Dealing with life’s problems…

August 8, 2015

“Every problem has an expiration date” – Anon. I saw that recently on a poster in someone’s office and found it to be a great source of comfort to think about.

Many of us get intensely focused upon issues or problems at hand, often to the detriment of everything else and everyone else in our lives. In most cases the deadline for resolving the problem comes and goes and goes and the world does not stop if we have not resolved the issues by that deadline. We may suffer a disappointment or temporary setback, but seldom is any problem as critical as we may make it in our minds. Maybe the confrontation at work was pretty bad or ugly, but you’re still here. Maybe that breakup was just as nasty and painful as you thought it might be, but you’re still here. Maybe that deadline came and went and the result of missing it wasn’t as bad as you imagined – you’re still here.

Sometimes the aftermath of a problem reaching its expiration date can be painful for a while; however, there is also a sense of relief, even of the worst case scenario came true for you. You’re still here. We all have a tremendous capacity to weather the worse storms and go on with life. We just forget about that in the midst of the storm at hand. Perhaps the little Bible phrase “This too shall pass” is the best way to look at things. Yes the problem might be scary or painful or hurtful, but it too shall pass and you’ll still be here.

So, pause a while every day to take a deep breath and put your life and your problems into perspective. No matter what problems you face, they all have expiration dates and unless it’s your time, you’ll still be here. And if it is your time, find relief in the fact that your Faith will carry you to a better place and you’ll still be here.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t try to understand those you trust…

August 6, 2015

“When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.”  (Gordon Atkinson) – as seen on the blog Jack’s Winning Words.

My wife and I have been married for 49 years (yes – next year is the Golden biggie) and I take this little saying to heart, because there are still things that I don’t understand about her, but I love her and I trust her.

man with key to mindDo you have someone whom you trust but don’t always understand? I suspect that we all do. It is in the nature of humans that they always hold something back to themselves, something that maybe others don’t understand, even those close to them. The trick here is getting to that acceptance part where it becomes OK with you not to understand some things about them.  In fact, the real trick may be getting to where you don’t worry at all about not understanding, you just accept them as they are.

Getting to that level of acceptance of another person’s quirks or point of view on things isn’t easy, because we are always comparing their behavior to how we would act or react in the same situation. We ask ourselves why they aren’t concerned about or afraid of the same things that we are. We may think, “How can they live like that?” Maybe we should be asking instead, “Why can’t I live like that?” But, if you really trust that other person; you have to get comfortable with the fact that you will likely never understand their point of view on things and just learn to accept it.

The misunderstandings that we have about people are often the source of the friction that causes problems in women dreamingrelationships, either friendships or more serious personal relationships. If you look at things by  acknowledging that you just don’t understand their point of view and will probably never understand it from your own perspective, you are at least started on the journey to just accepting them as they are and getting on with life. Another little saying by Steve Jobs may help with that…

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

So, get on with your own life. Focus on loving those that you trust, instead of worrying about why they are the way they are or think the way that they think. They are busy living their lives and probably don’t really need your help with that. Have a great rest of the week, freed from the need to understand everything about those that you love and trust.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Share your heart through a letter…

July 29, 2015

“To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart.”  (Phyllis Theroux – as seen on Jack’s Winning Words some time ago.

It’s Wednesday (hump day to some) which may make you feel happy that the week is half over. Why not make someone else happy and write a letter or card to them today. There’s something much more satisfying about holding a card or letter in your hand and reading it than just staring at the screen of your computer or phone. Applications like Facebook and LinkedIn and Twitter have made sending short little notes or messages to people relatively easy; however, they have also made it much less personal. The fact that many people use a form of shorthand to communicate takes even more of the personal touch out of it.

letter writingSitting down to write a letter does take an effort on your part. As part of that effort you actually spend more time thinking about what you want to say to the other person. There are no spellcheck do-overs if you are writing with ink (maybe a few cross-outs), so you spend a little more time on it and consider a little more the words that you are using. I think you also spend a little more time thinking about the person to whom you are writing. Even if you are writing to relate some news about you  or your family, rattling around in the back of your head are the memories of times together with the person to whom you are writing and probably the memories of the reason that you are taking the time to write to them.

One seldom dashes off a letter to unknown recipients, like one might do in a blog post or Tweet – the exception maybe are those nasty letters to complain about something or maybe a letter to the editor of the local paper. For the most part letters are a form of communicating that is almost as personal as being together and having a conversation. That is why they can come from the heart.

Many people save the cards and letters that they get from loved ones or letters they might have received from important people. Those letters, many times discovered much later, often document the love of people separated by events or the progress through life of good friends or relatives. Often it is the letters that were saved by someone close to them that allow us to get a better view of long gone famous people – their thoughts and views on the events happening in their time.  Do you posting a letterhave letters or cards from someone that you’ve been saving? Do you ever go back and re-read them? Does re-reading them still make you smile or feel good?

So, take the time today to sit down and write a letter or card to someone. You can get blank cards at stores that sell cards. Nicely written cards are sort of like the Tweets of letter writing, but they are still better than just a Tweet or Facebook post to someone. Make someone’s day. Share your heart with them through a letter. You’ll feel better when you’re done and they’ll feel better when they get your letter.

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Posted by Norm Werner

A mother’s unconditional love…

July 25, 2015

“And she loved a little boy – even more than she loved herself” – Brooke  Bushuiakovish

That little quote is all over Pinterest and I see it on a sign in the yard of a neighbor when I walk my dogs. It has to be about a mother’s love for her little boy (or children in general). I was reminded how strong that love that a mother can have for her children in a conversation with my wife not too long ago. I forget what sparked the mother and babydiscussion, perhaps a story on the nightly news; but, I made the comment to my wife that the loss of a spouse must be the most painful loss that a person could suffer. Her reply initially surprised me, but in retrospect makes a lot of sense.

She said that for her the loss of one of our children would be the worst thing. When I asked her why she thought that way; her reply was very honest and logical. She said, “Well I expect you to die someday; but, I don’t expect any of my children to die while I’m alive.” Underlying that statement was the love of a mother for her children that most men (fathers) probably don’t understand. There is a bond of unconditional love that begins in the womb that is even stronger that the bonds of marriage.

There are few (yes there are some) examples in the animal kingdom of offspring being cared for from birth by the male of the species; however, for the most part the males are out doing other things while the females are carrying the babies and after their birth. In fact, there are many examples where the female must guard her children against attack by their own fathers. Unfortunately we have examples of that as humans, too.mother and children

So, I have accepted the fact that in the hierarchy of devoted love, I rank below our children. I love them, too; but, admittedly will never know or have the level of love for them that their mother has. Sitting in the waiting room for hours when they were born doesn’t quite measure up to carrying them for 9 months and I understand that. For she loves her little boy and her little girl more than she loves herself; and oh, yeah, she loves that guy over there, too, almost as much.

Have a great weekend.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Blowin’ in the wind…

July 20, 2015

“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” – Dolly Parton

I had never imagined Dolly Parton as a nautical person, but today’s quote is attributed to her. It is somehow appropriate, given that the Port Huron to Mackinaw Island sailboat race is this past weekend.

That cute little saying is a good metaphor for making the adjustments that we all need to make in life to deal with the winds of change that always swirling around us.

sailboatI’m not a sailor, so I won’t take this sailing analogy too far. I understand that it is possible to sail into the wind by tacking back and forth and that one can run with the wind by using the proper sail. Sometimes when the winds of life are blowing against us we have to tack back and forth, too; seeking a way to move ahead. Sometimes the wind is at our backs and we get to relax and enjoy things for a while. Many times we may feel like we are being swept along by the winds of change that are blowing through our lives. For the most part we need to constantly be aware of the winds around us in our lives and adjust our sails accordingly.

It is important to accept the first part of the little saying for today – we cannot direct the wind. Some people get really hung up on that, either trying to direct the things going on around them or wasting time lamenting those things that they cannot change. Stuff happened. The winds blow. We cannot change that; but, we can change how we react to the winds; we can adjust our sails.

Some sailors have instruments and some have sophisticated weather devices to help them “see” the wind directions around them. We have only our senses and our awareness to detect what is happening around us. Some of us are better at that than others. Have you ever known someone who seemed to be oblivious about what was happening around them? Have you ever been that person? Maybe you’re just the opposite and “see” thingsill wind that appear to be happening around you, some of which may just be your imagination. The conspiracy-theorists see things that others can’t see and react to things that may just be imagined.

However the winds blow you need to be able to make adjustments to your sails, to how you react to those winds to stay on course. As you get older and wiser, you learn how to make those adjustments quicker and sometimes you learn that you can ride out many things without adjusting your sails at all. Not all things in life need or deserve a reaction from you. Some are best ignored. Many “incidents” in life may not be the slights or snubs or crises that you imagine them to be, but rather simple misunderstandings on your part or on the part of someone else. Adjustments are not required, just understanding or patience or both.

Here’s hoping that you have smooth sailing in the week ahead and don’t have to make a lot of adjustments to your sails. Enough already with the sailing thing!

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Posted by Norm Werner

What’s your take on everything?

July 17, 2015

“The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.”  (Oscar Wilde) – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.  Jack went on to write – A recent study shows that people, 69 and older, tend to believe too-good-to-be-true promises.  Internet feedback shows that middle-agers are conspiracy-prone.  If it’s not “the gov’t,” it’s a religious plot, or Wall St.  And, of course, it’s nothing new that the young know everything.  Haven’t you ever been young?  But…beware of stereotypes!

I guess I must still be thinking somewhat like a middle-aged person. I don’t believe in the various conspiracy theories and BS that many of the arch-conservative political groups seem to be trying to spread all of the time; however, I’ve yet to send money to a stranded friend who is apparently stuck in London after someone stole his wallet and passport. I usually tell them that all of my money is currently tied up trying to help the ex-Finance Minister of Botswana get his family fortune out of the country.  I suspect that I will take a healthy amount of skepticism with me forever.

know it allI do meet adults from time to time who apparently never grew out of their belief that they already know everything. It’s no longer cute or forgivable in someone who surely should have gained at least enough intelligence to realize how little they actually know.  In my real estate business I do run into older people who have become quite trusting of everyone and everything and I try to make sure that I do nothing to betray that trust.

Where are you on the “everything” spectrum?  Do you know everything, suspect everything or accept everything? Probably most of us have elements of all three in our personalities, maybe with the scale tipping further towards believing everything as we grow older; although I know some pretty paranoid older people who don’t seem to be able to move beyond the conspiracy-theory mindset. They don’t trust anybody.

I think another thing happens as you age and that has to do with your religious beliefs. Children start out as believers because they want to please others. They say they believe, without understanding really what that know it all 2means, because adults in their lives may tell them that they should believe. Somewhere in their youth many tend to wander from those beliefs because they become distracted by other things in life that they think are more important. Their lack of faith may take on what they think is a weighty conscious skepticism about everything they’ve been told to believe up to that point – it’s an intellectual rebellion as much anything rooted in their rebellion against all things that they’ve been told they must do or how they’ve been expected to conduct themselves. Many beers are consumed in colleges as that debate rages into the night.

Later, as true adults, a good number return to religion because they realize that something has been missing from their lives. An unfortunately large number, however, continue their life journey without the touchstone of faith to act as a moral compass and comfort through life’s trials. It takes a crisis or some life changing event to bring most of those people back into some recognition that faith is a key missing element in their lives. Some never make it back and that is sad.

shield of faithFor the older people there almost always comes a moment when they finally ask themselves, “What’s next?”  Without faith there is no satisfactory answer to that question. So, maybe it’s not so much as Wilde put it, “The old believe everything”; so much as it is that they finally believe something (again). As I age, I don’t sit around contemplating the end; however, I find increasing comfort in the belief that death here on earth is not the end. That’s actually frees me to go on about a productive life and to enjoy each day.

So, what do you believe? You certainly don’t know everything, and you don’t need to be suspicious about everything and you really shouldn’t believe everything; however, at your very core,  you do need to believe in something. For me that something is my faith. What have you got?

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Posted by Norm Werner

What it was, what it is and what it yet may be…

July 15, 2015

“People always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.”  (Marcel Pagnol) – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Ways blog recently.

I have some fond memories from the past, but I’m not sure that those really were “the good ole days.”  There wereman relaxing
lots of things that could have been better back then and many of them have gotten better. Perhaps we were better off somehow when we were not as connected as we are now. There is a simple contentment in being blissfully ignorant about what is happening around you.

politiciaN SPEAKINGPoliticians almost always try to paint a picture of better days ahead for America, as if the present is somehow terrible, especially if the other party can somehow be blamed for the mess that they say we are currently suffering. Most of us likely think that things will get better in the future, although the recent Great Recession has left a lingering pessimism about that future. For some the good ole days will forever be the pre-recession time when money flowed like water and no one was concerned about tomorrow.

As for the present, many have adopted the phrase “it is what it is” in a defeatist acceptance of things that need to be changed or improved. I prefer to say “it is what we make of it” and look for ways to change the things that need attention. What is you view of the present? Is it a pit that you feel trapped in or a springboard for tomorrow? Are afraidyou just accepting the day as it happens or using the day to make things happen? Do you see yourself as a victim of circumstances or as an victor in the daily struggles of life. Do you ask “Why me?” or say “Why not me?” Are you looking for excuses or looking for opportunities? The day , the week, the month and the rest of your life is what it yet may be. What are you doing with that?

The future may be less resolved than you would like it to be, but it is only through your resolve that it becomes clear. It is what you make it. Have a great day and resolve to look for opportunities not excuses.

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Posted by Norm Werner

But, I was busy all day…

July 14, 2015

“Never mistake activity for achievement.”  – John Wooden

Do you ever get to the end of the day and wonder where all the time went? I do. Then I sometimes realize that I didn’t get many of the things done that I wanted to do, even though I seemed to be busy all day. Maybe that is the problem. I was busy all day with activities but didn’t achieve much of want I set out to do. Why?

phone with msgOne of the reasons that I have to admit is that a good deal of my activity is centered on the palm of my hand and that nasty little time-stealer that seems always to be there – my phone. Checking the weather or my email or playing the little word game that I like on it are activities that take time but usually have nothing to do with achieving anything. I get well over 100 emails a day, plus Facebook notices and WordPress notices and LinkedIn notices and on and on. Of course, each of them demands my attention and then I have to decide what to do with each – save or delete. I’m busy, busy, busy, doing nothing of importance and achieving nothing during those times.

There are lots of other activities that I do almost every day, like going to the gym, that may not achieve much in terms of my daily goals, but they are at least healthy activities. I also walk my dogs 3-4 times a day, which is a time waster, but one that I enjoy and one which give me some time to think. I watch very little TV anymore, mainly the news and maybe an HGTV show during dinner, so that can’t be my time killer. There just seem to be lots more things that need to be done these days and very few of them can be done without something else being women looking at watchaccomplished first.

I’ve noticed than many activities involve as much “fixin’ to” time as the activity itself requires. Fixin’ to is what you do to get ready to do something, to actually achieve something. When my wife asks me when I’m going to get to the chore or tsk that I set out for myself for the day, I tell her that I’m “fixin’to.” Fixi’ to involves all of the pre-work activities like sitting and thinking about it, the planning it and the getting ready to actually do it – buying the necessary materials and getting out the required tools. Fixin’ to is an activity that may be mistaken for achievement, but is actually a necessary part of the achievement and a time consumer.

Trying to multi-task often involves lots of activity with little real achievement to show for it. The problem with most multi-tasking is that none of the jobs that you are trying to do at the same time get dome well, if any really get done at all. The constant interruptions to move on to give some attention to the other tasks in progress often mean that none of them get the time that they need. In the end you may feel exhausted but have achieved little. You can do the same thing with relationships or friendships by trying to juggle too many things with friend at the same time and giving none of them the time that they’d really like with you.

man thinkingSo, what are we to do? I’d suggest spending a little “fixin’ to” time each morning to think about and prioritize the things that you really need to or want to get done that day. Maybe even write yourself a list in priority order so that you have something to refer back to during the day. Then, when those little interruptions that we all know happen during the day come up, you can look back at your list and get your priorities back in order.  Most of the things that we allow to steal our time and attention during the day aren’t really that important. Answering email isn’t a real-time requirement, nor is responding to a Facebook post with your pithy comment. If you have things that are important to accomplish today, focus your activity on them and let the other stuff slide.

I’m fixin’ to make my list right now. How about you?

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Posted by Norm Werner

What will you learn today and from whom?

July 13, 2015

“We learn something from everyone who passes through our lives…Some lessons are painful, some painless…but all are priceless.”  (Unknown)

talking-2We all learn in many ways. Some like to read; while some like to just go out and experience things and learn from those experiences. We also all meet people who pass through our lives and most of the time we learn from them, if we are paying attention. Sometimes we learn because they have something to share and pass on to us – an experience or bit of knowledge that they’ve picked up on their life journey. Maybe their shared experiences will help us avoid a mistake or help in our efforts to accomplish the same thing.

Sometimes the learning comes from how we react to the people that we meet and trying to figure out why. Are we drawn to them by their charm or repulsed by them because of their appearance? different peopleDo we agree with their opinions or do they offend us? Do we find the experiences that they may relate to us to be helpful or do we write them off as the blathering of an idiot? What can we learn about ourselves by looking at our reaction to them? Has a little bit of prejudice shown itself in our reactions? Have our preconceived notions been exposed? Did we wait to render judgement or jump to a conclusion that we may now regret, based solely on the appearance of the other person? What can we learn from that?

Life is full of opportunities to learn and doesn’t seem to follow a lesson plan. Things and people just happen in our lives and each occurrence represents a learning experience, if we let it. I think the key to turning life into a continuous learning experience is to be more cognizant of what’s going on around us and to embrace everything as a possible teaching moment. It is all too easy to “tune out” life around you these days. It talking-1is easier to keep your head down with your eyes focused upon the tiny screen of your phone that it is to see the big, wide world around you and all of the opportunities that are there. You should really give life a chance. It is a much more fascinating experience than the text messages and games on your phone.

So, start each day with the expectation and the anticipation that you’ll learn something new from someone today. Then, commit to make the effort to meet and interact with others in your search for that new knowledge. At the end of the day, think back on the encounters that you had with others during the day and all of the things that you learned. Those are lessons that would have been lost, had you not made the effort. If you have time, you can review the things that those people may have learned from you and reflect on whether what you learned today has changed your outlook on things. Maybe what you learned during the day helped knock another tiny edge off those prejudices that you had at the start of the day and that’s a priceless lesson.

Have a great and educational week ahead. I can’t wait to learn from you.

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Posted by Norm Werner

 Be happy with what you have…

July 11, 2015

“Just remember there is someone out there that is more than happy with less than what you have.”  (Unknown) From the Jack’s Winning Words blog. Jack went on to write – When I first read this quote, I could not help but STOP and put aside my personal complaints.  I have so much, and there are so many who have so little.  Is it that way with you?  It’s an old saying, but it’s true.  “I complained, because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet.” 

Sadly, we live in a society that conditions us to be unhappy with what we have and to always be striving for more. Whatever we have is not enough to make us happy because someone else has more or different things.  Now there is certainly nothing wrong with striving to get ahead, but one has to stop every now and then and ask, “Ahead of what?” Very few of us live in survival mode, scraping along for our next meal or a place to sleep tonight; exercise wheelbut there are those people among us. In general we are able to provide at least food and shelter for our family and for most a good deal beyond just those necessities. But, are we happy with what we have; or, do we constantly want more, in the belief that having more will make us happier?

One of the most unhappy men in the Bible was the man who asked Jesus what he needed to do to get into heaven. When Jesus replied that he should sell everything that he had and give the money to the poor and follow him; the man wandered off unhappily muttering to himself, for we are told that he was very wealthy and obviously did not want to give up that wealth. Are we the same way today? Do we reach and reach and reach for what we don’t have, instead of being happy with what we do have and what would we do if Jesus asked us to sell everything that we have, give the money to the poor and follow him? Jesus might be a pretty lonely guy in today’s world.

The key to being happy with what you have, it seems to me, is to change your focus from things to people, from possessions to relationships, from those that you’d love to be like to those who love you as you are. Learn to girls huggingexpress your love for them without holding out a gift of some sort or buying a new possession to share with them. If you ever get to an honest state with them, they’d probably tell you that they could care less about your car or your house or your boat or any other of your possessions. What they value is your time and attention; your love and affection; you sharing of yourself and not your possessions.

What happens when you get to that state of understanding and happiness with your loved ones is that you grant yourself permission to be happy with what you have. That doesn’t mean that you just quit your job or don’t accept the next promotion or even stop looking for a bigger house someday. Giving yourself permission to be happy with what you’ve got just means that you will no longer use the pursuit of possessions as the measure of your life and your happiness. You stop keeping score on that scorecard, because you’ve started keeping score based upon the smiles on the faces of the one that father-daughter danceyou love; and those smiles come because you were there sharing your love and not because of what you brought with you. Once you change to that focus getting the next possession will be much less important to than attending the next little league game or the father daughter dance or maybe going out to dinner with your significant other.

Dale Carnegie  put it well when he said – “Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.” May you find happiness in what you have.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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