I recently read a great article titled Successful People Start Before They Feel Ready by motivational author and speaker, James Clear. I won’t spoil it for you by revealing the opening, but the gist of the whole thing is not to get too hung up on being ready to take on something new, whether it be a job, an entrepreneurial opportunity or a new relationship. Just get started.
In my real estate work, I’m under the Real Estate One company brokerage. Real Estate One is a great company for training and developing new real estate agents. The office that I work out of in Milford runs classes for people looking to get their real estate agent licenses several times a year and it always full. A harsh reality in the real estate business is that more than half (maybe as high as 60-70%) of the people who get through the course and get their license will not last a full year in the business. One reason is that they get into it with totally out of line expectations about how much and how fast they can earn and how much they will have to work. I know that the local manager counsels everyone who wants to join our office out of those classes about what they should realistically expect, but many chose to ignore that advice and are gone within their first year.
One of the biggest roadblocks to success for these ”newbie” agents is their feeling that 
they don’t know enough to handle customer situations. They quite correctly surmise that the training that was required to pass the real estate licensing test is pretty much useless for the day-to-day job of actually being a Realtor®. Real Estate One does provide them with additional training (marketing classes and in-office training on the details of the real estate process); however, they quickly see that there is a ton more to know and the fear of not knowing everything becomes a major roadblock to even trying. Some never overcome that fear and drop out because no business came to them and they were afraid to go after any new business. They feared looking like a fool in front of customers, instead of developing the ability to say, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out”, as they really learned the business.
Life in general is really like that, too. We’re never going to have enough time to know all that we think we need to know or to get as ready as we feel we need to be, whether it is going into the first day on a new job or going out on a first date. Most of us just don’t feel comfortable because we don’t understand the unknowns – we think that we’re not ready.
The advice that Clear give in his article is that successful people jump in anyway; ready or not. They jump in with those fears still in place, but they also jump in with a sense of 
adventure and the self confidence that they will be able to tackle any challenges that come along. If they fail, they fail; and they are OK with that because they will view it as a learning experience. The examples that Clear uses also show that they don’t let temporary setbacks stop them. They find a way to recover and move ahead. Some successful people have said later in life, “I was too dumb to know that it couldn’t be done, so I just did it.” They weren’t dumb; they just weren’t afraid to just get started.
Even in situations like asking for a date, feelings of not being ready can creep in and stop someone in their tracks. Maybe you feel like you don’t have enough money for a date or perhaps that you don’t have nice enough clothes. Maybe it’s concern that you don’t have someplace special planned to go or something special in mind to do. Maybe you lay there awake and night wandering what you would talk about in a date. What would you say about yourself? What would you say to him/her? You think that you’re not ready. Don’t live the rest of your live with a bad cases of the coulda, woulda, shoulda’s about that person that you missed your opportunity just with because you felt like you weren’t ready. Just get started.
Instead of focusing upon the things that you don’t know and the things you fear that someone may ask of you, focus instead of doing the best that you can, being as honest as you can and being unafraid of saying, ”I don’t know, but I know how to find out.” Just get started and take the rest as it comes. Successful people tend to be good problem solvers, but the problems that need to be solved, in order to reach success, will never occur, if you don’t get started.
I’ve posted here a few times about effective strategies and techniques for problem solving, so review a few of those posts. Expecting that problems will occur and being mentally ready to go into problem solving mode is perhaps the best way to get prepared. Many successful people might even tell you that the real adrenaline rushes that came with success came from meeting challenges and solving problems along the way. 
I know that it’s Monday and you had a long weekend. You haven’t had time to get as prepared as you would like; but, be successful today, this week and this year. Get started.
Posted by Norm Werner 
It is in meeting other people that we have our most profound experiences of the extraordinary, because we can relate to their life experiences as if they were our own. We can imagine ourselves living their stories. It is really impossible to imagine yourself as a fish or maybe even living as a lion or elephant; but, one can imagine the life of the fisherman or living in Africa alongside the animals through the stories of other humans who live those lives. One only hears stories like those and imagines those extraordinary adventures if one makes the effort to stop and meet the people.
one of them has a story, some of them quite extraordinary. Each of those stories allows us to escape the capsule of personal experiences that we live within and imagine new and different experiences, many of them extraordinary indeed.
food and shelter for all in need, but where you don’t understand the language or customs. What an extraordinary journey.
be learned. So, stop and meet the people and fill your life with the extraordinary pleasures found in sharing life experiences with others. Making that effort will certainly result in expanding your thinking and may even make you a better person for having listened to, and hopefully considered, that other persons point of view.
and deformity or obesity are bad. By implication, the image that we see in the mirror of our physical appearance predisposes us to draw conclusions about the character and worth of the person that is there. Yet, stare as hard as you might, you will never actually see the traits like honesty, integrity, humility, kindness or a loving and giving heart that really makes up who you see in that mirror.
Teresa in India, and not known who she was, would have just seen a squat, homely looking old lady in a nun’s habit and not realized that they were seeing someone who would one day become a Saint. Many who met Lech Walesa in his early years as an activist in Poland might have just seen a somewhat angry little Polish electrician who could be dismissed, rather than the future leader of Poland and a Nobel Peace Prize winner. And, how about Detroit activist Rosa Parks? She was certainly not a lady trading on her looks when she decided not to move to the back of the bus, adding fuel the civil rights movement locally. Do you think that any of these people were concerned about what they saw when they looked in the mirror? I suspect that they were much more satisfied with who they saw there, and not the least concerned with what they saw.
never even noticed themselves in those looking glasses, because they were too busy “doing” to spend time looking.
bigger than one person can accomplish by themselves? Do you see yourself stopping to ask the homeless man what he needs and how you can help? Do you see yourself getting your hands dirty on a weekend helping to build a new home for someone? Do you see yourself standing in the middle of a street with a collection bucket doing what you can to help people that you will never meet? Do you see yourself serving a Thanksgiving meal at a shelter? Do you see yourself visiting a shut-in in a local retirement home? Do you see yourself reaching out to help someone who is experiencing a tough time in their life and just need a friend to talk with?
ness, charity or love towards others when you look into the mirror; then you are seeing who you are, not what you look like and that’s a beautiful thing. If all you see in the mirror that you hold up
Every person who lives somewhere along that spectrum is different and must be accepted with those differences.
I did decide that, from time to time, I would pursue the approach of looking at posted articles that deal with or focus upon how a particular condition or illness makes one feel. The reason is that I believe that gaining an understanding what is causing a person to act or react the way they are is an important first step towards accepting them as they are and helping them, if they wish to be helped. It is just as important in learning when and how to back off and let the person have the space and time to deal with what is going on in their life. A recurring theme that one sees in the writings of people struggling with some of these issues is how annoying the bumbling efforts to help from well-meaning, but ill informed, “friends” can be. I am not a fan of the “intervention” approach to this topic.
believe that I went through an episode (or bout) of depression in my own life a decade or so ago. For me it was just an episode and not a recurring or continuous thing. Many who suffer from depression cannot say that and must seek help in order to live a “normal” life. So, I set out to find an article on-line about what depression feels like, and found the site – 
So, what does reading through this article this do for you? It gives you yet another “frame of reference” with which to better equip you to accept the person in your life who may be suffering through depression, whether episodic or on-going. It may help you recognize the symptoms that are manifested when one is depressed and perhaps better understand why they do certain things. Perhaps it will help you to not make the mistake of writing off that person or ignoring their actions in hopes that they will just “snap out of it”. If you have a friend or loved one in your family who may be suffering with depression, you may find this article at the same site to be helpful –
Rather than getting down on someone for being a “wet blanket” during the holidays, take the time to think about how they feel and find a way to help them feel more accepted and comfortable within a setting that is perhaps frightening and overwhelming to them. Sitting quietly with them in front of a fire and giving them a hug, may be the best present that you can give this Holiday season.
understand something for which I have absolutely no frame of reference. It is a common mistake when we try to understand things like this from our own frame of reference, our own life experiences and knowledge base. Lori’s descriptions of her sensory perceptions of the world are so far removed from my own that I had trouble even imagining what that must be like, yet it was trying to imagine it that helped me understand how little that I really understand. It also helped expand my thinking about how I react, or might react to others; especially those who might be far removed from my own frame of reference. I intend to follow up by reading more of the posts at the 
and point of view of people self-identifying in those categories. I read a rather scholarly article on the T part of that, which I found on the site 
understand things from our own frame of reference, rather than opening our minds to an entirely different frame of reference and an entirely different way of looking at things. Maybe others, like Lori, have an entirely different way of processing sensory inputs and experiences or a different way of making choices – a different frame of reference.
upbringing and experiences, my education and knowledge base, my beliefs and my fears and misconceptions. That judgement of others starts with the presumption that whatever I feel or think must be “right” and anyone else that I encounter who deviates from that definition of “right”, must somehow be “wrong”. Different must be wrong. Not acting, and reacting, as I do must be wrong. Not being like me must be wrong. Apparently, not being me is wrong. How wrong is that?
others? Well, there’re still a lot of options left. One could start with acceptance. Accepting the person as you find them and not immediately judging them or rushing in to try to change them is a good first step. You could continue by striving for some level of empathy with that other person’s perspective on life. That requires other things, such as patience, sympathy, sharing, openness, kindness, perseverance and a willingness to learn, among others. One may end up quite often saying, “Wow, I never looked at things that way”’; and that’s a good thing. That’s a step towards understanding and so much better than just deciding that the other person’s point of view is wrong, just because it is not the same as yours.
stop myself early enough, before I have caused the damage to the relationship that a judgement can cause; then I still have the option to accept that other person. Perhaps I will never get all the way to understanding that other person’s frame of reference for life, but maybe I can get to the point of accepting and appreciating them for who they are and trying to learn something from their different perspective on life. Who knows; maybe I can make a friend of someone, if I take the time not to make an enemy. Who am I to judge?
Clinton and against Donald Trump. That anxiety is driven by fears that President-Elect Trump will actually carry out some of the more outrageous promises that he made while campaigning, concerning things like building a wall at our southern border and deporting illegal aliens or taking harsh and discriminatory measures against various ethnic or religious groups. There would have been a similar anxiety had Hillary won from those who saw her as a threat to their right to own weapons or who fear more and bigger government interference in their daily lives. Those on both sides should step back and remember Peter’s advice – “Cast your anxiety on the Lord, for He cares about you.”
system to insure that tyranny by a ruling leader would not be possible. Also at work here is the shift that President Obama has spoken about that occurs once one actually has to be the President, rather than just campaigning to be the President. We can see that already in Mr. Trump’s rapid backpedaling away from some of his more outrageous stated positions from his campaign. Some have called that being pragmatic, but perhaps the Lord is already at work and you can, “Cast your anxiety on the Lord, for He cares about you.”
concert for her family while in the White House. I do remember how the press seemed to cover every golf outing that President Eisenhower took and how he was called the “do nothing” president; even though he was the father of our modern Interstate system of highways and a bulwark against the spread of Communism after WW II. Eisenhower also created NASA in response to the launch of the Sputnik satellite by the USSR. He fought behind the scenes against Joe McCarthy and effectively ended McCarthyism. There were many who feared what would happen when Eisenhower was elected; but, also many who had faith enough to, “Cast your anxiety on the Lord, for He cares about you.”
towards the middle for the next few elections. Those most likely to be disappointed are not those who voted for the losing candidate, but those who voted for the winner, in hopes that all of their anger, hate and prejudices would be assuaged. For those who standing quivering in fear and anxiety at this turn of events, I can only offer the comfort of faith and ask them to, “Cast your anxiety on the Lord, for He cares about you.”
at work. There is a lot of bluster and bravado from the winning side and some disappointment, whimpering and shame on the losing side. Both have already subsided as both now try to envision a future with this status quo. One side is focusing upon what they can actually do for the next four years and the other is deciding what they can actually prevent from happening in that same time period. The gridlock that is our Congressional arm of government has shifted from “prevent Obama from doing anything” to “prevent Trump from doing anything.” The Lord does work in mysterious ways, indeed. “Cast your anxiety on the Lord, for He cares about you.”
no power over what those leaders see as “the right things”, but God does. Now, more than ever, we need to trust in God to put into the hearts and minds of those in power the wisdom and compassion to do the right things. So pray often and pray hard for God to intervene to make the right things happen; and, pray with the conviction that you can, “Cast your anxiety on the Lord, for He cares about you.”
needs that we encounter better is throwing that dollar in the red kettle or handing it to the homeless man on the street. We take our giving pill and get on with life.
untreated mental health issue? Is he/she unable to work because they have no way to get to work? Is she begging for food and clothing for her family because she can’t afford child care and can’t work?
always need help – volunteers or paid positions to actually do the work of the programs that they run. You can sign up and probably work as much and as hard as you wish helping them fight the causes of poverty, homelessness and hopelessness in your community. Will you solve the world’s problems by doing that? No, but you will make a difference that you can see in the lives that you touch. You might be there to share in his joy when he collects his first paycheck from his new job. Maybe you’ll be able to help him carry in some furniture for his new home. Those are feelings will be a whole lot more meaningful for him and for you than the temporary feeling of good that you get as you drop your dollar in his hat and hurry on down the street.
So, the next time you reach for your wallet to throw a buck into a beggar’s hat, stop long enough to consider what he/she really needs to get back on their feet and then find a way to volunteer to help with that cause. There is an old proverb that is really an appropriate analogy – “give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”
because Ben Franklin made popular the idea of making comparisons of alternatives using lists like their attributes or the good and bad of a decision for either alternative. I often use a Franklin Chart in me real estate business to show sellers the pluses and minuses that I see for their houses, as a method of justifying my assessment of its market value.
On the left side of the list (the things that we can’t control) are some obvious entries – the weather, political elections, the stock market, a loved one’s death, things that have already happened, and someone else’s actions. One the right side of the chart (the things we do control), you should find this entry at or near the top of the list – how you react to things that happen. That is really one thing that you have total control over.
seeking solutions to things on that list that cannot be solved leads only to frustration, anger and depression. Letting go of those fixations about knowing or solving life’s mysteries frees you to get on with your life; it allows you to focus upon the things that you can control – how you deal with things in life. If you get the reaction part right, that will also allow you to spend more time on the pro-active parts of life – doing good with your life, instead of just reacting to bad.
struggling to understand some bad things that have happened in your life (maybe the breakup of a relationship or marriage or even a death in the family). Perhaps you have been stubbornly beating your head against the frustrating wall of denial or disbelief in search for answers or solutions. Maybe it’s time to right those things down. Put them all on the left hand side of your chart. Now, look over to the right hand side of the chart and focus upon the enties there.
or to change what has happened is fighting a losing battle against God’s will. Accepting that those events were God’s will, that they have happened and that they cannot be changed is a key step towards the right side of the chart. Once there you can ask for God’s help with how you react to them.
forgive that person? Were you even able to relate to their decision?
amount of analytical effort, no matter how “scientific” is it touted to be, will really allow you to predict the future and certainly nothing that you do while sitting and worrying about it will change the future. The only thing that you can do to have an impact on your future is take actions today that will change your personal impact on the world.
priest and the Levite did the man whom the Samaritan helped? You have choices all day long, every day, between doing right or wrong, good or evil, something or nothing, helping or ignoring. All of those choices are much more important than spending time worrying about the future.
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