also identify the “them” in our lives who were not like “me” and thus to be vilified. Prejudices whether racial or based upon other factors like sexual preferences are basically a definition of people who are not like “me”. We seek the comfort of others who think like they do because it is less lonely than just “me” and it provides some sense of justification of our beliefs within the anonymity of a group. At the end of the day it is still a “me” reaction to life.

The truth is that we do not and cannot live in a “me” world. The world is not about me and our lives cannot be about that either. Christ did not say “Love yourself”; instead he said love your neighbor as you love yourself. Christ was telling us to take that “m” in me and turn it upside down so that it made the word “we”. Jesus did not tell the rich man to go get more money, more possessions and more power for himself. He told him to sell everything that he had and give the money to the poor. He was trying to help that man see that “we” is more powerful that “me”. Unfortunately, that man wandered off unable to bring himself to turn his “m” upside down.

There are those who have a knee-jerk reaction to any discussion of the “we” aspect of life – the common good for all. They immediately label it as Socialism and, out of their limited understanding of that term and their misguided prejudices, they dismiss it. That reaction is driven by the fear that becoming concerned about “we” means giving up something for “me”. Our lives are about much more than just money and possessions – they are about how we live them. It is time to stop and think about how focused you are upon the “me” and what you can do to turn your “m” upside down and become more about the “we” in your life – your family, your friends and all of the people that you’ve been leaving out because they were not part of “us”.

If you can do that, I think you’ll find that you are living a much more rewarding and fulfilling life. There is happiness, joy and reward to be found in “we” that are missing when you r focus in just upon “me”. Even if the “me” ends up with a little less, the reward to be found in focusing upon “we” more than lakes up for any sacrifice, made by me. The country that consistently ranks as having the happiest society in the world is Finland, followed by Denmark, Norway, Iceland, and The Netherlands. One might ask how societies in such remote and somewhat rugged locations be so happy? In all those countries there are societies more attuned to “we” than just to “me”.  Even our neighbor to the north – Canada – provides an example of how much more friendly a society can be when it is more focused on “we” than “me”.

It all starts with each ”me”. Each me  must each make the individual decision to focus more on the common good and not just on our own good. If enough “me’s” start doing that it will tum into an “us” that we can be proud to be a part of and “we” will all be better off.

What will you do today to turn your “m” upside down and become a “we” person?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Be goofy today…

August 10, 2020

In his blog this morning Pastor Freed used this quote – “You’re never too old to do goofy stuff.”  (Ward Cleaver)

Those who don’t recognize the name Ward Cleaver are probably young enough to do almost anything goofy; however, for those of us who remember watching Leave it to Beaver, Pastor Freed’s post contained the advice that as one gets older it is good to also become wiser about which goofy things one tries. He used the example of getting on a pogo stick, which is probably a bad idea for most people over 70 (maybe even for those over 50).

There are many goofy things that one can do at any stage in life without endangering themselves. I’ve suggested here a few times that you lighten up your life by making a funny (or goofy) face in the mirror in the morning. Many people, especially in their middle age years, become too focused on success in their business lives, too serious and intense to even pay attention to their families, much less to their own mental health needs. We often hear it said that they are driven to success and pursuit of their goals. All too often those “driven” people are not happy people. Do you know someone like that?

Some business coaching articles and books would have us believe that we should learn to imitate those driven individuals, to use their techniques of focus and drive as role models for our own lives. There is an underlying thought in that advice which assumes that accomplishment of some or all of those business goals will equate to happiness. That is seldom the case. The accomplishment of success-oriented business goals must often just leads to the setting of bigger and higher goals – getting to the next level – which leads to even more intensity and drive. It never seems to be enough.

Yet many people who have not achieved notable success in the business world are happier by far. Why is that? Perhaps it is because they have focused more upon the important things in life – their faith in God and the personal relationships in their lives. A grandpa who spends time on the floor doing goofy things with his grandchildren is often more happy that the Grandpa who convenes a board meeting of his company.  The person that has a strong relationship with God is more likely to be happy with what he/she has than to be driven to accumulate more things, more money, more power. That person is also more free to do goofy things that they enjoy than the person driven by schedules and concerns about how things might look to others if they did something goofy.

Maybe you should add a line to your prayers and ask God to “Let me find something goofy to do today.”  It will lighten up your day and free you to focus upon what’s really important in life. Just remember to be goofy safely.

Have a goofy day and stay off of pogo sticks!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Keep a little Peter Pan in your life…

August 7, 2020

“The Peter Pans of the human race never grow up, and they keep their curiosity.”  (Isidor Isaac Rabi)

That was the quote in today’s installment of the Jack’s Winning Words blog. One doesn’t have to be a Peter Pan to keep al little of that magic, curiosity and wonder in their lives. I’ve posted here a few times about not taking life so seriously that we forget how to play or have the wonder and fun of a child. Some take the phrase “grow up” to mean give up that wonder, curiosity and fun and become a somber, and sometimes unhappy, adult.

Certainly the responsibilities that you assume for yourself and others as you grow up become more serious and, at times, more weighty; however, they really don’t require that you completely give up that childlike curiosity and wonder at things or that you stop allowing yourself to have unbridled fun. Many suppress the child that is still within them so thoroughly that they become “grumpy old men (or women)”. Some become depressed because they will not ever allow that child out to play and their world become gloomy and threatening.

An interesting side effect of having a strong faith is that it empowers you to allow your inter child out – to keep a little Peter Pan in your life. It does that when you realized that God has forgiven you for all of your sins and loves you no matter what. That frees you also to love yourself and to rediscover that innocent joy that you had as a child. Faith says, lighten up, you are saved; appreciate and enjoy your days on earth and look forward to what is to come.

A strong faith also allows you to stop worrying about things that you cannot change anyway and refocus your curiosity on the things and people around you. You can replace worry with learning and fear with understanding. Aren’t you curious about how different your life would be if you didn’t spend so much time worrying about how it is? Discover the wonders in life that are available through faith. Keep a little Peter Pan in your life.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Be that friend…

August 5, 2020

In yesterday’s post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Freed used this quote that was setn to him by one of his followers – “Everyone needs a friend who will call up and say, Get dressed; we’re going on an adventure.”  (Sent by Andy Bezenah)

That sentiment is especially true in today’s COVID-19 environment, although it might have to be changed to read, “Grab your mask; we’re going on an adventure.”

One of the bad side effects of the pandemic has been the isolation of so many people, especially the elderly. Many were probably already somewhat isolated by other health issues; however, the need to social distance because of the Corona Virus has taken that isolation to a whole new level.

For the younger, who might be more tech savvy, it was an easier shift to the world of Zoom meetings and other forms of contactless communications. Many of the elderly don’t even have a wireless phone, much less a smart one and many do not have access to a computer, much less one that is on the Internet. For these people, the requirements imposed by the pandemic have been like a sentence of solitary confinement. Perhaps they see one or two people a day or on occasion. Maybe they see the Meals on Wheel driver or an orderly at their facility, but that is not the same as a visit with a friend.

If the person that you are thinking of is confined to a care facility there is little that you can do to visit or take them anywhere right now; however, a phone call and a chat might make their day. If they are still living at home a visit might work, even if you have to sit on the porch at a safe distance to have a conversation. For a few, who might be in good health and willing, picking them up for a short trip (an adventure) would be a great way to liven up their day. Just remember to mask up and have hand sanitizer available.

Whatever way you and your friend feel comfortable getting together (in person or electronically), the important thing is that do it. Your “adventure” may involve nothing more than a lively conversation or a rousing round of reminiscing, but is will make both of you feel better.

Call someone you know today who may need to talk to someone else. Be adventurous if you and they feel safe to do so and go visit with them; otherwise, just have a nice long call with them.

Be that friend.

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Posted by Norm Werner

You’ve got to look for it…

July 30, 2020

In today’s post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Freed used this quote – “Be happy, not because everything is good, but because you can see the good in everything.”  (From CCS)

It is not always easy to see the good in people or situations that arise during the day. In fact, the easy way out is to just see and react negatively to the bad that you might encounter. It is unfortunately that so many (and I include myself in this group) tend to take the easy way out. We dismiss the hateful or unhappy people that we encounter without taking the time to think about what may be making them angry, hateful or unhappy, Moreover, because it is so easy to just dismiss them and move on, we seldom even consider what we could do to help them or to change their mindset. In the case of situations, it is often easier to bypass them than to try to resolve them in a good way.

Avoiding situations and people is certainly not a way to happiness; perhaps not even a way to avoid unhappiness. Spending the time and mental effort to find the good that is in people and situations forces us not only to think about what we are facing, but also to reflect on the reactions that we are having to them.  We need to understand and deal with our own feelings of fear or dislike or disgust first, before we can begin to take any positive actions or see the good in the situation.

We label some people  as Pollyanna’s because they always see the good, are always happy and seldom react negatively to people or situations. They are happy people, no matter what. Others might be called a “Gloomy Gus” or “Negative Nellie”, because they see the bad in almost everything. They are seldom happy people.  Most of us are somewhere in the middle, if those two extremes define  a spectrum. Whether you tend toward the Pollyanna end or the Gloomy Gus end sort of defines what people see in you as you react to the world around you.

The good news is that we have some control over ourselves and over the perceptions that others will have of us.  A simple technique is to stop and ask yourself the question, “Where is the good in all of this?”  Try to see the good in that person that you just encountered before letting stereotypes and prejudices take over your reaction to them. Look for the best possible outcome to a situation, before getting defensive about a possible negative outcome. To find and see the good, you have to look for it.

Just building that pause and reflection into your life will make an immediate change. Prejudices are built upon unsubstantiated and unthinking reactions to people, based largely on initial visual cues – color, hairstyle, tattoos, nose rings, clothing and other factors can cause immediate reactions.  Stop! Think! Do not allow yourself to react based solely upon those cues. Realize that those cues are triggers and the preconceived notions attached to them that have baked themselves into your brain are trying to control you. In most cases, that reaction tries to happen before you have even spoken to that person. Stop it! Look for the good. Say hello. Be friendly. Surprise yourself and you may be surprised at the good person that you have just met.

Today, before you start out, stop, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you will look for the good in people and in the situations that unfold in your life. Make that conscious effort in each encounter or situation to stop and look for the good. See if you aren’t a happier person at the end of that day. Then repeat.

If you look for the good, you will find it.

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Posted by Norm Werner

With God’s help, be the storm…

July 27, 2020

Today’s post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog proved to be the perfect set up to use a quote that I saved from an earlier post. In today’s post Pastor Freed used this quote –

“God sometimes does His work with a gentle drizzle, not storms.”  (John Newton)

We sometimes only think of God, or call on Him, when life gets stormy. Hopefully, for most of us life isn’t all that rough and God comes into our lives in the more gentle settings of loving and faithful homes or in our Sunday School classes and church services.

But, for some, life may seem to be a constant battle with storms all around buffeting and tossing them. Perhaps it is the demands of their jobs or the obligations that they have at home. Maybe it something like the Corona Virus Pandemic upending everything else that they had to hold onto in life. Whatever it is they can begin to feel like warriors engaged in constant battle. Many of our front line health care workers probably feel that way each day as they head into work.

For those who feel embattled, seeking God’s help allows them to take up the mantle of the warrior and face the storm anew each day. For those people another quote from Jack’s blog has stuck for some time in the back of my mind –

“Fate whispers to the warrior ‘you cannot withstand the storm’ … the warrior whispers back ‘I am the storm.’” (Author Unknown)

Saying a little prayer before heading into battle with whatever you are facing each day can provide you with the armor, shield and sword of God to help you be the warrior you need to be. We read in Ephesians 6:10-18 about the armor of God.

So, before heading out today check the mirror; not to see if your hair is OK or your tie is straight, but to take the time to say a little prayer and  make sure that you have God’s armor on.

Who or what can stand against you and God?

Be a warrior. Whisper to yourself – “I am the storm”.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What would you save?

July 25, 2020

A recent post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog used this quote – “We live in a perpetually burning building, and what we must save from it all the time is love.”  (Tennessee Williams)

Williams’ comparison of life to a burning building may be a bit dramatic; but, it serves the purpose of asking the question, “what is important to you…what would you save?”

When people who have faced a disaster like a fire or a flood  are interviewed on TV they are often asked what they took with them from their homes. Aside from pets, the answers most often given concern family pictures or other memorabilia that related to family, such as a family Bible. Those are objects that relate to the history of the family. As the interview goes deeper and looks to the future the love that was salvaged from the disaster is most often mentioned – loved ones who were spared and the love of the town or area in which they reside. It is hard for some to understand why someone who has been flooded out multiple time continues to want to rebuild and go on living in that same location. Simply put, they love it there.

The perpetually burning building that we find ourselves in today is fueled by the Corona Virus Pandemic. Everything has changed, yet all is still physically the same. The flames of this disaster have signed our lifestyles and destroyed most of the patterns and traditions that we enjoyed. Having stripped away almost everything else that we used to do, the flames of this virus now lick away at our relationships, hoping to also interfere with them. It is most important that we not let that happen; that we remain strong in our love and support for one another, even in cases where we cannot be together.

There is probably not a more poignant scenario than a spouse having  to say goodbye outside a hospital emergency entrance and watching their loved one be wheeled into the building, not knowing if they will ever see them alive again. At that moment, all they have left from the  burning building is their love.

 For most of us, life does not come to that; however, it is important to think about what is important to you and what you would take with you. If you come to any other conclusion than your love for those who are important in your life – parents, siblings, spouses and your children ,friends – I would encourage you to rethink your priorities in life. All of the wealth, possessions or power in the world is not worth losing the love of someone important in your life. Hold on tightly to that most precious possession during this current conflagration.

There is no greater example of love when faced with a life or death choice than God’s decision to let his only son die on a cross, so that we might be saved. If God  loved us so much that he would do that, how can we not heed his commandment to love one another and care for one another? How can we not share that love? We have so many simple ways to show and share that love, like wearing a mask to protect others, practicing good hygiene and social distancing so that we do not spread the virus. The building is on fire. Let’s save and share God’s love.

Let us also not forget that love when those who refuse to take the recommended measures to protect others confront us. They, perhaps more than anyone in a mask, need to see God’s love in action. Turn the other cheek and offer them a mask. If they refuse that, tell them that you will pray for them. If they scoff at that, tell them that you see that you will have to pray harder and wish them well.

The building is burning. What will you save?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Change the ending…

July 24, 2020

In the post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, today Pastor Freed used this quote – “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”  (Sent by Robin Klehr)

Pastor Freed talked about not wasting your time on the “coulda”, “woudla”, “shoulda”s of life, but rather refocusing upon the “gonna” that is right in front of you. We often spend too much of our lives regretting the things that we might have done differently in the past and not enough time thinking about doing things differently in the future. Freed recommended saying to yourself, ”with God’s help I’m gonna…”

One needs to deal with the fact that in the instances in your life when you coulda, woulda, shoulda, you didn’t. The best way to deal with that is to forgive yourself and move on to the gonnas that are still ahead of you. For people who cannot find a way to forgive themselves the ending is often depression or worse – suicide. Those are endings that must be changed.

In his post, Pastor Freed prefaced the words “I’m gonna” with the phrase “with God’s help” and that is the best way to begin. Every week in our church service (now on video during the Corona Virus Pandemic) one of the first things that we do is a confession of sins and an ask for forgiveness. It is easy to understand that one’s coulda, woulda, shoulda’s are sins of either commission or omission – we state it as “things done and left undone”.  After admitting our sins the Pastor exercises his authority, thorough Jesus Christ, to forgive them.

If that sounds simple, it is; but it is also powerful. Let me share with you’re the prayer that we recite together as a congregation –

We confess that we are captive to sin and cannot free ourselves. We have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. For the sake of your Son, Jesus Christ, have mercy on us. Forgive us, renew us, and lead us, so that we may delight in your will and walk in your ways, to the glory of your holy name. Amen.

Let those words sink into your mind and your heart. Doesn’t that about cover the things that have been bothering you; the things that keep you up at night? If those things were forgiven, couldn’t you forgive yourself and move on?

Now imagine that God  or the Pastor has replied – “Your sins are forgiven in the name of Jesus Christ.” At that point, all of your coulda, woulda, shoulda’s are gone, in the past, forgiven. You can start to focus upon the gonna’s that God has empowered you to experience. You have changed the ending. You have a future that you can control.

You don’t have to wait for the Sunday service video (This week available at https://youtu.be/qDbi-vs-UyY). You can do this in the privacy of your home. Use our prayer, if that helps; but get whatever it is that is bothering out on the table and ask God forgive you, so that you can also forgive yourself.

Change the ending in your life. Now, what are you gonna do?

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Posted by Norm Werner

A year of great discontent…

July 11, 2020

In a recent post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, pastor Freed used this very apropos quote – “Progress is not created by contented people.”  (Frank Tyger)

One does not need to be a scholar or history buff to know that most, if not all, of the changes (both large and small) that have happened in America grew out of someone’s discontent with the status quo. Even at our beginning as a new nation, many in what became known as America were content to be subjects of England and the rule of the English King. Throughout our history as a nation is has been discontent that changed the course of that history. Our discontent with staying put on the eastern side of the continent took the form of “Manifest Destiny” that drove explorers (and later settlers) westward. Discontent with the immorality of slavery eventually led to the Emancipation Proclamation. Later, discontent with the social, legal and economic situation that had evolved in the nation, mostly in the southern regions of the country, led to the Civil Rights Movement. It could be said that man’s discontent with being stuck on the surface of our planet led to the creation of aviation and later space flight and our moon landing. There are tons of other examples and all were driven by someone’s discontent with the existing situation.

The word “content” is relatively benign. It means – “in a state of peaceful happiness”. For some who do not see the problems at hand, that may actually mean “in a state of blissful ignorance”. For others is more of a state of “resigned acceptance” of things that are wrong. A lack of concern about anyone but ourselves can lead to a state of numbness or callousness about the events happening around us. Others may take offense at any disturbance of their otherwise serene and prosaic environment.

The year 2020 is proving to be a year of great discontent. The discontent over the sexual exploitation of women in the educational, entertainment and business worlds carried over from 2019, with almost weekly exposures of new grievances. The jarring changes mandated by state governments in response to the COVID-19 Pandemic caused great discontent and exposed a long-festering rebellion against government authority and the basic concepts of society by groups on the fringes of society. Discontent boiled over into the streets in matters of race and inequality of opportunity in America. While the trigger for the protests in the street was the murder of a black man in Minnesota, the underlying discontent was with the continued and pervasive racial biases that dictate the day-to-day lives of people of color in America.

What will come out of all of this discontent? The hope is that changes will be made at a systemic level. Changes will be required to laws that support the bad behavior; but more importantly, changes will be required at the personal level. It really doesn’t matter if the law says it is illegal to discriminate, if we still do that in our hearts and minds at every encounter with someone different from us. That change will take longer and is impossible to legislate. Real change starts with you and with me. We must become discontented with not only the things that are happening around us that we know are wrong, but with our reaction (or lack of reaction) to those things. As I have opined here a few times, it is those “things left undone” that we must pray for forgiveness about, as well as the things that we may have done.

If you are to “love thy neighbor as yourself” you cannot start from a position of fear, hate and bias. Be discontented with that state of mind and seek to change it. Do not become satisfied and content with a state of affairs that positions you in comfort and safety while leaving many of those around you in poverty and despair. Take no comfort from your good fortune while ignoring the needs of your neighbors. Inequities are at the root of many of the problems that are causing the discontent that we see in our society right now – inequities of positional power or economics or opportunity. The systemic changes that are need must be aimed at identifying and righting those inequities.

If Tyger was right, this should be a year of great change, since it is already a year of great discontent. Let’s all look for the good that can come out of this discontent.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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