Let it heal…

January 13, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/13/25 – Originally sent January 13, 201
“Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo.” (Jon Sinclair) My temptation is to comment about tattoos, but Sinclair’s words are about failure and how to overcome it. Jerome Kern wrote: “When my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.” There’s book by Robert Schuller titled “Tough Times Never Last, Tough People Do.” I’ve known some tough people in my life. Perhaps you have, too. They’re an inspiration for us to hang in there! 😉 Jack


I like the opening quote by Sinclair that Jack used in today’s Winning Words. Some people let the adversity or failures that they’ve had in life become tattoos for all to see and that defines them. Some, like people with tattoos sometimes do, cover them up so that others can’t see them; but they’re still there impacting their lives. Life’s adversities do not tattoo you; rather, they leave a bruise. Let it heal.


I’m not sure that I agree with the book title from Schuller’s book. The image that it conjures up is one of sucking it up and fighting your way through adversity, injury or disappointment. It seems to invoke an image of overcoming rather than accepting. The fact is that it (whatever it is) happened and there is nothing that you can do to change that. What you can change is how you react to whatever it is. Anger, denial, remorse or fear are all negative reactions. Toughing your way through it is just a self-serving form of denial. All of those reactions are based on the mistaken belief that you have (or had) some level of control over the situation or events. The sooner you give up that delusion the faster the bruise that the event caused can heal. Let it heal.


A good way to start the healing process is to admit that you are not in control, you cannot change the past, and you need help with the healing process. I use a simple little prayer to get into that state of mind – “Not my will, but thy will be done.” It is amazing how emancipating that little prayer can be. In one sentence you surrender to God’s will. I also use a little phrase that I remember from my youth – “a little help here.” God knows what help you need and was just waiting for you to ask for help. Let God help. Let it heal.


Perhaps we should add a little to Kerns advice – “When my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up, dust myself off, start all over again and let the bruise heal.” In some big failures there may be a scar left after the healing, but that just adds to your character and wisdom. Move on and let it heal.

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Posted by Norm Werner

You can’t walk in my shoes…

January 6, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/6/25 – Originally sent October 19, 2021.
“We have met the enemy, and he is us.” (Pogo) After winning a battle with the British Royal Navy in the War of 1812, Commodore Oliver Perry reported: “We have met the enemy, and they are ours.” Cartoonist Walt Kelly changed the last three words, making commentary on the strife going on in America in the 1960’s: Americans fighting Americans. Could it be that something similar is happening in America today? There’s an old saying: “We are our own worst enemy.” I’m not going to win a prize for coming up with an idea for peace but trying to walk in someone else’s shoes for a while might help. Give it a try. 😉 Jack


It is literally and figuratively impossible to walk in someone else’s shoes; however, we can take some time to try to understand the different perspective that someone else is experiencing the world from. If that too proves to be impossible, then at least acknowledging that they see things differently from you and in a way that you don’t understand is a good starting point. Perhaps acknowledging that you don’t understand their pain or anger or position on something will allow you to move on to being more helpful by exploring their feelings and point of view and trying to figure out the best things that you can do to help or comfort them.


This is particularly true when dealing with someone of a different ethnic or racial or sexual orientation background. You may have no idea what it is like to be of middle eastern heritage or to be a person of color or maybe a person who is undergoing or has made a sexual-orientation or gender change. There is little to no understanding of that person that a white, middle-class, Christian person of European ancestry brings to the encounter. So, saying I understand your pain, or anger, or confusion is just B.S. Better that you should say, “I don’t understand how you feel right now or how you got here, but help me understand what I can do to help.” That may at least start a conversation that will help you understand a little bit of the perspective of the person and should help you define with them what things you can do to help, if anything.


So, start to help someone by admitting that you don’t understand their pain. Try to get a better picture of what that person is feeling and what brought them to this state. Don’t rely on your own perspective…it will be wrong. However, your own experiences in similar situations may help you suggest things that worked for you to resolve similar issues that you faced or to deal with pains, disappointments or failures that you have experienced. Sometimes, just providing a shoulder to cry on or an attentive ear to listen to their story is all the help that they need.


Jack wasn’t wrong, but he was speaking metaphorically. Walking in someone’s shoes is really about making the effort to understand their perspective and their problem or issue. Jack was a master at that very thing and helped so many people because he took the time and made the effort to understand them and their perspective before he tried to help them.

You can’t walk in someone else’s shoes, so what will you do when you encounter someone who needs your help?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Keep Christmas in your heart…

December 23, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 12/23/24 – Originally sent December 24, 2013.
“I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all year.” (Charles Dickens) What does it mean, to keep Christmas? The classic story “A Christmas Carol” seems to indicate that “Christmas” is having sympathy for the destitute. Early critics saw the story, first published in 1843, as an indictment of the rich taking advantage of the poor. One way to honor Christmas is by being an advocate for the poor. Pope Francis appears to like the idea. 😉 Jack


It is easy in our secular and very commercialized world to lose track of the real meaning of Christmas. We celebrate Christmas and Easter close together and early in the year. The two are inextricably linked as a show of God’s love for mankind. We need to put them in our hearts and use them as a guide and inspiration for our lives.


There will always be those who are disadvantaged, disabled or poor at Christmas time and all year long. To the extent that we not only advocate for them, but by actually doing something to help, we will be demonstrating the spirit of Christmas in our hearts all year.


Donating to a red kettle or to a worthy cause at Christmas time is good, but giving your time to volunteer in your community and help is even better. Local groups like Meals on Wheels or Community Sharing are always looking for volunteers. Most require no particular skills and will train you for the job that is needed. Honor Christmas and keep the spirit of it alive all year by finding a cause that you can volunteer to support.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Be kind…be healthy…

December 16, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 12/16/24 – Originally sent January 5, 2016.
“When the Grinch discovered the true spirit of Christmas, his small heart grew 3 sizes that day.” (Dr Seuss) Did you know that an act of kindness can have a positive health benefit? A study has shown that being kind can add to physical well-being…so, smile, give compliments, volunteer, let someone go ahead of you in line, write an unexpected thank you. If kindness helped Grinch, it can help you and me. Give it a try. 😉 Jack

We get lots of reminders at this time of the year to be more thoughtful, kind and generous, although few such reminders also tout the health benefits that accrue to us. The old saw “it is better to give than to receive” is on full display and opportunities to give are on every street corner. It does not require giving money in order to display thoughtfulness, kindness or even generosity. The most valuable things that we have to give is our time. There are also lots of opportunities all year long to volunteer your time in support of worthy causes. If you don’t know where to start, just Google “volunteer opportunities near me” and see all of the things that are returned.

So do yourself a favor this Christmas and give yourself the gift of better health. Put a smile on your face and in your heart and be kind, be thoughtful and be generous with your most precious possession – your time. Your heart probably won’t grow like the Grinch, but, it will feel much bigger when it is full of the joy of giving.

And let that joy of giving show in your life. Be a cheerful giver. “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
2 Corinthians 9:7.

Be kind, be cheerful and be healthy today.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Heaven Help US…

November 4, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 11/4/24 – Originally sent October 17, 2016.
“Do not be afraid…for the Lord will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) Are you one who fears what will happen after Election Day? I ask you to reread the quote from Joshua. A new book by David Gushee has the sub-title, From Fear To Faith In Unsettled Times. Its purpose is to help the believer think through the societal changes of today and move from fear to faith. All sorts of fears can consume us. “Be not afraid…The Lord will be there after Election Day.” 😉 Jack

There is a large dose of irony to be found in the repost of the words that Jack wrote in 2016 on the eve of that year’s election. We find ourselves once again is the situation where Donald Trump is running against a female opponent, who would be the first woman to ever be elected to the Presidency. This year the first would also include that she would be the first female of color to be elected.

The world did not end after that election, but it certainly changed quite a bit. Your political preferences will dictate whether you view those changes as good or bad. The world will not end this year when the election results are in; however, it is likely to change significantly once again. What will not change is that God will still be there, no matter who wins. Perhaps times like this and the change like that which is to come that make the constant presence of God in our lives all the more important.

So, don’t panic this week if your candidate doesn’t win. Instead put your faith in God and remember that He is with you always. Turning to your faith is times like this helps put things into perspective. In Mark 12:17 Jesus said, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” Caesar represented the government back then. The political parties and the candidates make up government today. Just keep in mind that the things that are important –faith, love and family – come from God, not the government.

So, get out and vote; but remember “Do not be afraid…for the Lord will be with you wherever you go.”

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Posted by Norm Werner

Have no regrets…

October 7, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 10/7/24 – Originally sent March 6, 2010.

“Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.” (George Halas) When I was growing up, the Chicago Bears were “my” team, and I admired George “Papa Bear” Halas. Win or lose, he could never be accused of not giving his best as a coach. His quote is more than about playing football; it’s about playing the game of life. Give it your best today. 😉 Jack

 Many times, giving something your best effort will still result in not winning. I chose to say it that way because, if you gave it your best, you did not lose; you just fell a little short of winning. If you watch sports events that involve individual competitions, such as track and field, you will often see athletes who did not win the event, but who are happy and maybe even celebrating because they may have achieved a personal best in the event. Have no regrets…

Life presents us with many opportunities (some might say challenges) and each time it does we are faced with the choice of giving it our best or just going through the motions. One almost always regrets later that they did not give the opportunity their best effort. Have no regrets…

In our personal lives many have lingering regrets about not being able to summon up the courage to ask out that person we’ve been admiring from afar. Maybe we regret having passed by the person begging for help. What would your best have been if you had not ignored that opportunity? Perhaps we held back when the call when out for volunteers to help on some project or effort that seemed hard or unglamorous. What difference to that cause would you have made, had you given it your best effort? Have no regrets…

A major difference between highly successful people and those who are not as successful in life is that the highly successful people don’t wait for opportunities to present themselves; they seek them out or create those opportunities themselves. Win or lose at those opportunities those highly successful people never regret having tried and giving it their best effort. In fact, many times they eventually win, or succeed, because they keep coming back and giving it their best shot again and again. Have no regrets…

Thomas Edison is the classic example of a successful person who did not let failures stop him. He is quoted as having said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”. Edison tried to learn something from each failure. So, keep giving it your best and learn from any failures. Most of all remember George Hallis’s advice and give it your all. Have no regrets…

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t stress out, get stronger instead…

October 1, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 9/30/24 – Originally sent September 24, 2021.
“It is how people respond to stress that determines whether they will profit from misfortune or be miserable.” (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi) Cardiologists use stress tests to warn people if they need to “slow down” before the heart reaches the breaking point. Many things, besides a treadmill, can put the heart under stress. Maybe it’s the job, listening to the news, or a relationship that’s not going well. Stress can cause misery, but it can also make us stronger. Athletes stress their bodies when training to be stronger when it matters. If you’re dealing with stress, try to build strength from it. It isn’t easy, but it can work. 😉  Jack

Let’s begin by admitting that much, if not most, of the stress in our lives is what might be called a self-inflicted wound. It is us reacting badly to what are largely imagined things. I’ve commented here many times about how wonderful the human mind is at imagining all of the possible bad outcomes to almost any situation. Imagination is a powerful human thing that has led to all sorts of useful inventions and discoveries; however, it has also led to many cases of psychosis and even to depression. Stress feeds our imagination and then feeds on what our imagination has conjured up. That is a powerful loop which is sometimes hard to break.

Stress is a fellow traveler with fear, anger, remorse, regret and other negative reactions that we have to life’s twists and turns, whether they are expected or not. Since stress is mainly self-imposed, it is usually up to us to deal with it ourselves. I have danced around this issue before. On August 8, 2015 posted “Dealing with Life’s Problems” and on August 3, 2022, penned the post “Dump Your Ego and Find Peace”. In both cases I was discussing how to deal with things that would cause stress in your life.

One of the keys to dealing with life and stress is to be able to Forgive Yourself. Which I posted about this on August 12, 2021. Since you may being stressed because you are beating yourself up about something that you did or maybe that you did not do; you need to forgive yourself before you can move on. Sometimes it helps to realize that God forgives you, whatever it is. And if God can forgive you, who are you to go against God’s will and continue to beat yourself up? Surrender to Gods will byu using the little prayer that I use in my posts quite often – “Not my will, but Thy will be done.”

If you can get top that point and honestly use that prayer, you will be surprised how quickly the stress fades away. You might also be surprised how much stronger you feel after that. Why? Because you have taken control of yourself by trusting God with your life.

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Posted by Norm Werner

No other option…

September 26, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 9/3/24 – Originally sent August 30, 2021.

“Everything is going to work out; there’s no other option.” Kari Miller) Kari is amazing! She lost her legs in a car accident caused by a drunk driver and took a bad situation and made it better by joining the American Paralympics Sitting Volleyball Team. Try playing volleyball while sitting! I have a hard time while standing. But when you have no other option, you do what you can do. All of the Paralympians give us encouragement that things will work out for those who don’t give up…like Kari. 😉 Jack

It is amazing how many of us (and I include myself in this group) spend (read that as waste) time mentally exploring or wishing for some option to the situation that we find ourselves in at the moment. In my last post I implored people to never stop dreaming; however, dreaming is different from the denial that leads to regrets or wishing that things were different.  Dreaming is about things in the future, while most time spent looking for options to the present are about the past – past decisions, past relationships, past mistakes that cannot be undone.

In truth there are no other options. The catch phrase, “It is what it is” best explains the situation. Mulling what might have been traps us in the past. As Jack wrote, “But when you have no other option, you do what you can do.”  Accepting what is allows us to move on to what yet may be.

Most of us will never face a situation like Kari Miller or anywhere near as drastic a change in our lives as she faced. Kari could have spent the rest of her life wallowing in self-pity or anger; however, she chose to do what she could. How do you handle the curve balls that life sometimes throws at you?

Do you spend your days thinking about what might have been different had you only made a different decision or chosen a different path? Do regret and remorse rule your life? Are you stuck in Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda land? How’s that working out for you?  Isn’t it time for a change?  

Here’s a way to start “A new way forward”, to steal a campaign phrase from Vice President Kamala Harris.  A key is to put things in perspective and put the past where it belongs – in the past. One way to help do that is to write down the bad thing or things that you have been hung up on. Then, fold up that paper and put it in an envelop and label the envelope “The Past”. Put that envelop in a drawer and walk away from it.

Now that you have put the past behind you, you can focus on your future and doing what you can do. You may be surprised how much that is and how much happier you will feel once you start doing it. You may not realize it at the time, but an important thing that just happened is that you stopped blaming yourself and beating yourself up for what happened in the past.

To help you with the future it is important that you let go of the thought that you can control it. You will be able to react to it (hopefully in a better way than in the past), but you cannot control it. I have found that, for me, the little prayer “Not my will, but thy will be done” allows me t let go of the pressure of the false belief that I can somehow control the future.

There really is no other option. So, let go and accept what has happened, acknowledge that it is in the past, and focus upon doing your best in the future.

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Posted by Norm Werner

You’re not too old to dream?

September 25, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 7/15/24 – Originally sent June 27, 2008.

“The world ages us too fast. We grow up too quickly; we stop dreaming too early, and we develop the ability to worry at far too young an age.” (Doug Wecker) I don’t know who Doug is, but I think he’s hit the nail on the head. If we would just dream more and worry less, we’d be in better shape. Sigmund Romberg wrote the song, When I Grow Too Old To Dream. Too old to dream? How sad. Dream on and stay young. 😉  Jack

I think the thing that ages us too fast is that we become too serious about everything , too focused, too intense, too logical. We lose the ability to let things go and relax. We lose the ability to be silly every now and then, to laugh at the things that happen in life and to laugh at ourselves. We embrace the idea that “acting like an adult” means being serious and sober all the time, not letting our emotions show and certainly not being silly.

That’s the reason that I wrote a post back in 2022 about not letting yourself lose the ability to be silly (see – https://normsmilfordblog.com/2022/12/10/never-lose-your-ability-to-be-silly/

In that post I suggested that you start each day by making a funny face at yourself in the mirror as you are getting ready in the morning. That’s still a good idea, It breaks the ice for the day and puts you in the right frame of mind to face whatever the day holds for you.

Another good exercise each day is to take some alone time to just let your mind wander and to dream. The human mi nd is an amazing thing. Not only can it conjure up all of the bad things that can happen when yo are being to serious and worrying too much; it can also imagine wonderful  things when you give it free reign to dream. And, remember Jack’s advice that if you would just dream more and worry less you will be in better shape.

As for me. I’m going to make a funny face in the mirror again tomorrow morning and remember that I’m never too old to dream. How about you?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Embrace your journey…

September 24, 2024

Today’s graphic, as applied to life, would seem to say that there are times or circumstances in our lives that we can accurately foresee.

Life is a journey, and it is not really possible to see a clear path forward. Some spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the future and what might happen. Others waste time looking back at what was in regret or in fear the past repeating itself.

The truth of this graphic is that we must embrace the present – the journey – and live in the moment. We cannot stop the twists and turns and surprises of life from happening, but we can be better prepared to deal with them.

There are a few keys to being prepared to deal with life’s surprises. Probably the most important is having a solid foundation upon which to base your life. Some call this a moral compass. It is the set of core beliefs upon which you base your decision making before taking actions. For many this foundation is rooted in faith. Having a strong faith in God provides a foundation “rock” upon which to build the rest of your beliefs.

Once you have a good understanding of right and wrong, of good and evil and of love, compassion and understanding, you are ready to develop your own process for decision-making that will allow you to deal with the twists and turns of life’s journey. A good decision process usually starts with thought, with patience and with perseverance.

Taking time to think before acting allows us to measure the situation against our beliefs of right and wrong. Stopping to think also allows us to put the situation into the perspective of time and to apply the patience and perseverance that may be needed. Thinking about the situation also allows us to overcome initial reactions such as fear or anger.

The British phrase “Keep Calm and Carry On” seems applicable here. One keeps calm but thinking about things, instead of just reacting to them and that allows one to carry on with the journey. Perhaps it might help to start each day by resetting your moral GPS with a simple prayer. The one I use is, “Not my will but thy will be done.”

Where will your journey take you today? What twists and turns will you face? Are you ready for them? Have you reset your moral compass? Remember to Keep Calm and Carry On. Embrace the journey.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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