Care about somebody else today…

February 27, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 2/26/24 – A reprise of posts to the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed. Originally sent July 26, 2013


“In all honesty, everyone is struggling. Some are better at hiding it than others.” (Will Smith) Harry Golden’s essay, “The Show Must Go On,” tells of a man who was late for work one day and was reprimanded by his boss. Later in the day, the man quietly said, “My daughter died last night.” Everyone handles grief and disappointment in a personal way. Everyone has their struggles. Try to be understanding today! 😉  Jack 


Understanding that everyone else has some sort of personal struggle going on is a start. Doing something about it, once you understand that is called caring. Much of the time we are so wrapped up in our on struggles or self-pity that we not only miss the signs of struggle in others, but we ignore them when we do see them.

There is a roadside sign near my home that often features a blurry picture of a woman and the message “Hunger can be hard to recognize”. The sign is sponsored by Feeding America. Most of the struggles that the people around us are going through do not involve hunger and they can be even harder to recognize.  Maybe the person that you encounter has just lost a loved one. Maybe they have just gone through a breakup or even a divorce. Perhaps they have just been laid off or fired from a job. Maybe they were just released from incarceration and are struggling to reenter society. Perhaps they are just tired of dealing with constant discrimination.

No matter what the struggle, that person could use your help, your friendship, your concern and care. Sometimes just having someone to talk to about the things that they are struggling with makes all the difference in the world. Sometimes empathy and sympathy were the missing elements that can help them get through the struggle. They may not expect you to solve their problems. They just need someone to listen to their problems.

Start each day by resolving to play “Hide and Seek” with those whom you meet. Try to find out the struggle that they are hiding and see if you can help. You don’t have to be intrusive or pushy about it, just be honestly caring and a little more perceptive than you might otherwise be. The game is “What are you hiding from me and how can I help” and not “What are you hiding that I can make fun of?”

So, look past whatever façade they are putting on and try to see how you can help. If you do that you may discover that your own struggles seem to fade into the background. Sometimes that is because you realize how much less severe your problems are compared to those of someone else. Most of the time it is because the good feelings that you get from helping someone else replaces the self-pity in which you were mired. You free yourself from that swamp when you help free others.

Care about somebody else today.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Procrastination…

February 26, 2024

I was going to write about this yesterday, but I decided to wait.

That’s how it starts. Procrastination is an insidious thing. It steals one’s time and stifles creativity. Even if you have no real idea how to get to a desired end point, jumping in and getting started is doing something, as opposed to doing nothing.

Doing something, even something wrong, gets one’s creative juices moving. Even the act of planning is better than just putting it off. Planning itself usually leads to some sort of action, doing things or buying things or assembling things that are needed to actually do whatever it is that is you goal. Reviewing past efforts and trying to learn from them is better than continually repeating the same mistakes and expecting a different outcome.

The problem with procrastination is that one becomes inert. Inertia can be a hard thing to overcome, not because it feels satisfying, but because it feels safe. There is little danger associated with inertia, whereas doing something may involve perceived risk or danger.  

Of times the challenge ahead may seem overwhelming. That is often because you can only see it at the macro level – the whole problem at once. One trick to break out of the inertia of procrastination is to break the big job down into small tasks and take on the first small task that must be accomplished. Accomplishing even a small step will get your momentum started. Once you build up any momentum you will find it both rewarding and addictive. You will not want to go back to procrastinating.

So, like the graphic stated, the time is now. Get started. Don’t let procrastination hold yo back. Build momentum instead. Like the Nike tag line says – Just Do It.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Simple is best…

February 20, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 2/20/24 – reposts of the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed…


“In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.” (Longfellow) Christopher News Notes tells of Susan Vogt and how she challenged herself to get rid of one item each day during Lent. Not only did she want to live more simply, but she also wanted to donate things to those in need. It was so successful that she decided to keep on doing it…every day…one item. What a great idea – giving up “things” for Lent!  😉  Jack  
 
Originally sent Feb 18, 2015.

One reason many older people get identified (or misidentified) as hoarders is that they don’t get rid of things. For reasons that are a mystery keeping things (even things that others might call trash) gives them a sense of security. They have their “stuff” all around themselves.

I find myself questioning why I have kept some of my stuff, especially old clothes or shoes that I no longer wear. Some of those items are quite worn, even threadbare, but many are not; I just don’t wear them anymore. I must become more like Susan Vogt and challenge myself to get rid of those things. It’s really not that hard to find places to donate stuff, especially things that are still useful or wearable.

Getting rid of stuff is one way to simplify your life. Another way is to always live truthfully. Living any other way means having to remember the lies that you’ve told or the conspiracy theories that you believe are ruling your life. Conspiracy theories and misinformation are anything but simple and should be easy to identify and avoid. Why then are so many people taken in by them and led astray?  I suspect that the answer is fear of the truth. The truth often exposes our mistakes or past transgressions and, if accepted, could lead to a perceived loss of power, possessions, or prestige.

Instead of expending large amounts of mental energy concocting elaborate conspiracy theories about those who are supposedly manipulating things against you, it is much simpler to just admit that you were wrong, forgive yourself and move on with life – simple. The hidden key to that approach is that you are taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions, rather than trying to blame some invisible hand that you think is trying to manipulate you. The mantra “I’m in charge of me” is much simpler than trying to explain how George Soros (or pick your own conspiracy theory) is somehow controlling things (and you)from behind the scenes.

Life does not have to be complicated. Just remember and heed Longfellow’s words – “In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.” 

In more modern times we have an acronym for that – KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid).

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Posted by Norm Werner

Give yourself a break…

February 12, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 2/12/24 – Originally sent April 21, 2015.


“You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.” (Sent by NCD) Each year my insurance provider asks for a health assessment, including a part which asks me to rate my stress level. I’ve read that some stress is good for all of us. As with much of life–All things in moderation! But, when nerves get you down, take some deep breaths, write a thank you note, go for a walk, make a gratitude list, and don’t forget to pray. 😉  Jack   


 
Most of us stress ourselves by being to critical and unforgiving of ourselves. We are obviously the only ones who can really answer the question, “What was he/she thinking?” and sometimes we just don’t like the answer. In fact, many people deflect blame from themselves by seeking someone or something else to blame for the bad outcome of what was a bad decision. Give yourself a break.

Sometimes we exacerbate the stress by imposing artificial and unrealistic deadlines upon ourselves. Sometimes we commit to achieving success in a task for which we are ill prepared to tackle (if prepared at all). Sometimes we commit to a goal that can only be achieved by a team of people and watch in disgust or despair when teammates let us down by failing in their part of the task. Almost always we look back on a failure and ask ourselves what we could have done differently to change the outcome.  Give yourself a break.

I saw recently in a report that some companies are starting to evaluate the performance of their employees based upon their success with the process rather than the outcome. That is important because it acknowledges that most bigger jobs (tasks) are comprised of multiple steps (the process) that are defined by others and that success at the macro-level is out of the control of the individual performing the detailed steps.  This allows a team-sport athlete who “left it all on the field” to feel good about themselves even in the face of a team defeat. Give yourself a break.

I have posted here a few times about forgiving yourself and that is a big part of giving yourself a break. The road to despair is paved with “what if” and “I should have…” guilt trips. Don’t go there. You didn’t and that is that. Forgive yourself and move on. Give yourself a break.

I like this quote – “The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.” — Thomas S. Monson

We can’t just forget the past or change it, but we can use it as a teaching moment and hopefully learn from it. We also cannot change the future, but we can get ourselves better prepared for it by developing and practicing a better decision-making process. That process begins in the here and now. Give yourself a break.

Becoming more conscious of how you make decisions will hopefully enable you to improve that process. Sometimes that decision-making awareness will expose many of the bad assumptions or prejudices that drive your decisions and behavior. Make correcting those a priority but forgive yourself for having them and move on. Give yourself a break.

Jack’s last suggestion that you can relieve stress through prayer is an important one. Prayer allows you to forgive yourself and free you to move on. Prayer allows you to admit that you do not and cannot have the answers to every challenge. It allows you to lean on your faith and upon God for those answers. I use my little prayer, “Not my will, but Thy will be done” to Give myself a break. Try it, It might work for you, too. Give yourself a break.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What’s the “next play” for you?

February 5, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 2/05/24 – reprises of posts to the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.


“Next play!” (Mike Krzyzewski) A recent article in the Detroit Free Press told how “Coach K”, head basketball coach at Duke, has a ritual of saying to his team after every play (good or bad), “Next play!” No matter what’s happened, focus on the task at hand. We all have “downers.” We need to be able to “let go,” and concentrate on the now, not the past. Success occurs (or is lost) in the brief moment of opportunity. Whatever happens, be ready to yell, “Next play! Next play!” 😉 Jack – Originally posted February 20, 2015

We all have a tendency to linger on the past, especially when focusing upon mistakes that we’ve made. Some never get to the next play because they refuse to let go of the past. In order to move ahead, we must be able to forgive ourselves for our mistakes. We can certainly try to learn from those mistakes; however, no matter how much we may wish to, there is no going back, no “do-overs” in life. For now at least, time only moves in one direction. Next play.

The starting point for moving into your future is to get back to the here and now – the present. You must be able to snap out of those thoughts of regret or remorse and get your bearings in the present. Then you can start to plan for how to get from where you find yourself to where you want to be. Next play.

Maintaining the basketball game theme, you have probably seen many of those instances when the teams take a time out and the coaches sit in a team huddle drawing the next play on a small whiteboard. That’s actually not a bad thing to try in real life. Get yourself a small whiteboard and an erasable marker and sit down and draw out or write out what you want to do next – your Next Play.

Just the process of having to write it down will force a level of clarity into your thought process. It will also force you to think of what things might need to be done (including forgiving yourself) before you can take that next step and make that Next Play.

An interesting side benefit of doing that is that it snaps your mind from focusing upon the past and into thinking about the future. It can be a very real way to deal with the depressing thoughts that there is no future. You can see a future now. It is written down and waiting for you to get to the Next Play.

So take the advice of Coach “K” and Jack Freed. Whether what just happened in your life was good or bad, it is over. Write it down on your little whiteboard and then carefully erase it as you let go of it. Then write down where you want to be. It’s time to focus on the Next Play.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Hang in there…

January 29, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/29/24 – reprises of posts from the late Pastor Jack Freed…


“If the mountain were smooth, you couldn’t climb it.” (Quoted by Wintley Phipps) Many of us were fascinated in 2015 when TV showed two people climbing the sheer face of El Capitan, using only hands, feet, and a rope. They were able to succeed because small fissures in the rock allowed them to get finger and toe holds. There are some life problems that seem impossible to solve. Usually there’s a way. Keep searching, climbing…and keep hanging in there! 😉  Jack    
 
Originally sent April 11, 2016.

I also got this graphic today in another email –

One cannot climb a mountain or reach new heights without putting in the hard work. Sometimes that may feel like you are like a rock climber and just hanging in there by your fingertips. That too is part of the journey.

Life, like the mountain in Jack’s post, is not smooth and that’s actually a good thing. When you encounter a challenge or problem in life that seems to have no solution, look for that small crack or fissure that you can hold on to.

Perhaps you have nothing left to grasp but your faith. But faith alone can provide you with a solid toehold or fissure to grip. Faith can overcome fear and give you the strength and the courage to pull yourself up and go on. Faith can help you reach those new heights.

Keep the faith and hang in there. This is your year to reach new heights.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Dealing with your selfie…

January 24, 2024

Every now and then, in an unguarded moment of honesty we get a glimpse of ourselves – a mental selfie, if you will. Not everyone likes what they see. Not everyone can deal with what they see.

self

/self/

noun

  1. a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.

Introspection may lead to feelings of guilt or shame over something that we did or maybe didn’t do. In some cases, one’s selfie may result in feelings of inadequacy or disappointment over aspirations not met and goals not achieved. In many cases those feelings reflect our perception of how others see us; however, some, if not all, eventually resolve down to how we see ourselves – our mental selfie.

I believe that it is critical to your mental health to be able to forgive yourself. You must be able to forgive and let go of your past mistakes in judgement or deed. You must be able to give up what might have been, forgive yourself for the decisions that resulted in you ending up where you are, accept who you are and what is and move on.

Most of us do a better job of feeling sorry for ourselves or even hating ourselves than we do at forgiving ourselves. Sometimes in order to forgive ourselves we need someone else to forgive us first. That is where God comes in.  

Since, by definition, these moments of introspection usually occur when we are alone, there is no one else to turn to for forgiveness. It’s just you and God sitting there contemplating what you have discovered or admitted in your selfie. The Good News is that if you accept Him into your life, God forgives you no matter what it is and God loves you no matter who you are. You are then free to forgive yourself.

I have shared here a few times the simple little prayer that I use to forgive myself by accepting God’s forgiveness – “Not my will but thy will be done.” That simple prayer is your surrender of yourself to God and with it comes the transfer and forgiveness of your entire past and the entrusting of your entire future to God. You can feel the weight of your guilt or disappointment, or self-loathing being lifted from your shoulders as the hope for a better future rushes in.

So, go ahead and do your mental selfie. Take a look at what you see and realize that you are not alone while seeing these things in yourself. Accept God and hand Him your past. Accept His forgiveness and then forgive yourself. Now you can face the future without the baggage of the past. There’s a new you ready for your next selfie. You’ll love what you see in that one.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Define yourself…

January 11, 2024

“Other people’s definitions of you, sometimes they’re more about making themselves feel better. You gotta define yourself.” – Christopher Moltisanti from the TV show The Sopranos

How do you define yourself? Do you defer to what you think others might think about you or do you have your own definition of who you are?

Defining yourself sounds a lot like thinking of yourself in the third person, but really it’s about just being comfortable with who and what you are. A big part of defining yourself, as I have posted here a few times before, has to do with forgiving yourself. People who cannot forgive themselves for mistakes or poor decisions end up with very negative self-images – they define themselves as losers. Define yourself.

None of us are losers and none of us are perfect, without faults or mistakes in our lives. It is the ability to recognize, to own, and forgive their errors that frees people to move on and to define themselves. A big part of that comes from not focusing upon how others try to define you; but, rather, being conscious and proud of who you know you are. Define yourself.

There’s a James Bay song titled Let it go that contains the lyrics “why don’t you be you and I’ll be me”. While this song is a break up song and kind of a downer, those lyrics offer good advice for us all. Let everyone else be themselves and you just be you. Define yourself.

Another part of the James Bay song talks about letting things go and that is a key to being happy with yourself. You must let go of your feelings of guilt or failure or disappointment. I find the little prayer, “Not my will but thy will be done” to be a great help with letting things go. You must forgive yourself and you must move on. Define yourself.

There is also a song by the Staple Singers titled Respect Yourself that makes the point that if you don’t respect yourself no one else will respect you either. The first step towards respecting yourself is defining yourself and being happy with that definition. As the Staple Singers might have put it – “Ain’t nobody going to do it for you”. You can move on to respecting yourself once you Define Yourself.

Sometimes the jobs or positions that we are in serve to define a big part of who we are, or at least what the expectations of others might be of us, given the role that we are playing. That is true of first responders and police, of those who serve in the military and of pastors and priests. It is true also for those in positions of business or political power. The phrase, “with great power comes great responsibility” was coined for those people. They are judged and most certainly judge themselves by how they handle that responsibility. Define yourself.

It is important then to take some time to get a clear view of who and what you are trying to be – the definition of you that you hope others see, but more importantly the definition of you that you see. Let go of fears and prejudices, let go of uncertainties and doubts, let go of the past and guilt, let go of the definitions of others. You be you and I’ll be me. Define yourself.

Respect yourself.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What are you aiming to do better?

January 8, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/8/24 – reprised posts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.


“All I aim to do this year is better.” (PictureQuotes.com)  Are you into making resolutions? How’s it going? Recently a related quote was handed to me: “A year from now you’ll wish you had started today.” When we’re really serious about making changes in our life, it has to happen one day at a time. I’ve read that if you’re going to move a mountain, you begin by moving the first stone, even if it’s only a pebble. Basically, I aim to do better…starting today. 😉  Jack

Originally sent January 14, 2016.

I got the graphic below separately from today’s post from the Jack’s Winning Words blog, but it just seemed to be appropriate.

At this time of the year people and businesses are busy setting their goals for the coming year. Sometimes people call their goals resolutions. The one consistent factor in these plans/resolutions is a desire or need for change. Even a goal as nebulous as “doing better” begs the need for change.

In order to understand what needs to change or how you can do better, one needs to understand where they are starting from – what is the current situation that you would like to change? That understanding constitutes your starting point and the baseline from which you will measure the progress of the change.

Reflecting on what you’ve accomplished over the last year also allows you to think about what worked and what didn’t. It may require a reset of your goals or at least a reexamination of them to see if that is really still a goal worth pursuing.

One aspect of goals that is often misjudged is the timeline to accomplish them. Most of the time that is caused by a failure to breakdown ands understand the steps and sequence of events that must be accomplished on the journey to the end goal. Quite often with bigger or more ambitious goals there are a host of enabling things that must be accomplished before one can make progress on the main goal. Often these enabling steps involve education or training, which can take years in itself. So, perhaps one of the things that you’ll need to get better at is patience. Another is persistence.

In the business world there is a good advice about goal setting:

Goals must be achievable.

Goals must be measurable.

Goals must have a time constraint.

We should strive to make our resolutions for the year ahead adhere to those guidelines. Another good business practice to follow in our pursuit of our resolutions is that we must be held accountable. Someone else needs to know what your goal is and agree to provide you with an evaluation and feedback on your progress.  In business we call that someone your “accountability partner”.

So, as you begin another year with new resolutions (goals) for change and improvement, make sure that they are realistic (see list above). At the end of each day/week/month, take time to reflect back on how you spent your time and evaluate whether or not you actually accomplished and steps, no matter how small, towards your new goals for the year. Then renew your commitment to persistence and patience.

Move that first (or next) pebble today.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Escape your prison in 2024…

January 2, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/2/24 – reposts from the late Pastor Jack Freed’s blog


“As I walked out the door to my freedom, I knew if I did not leave all the anger, hatred and bitterness behind that I would still be in prison.” (Nelson Mandela) As we walk into the New Year, it would be well to follow Mandela’s example and leave behind that which has kept us from being the best that we can be. It is possible to let the past be the past and to live life in a new way. Let that be our resolve. 😉  Jack

Originally sent January 4, 2016.

As you begin a new year, perhaps focusing upon things that you decide not do are as important as making resolutions about things that you hope to do. If you can resolve to start 2024 by leaving behind the anger, hatred and bitterness in your life, you will have a much better year.

Instead of focusing upon getting even with someone else over some real or perceived harm that they may have caused you, focus instead upon forgiving them and moving on with your life.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity over poor decisions that you made in your past, focus upon forgiving yourself, learning from your mistakes, and moving on with life.

Instead of allowing fear and hatred to dictate your reaction to others who may no be like you, open your heart and your mind to the possibilities of new understanding, new learning and new friendships.

Instead of limiting yourself over concerns about what others may think, or trying to meet the expectations of others, be true to yourself and be the best that you can be.

Walk out of the prison of your past and begin a new life.

Have a great New Year in 2024.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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