NormsMilfordBlog

“Other people’s definitions of you, sometimes they’re more about making themselves feel better. You gotta define yourself.” – Christopher Moltisanti from the TV show The Sopranos

How do you define yourself? Do you defer to what you think others might think about you or do you have your own definition of who you are?

Defining yourself sounds a lot like thinking of yourself in the third person, but really it’s about just being comfortable with who and what you are. A big part of defining yourself, as I have posted here a few times before, has to do with forgiving yourself. People who cannot forgive themselves for mistakes or poor decisions end up with very negative self-images – they define themselves as losers. Define yourself.

None of us are losers and none of us are perfect, without faults or mistakes in our lives. It is the ability to recognize, to own, and forgive their errors that frees people to move on and to define themselves. A big part of that comes from not focusing upon how others try to define you; but, rather, being conscious and proud of who you know you are. Define yourself.

There’s a James Bay song titled Let it go that contains the lyrics “why don’t you be you and I’ll be me”. While this song is a break up song and kind of a downer, those lyrics offer good advice for us all. Let everyone else be themselves and you just be you. Define yourself.

Another part of the James Bay song talks about letting things go and that is a key to being happy with yourself. You must let go of your feelings of guilt or failure or disappointment. I find the little prayer, “Not my will but thy will be done” to be a great help with letting things go. You must forgive yourself and you must move on. Define yourself.

There is also a song by the Staple Singers titled Respect Yourself that makes the point that if you don’t respect yourself no one else will respect you either. The first step towards respecting yourself is defining yourself and being happy with that definition. As the Staple Singers might have put it – “Ain’t nobody going to do it for you”. You can move on to respecting yourself once you Define Yourself.

Sometimes the jobs or positions that we are in serve to define a big part of who we are, or at least what the expectations of others might be of us, given the role that we are playing. That is true of first responders and police, of those who serve in the military and of pastors and priests. It is true also for those in positions of business or political power. The phrase, “with great power comes great responsibility” was coined for those people. They are judged and most certainly judge themselves by how they handle that responsibility. Define yourself.

It is important then to take some time to get a clear view of who and what you are trying to be – the definition of you that you hope others see, but more importantly the definition of you that you see. Let go of fears and prejudices, let go of uncertainties and doubts, let go of the past and guilt, let go of the definitions of others. You be you and I’ll be me. Define yourself.

Respect yourself.