Simple is best…

February 20, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 2/20/24 – reposts of the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed…


“In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.” (Longfellow) Christopher News Notes tells of Susan Vogt and how she challenged herself to get rid of one item each day during Lent. Not only did she want to live more simply, but she also wanted to donate things to those in need. It was so successful that she decided to keep on doing it…every day…one item. What a great idea – giving up “things” for Lent!  😉  Jack  
 
Originally sent Feb 18, 2015.

One reason many older people get identified (or misidentified) as hoarders is that they don’t get rid of things. For reasons that are a mystery keeping things (even things that others might call trash) gives them a sense of security. They have their “stuff” all around themselves.

I find myself questioning why I have kept some of my stuff, especially old clothes or shoes that I no longer wear. Some of those items are quite worn, even threadbare, but many are not; I just don’t wear them anymore. I must become more like Susan Vogt and challenge myself to get rid of those things. It’s really not that hard to find places to donate stuff, especially things that are still useful or wearable.

Getting rid of stuff is one way to simplify your life. Another way is to always live truthfully. Living any other way means having to remember the lies that you’ve told or the conspiracy theories that you believe are ruling your life. Conspiracy theories and misinformation are anything but simple and should be easy to identify and avoid. Why then are so many people taken in by them and led astray?  I suspect that the answer is fear of the truth. The truth often exposes our mistakes or past transgressions and, if accepted, could lead to a perceived loss of power, possessions, or prestige.

Instead of expending large amounts of mental energy concocting elaborate conspiracy theories about those who are supposedly manipulating things against you, it is much simpler to just admit that you were wrong, forgive yourself and move on with life – simple. The hidden key to that approach is that you are taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions, rather than trying to blame some invisible hand that you think is trying to manipulate you. The mantra “I’m in charge of me” is much simpler than trying to explain how George Soros (or pick your own conspiracy theory) is somehow controlling things (and you)from behind the scenes.

Life does not have to be complicated. Just remember and heed Longfellow’s words – “In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.” 

In more modern times we have an acronym for that – KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid).

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Posted by Norm Werner

Give yourself a break…

February 12, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 2/12/24 – Originally sent April 21, 2015.


“You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.” (Sent by NCD) Each year my insurance provider asks for a health assessment, including a part which asks me to rate my stress level. I’ve read that some stress is good for all of us. As with much of life–All things in moderation! But, when nerves get you down, take some deep breaths, write a thank you note, go for a walk, make a gratitude list, and don’t forget to pray. 😉  Jack   


 
Most of us stress ourselves by being to critical and unforgiving of ourselves. We are obviously the only ones who can really answer the question, “What was he/she thinking?” and sometimes we just don’t like the answer. In fact, many people deflect blame from themselves by seeking someone or something else to blame for the bad outcome of what was a bad decision. Give yourself a break.

Sometimes we exacerbate the stress by imposing artificial and unrealistic deadlines upon ourselves. Sometimes we commit to achieving success in a task for which we are ill prepared to tackle (if prepared at all). Sometimes we commit to a goal that can only be achieved by a team of people and watch in disgust or despair when teammates let us down by failing in their part of the task. Almost always we look back on a failure and ask ourselves what we could have done differently to change the outcome.  Give yourself a break.

I saw recently in a report that some companies are starting to evaluate the performance of their employees based upon their success with the process rather than the outcome. That is important because it acknowledges that most bigger jobs (tasks) are comprised of multiple steps (the process) that are defined by others and that success at the macro-level is out of the control of the individual performing the detailed steps.  This allows a team-sport athlete who “left it all on the field” to feel good about themselves even in the face of a team defeat. Give yourself a break.

I have posted here a few times about forgiving yourself and that is a big part of giving yourself a break. The road to despair is paved with “what if” and “I should have…” guilt trips. Don’t go there. You didn’t and that is that. Forgive yourself and move on. Give yourself a break.

I like this quote – “The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.” — Thomas S. Monson

We can’t just forget the past or change it, but we can use it as a teaching moment and hopefully learn from it. We also cannot change the future, but we can get ourselves better prepared for it by developing and practicing a better decision-making process. That process begins in the here and now. Give yourself a break.

Becoming more conscious of how you make decisions will hopefully enable you to improve that process. Sometimes that decision-making awareness will expose many of the bad assumptions or prejudices that drive your decisions and behavior. Make correcting those a priority but forgive yourself for having them and move on. Give yourself a break.

Jack’s last suggestion that you can relieve stress through prayer is an important one. Prayer allows you to forgive yourself and free you to move on. Prayer allows you to admit that you do not and cannot have the answers to every challenge. It allows you to lean on your faith and upon God for those answers. I use my little prayer, “Not my will, but Thy will be done” to Give myself a break. Try it, It might work for you, too. Give yourself a break.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What’s the “next play” for you?

February 5, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 2/05/24 – reprises of posts to the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.


“Next play!” (Mike Krzyzewski) A recent article in the Detroit Free Press told how “Coach K”, head basketball coach at Duke, has a ritual of saying to his team after every play (good or bad), “Next play!” No matter what’s happened, focus on the task at hand. We all have “downers.” We need to be able to “let go,” and concentrate on the now, not the past. Success occurs (or is lost) in the brief moment of opportunity. Whatever happens, be ready to yell, “Next play! Next play!” 😉 Jack – Originally posted February 20, 2015

We all have a tendency to linger on the past, especially when focusing upon mistakes that we’ve made. Some never get to the next play because they refuse to let go of the past. In order to move ahead, we must be able to forgive ourselves for our mistakes. We can certainly try to learn from those mistakes; however, no matter how much we may wish to, there is no going back, no “do-overs” in life. For now at least, time only moves in one direction. Next play.

The starting point for moving into your future is to get back to the here and now – the present. You must be able to snap out of those thoughts of regret or remorse and get your bearings in the present. Then you can start to plan for how to get from where you find yourself to where you want to be. Next play.

Maintaining the basketball game theme, you have probably seen many of those instances when the teams take a time out and the coaches sit in a team huddle drawing the next play on a small whiteboard. That’s actually not a bad thing to try in real life. Get yourself a small whiteboard and an erasable marker and sit down and draw out or write out what you want to do next – your Next Play.

Just the process of having to write it down will force a level of clarity into your thought process. It will also force you to think of what things might need to be done (including forgiving yourself) before you can take that next step and make that Next Play.

An interesting side benefit of doing that is that it snaps your mind from focusing upon the past and into thinking about the future. It can be a very real way to deal with the depressing thoughts that there is no future. You can see a future now. It is written down and waiting for you to get to the Next Play.

So take the advice of Coach “K” and Jack Freed. Whether what just happened in your life was good or bad, it is over. Write it down on your little whiteboard and then carefully erase it as you let go of it. Then write down where you want to be. It’s time to focus on the Next Play.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Hang in there…

January 29, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/29/24 – reprises of posts from the late Pastor Jack Freed…


“If the mountain were smooth, you couldn’t climb it.” (Quoted by Wintley Phipps) Many of us were fascinated in 2015 when TV showed two people climbing the sheer face of El Capitan, using only hands, feet, and a rope. They were able to succeed because small fissures in the rock allowed them to get finger and toe holds. There are some life problems that seem impossible to solve. Usually there’s a way. Keep searching, climbing…and keep hanging in there! 😉  Jack    
 
Originally sent April 11, 2016.

I also got this graphic today in another email –

One cannot climb a mountain or reach new heights without putting in the hard work. Sometimes that may feel like you are like a rock climber and just hanging in there by your fingertips. That too is part of the journey.

Life, like the mountain in Jack’s post, is not smooth and that’s actually a good thing. When you encounter a challenge or problem in life that seems to have no solution, look for that small crack or fissure that you can hold on to.

Perhaps you have nothing left to grasp but your faith. But faith alone can provide you with a solid toehold or fissure to grip. Faith can overcome fear and give you the strength and the courage to pull yourself up and go on. Faith can help you reach those new heights.

Keep the faith and hang in there. This is your year to reach new heights.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Dealing with your selfie…

January 24, 2024

Every now and then, in an unguarded moment of honesty we get a glimpse of ourselves – a mental selfie, if you will. Not everyone likes what they see. Not everyone can deal with what they see.

self

/self/

noun

  1. a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.

Introspection may lead to feelings of guilt or shame over something that we did or maybe didn’t do. In some cases, one’s selfie may result in feelings of inadequacy or disappointment over aspirations not met and goals not achieved. In many cases those feelings reflect our perception of how others see us; however, some, if not all, eventually resolve down to how we see ourselves – our mental selfie.

I believe that it is critical to your mental health to be able to forgive yourself. You must be able to forgive and let go of your past mistakes in judgement or deed. You must be able to give up what might have been, forgive yourself for the decisions that resulted in you ending up where you are, accept who you are and what is and move on.

Most of us do a better job of feeling sorry for ourselves or even hating ourselves than we do at forgiving ourselves. Sometimes in order to forgive ourselves we need someone else to forgive us first. That is where God comes in.  

Since, by definition, these moments of introspection usually occur when we are alone, there is no one else to turn to for forgiveness. It’s just you and God sitting there contemplating what you have discovered or admitted in your selfie. The Good News is that if you accept Him into your life, God forgives you no matter what it is and God loves you no matter who you are. You are then free to forgive yourself.

I have shared here a few times the simple little prayer that I use to forgive myself by accepting God’s forgiveness – “Not my will but thy will be done.” That simple prayer is your surrender of yourself to God and with it comes the transfer and forgiveness of your entire past and the entrusting of your entire future to God. You can feel the weight of your guilt or disappointment, or self-loathing being lifted from your shoulders as the hope for a better future rushes in.

So, go ahead and do your mental selfie. Take a look at what you see and realize that you are not alone while seeing these things in yourself. Accept God and hand Him your past. Accept His forgiveness and then forgive yourself. Now you can face the future without the baggage of the past. There’s a new you ready for your next selfie. You’ll love what you see in that one.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Define yourself…

January 11, 2024

“Other people’s definitions of you, sometimes they’re more about making themselves feel better. You gotta define yourself.” – Christopher Moltisanti from the TV show The Sopranos

How do you define yourself? Do you defer to what you think others might think about you or do you have your own definition of who you are?

Defining yourself sounds a lot like thinking of yourself in the third person, but really it’s about just being comfortable with who and what you are. A big part of defining yourself, as I have posted here a few times before, has to do with forgiving yourself. People who cannot forgive themselves for mistakes or poor decisions end up with very negative self-images – they define themselves as losers. Define yourself.

None of us are losers and none of us are perfect, without faults or mistakes in our lives. It is the ability to recognize, to own, and forgive their errors that frees people to move on and to define themselves. A big part of that comes from not focusing upon how others try to define you; but, rather, being conscious and proud of who you know you are. Define yourself.

There’s a James Bay song titled Let it go that contains the lyrics “why don’t you be you and I’ll be me”. While this song is a break up song and kind of a downer, those lyrics offer good advice for us all. Let everyone else be themselves and you just be you. Define yourself.

Another part of the James Bay song talks about letting things go and that is a key to being happy with yourself. You must let go of your feelings of guilt or failure or disappointment. I find the little prayer, “Not my will but thy will be done” to be a great help with letting things go. You must forgive yourself and you must move on. Define yourself.

There is also a song by the Staple Singers titled Respect Yourself that makes the point that if you don’t respect yourself no one else will respect you either. The first step towards respecting yourself is defining yourself and being happy with that definition. As the Staple Singers might have put it – “Ain’t nobody going to do it for you”. You can move on to respecting yourself once you Define Yourself.

Sometimes the jobs or positions that we are in serve to define a big part of who we are, or at least what the expectations of others might be of us, given the role that we are playing. That is true of first responders and police, of those who serve in the military and of pastors and priests. It is true also for those in positions of business or political power. The phrase, “with great power comes great responsibility” was coined for those people. They are judged and most certainly judge themselves by how they handle that responsibility. Define yourself.

It is important then to take some time to get a clear view of who and what you are trying to be – the definition of you that you hope others see, but more importantly the definition of you that you see. Let go of fears and prejudices, let go of uncertainties and doubts, let go of the past and guilt, let go of the definitions of others. You be you and I’ll be me. Define yourself.

Respect yourself.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What are you aiming to do better?

January 8, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/8/24 – reprised posts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.


“All I aim to do this year is better.” (PictureQuotes.com)  Are you into making resolutions? How’s it going? Recently a related quote was handed to me: “A year from now you’ll wish you had started today.” When we’re really serious about making changes in our life, it has to happen one day at a time. I’ve read that if you’re going to move a mountain, you begin by moving the first stone, even if it’s only a pebble. Basically, I aim to do better…starting today. 😉  Jack

Originally sent January 14, 2016.

I got the graphic below separately from today’s post from the Jack’s Winning Words blog, but it just seemed to be appropriate.

At this time of the year people and businesses are busy setting their goals for the coming year. Sometimes people call their goals resolutions. The one consistent factor in these plans/resolutions is a desire or need for change. Even a goal as nebulous as “doing better” begs the need for change.

In order to understand what needs to change or how you can do better, one needs to understand where they are starting from – what is the current situation that you would like to change? That understanding constitutes your starting point and the baseline from which you will measure the progress of the change.

Reflecting on what you’ve accomplished over the last year also allows you to think about what worked and what didn’t. It may require a reset of your goals or at least a reexamination of them to see if that is really still a goal worth pursuing.

One aspect of goals that is often misjudged is the timeline to accomplish them. Most of the time that is caused by a failure to breakdown ands understand the steps and sequence of events that must be accomplished on the journey to the end goal. Quite often with bigger or more ambitious goals there are a host of enabling things that must be accomplished before one can make progress on the main goal. Often these enabling steps involve education or training, which can take years in itself. So, perhaps one of the things that you’ll need to get better at is patience. Another is persistence.

In the business world there is a good advice about goal setting:

Goals must be achievable.

Goals must be measurable.

Goals must have a time constraint.

We should strive to make our resolutions for the year ahead adhere to those guidelines. Another good business practice to follow in our pursuit of our resolutions is that we must be held accountable. Someone else needs to know what your goal is and agree to provide you with an evaluation and feedback on your progress.  In business we call that someone your “accountability partner”.

So, as you begin another year with new resolutions (goals) for change and improvement, make sure that they are realistic (see list above). At the end of each day/week/month, take time to reflect back on how you spent your time and evaluate whether or not you actually accomplished and steps, no matter how small, towards your new goals for the year. Then renew your commitment to persistence and patience.

Move that first (or next) pebble today.

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Escape your prison in 2024…

January 2, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/2/24 – reposts from the late Pastor Jack Freed’s blog


“As I walked out the door to my freedom, I knew if I did not leave all the anger, hatred and bitterness behind that I would still be in prison.” (Nelson Mandela) As we walk into the New Year, it would be well to follow Mandela’s example and leave behind that which has kept us from being the best that we can be. It is possible to let the past be the past and to live life in a new way. Let that be our resolve. 😉  Jack

Originally sent January 4, 2016.

As you begin a new year, perhaps focusing upon things that you decide not do are as important as making resolutions about things that you hope to do. If you can resolve to start 2024 by leaving behind the anger, hatred and bitterness in your life, you will have a much better year.

Instead of focusing upon getting even with someone else over some real or perceived harm that they may have caused you, focus instead upon forgiving them and moving on with your life.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity over poor decisions that you made in your past, focus upon forgiving yourself, learning from your mistakes, and moving on with life.

Instead of allowing fear and hatred to dictate your reaction to others who may no be like you, open your heart and your mind to the possibilities of new understanding, new learning and new friendships.

Instead of limiting yourself over concerns about what others may think, or trying to meet the expectations of others, be true to yourself and be the best that you can be.

Walk out of the prison of your past and begin a new life.

Have a great New Year in 2024.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Whose expectations are you trying to meet?

December 26, 2023

As I get older, some things that used to be important to me have lost that sense of importance, especially as it related to the use of my time. And, when I take the time to really think about it, many of those things were things that I was doing not so much because I really wanted to as it was that I thought someone else expected me to. I was letting what I perceived to be their expectations of me dictate the direction of my life.

Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that some level of recognition and acceptance of the expectations of others is required for an orderly society. The alternative is chaos. We all accept and obey the laws and expectations of society to some level. Those who choose to deviate from those expectations may be classified as criminals or perhaps as inventive genius’ or entrepreneurs. They are meeting their own expectations.

One does not have to be a criminal or a genius to focus upon their own expectations. I could use the words hopes and dreams in place of the word expectations. The point is understanding what is driving your behavior – what you want or what someone else wants?

When we are young, we may not really have a clear or firm vision of where we would like to go in life, so we “go with the flow” and let the expectations of others (parents, teachers, fiends) dictate our direction. At some point in life our own expectations gel and we seem to know what we want and take steps to get achieve those goals/ambitions/expectations.

By the time that one achieves that level of clarity about their personal expectations, they may be so locked into the roles that others expect of them that they cannot see any way to pursue their own goals. They may be married and have children. They may be deeply committed to some profession. That doesn’t mean that they can’t still pursue their dream, just that it will be harder and more complicated to do so.

If all of this makes pursuing your own expectations seem like a self-centered or selfish way to live there is some truth to that, but it is not necessarily something to be ashamed of. Shakespeare said in his play Hamlet, “To thine own self be true”. Acknowledging and pursuing your own hopes, dreams, and expectations is just being true to yourself.

If you have that nagging feeling at the end of each week that you ae not happy, even though you may be meeting the expectations of others in your role as employee, spouse or parent, take the time to think about what it is that you really want to be doing – what your hopes and dreams and expectations are in life. At least acknowledge that you have expectations of your own and that achieving them is also important in your life.

Once you get that clear, you can start thinking about how you might achieve those goals without completely disrupting your current life. Those new expectations can co-exist with the expectations that you are already locked into meeting. Talk with your spouse about what you want to do and seek their support for your effort. Start making small progress steps towards those new goals – maybe a college-level class or some introductory instruction on a needed skill.

Perhaps the “down time” between Christmas and New Year’s Eve provides a good opportunity to stop and think about whose expectations you are meeting in your daily life and to rediscover your own hopes and dreams. Perhaps you can set a few expectations for yourself based upon them. Your New Year’s Resolutions can then include meeting a few of your own expectations.

Have a great New Year of meeting your own expectations.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t put away everything…

December 18, 2023

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 12/18/23 – a reprise of a post made by the late Pastor Jack Freed.
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in the department store, and he asked me for my autograph.” (Shirley Temple Black) The Bible says, “When I was a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put away childish things.” I loved believing in Santa, but, as an adult, I appreciate knowing about the “real” St. Nicholas who went around giving gifts of food, clothing and firewood to the poor. In this time of Christmas, let’s remember St. Nicholas. He wasn’t make-believe. 😉  Jack
 
Originally sent December 23, 2020.

Our society embraces the concept of “growing up” and putting away childish things – perhaps too much. I like the words of George Bernard Shaw, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

It is the need to constantly be serious and “adult” about everything that causes us not only to grow old but to suffer the mental condition we call depression. The inability to stop being serious and just play is oppressive. Our reluctance to see and acknowledge the absurdities in life and our self-imposed restriction of our sense of humor can create a very rigid and dour individual. We need to let the child in us out to play again.

“We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything than when we are playing.” -Charles Schaefer.

Watching young children play, one is treated to the sense of wonderment and pure fun that all too quickly is replaced as we grow up by the need to compete with others. Very young children don’t often play “us verses them” games; they just play “us having fun” games. We need to revisit that realm as adults. It is the introduction somewhere along the path of “growing up” that of the concept of “keeping score” is introduced and the games that we play are never the same again.

 “The opposite of play is not work. It’s depression.” Brian Sutton-Smith

Even in what we call our recreational time, the games that we play as adults all seem to have some way of keeping score and that leads to comparing ourselves against others. Once those comparisons start, it is all to easy to become obsessed with “beating the scores of others. We can’t just be happy to play by ourselves, we have to be better, smarter, prettier than someone else. Our games become zero sum where someone must lose in order for us to win. We have lost the ability to play like a child and that is not good. Perhaps the problem is that we become captives of the games we play.

“Take someone who doesn’t keep score, who’s not looking to be richer, or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality: he’s free.” — Rumi

So, don’t put away all things from your childhood. Free yourself to play again like you did as a child. Sing and dance like nobody’s looking. And don’t worry about the need to work., That will take care of itself.

“This is the real secret of life — to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.” – Alan Watts

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Posted by Norm Werner

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