When you’re done being sore, it’s time to soar…

May 8, 2015

“Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she began to fly.”  (Dr. Happy)-  from my favorite source of daily inspiration, Jack’s Winning Words.

Life certainly throws enough at all of us to leave us sore sometimes, down and thinking that we’re out. We tend to cocoonwithdraw into our own protective cocoons sometimes. Hopefully we’re not holed up in there for long and come out as that butterfly to soar anew. I’ve written enough here about dealing with pain, sorrow and anger that I needn’t repeat the advice from all of those posts. Here are links to a few of latest ones  –

https://normsmilfordblog.com/2015/05/04/repairing-a-ding-to-the-soul/

https://normsmilfordblog.com/2015/05/02/move-on-to-the-next-chapter/

https://normsmilfordblog.com/2015/04/22/the-stronger-you-get-the-easier-it-seems/

I think the idea of the butterfly emerging from the cocoon and flying away is a great visualization of what can happen in life, once you unburden yourself. That was sort of the underlying story in this recent post about finding new roads  –

https://normsmilfordblog.com/2015/05/06/find-new-roads-use-gps/

I get to see this happen more often than many people because, in my real estate business life, I deal with so many people who are undergoing stressful times in their lives – a divorce, a death in the family and illness forcing them into some form of care or other circumstances that usually involve having to do something with their home. I often suggest that they read a few of the posts, but never push it on them. I try to play the role of being the calm person (sometimes the only one) in the midst of the stormy situation.

It’s interesting that so many of these little sayings about resiliency and persevering through tough situations use the female gender as the protagonist. I suspect that it is because the authors know that men will always try the more macho girls huggingapproach of toughing things out before giving up and curling up in despair into a fetal position (seeking to return to the protective cocoon of the womb I guess).The other thing that I written about before is the tendency of men to approach life’s problems alone, whereas women will more often seek help, usually from other women. While the butterfly emerging from the caterpillar cocoon analogy would seem to indicate a lonely stay in the cocoon, women seem to have a way of inviting others in so that their cocoon becomes more like a coffee klatch – a much healthier and efficient way to handle crises.

Some who go into the cocoon wrap it around them so tightly that it shuts out everyone and everything in their lives – they descend into the darkness of depression and some never make it back. There is no comfort or sense of safety in that cocoon for these people. There is help available, but many do not seek it. These single mompeople need help to get to the road to recovery and to being able to emerge and take flight. That is where you might come in. Every now and then you have to get outside of your own comfort zone and take the risk of trying to intervene in the life of someone that you truly believe needs help to break out of despair or in dealing with overwhelming anxieties.

Providing help to someone can often be as simple as just being there to listen to their problems. You don’t need to try to play the role of the amateur therapist, just play the role of the good friend.  Help them see that it’s OK not to know what to do, but that it’s not Ok to let that take them down into depression.  Suggest that they see a professional or their pastor or someone else who can get them the help that they need. Tell them that you’ll stick with them. Volunteer to drive them there if needed. That kind of help goes a long way and you’ll be surprised how good it makes you feel later.

butterfly1So go rap on a few cocoons that you may know of and yell, “Are you OK in there? Can I help?” There’s a butterfly in there somewhere that may need just a little help to get out and take flight. You may not be Dr. Happy, but you can sure be a “good friend.”


Find New Roads – use GPS

May 6, 2015

Yesterday I wrote a post based upon a play on the Chevrolet ad tag line “more than you expect for less than you imagine”. It turns out that Chevrolet’s newest primary tag line “Find New Roads” is also a good line to play off of for life advice. I haven’t a clue what it’s supposed to mean in the commercials, but here’s what I think it an mean for life.

Life tends to lead us down many dead-in roads or detour us off into the boonies some times. I shouldn’t say that life does that to us; because, we do it to ourselves.  We explore different paths in life, some good and some that leave us in a ditch somewhere, wondering how we got there. Sometimes we just wander along, unsure of our destination or how to get there. Many times we may find ourselves lost in unfamiliar surroundings.

car-gpsIn my car I have a wonderful Global Positioning System (GPS) with a nice big display to show me where I am and to provide instructions as I go about when and where to turn. I don’t always follow the instructions, especially if I think I know a better way to get somewhere. Sometime the GPS seems to get really annoyed with me when I don’t follow its instructions. My wife gets a kick out of me talking back to the GPS voice telling “her” that I’m not going to make the turn that she just suggested. My GPS spends lots of time recalculating the route.

Many people use AAA Travel Services when planning a trip on new roads. I always get a TripTik® whenever we’re traveling; not just for the map, but for the handy information guides that they give you too. It helps to see what interesting things there might be to do as we travel along.

Life is like a road trip. When we’re young, with a keen sense of adventure and a feeling of invulnerability, we take many of in the ditchlife’s dares to wander down dark roads. Some never make it back, ending up lying in the ditch at the end of those bad roads. Most turn back in time to try other roads in life. As we get older, and hopefully wiser, we tend to take safer roads; but we may still be heading in the wrong direction. The voices telling us to turn back from bad roads tend to be friends and family, but we don’t always take that advice.

Since life is usually a long trip, it’s good to make use of trip planning help; to have a TripTik for life. Fortunately we all have GPS available – God’s Planning Service. We do need to ask for His help; but, when we do ask, we find new roads for the trip. We can more clearly see the roads to avoid and our route is constantly recalculated to keep us headed in the right direction. Our eyes are opened to all of the opportunities that surround us as we journey. And, if you’re the type who prefers to use a map as your guide, there was one created centuries ago that still clearly marks the right pathes – the Bible.

prayingSo, as you start out each day, pause to get a GPS update. You may wish to use this little prayer – “God, I’m not sure where you’re taking me today; but I know that if I stick to your plan I’ll never get lost; so let’s go.” Maybe He will lead you to a stop along the way where you can be of service to someone else or maybe one of your fellow travelers will render a service for you. Take it all in and enjoy the trip; confident that you will not get lost as long as you are using your GPS.

Have a safe and wonderful journey through life and don’t ignore God’s directions – He knows where you’re going and He won’t let you get lost.


Get more than you can imagine…

May 5, 2015

“Get more than you expect for less than you imagine” That’s the tag line from a recent car commercial. The advertising guys always come up with catchy lines like that; although the current “Find new roads” tag line rings a bit hollow in Michigan, where we’d be happy just to find roads that don’t have potholes.

When I saw that opening line it immediately keyed a thought of how, with a slight twist, it might be applied to one’s faith. I would rephrase it as, “Get more than you can imagine for less than you expect.”

Putting your faith into those words is an acknowledgement of the limitations of our imaginations where God is concerned and an affirmation of the concept of Grace. It is saying that God can and will provide everything that we need in return for the simple and free act of believing in Him – the act of baring your soul, opening your heart and accepting His give of Grace into your life. It does not require that you perform great works or acts of piety. It only requires the humble and grateful acceptance of God into your life. Once you have reached out to God to say, “Not my will, but thy will be done in my life”, you will get more than you can imagine for less than you expect.

It is interesting that, from Biblical times into the present, those who seem to have the most in life have the hardest time making this leap of Faith. In the Biblical story in which Jesus told the rich man who inquired about what he must do to get into heaven that he should sell everything that he had and give it to the poor that man just wandered off muttering to himself. Yet, we often see images of dirt poor people celebrating their Faith in churches around the world, lost in song or prayer. They are not celebrating the material things that they may have, because in many cases there would be nothing to celebrate. Rather these are people who have embraced their Faith and found the truth of the statement, you will get more than you can imagine for less than you expect.

I’m not saying that everyone has to give everything away and be poor to receive God’s Grace. That’s not what God is asking us to do. What he is asking us to do is to rid ourselves of the protective mantle of our own egos; that arrogant attitude that stubbornly thinks we can solve all problems by ourselves and that we don’t need His help or that of anyone else. The concept of “free will” allows for that arrogant ego and perhaps that is where the Devil lives in some of us, clouding our view of God. That is the demon that we must cast out in order to re-approach God; and, if you do you will get more than you can imagine for less than you expect.

For most of us I suspect that the issue is not an arrogant ego that pushes God away; but, rather a complacency that is comfortable with a somewhat distant relationship with God. We know he’s out there somewhere. We go to church most of the time and listen to the Scriptures and the sermon. We pray at every meal and maybe some other times. We give what we can to the church and to other worthy causes. We have a Faith of sorts; it just isn’t close to the surface and doesn’t manifest itself in our lives. For this type of Christian, it usually takes a crisis; something that forces the issue of having to call on God for help; only then do we realize that you get more than you can imagine for less than you expect.

So, what can God do for you today? The answer is whatever you need, but you have to ask. If you embrace Him, he will embrace you and you will get more than you can imagine for less than you expect.

Have a great day!


Repairing a ding to the Soul

May 4, 2015

Over the weekend my Soul was damaged. No, not my soul, but my Kia Soul. It was one of those things that happens. You’re driving along, minding your own business when something falls off a truck ahead of you and bounces right into yourKia damage car – Bang! I thought it had just hit underneath the car when it happened, but a later inspection proved me wrong. The big piece of metal that hit me took out my passenger side fog light and cracked the plastic bumper on that side.  Bummer.

So I had to get on the phone over the weekend and put in an insurance claim to get my Soul repaired. It might be a little inconvenient for a day or so; but, I sure that my Soul will be as good as new when the repair shop is finished with it. They will have restored my Soul.

Does that sound familiar? Maybe it’s because you might have grown up reciting the 23rd Psalm in church. The fourth line reads, “He restoreth my soul.”

Life is full of little (and sometimes big) dings to the soul, things that come at you unexpectedly. Some may be just tiny scratches, perhaps an unkind word or a snub; while others cause more damage, like a death or a divorce or a break-up.  Sometimes you don’t have time to pull over to the shoulder and look to see what damage has occurred, but you will look later, in the quiet of your bedroom or elsewhere. You will examine your soul for the damage.

When those things happen in life that can damage the soul, it is important to assess them and then take the necessary action to get your soul fixed (restored). Fortunately you also have full insurance coverage for your life – it’s called your faith. praying handsCall on it and get your soul in for repairs.

If you are a DIY type, you can get out the repair manual (it’s called the Bible) and seek the instructions there to restore your soul. Maybe it will take prayer, maybe doing some service for others, maybe talking it out with you spiritual leader; whatever it takes, don’t put it off. Driving through life with a damaged soul can be dangerous for you and others around you.

So, I’ll probably get my Soul in this week for repairs. While it’s there I’ll have them fix that little ding to the windshield that a rock caused a few weeks back. I’ve been meaning to get to that anyway. As for my soul; I get a weekly check-up (well, OK, almost every week) at church and a daily dose of preventive prayer; and I know who to call upon in case I get a big boo-boo on my soul.

How about you? Have you taken a few hits to the soul that need fixing. Don’t you think your life would be much better if your soul were restored? I have a Great Mechanic that I can recommend.

Have a great week ahead.


Move on to the next chapter…

May 2, 2015

“You can’t start the next chapter in your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” (Michael McMillan) – as seen in a recent post to the blog Jack’s Winning Words.

In my real estate business I seem to hit situations like this a lot. I guess it’s because I’ve had a lot of clients who are going through divorces lately or who are disposing of the estates of recently deceased people. Some find it very difficult to let go, remorsefulto stop reading that last chapter in their lives and move on.

While a death is sometimes tough to deal with, it seems to be something that most people can cope with better than a divorce. Deaths seem to involve mainly sadness, maybe some sorry or regret from not getting to know the person better or not spending more time with them or perhaps an overwhelming sense of loss and loneliness, if the deceased was a life partner.

Divorce, on the other hand involves a complex soup of emotions, including loss, anger, fears and regrets, selfishness and angry couplemore. While death has finality associated with it, divorce does not and begs the issue of what’s next. Divorce may also involve a sense of betrayal and disappointment towards the other side, especially if there was an infidelity involved. There is almost always some since of failure in a divorce; and, especially if there were children involved, a sense of letting others down. It is tough in the early stages to see clearly what role one’s own actions may have played in the failure of the marriage, so a sense of blame often accompanies the rage that is near the surface.

So, imagine that I walk into the situation with the role of trying to sell the family home as a part of the divorce settlement. I am seldom greeted with open arms by all parties. In fact a good part of my job is usually to try to bring a sense of calm and order to the situation and to keep a lid on things until I can get the place sold. Since I am the most convenient target for the release of some of the pent up anger, I quite often get arguments over the pricing that I might suggest or the suggestions that I might make for things that need to be done to make the house more sale-able. These are usually not people in the mood to hear about working on a house that they just want to get away from.

But, enough about me. What about you? Are you able to let go of the last chapter in your life and move on, or do you keep re-hashing things and re-reading that last chapter? If you re-read it many times, does anything ever change? If not, move your bookmark and get on with life. Remember that old definition of insanity – doing the same things over and over and expecting different results each time. If you must go back over things from the past, do so only to learn from the mistakes that were made, so that you can do better in the future.

new stickerPerhaps you should go further and close that old book completely and put it on the shelf. Start a new book – a new you. The first thing you could do is write a new Forward for your new book of life. In that set of remarks before the new book starts la out the things that are your new goals and new commitments to yourself. Define who you wish to become and lay out the structure (chapters) of how you will get there. Then, instead of starting to read; turn the page and start to write the new book of your life. Remember that this will be an adventure book in which you will be exploring all new things, so enjoy the journey as you turn the new pages of your life. The great thing is that you get to make the main character whatever you want them to be. What fun! I can’t wait to read your story.


Don’t get on your own nerves…

April 30, 2015

“You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.”  From a recent post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Sometimes I’ll do something stupid (more times than I care to admit) and then beat myself up about it. I suspect that we all do that from time to time; however, that’s really not a case of getting on my own nerves. I’m not sure that I’ve been stressed enough on get on my own nerves.man mad at himself

I think today’s little saying has to do with people who talk to themselves a lot, but may not enjoy the conversations. Maybe it involves long conversations about self-doubt or perhaps just fears. Maybe the dialogues involve trying to talk yourself into or out of something that you are considering doing. I can see how that can become annoying after a while; especially of you let it go into the mode of beating yourself up about it.

It seems to me that stress builds or a situation becomes stressful, when you have no idea what to do about the situation or what to do next. Not knowing what will come next or what to do next fill you with anxiety, which can easily morph into stress. Then you may make the situation worse by getting down on yourself for not knowing what to do – not having a plan. Some situations do not lend themselves to easy or straightforward solutions. Some things are not easy to map out, understand and see a way towards a solution; however, shifting gears into solution finding mode is one of the best ways out of that stress and helps keep you from getting on your own nerves.

So, my advice is to shift into problem-solving mode. I’ve written here about that before – see https://normsmilfordblog.com/2014/03/05/problem-solving-101/

By switching gears from reaction mode into the action mode of problem solving you immediately regain a sense of control, if not control over the situation, at lease control over yourself and your reaction to the situation. You can then focus upon going through all of the steps to finding a solution.

girls huggingMany times you may be in situations where you can’t figure things out by yourself and the advice of others would be helpful. I wrote about that, too –  https://normsmilfordblog.com/2014/02/15/why-is-it-so-hard-to-ask-for-help/

Sometimes you will hit stressful situations for which there is no solution. In those cases the best answer is not to continue the frustrating dialogue with yourself; but, rather to let go, admit that you will not resolve the situation by continued worry about it and seeking the peace that comes with turning to God for help. I wrote about that in –  https://normsmilfordblog.com/2014/02/02/what-are-you-listening-to-time-to-change-the-tune/
So, don’t let things and stress go so long that you end up getting on your own nerves – take action, or ask a friend for helpsmiling man or find refuge in your faith  all of those dialogues will make for much more positive and helpful conversations that just getting on your own nerves.


Be the good pebble today…

April 28, 2015

Did you ever notice that when you toss a pebble, no matter how small, into a calm body of water the small waves from that act expand until they have and rippled through the whole body of water? You can see it happen. If that body of water was roiled already with wind and waves, the same effect would occur, even if you couldn’t see it. You know that it’s happening and that in a few places the waves just got a tiny bit higher when they intersected the waves from your little pebble or maybe your little wave filled in a trough just a little bit and it wasn’t as deep.

Life can be a bit like that body of water. Most of the time life all around you is not still and calm; there are things happening in your life or the lives of others that roil the waters. It may feel like you are just that inconsequential little pebble in the big ocean of life; however, if you can cause just a little ripple by having a smile on your face for others, maybe you’ll be making a difference. Your smile may reinforce the good feelings that someone you meet already has and cause them to continue smiling at others, too. Maybe your smile will somehow fill in the trough of a bad day that another is having and help them get through whatever is affecting them. Maybe some will just wonder what the heck is making you so happy and that will take their minds off some of their own issues.

smile powerNo matter the starting point, the positive energy of your little smile can only add to the day of those who see it; so be the good pebble today and toss a smile into the mix. Imagine it rippling through the ocean of life making others smile or helping them cope with what was bothering them – that will probably make your smile even bigger.  If enough people start out each day by sharing a smile with others maybe we can bring calm to the ocean of life again and wouldn’t that be something to smile about.


Diary of a maze runner…

April 27, 2015

Over the weekend, I re-read the classic business book, Who moved my Cheese? That was the assignment from a Chamber of Commerce referral network group that I belong to locally. We will be discussing it in our next meeting.  I
reacquainted myself with the characters, Tiny people Hem and Haw, as well as the two mice, Sniff and Scurry. The story micebrought back memories of the many mazes that I’ve run through in my life and various careers, as well as the never ending search for more Cheese. If you haven’t read the book, it is available as a free download in many places on the Internet.

For most of us life is a constant search for new cheese or a new Cheese Station. Most get so engrossed in the pursuit that they forget to look up at the writings on the wall. It’s not that they didn’t know some of those bits of wisdom; it’s just that they forget or get distracted in activities that they mistakenly believe means that they are making progress. For many the focus upon being able to recognize and react well to change is a lesson yet to be learned. No one really likes change; but some do a better job of cheesedealing with what life throws at them.

Are you like Hem, refusing to deal with change? Do you really believe that doing the same things over and over will result I a different outcome? Are you stubborn enough to sit on one place and starve, rather than deal with the need to search for a new source of food? Perhaps you are too afraid of the unknown to even leave the safe haven of the bad place that you find yourself in. Download and read this little book. It only takes about an hour to read. Yes, it is annoying that it that much longer than a Tweet; but, life cannot be summed up in 140 characters. There are audio versions available, too; if that is more your style.

Change in our lives, both business and personal, is inevitable. Sometimes the changes are small and gradual; but sometimes big, sudden changes happen that throw us for a loop. How we react to either kind of change will greatly influence the quality of our lives and our view of ourselves. Very few people really like change. There is great comfort in things staying the same, because that does not require us to make any effort to deal with changes. That’s also not change beforerealistic. Life doesn’t just go on, it happens; and when it does happen, we need to react to what just happened. If we’re good at it we begin to see things coming before they happen and we start to take action ahead of things happening. We go out into life’s maze and find new Cheese.

I must admit that re-reading this little story has caused me to reflect on the fact that I’d taken on too many characteristics of Hem, I’d become too complacent with the dwindling supply of Cheese that I had and now I need to ask myself that tough-love question that Haw asked himself – “What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?” I need to jump back into the maze and find new Cheese. Now where did I leave my sneakers?

I’ll see you out in the maze this week.


The stronger you get, the easier it seems…

April 22, 2015

“It never gets easier, but I will get stronger.” – Jabari Parker in a Gatorade commercial. If you Google this little line from Parker’s Gatorade commercial you’ll see that it has been picked up by lots of people as a way to comment on their own lives. It does provide a nice metaphor for life, since it is true that the more one preservers the better they are able to cope with the next adversity in life.

This little saying is a variation on the older saying: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” In medicine the things that we survive help build our immune systems to fight the same thing the next time it attacks. In athletics training helps build the muscles that are needed to perform in whatever sport one is trying. In many other pursuits it is practice and trying gym workoutagain and again in the face of initial failures that eventually leads to success.

I’ve noticed over the 6 or so months that I’ve been going to the Milford Anytime Fitness gym most mornings that things that used to be very hard for me are now easier; I’ve gotten stronger. I started going to the Saturday morning Boot Camp workouts a couple of months ago and the first few times were extremely tough. They are still tough (they are meant to be) but I can get through them now without feeling like I’m going to die in the process. I’ve also worked my way up in the weights that I can deal with on the various machines at the gym and the number of reps that I can do. It seems to get easier the longer that I work at it.

single momLife throws all sorts of things at us, some are physical challenges; but the majority of the “traumas and dramas” in life are
just mental or emotional challenges. Many “crises” in our lives are actually figments of our own imaginations. We get through them and hopefully we learn from them and get stronger. If nothing else, being able to say to yourself: “I’ve been here before – I survived then and I’ll survive now” – helps us get through things.

The longer that one lives the more situations they have usually faced and the more knowledge that they accumulate about dealing with them. Eventually that accumulated knowledge turns into what is called wisdom (that’s the hope anyway), but initially it is filed under the heading “lessons learned”. It’s not that life gets easier, but after a while the surprise factor of what you hit in life becomes less. That’s because you’ve been there before and you know now how to deal with things or at least you may have learned that most of these things aren’t really going to kill you. Hopefully you’ve learned to avoid the one that really could kill you.

So, the older that you get, the Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt (FUD) that life puts n your way give way to Experience, Knowledge and Wisdom. It’s not that life gets any easier; rather it’s just that you get mentally stronger. A big part of the girls hugginggrowth in your mental strength is being conscious of the boundaries of your own capabilities and knowing when to ask for help when you have reached those limits. Help may come in the form of advice from a family member, friend or a professional; or, it may come in the form of prayer and off-loading those burdens to God.

You will be amazed at how uplifting it is to share your problems with someone willing to help or with God. You immediately lose the feeling of being alone ad of being the only person to whom this has ever happened. Just putting your problems into words and saying, “I don’t know what to do”, is a very liberating start to overcoming them. Humbling yourself before God and saying, “Not my will, but thy will be done” frees you from the burden of carrying the load by yourself. Trusting that praying handswhatever happens next, God has your back, allows you to go on with life.

Have a great day. You are not alone. God is with you and He has never, ever failed someone who put their trust in Him. You just got stronger.


Make a Difference on Earth Day…

April 21, 2015

We celebrate Earth Day April 26th and earlier this year we celebrated Make A Difference Day. I think we should combine the two thoughts and Make a Difference on Earth Day. If on Earth Day everyone on the planet did one little things to help green earthpreserve our planet; that would be billions of little things that help. As they seem to say in Washington – a billion here and a billion there and pretty soon you’ve got something real.

There are lots of events going on around the country to celebrate Earth Day. Most of them have something to do with conservation of natural resources or lessening the impact of man on the planet through recycling or use of less polluting fuels. It is always sobering to read about or see on TV that entire species are about to be wiped out, but that is happening. The impact of global warming is finally being felt and realized by more people and the fact that the oceans are not limitless is now understood. Whether these revelations come soon enough to save what is left is still in doubt.

We are a throwaway society. We have become accustomed to just discarding something when it has been used for a while or when the “next big thing” comes along. Unfortunately we’ll not be able to see the next big thing once we have used up this planet that we live upon. Maybe a million years from now some space-roving explorers will discover a lifeless planet that shows signs that it once supported a primitive civilization that could only figure out how to make energy by burning things, with a people who had a penchant for killing things. They will wonder at the stupidity of a planet of people who committed such a slow and avoidable suicide. Of course, by that time the planet will be rules by the bugs that remained and not by the apes as their movies predicted.

So, maybe this coming Sunday you can begin the re-write of that scenario by making a difference, by doing something, anything to change your personal behavior towards the planet. It can be a simple as not rolling down your window and earth recyclingtossing your fast food bag out as you drive, or maybe planting a tree instead of burning a pile of leaves, or maybe walking to the store instead of getting in the car for the 3- block trip. Every little bit helps. You don’t have to go out and hug a tree (however, that might make you feel a little better) or find a whale to save; but, you don’t have to do a lot of other things that are causing harm to the planet either. Just think about things before you do them; then don’t do some of the bad things and do go ahead with the good one. This isn’t rocket science, it’s earth science and that’s the only rocket that we have to ride on.

If you’re in the Milford Michigan area, here’s a great way to spend a part of the day – Earth Friendly Family Fun Festival 2015 – noon until 4 PM at Carls Family YMCA, 300 Family Dr, Milford, MI  48381. Help celebrate the Earth with lots of activities for the whole family. Click here to view the event flyer.