Don’t try to understand it; just go with the flow…

November 10, 2013

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”  (Robert Heinlein)

The idea behind today’s saying is similar in concept to the title of the popular book Men are from Mars and Women from Venus. The underlying truth is a difference so profound in how men and women view the world and the things that are happening around them that it cannot be understood by either party. Many men never relax and get used to it, so they go through life being continually astounded and confused by the actions and reactions of women. Women, on the other hand, seem to be able to at least accept the idea that their mates live in a completely different world and they try to show sympathy or empathy for the actions and reactions of these befuddled beings.

Perhaps the tendency of men to try to make logical sense of things is at the root of the differences. Embracing logic as the basis for life’s decisions and actions is very restrictive and confining in terms of creativity and even emotions. Men’s tendency to think about things too much and too logically can also lead to hesitancy, which kills the spontaneity that so many women exhibit. I won’t pretend to be able to discuss what drives the actions of women. Some say intuition more than anything else, which tends to reinforce the notion of women living through a “feel” for the situation, rather than the pure logic of it all.

So, I think it best to take the advice that Robert Heinlein gave and just get used to it; rather than trying to figure it out. Men might actually have more fun in life if they just go along with the women in their lives who are doing as they please.


Appraisal issues a never ending battle…

November 8, 2013

As much as the market has been straining to break out of the recent recession and regain lost property values, one component of the market has been acting as an anchor, holding back or at least significantly slowing the positive progress. That component is the dreaded appraisal. I say dreaded, because it has become the biggest obstacle to sales these days. The house can be house valuein move-in ready condition with a clean bill of health from the home inspection and still have the sale queered by a low appraisal. That’s happening a lot these days. Why is that?

One of the constant battles that go on in the real estate market is that between the Realtors involved in listing the houses and the appraisers over what the market value of the house should be. Appraisals can be the cold splash of reality in the face for many sellers. Appraisals take all of the emotion out of the process of putting a market value on your property.  The battle over market value is one that is likely to continue forever, just due to the different natures of the two sides in this arguement.

Realtors, especially listing agents, tend to be optimistic and they also tend to bake the direction of the market into their listing pricing. In a rising market, like we have now, it is quite easy to miss the market on pricing, either low or high. If the listing agent prices the property too low, it might sell quickly; but, the seller will not have gotten the most out or the sale. If, on the other hand, the listing agent is too aggressive with pricing the property for a rising market, he may price it too high and it will just sit there, waiting for the market to catch up.

Appraisers go at value pricing from a different perspective. They are required to use sold Appraisercomparable properties as a barometer of the market; thus their data is always trailing the market, sometimes by as much as 6 months. In a rapidly rising market that almost always means that they miss the value on the low side. For a long while appraisers were also forced to include the sales of foreclosed and short sale properties in their comparable properties. Fortunately much of that business is behind us now, but there are still a few of those types of sales that were done in the last few months that can affect appraisals.

Another major factor in many appraisals is something that the seller can’t do anything about – the style of the house. House styles come and go, with each decade usually having some dominant style. There are a few “classic styles” – ranches and colonial, for instance, that never really go out of style, but which might be less desirable than a more modern architectural style. For the past couple of decades the 1 ½ -story or Cape Cod seems to be the preferred style. Split levels, which were all the rage in the late sixties and seventies, have really fallen out of favor as a style. Those style preferences show up in the appraisals. Bi-levels, tri-levels and quads definitely appraise lower than ranches, colonials and Cape Cods of the same size. Homes that were sometimes classified as modern or contemporary when built can also fall out of favor, since many of them have very unusual floor plans.

What can you do about all of this as a homeowner who wishes to sell? Not much about the style issue; but you can make sure that your house is the best one of whatever style that it is on the market. A house in great, move-in ready condition will still attract buyers. Another thing that sellers can do is to compose a list of the updates and upgrades that they have put into the house, hopefully not too long ago. It is not obvious to the appraiser exactly when the roof was replace or a new furnace put in, but those things make a difference. Some updates, like granite countertops will be obvious, but many others may benefit from being pointed out for the appraiser. Taking care of the many little “deferred maintenance” items that you may have been putting off can also help by removing those value detractors.

Another thing to do is seek professional advice. Get a good Realtor to do a Market Analysis for your home and then follow his/her advice. You don’t need to fight with both the Realtor and the appraiser. Call me and I’ll help you understand more about the market value of your home and what you can do to improve it.


Face into the storms in your life…

November 4, 2013

“Facing it, always facing it…that’s the way to get through.  Face it!”  (Joseph Conrad) – from the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

From what Jack went on to write, seamen know that once you are in a storm, you get through it by facing into it, not turning away or trying to run away from it. Life is like that, too. We don’t go looking for storms in life, but occasionally we all get caught up in them. Perhaps it’s a disagreement with a loved one or friend. Perhaps it has to do with dealing with a bad situation at work. Maybe it’s realizing too late that what you mistook for love for someone else in your youth turned out to be just lust and lifes stormsnow that the ardor has cooled there is little substance to your relationship left. These types of things are the “storms” in our lives and we must do as the seaman would and face into them, not try to run away.

Many people are what is labeled as non-confrontational; they just hate confronting anyone about things. That’s OK and actually not as bad as being the overbearing opposite – a bully. However non-confrontational you are, there is still the need to face the issues that are affecting your life. Acquiescing to situations that are wrong or make you feel uncomfortable, just to get along, is a sure prescription for misery. Facing those problems is not being confrontational, it’s just being practical.

One benefit of just facing the storms in your life is that it gets over with quicker that way. The more you try to run or hide from life’s storms the longer they linger and sometimes the stronger they grow. Face it, get through it and get on with life. No matter what the short term hardship or pain, you’ll be surprised how good it feels when you come out on the other side. You probably will also realize how many of the bad things that you feared might happen were really all in your imagination. Humans have an amazing ability to imagine scenarios and consequences that seldom come true.

Another thing that you can do to help you get through life’s storms is to face them with a smile. man relaxingNothing is as disarming to those who would spread hate or trouble into your life than to have their efforts be met with a smile. At first they’ll be annoyed that they can’t drag you down to their level; but, then, they’ll begin to wonder what you are smiling about and how you can smile in the face of whatever negative energy they are trying to spread. Eventually, they’ll go away, seeking someone else to infect with their problem or they may ask you how you can appear to be so happy in the face of the storm that they are trying to conjure up. You may end up making a new friend out of that conversation.

Now, I certainly don’t recommend that you become a storm chaser. Avoiding storms altogether is something that everyone should try to do, if you have enough warming about them; however, when you find yourself swept up in a storm, heed the advice of the seaman and face it. Here’s hoping that you have a sunny day with no storms on your horizon.


Finish the day and be done with it…

October 31, 2013

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I saw that saying by Emerson on the wall of someone’s cubical recently and it struck a chord with me. While it would be a mistake not to learn from yesterday’s blunders and absurdities; it would be a bigger mistake to waste one’s time dwelling on the past, rather than moving on in life with a fresh and positive outlook. So much of the pressure and worry and fear that we experience in life is self-inflicted, conjured up in our imaginations and not really based upon facts or what is really happening around us. Much of that negative energy comes facing new dayfrom dwelling on the past.

So let us resolve to start each day at peace with ourselves and those around us; carrying no baggage from yesterday; but, rather, focused upon the wonder and hope that each new day brings. Start out happy. Start out positive. Start out open and friendly to new ideas and new people in your life. With a start like that, you’ll go far. And when you finish today, be done with it and look forward to another fresh start tomorrow.


What counts for you?

October 29, 2013

 “Not everything that can be counted, counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.”  (Albert Einstein) – from the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Einstein was a very smart man in more ways than many associate with his name. Today’s saying attributed to him is from the metaphysical side of Einstein and not the scientific world that we normally associate with him.

Certainly things like compassion and empathy, thoughtfulness and thoroughness, integrity and professionalism are all things that count in business and in life that can’t really be counted. If you have those things, people will say that they can count on you.

What traits do you value in others that maybe can’t be counted, but which count to you in your relationships with them? How many of those things do you count in your own life? What other things count to you? Do people who know you or do business with you know that they can count on you? That’s what counts!


Hallowen fun in MIlford, Michgan

October 27, 2013

Jimmy in drag-2I had diner at Hector & Jimmy’s last night and what a frightening experience it was. We were greeted at the hostess stand by local restaurateur Jimmy Eggl, replete in a wedding gown from Gina’s Bridal in Milford.  I forgot to ask Jimmy who did his hair and makeup, but his shoes appeared to have been supplied by Nike.

All of the wait and bar staff were in costume with most dressed in a theme for the evening of Alice in Wonderland characters.  I’ve seen worse than Jimmy in drag, although I have to go way back to days when I’d frequent bars until the wee hours, when almost everyone still there at closing looked a lot like Jimmy in drag.Jimmy in drag - 1

I have to say that Jimmy’s gown looked lovely and if Gina can make him look that good just think what she can do for a real bride. Jim owns Hector & Jimmies, Gravity and The Bar in Milford and is an all-around good guy and a good sport when it comes to Halloween.

Tonight was the Milford Boo Bash. It rained for the first hour of the Bash, but the kids still turned kid in ghost costumeout in droves to walk Milford’s Main Street and get candy from the merchants. What a great local tradition!

Milford is  a great place to celebrate Halloween. Kids find the grid pattern streets to be easy to navigate  and houses are close enough together that they can hit quite a few homes in just a few blocks. We usually get between 80 – 100 kids at our house on a good Halloween night. I’m looking forward to it. I just hope it warms up a little, so I can sit out on the from stoop and pass out candy with out freezing.


Make a Difference…LIKE someone in person

October 25, 2013

From the Jack’s Winning Words blog comes this post –  “The happiest people are those who help others.”  (Scott Pelley)  The 4th Saturday in October is Make a Difference Day, a day for doing things to improve the world around you.  Here are some things that people have done…go to a park and pick up trash…rake the leaves in your neighbor’s yard…volunteer to work in a soup kitchen, or go to a thrift store and offer to sort clothes.  Making a difference can make you happy!    😉  Jack

helping old ladyIt’s great to have a day set aside to celebrate the acts that people do to make a difference in the lives of others; but I think it would be more impactful if people would just resolve to make a difference every day. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to go do something physical for someone else, like raking their leaves or working in a soup kitchen every day; however, it does mean approaching each day and each person with the attitude that you can make their day better somehow. Sometimes that might just be holding a door open for someone or just wishing them a great day. Just the fact that you acknowledge them in some positive way can make people feel better.

The good news is that helping others or making others feel good about themselves also makes you feel good about yourself. Happiness is very contagious. You can’t help but be happy when you make someone else happy. Try it. If you make someone else smile or laugh or just be happy, you’ll find yourself smiling and feehelping handling good, too. The easiest way to do that is to reach out to others. No one is gong to come up to you and ask you to open a door for them or to thanks them or to say something nice to them. You have to make that effort; but, once you do, you are sure to be rewarded with some of that contagious happiness.

As a society we have become fairly insular, perhaps because of our focus upon technologies that tend to isolate us from real contact with people and make everything a screen-based experience. It’s hard to notice the people around you who might benefit from an act of kindness if you are absorbed by the latest Tweet or Facebook post. I sometimes think that helping othersthe people posting requests that you” Like” them on Facebook are really crying out for help. Somehow getting a Like on Facebook is not as rewarding as getting a soft “Thank you” in person from someone that I just helped or acknowledged.

So, put away the smartphone for a while and see the world around you. There are people out there that you can actually LIKE in person. Maybe you can even help them with something. They’ll feel good about that and so will you.


Reading the histories of lots of Milfords

October 23, 2013

Did you ever wonder every now and then about other towns around the world that have the same name as the town that you live in? I do. So below is a collection of links, admittedly hastily compiled,  that will lead you to several other places named Milford. I live in Milford, Michigan; which is a relatively young iteration of Milford, given the oldest Milford on this list goes back to about 500AD in Wales. The newest one on this list is out in Utah. There are several in the New England area, as you might expect. Some of these are fairly dry accounts and some have very rich histories to relate.

The histories of other cities, towns, boroughs and villages called Milford. Arranged generally in chronological order of when the places were established. As one might expect there is a common thread through all of these histories, since all of the locations were on rivers or streams where water power could be used for transportation or harnessed for power.

Milford on the Sea , Wales, United Kingdom – http://www.milfordonsea.org/#/the-village-history/4533907218

Southwest Wales, Milford Haven – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Milford_Haven

Milford, Delaware –  http://www.cityofmilford.com/index.aspx?NID=166

Milford, Massachusetts –  http://milford.ma.us/pages/boards-committees/historical-commission/milford-history.php

Milford, New Hampshire –  http://www.milford.nh.gov/about-milford-nh/history/how-milford-came-about

Town of Milford, New York – http://www.townofmilfordny.org/town-history.html

Milford, Ohio –  http://www.milfordhistory.net/slide-view/slide-5/

Milford, Pennsylvania – http://www.milfordtownship.org/2009/mt_hist/history.html

Milford, New Jersey –  – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milford,_New_Jersey

Milford on the Delaware, New Jersey – http://visitmilfordnj.com/Our_Town.html

Milford, Maine – http://history.rays-place.com/me/milford-me.htm

Milford, Michigan – http://www.milfordhistory.org/milford_history.html

Milford, Utah – http://www.onlineutah.com/milfordhistory.shtml

For much more on the history of Milford, Michigan, please visit our Historical Society web site – www.milfordhistory.org

 


Have no regrets…

October 20, 2013

“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.” (Victoria Holt)

Regret is one of those human nature things that are hard for many to let go of, just like self-doubt. Some may mask the term in other words, like “Monday morning quarterbacking”; however, that Monday morning look back only has positive value if it is used as a way to glean experience and not as an opportunity to wallow in regret.

Although the quotes of athletes is often derided as being full of cliques; there is much truth in many of those cliques about looking ahead and not back or putting things behind them. Professional athletes know that they cannot dwell in regret over every loss. They try to learn from those setbacks. They spend time in the film rooms reviewing a blown play or a missed opportunity to see what they can learn from them.

women looking at direction signLife is full points in time where decisions were made that might have been made differently. Some of those times turned out OK and we seldom think back on what might have been, had we taken the other choice that was in front of us at the time.  But, sometimes things didn’t turn out as we had planned or thought that they would and we tend to look back and see (or find) those decision points where we might have done it differently, especially if we knew the potential outcome. Well, we weren’t prescient and things turned out the way they did. Let it go. Move on. If you must replay the film in your mind, at least treat it as a learning opportunity and not an opportunity to beat yourself up.

In the Frank Sinatra song My Way, about aging he has a line – “Regrets, I’ve had a few; but then again, too few to MrHappymention.” The song goes on to extoll the virtue of moving on and doing things in life your own way. At the end of the day, the main regret you will have if you let things get you down and you spend time in self-abusing remorse, is that you’ve wasted another day. Life’s too short to throw days away.

So, rather than spend time regretting things; let’s all think about the words of another song, this one by Bobby McFarland – “Don’t worry, be happy.”


Getting ready for Halloween…

October 17, 2013

Halloween devilHalloween has become the second largest holiday as far as sales of decorations and stuff to celebrate the day, right after Christmas. It’s a fun holiday without a lot of patriotic, emotional or religious trappings. One could be tempted to say it’s a holiday for the kids; but, that would ignore all of the Halloween parties that adults seem to like to dress up in costume and attend. For me Halloween has somehow come to symbolize the passing of another year. I guess it’s feeling that we might be enjoying the last gasp of whatever decent weather we’ve had and that it’s then time to head into winter.

kid in ghost costumeIn the Huron Valley there are also some fun events in advance of Halloween night. On Saturday, October 26, the downtown merchants of Milford host the 7th annual BOO BASH! This wonderful event finds the streets of Milford filled with pint-sized superheroes, goblins and zombies as the children parade in costume by the front doors of the downtown stores. Merchants fill their goody bags with candy. The event runs from 5 until 6 PM in Downtown Milford.

After the BOO BASH in Milford you might want to load up the kids and take them over to the Carl’s Family YMCA for Halloween at the Y. Kids are encouraged to come in costume. There will be activities and refreshments from 6 until 8 PM.

Or you may wish to load the family up and head to historic Fisk Farm in White Like (off M-59 in front of Walmart) for Fright Night at Fisk Farm. The North Oakland County Storytellers presents these chilling tales that are sure to bring goose bumps to your neck. Scary stories begin at 7 PM with even more frightening tales starting at 8:30 PM and lasting until 9:30 PM. Of course if you are the type who likes to do it all, you could hit all three of these events that evening. You would probably have one tired little goblin in tow by the time you finished.

halloween costumesThen on October 31st there is the annual  Fun on the Farm: Halloween Party at the Kensington Metropark Farm Center at 10 am – This program is especially for the little ones. It’s time for toddlers to trick or treat all around the farm. For more information of this event and all of the things going on in the Milford area for Halloween go to my web site www.movetomilford.com.

Milford is one of those little towns that are laid out perfectly for trick or treating. Milford’s trick or treating normally runs from about 6:00 PM (5:30 for the really little ones) until 8 PM; with the last hour primarily for the older children and local teens that still go out. We normally get between 100 and 150 children at our house on Halloween night. On warmer nights in the past,  many of the neighbors actually sit out front and pass out the candy. So stop by if you’re out with the kids trick or treating on Halloween and say hi! I’ll be on the front steps passing out candy.