Three little words that can change your life… He is risen!

April 20, 2014

Sometimes the simplest little things can have big impact on our lives. In this series of posts I examine very short sentences (each just three words long) that can make a difference in your life. If you have a three word sentence that changed your life somehow, share it with me and I will share it with the world.

No long dissertation today. Today is a day for family and for celebration around the world. Perhaps no three words that I write about here will ever carry the weight that these three do – He is risen.

For Christians everywhere this is the cornerstone of their beliefs – that Jesus came to earth to die for the forgiveness of our sins and rose from the dead to assure us that we too will never die if we believe in Him. For two days the original Disciples must have wandered about in a fog with only the three words “He is dead” floating in their minds, wondering what to do now. Then, on the third day came the words – He is risen!

The rest, as they say, is history. So, on this Holy day of celebration, let us pause and reflect not only on the meaning of our own lives; but on the meaning of Jesus’ life. No matter what trials and tribulations we may endure in our day-to-day lives, we will never understand how God could come down to earth on the form of a man and allow him to be crucified as atonement for our sins. It is something that we just cannot get our brains around; and so, we must content ourselves with our beliefs in a better life ahead and beyond, based primarily  upon our belief that He is risen.

Have a great Easter! He is risen indeed!


Three little words that can change your life…This isn’t right!

April 19, 2014

Sometimes the simplest little things can have big impact on our lives. In this series of posts I examine very short sentences (each just three words long) that can make a difference in your life. If you have a three word sentence that changed your life somehow, share it with me and I will share it with the world.

cop writting ticketThere was a story in the news this week about a Michigan policeman from the Novi Police Department who resigned and then blew the whistle on the practice (he alleges) of assigning ticket quotas to police officers as a way to raise money for the city. According to him this practice had been going on for some time and the fact that he had to do it had been gnawing away at him. Eventually it got to be too much and he quit, saying this isn’t right.

Many of us suffer through things that we know aren’t right, but we let them slide. Maybe it’s that obnoxious, overly friendly boss at work – the one who’s always touching you. Perhaps it’s being told that you have to put in an extra hour or two “off the clock” at work, if you want to keep your job. Or it could be that you are told not to rock the boat when you report an unwanted advance by a fellow student at college. Maybe you’ve had it up to here and it’s time to stop letting things slide and stand up and say this isn’t right.

I read an article recently about some brave young women who are taking on the administrations of some of America’s largest and most prominent colleges and universities over the issue of rape on campus and the lack of effective action by the school administrations. Their allegations about the prevalence of rape on campus and the lack of enforcement action by school administrations are appalling. Rape is something that no one can make a case for there being any ”right” side; however, the young women have made a very persuasive case that universities would rather sweep this problem under the carpet than deal with it. These women have found a very effective way through the use of some Federal laws to bring financial pressure onto the schools. They refused to back down in the face of stonewalling by the schools because they knew that this isn’t right.

Recently the church leaders in Detroit have been very vocal about trying to get the community clergymanbehind police efforts to reduce crime in the city, especially the crimes against each other in the neighborhoods. They are speaking out to encourage people to break through the prevailing street culture of distrust in the police and silence in the face of crime and too help the police identify the perpetrators of the violence and drug trafficking in the city. These are the very people who teach and preach every week about what is right and wrong and try to equip their flocks with the ability to tell the difference. Their call is for the citizens to ban together in strength against the gangs and thugs and shout this isn’t right.

There are many times during a day that we face personal decisions that involve deciding what’s the right or wrong thing to do. It can be as simple as deciding whether to discard the wrapping from your lunchtime hamburger by just rolling down the window a tossing it out of the car or wadding it up to take home or back to the office to dispose of properly.  Maybe it involves deciding what to say to a friend who has just ask for your help moving this weekend. Do you lie and say that you are already busy or tell them sure, you can help. If you lie, when do you stop yourself and say, this isn’t right.

moral compassThis discourse is based upon the premise that everyone has some moral compass and can tell right from wrong. I believe that we all have that ability at some point in or lives and that is usually while we are very young; but, some have wandered so far off the track of doing the right things that they can no longer make a valid decision. Some have become so good at rationalizing why they do the wrong things that they now equate their decisions to some sort of right or privilege.  They no longer see the other side of the question and have lost the ability to say to them self, this isn’t right.

For most of us; however, it may just be not stopping to think about something long enough or hard enough to let that moral compass kick in. Sometimes, we get so caught up in the rush of daily life that we don’t think before we speak. We end up regretting the words that we’ve spoken or some action that we’ve taken; but not until after the fact. That’s when the advice of Douglas Rushkoff  wopause buttonuld come in handy when he said –“When things begin accelerating wildly out of control, sometimes patience is the only answer. Press pause.” Wouldn’t it be great if life gave us a big pause button (or maybe a “do-over” button); but it doesn’t. We must supply our on pause button. When we do pause we must also be the judge of going ahead or making the call that this isn’t right.

The last thing that we must do is choose how to act upon that decision. Not everyone can just quit their job because something isn’t right; however, many people work within corporate environments that have policies and processes for reporting things that aren’t right. There are laws that govern boorish behavior in the workplace or which protect those who report malfeasance by fellow workers. In the long run you do more damage to yourself, to your own self-image (to your soul) by going along to get along than you would by taking a stand when you see or experience something wrong.  There is no guilt to be suppressed or shame to be dealt with if you stand up and say this isn’t right.

So, what will you do today when you have a decision to make about an action or some words to say to someone? Will you be more cognizant of the right and wrong choices? Will you pause and think about it before you act or will you have to come back to it at the end of the day and admit – that wasn’t right?

You still have time to make the right choices for today.


Three little words that can change your life… Never look back.

April 18, 2014

Sometimes the simplest little things can have big impact on our lives. In this series of posts I examine very short sentences (each just three words long) that can make a difference in your life. If you have a three word sentence that changed your life somehow, share it with me and I will share it with the world.

It’s Friday of Easter Weekend and I’m looking forward to having our grandchildren over for an Easter egg hunt in our yard on Sunday.  So, I’m looking forward just a bit. Today’s three little words could take us in many different directions, either as an inspirational message or diving down the rat-hole of despair. I choose not to go down that rat-hole. When I choose the three words for the day, I often do a quick search to see if there are any good quotes that might be used to illustrate or reinforce a point. I found quite a few today and will sprinkle a few into this post.  Henry David Thoreau said – “Never look back unless you are planning to go that way.” Well, we aren’t going that way, at least not here and not today. Never look back.

One quote that I found that I though was particularly meaningful, even if it seems superficial on the surface, was this one –“ If Cinderella went back to pick up her shoe, she wouldn’t have become a princess, so never look back.” – Ritu Ghatourey. We can all relate to the story of Cinderella and her dream of going to the ball coming true. Many young girls probably dream of their Prince Charming coming along one day. Maybe that’s why when they grow up so many women have such a fascination with shoes. I suspect that what Ritu was trying to say is that we shouldn’t spend time reliving the past in search of missing shoes or answers to questions about why something happened or why we did something that we might now regret. You have to learn to let that all go. If you spend your life living in the past and looking for that missing shoe, you will never meet your Prince Charming or achieve your potential; so, never look back.

The first part of this next quote is often used without the second part.  “When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”  – Alexander Graham Bell. We have all just lived through a very rough winter and we’re still in the process of coming out of The Great Recession. Many people suffered greatly, perhaps losing their jobs, or losing their homes, or suffering the breakup of marriages; yet here we are, on the other side, still alive, still standing. Those doors may have all closed; but, we must not dwell on them; but, rather look for the doors that also opened for us. It is time to move forward and you cannot move forward in life while you are looking back. Never look back.

Quite often the things that cause us to look back are failed personal relationships – friendships or relationships that we thought were love that just didn’t work out for some reason. One quote that I found that had Unknown as the author was this one, “If you’ve found a reason to walk away, never look back; just keep walking. It’s better to get lost moving forward than to get stuck looking back.” You may stumble along, lost in tears for a while; but, it is still better to moving on than to be immobilized by regret or fear or heartache. Relationships that we stay in for the wrong reasons never work out in the long run and prolonging them just makes the inevitable end that much worse. Better to cut your losses now and walk away that to live unhappily in a bad situation. Just do it; get it over with and never look back.

Another quote that I liked had to do with letting the past go, which I discussion at some length in the post Let it be back at the start of April. This quote by Jan Glidewell sums up what can happen to us if we can’t find a way to let go of the past – “You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.” Do you know people like that who have become so consumed with the past that they’ve become virtual hermits in the present?  Are you like that? Do you find yourself always talking about some past relationship, some old boyfriend or girlfriend or maybe even your ex-? Perhaps you’re still talking about your days in high school or college or maybe you can’t quit bringing up your old job (the one that went away in the Great Recession). If so, keep this quote from an Unknown author in mind – “If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven’t done much today.” It’s OKto reminisce from time to time over some pleasant memories; but, it’s best to put the unpleasant behind you, focus upon today and never look back.

So, I’ve got to run now. I have things to do today. I’ve got Easter eggs to get ready and a visit from our children and grandchildren to look forward to. It’s going to be a busy and fun weekend and I have no time for lingering in the past. The past is done and gone. It’s a great day today and I choose to never look back.

Have a get day!


Three little words that can change your life… in your dreams.

April 17, 2014

Sometimes the simplest little things can have big impact on our lives. In this series of posts I examine very short sentences or phrases (each just three words long) that can make a difference in your life. If you have a three word sentence or phrase that changed your life somehow, share it with me and I will share it with the world.

Today’s three little words are a phrase, rather than a complete sentence. Like a few other recent examples it can and has been used is a derogatory manner from time to time to discourage people from hoping for something or trying something; but, I’d rather take a different, hopefully more positive look at it.

I watched the Masters Golf Tournament last weekend, as I’m sure millions did, and was happy to see Bubba Watson win again. He’s a pleasant enough fellow; and, who doesn’t like a golfer named Bubba? One of the things I took note of was a report by one of the key TV commentators who had interviewed Bubba two years ago when he first won. He said that he asked Bubba in the interview after his win if actually winning the Masters was everything that he dreamed it would be. Bubba answered, “I don’t know, I never got that far in my dreams.” How telling was that about Bubba -the humble, and likeable young man who dreamed of getting to the Masters but never had dreamed of actually winning it? How far do you get in your dreams?

women dreamingDreams are important to us as humans. They allow the subconscious mind to explore things that it cannot explore when under control or the rationale, conscious mind. Dreams can take you places that you’d otherwise never get to see and experience things that you conscious mind would never let you do. Dreams have been credited with inspiring some of man’s greatest discoveries and inventions, as well as some of greatest works of art. Dreams can be wild and crazy, sometimes to the point of becoming nightmares; or they can be pleasant and satisfying. Most people have only vague recollections of the dreams that they had while asleep, while others may be able to describe in vivid detail what they were dreaming about. Think about the things and people and places that are in your dreams.

Many people day-dream; and, that is how some of the greatest inventors of all time “dreamed up” man daydreamingtheir inventions. Creative people often report having dreamed about something – a picture that they would later paint, or a jingle or song, maybe a play or movie or perhaps the idea for a new gadget. Letting the mind wander, often off into dreams from time to time is a great creative exercise. When your mind wanders during the day, what’s in your dreams?

The other aspect of having dreams revolves around those that we think up while awake. They are sometimes also called aspirations or hopes; but they are things that we dream about. Sometimes there are people that we may dream about; about meeting them, befriending them or more. Young girls may dream about meeting their favorite teen singing idol and certainly young boys fantasize and dream about meeting whatever good looking girl is popular at the moment. As long as those dreams don’t turn into obsessions that’s OK, too. Who turns up in your dreams?

woman catching starAs adults we may have dreams about our future and the futures of our children and maybe grandchildren. We may dream about what it would be like to own a specific car or boat or whatever; or we may dream about a vacation we’d love to take. Some may dream about getting a better job or retiring someday. Most of us probably dream about things that we understand or that exist; however, some dream about things that they don’t understand or that don’t exist and that’s where great discoveries and new inventions come from. There may be great adventures, exciting new jobs and wonderful inventions in your dreams.

In that first interview, Bubba didn’t have any frame of reference to dream about what it would be like to win; but, in interviews this year; he admitted that he’d dreamed of winning again and getting another green jacket. Bubba expanded the horizon of his dreams and you should, too. Rather than just dream about that next small raise at work, dream about the next few promotions and becoming the person giving the raises. Instead of dreaming about doing a little better in the sport that you play, man reaching for stardream about being the best in that sport. People like Justin Verlander in baseball or LeBron James in basketball or Tom Brady in football didn’t dream about being a good player in their sport, they dreamed of being the dominant player in their sport. Instead of just dreaming about that person that you’d like to meet, dream about going out with them and beyond. Dreaming is your sub-conscious way of visualizing and visualizing is a proven step towards achieving. Take those first steps in your dreams.


Three little words that can change your life… Make my day.

April 16, 2014

Sometimes the simplest little things can have big impact on our lives. In this series of posts I examine very short sentences (each just three words long) that can make a difference in your life. If you have a three word sentence that changed your life somehow, share it with me and I will share it with the world.

In the beginning of the Clint Eastwood movie Dirty Harry, Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) goes into a diner for a morning cup of coffee. The waitress discreetly pours a copious amount of sugar into his coffee, and when Callahan returns to complain after taking a drink of it, he discovers a robbery is in progress. He kills the robbers in a shootout. However, a surviving robber grabs the fleeing waitress, holds his gun to her head, and threatens to shoot. Instead of backing off, Harry points his .44 Magnum revolver into the boy’s face and dares him to shoot, saying with clenched teeth and in his characteristic rough grumble, “Go ahead, make my day.”

I’d like to put those three little words to a much different use. Instead of assuming that you happen upon crimes or crises in progress on a daily basis; let’s just assume that you live a more normal life and meet regular people all day long. Many of us tend to settle into routines where we shuffle through the day sometimes barely aware of those around us, many times avoiding eye contact because we want to avoid taking the time to stop and acknowledge someone or perhaps we don’t know what we’d two women talkingsay to them.  What do you think would happen to them and to you if you chose to see each person as if they had a little sign on them that read – Make my day.

What if instead of just nodding and mumbling a quick good morning, you stopped and said to that person, “You look great today.” or maybe “What a nice dress, where did you get that?” or “Your hair looks great today, where do you get it done?” Maybe you’re a guy and the other party is too; you might say something like, “Looks like you’ve gotten out on the course? How are you hitting them?” or maybe “Looks like you’ve lost some weight, are you working out?” or maybe “How are the kids doing? Are they in sports this spring?” Why would you do that? Because, people like to be acknowledged and engaged; and, they enjoy getting compliments or talking about themselves and family. If you will businessmenaccept the challenge to initiate the process of conversation, you’ll be surprised how much joy you can bring when you just make the effort with them to Make my day.

There is a side benefit to making that effort – you’ll feel better, too. It is just too easy to fall into the habit of avoiding people, of not making any effort at conversation, of becoming a virtual hermit in your day-to-day environment. If you assume and believe that they will like talking about themselves and their family, why wouldn’t you find the same joy is given the opportunity to talk about what’s happening in your life. People like to share things; that’s what makes Facebook and Twitter so popular. So, consider the opportunities that taking this approach to life will give you to be a “reality version” of those less personal technology-based versions. This is real life and in it you have the opportunity to post a live comment or utter a Tweet that will Make my day.

Now I know that many of you may be reading this and saying to yourself, “I don’t have time for this kind of stuff. That’s why I avoid people in the first place.” I would say to you that you don’t have time in life not to do these things. This quote by Wally Lamb, author, puts that a different way – “It’s the most breathtakingly ironic things about living: the fact that we are all…alone. Singular. And yet what we seek – what saves us – is our connection to others.” So, maybe this is really the most important thing in your life, or should be; not to be alone, singular, a virtual hermit; but rather to proactively reach out to touch others, engage them.  A. A. Milne, English Author  (1882-1956), Best Known For His Books About Winnie The Pooh put it this way in Pooh-speak –“You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” Pooh might have gone on to say Make my day.

So, today challenge yourself to take the initiative, to reach out and touch those that you meet alongtwo women talking the way, to engage them and with a kind word or words of encouragement or compliment help start their day off better.  You may be surprised at the impact that can have. It’s like the wake of a boat passing by that spreads and spreads across the water. “There are those whose lives affect all others around them. Quietly touching one heart, who in turn, touches another. Reaching out to ends further than they would ever know.” – William Bradfield. That’s the impact that you can have when you make the effort to Make my day.


Three little words that can change your life… Get a life!

April 15, 2014

Sometimes the simplest little things can have big impact on our lives. In this series of posts I examine very short sentences (each just three words long) that can make a difference in your life. If you have a three word sentence that changed your life somehow, share it with me and I will share it with the world.

Adrianna Huffington is currently making the rounds of talk shows pitching her new book Thrive. In it she apparently discovers that there is more to life and to what we should be calling success in life than the things that we’ve been obsessing over as a nation for quite some time. What she and many other suddenly enlightened authors and motivational speakers have recently “discovered” is that; rather than getting more money or getting a bigger house or getting a new car, most of all people need to Get a life.
chasing brass ring

The little phrase “get a life” started our it’s life as a derogatory statement to people who didn’t seem to be doing anything, at least not anything of interest to the hip people who were judging them. Of late it is more and more often used to admonish the overworked and stressed out over-achiever generation to stop burning themselves out and get real about what is really important – their family, their friends and their health. The message now is that it is time to reassess why you are working 80 hours a week and always fell tired. It is time to stop and assess what this is really doing to you and the ones that you love and for whom you believe that you are doing it. It is time to Get a life.

It turns out that there were probably some pretty neat things going on with your son or daughter at ballplayerschool or in sports during those overtime hours that you worked. There were things that your wife really wished you had the time to do with her instead of spending that extra time at the office. There were little league coaching opportunities that you were too busy for and games that were played while you were on the road. There were buddies that wished that you had time for a round of golf with them on the weekend, instead of going into the office. You missed all of that in the past, but you don’t have to miss the things to come, if you just Get a life.

Now you may say, Norm you don’t understand; but I do, because I now have to look back on my life with a lot of coulda, woulda, shoulda regrets. I didn’t get a life when my children were young. I was out shuckin’ and jivin’ and chasing those big bucks. I eventually got them. I had the big six-figure income and got the things that I thought were so important back then. What I lost were the precious moments that will never be repeated – the birthday parties, the ball games and recitals that I missed are all gone, never to be repeated.  I was working and I thought that was what I was supposed to do. There were smiles that I missed seeing, laughs that I didn’t hear, joys that were shared with those who were there, but not with me. I was not there to congratulate my son on a win or to console my daughter in a loss.  So, don’t say that I don’t understand – I do.  I was not there as a husband and a parent; but, fortunately I’m not too late to get a second chance as a husband and now as a grandparent. I’m having a ball with both now, because I eventually I figured out that what I really needed was to Get a life.

fansSo, whether you are inspired by this little blog or Adrianna’s nice new book  – Thrive; take the time to assess what it is you really want and what the best way to get that really is. If you can get past the “need” for that new car or bigger house and focus instead on the family that will ride or live in them you may be able to see that a little more money at work is less valuable than a little more time at home. Your kids won’t care if they have to ride in a three year old car, if they can ride with you to go to an amusement park or a ball game. Your wife won’t mind staying in your cozy little house if the man she fell in love with (and still wants to be with) is there more often, doing things with her. And you may find that, instead of pumping up that guy in the mirror every morning and putting on your game face, so that you can go out and work even harder for material things; now, you can relax and smile at him instead because he’s figured out what’s really important – he finally decided to Get a life.

Sure, I know that you’ve got to make the mortgage payment and put food on the table. Maybe you’re already starting to worry about putting the kids through college or have given some thought to your familyown retirement. Those are all important and worthy things to plan for and work for, but not to obsess over.  You can be successful enough to provide for your family without being gone so much that you’re almost a stranger to your family. You can have what you want in life if you focus upon what you need in life and not so much on what you don’t have. Socrates said it best hundreds of years ago –

 “He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”  I’m sure that, had it been in the vernacular in Socrates day; he would have gone on to say – Get a life.

 When the time comes for others to look back over what you accomplished in life very few funeral speakers spend much time discussing your business accomplishments. They try to focus instead on the impact that your life had on those around you – your family and your friends. They relate stories about things you did with those important people in your life, the fun you had the events that you shared and how important to them it was that you were there. Let’s hope that in describing your life they won’t have to observe a moment of silence instead.  That won’t happen if you Get a life.


Three little words that can change your life… Walk the walk.

April 13, 2014

Sometimes the simplest little things can have big impact on our lives. In this series of posts I examine very short sentences (each just three words long) that can make a difference in your life. If you have a three word sentence that changed your life somehow, share it with me and I will share it with the world.

From the UK Web site phrases.org.uk  comes this explanation of the origin of that little phrase –

‘Walk the walk’ is almost always said in combination with ‘talk the talk’, for example, “if you’re going to talk the talk, you’ve got to walk the walk”, or “walk it like you talk it”. This is a 20th century American alternative to various old sayings which epitomise the notion that ‘talk is cheap’, for example ‘actions speak louder than words’ and ‘practice what you preach’. The context for the use of any of these expressions is in response to what is seen as empty boasting. People who are accused of such are said (in the USA) to ‘talk a good game’ or (in the UK) to be ‘all mouth and no trousers’.

manspewing adviceHave you ever met or worked with people like that – people who talk the talk but then don’t walk the walk? These are the people who volunteer for something and then don’t show up; or, if the they do show up end up standing around chatting with people instead of actually doing whatever it is they volunteered to help with. Sometimes they are the people who are oh so good at telling others what they need to change about themselves; but whom, when challenged to make a change in themselves, protest that they’ll never change and that you just have to accept them as they are. You just want to yell at them – Walk the walk.

Perhaps you have met that “perfect mother” who always has advice for you about what you are doingblah-blah wrong with your kids; while, at the same time, she is oblivious to the fact that her kids are busy destroying something in your home or running amuck unsupervised. Maybe it’s the coach of your child’s little league sports team who never played the sport but who is now in charge of trying to teach them a game that he doesn’t understand himself. You tell yourself, well at least he volunteered; but, maybe he shouldn’t have.  Maybe it is someone at work who is constantly giving you advice about how to do your job better while ignoring the fact that they are failing to do their own job. You just want to tell these people – Walk the walk.

But, rather than spend your time worrying about those other people, you need to make sure that you look at your own behavior. Are you doing what you said you would do? When you make a commitment to be somewhere at as specific time, are you there on time? If you volunteer for a job, do you do the actual work or just stand around in the area and let others do the work? Are you offering advice to others that you don’t heed yourself? Are you good at talking the talk; when what others really want from you is that you Walk the walk.

It is easy to fall into the trap of being, as the British would put it “all mouth and no trousers.” In order to be the pleasant fellow that you want to portray, you can say “Sure, I’ll buy some Girl Scout Cookies from your daughter, just bring the order form around next week”; and then proceed to hide out until the order deadline has past. True masters at the art of talking the talk would use the next meeting with that person to say something like. “Gee, why didn’t you bring that order form around, I would have ordered several boxes.” They were never going to Walk the walk.

man with talk ballonThe difference between talking the talk and walking the walk is deception. It is a deception that you play upon others and upon yourself. You deceive yourself into believing that just saying that you will do something is enough to make everybody happy and everything OK. The deception on others is obvious – you lied – and that can be especially hurtful if they went ahead to make other commitments or plans based upon your bogus commitment to them. It’s just as bad to lie your way out of making a commitment.  Maybe you’ve seen the TV ads about the guy calling his “friends” for help on moving day – they all lied to him – they were talking a different kind of deception. Not one of them was a true friend willing to Walk the walk.

So, get out that trusty hand mirror that I have advised you to use on other occasions for self-reflection (unintended, but somehow appropriate pun) and ask yourself. Am I someone that others looking in mirrormistrust to be there when I commit to be? Do I sometimes just show up and not really jump in and do the work that I volunteered to do? Do I knowingly make promises or commitments that I can’t keep? Am I saying yes just to appease others with no intention of following through or do I have good intentions that just never materialize? If you’ve answered yes to the guy in the mirror on a few of these questions; perhaps you are guilty of talking the talk and you need to get real with yourself and others and commit to Walk the walk.

Making the changes needed to be the person that you really want to be isn’t hard, but it can involve making some choices that you’d probably rather avoid. To start with; don’t tell someone that you will do something when you know that you won’t. Don’t just say yes to appease someone else or to appear to be a nice person. If you’ve been asked to do something that you really don’t want to do, tell them that you can’t and ask them to keep you in mind for future needs. Then you might want to spend a little thought time on why you didn’t want to do what they ask you. Were you just being selfish with your time? Did you really have something more important to do; or were you like a lot of people and just hoping that something more fun might come along. How does that make you feel, once you admit that to yourself? They gave you the chance which you turned down to Walk the walk.

proudSo, here’s the very straightforward choice that you have to make every day, perhaps many times in each day. You have to choose to be a person who talks a good game, but whom others come to know as undependable; or you can choose to be honest with yourself and others around you and stand behind what you say you will do. Don’t give advice to others that you don’t (or won’t) follow yourself. Don’t pretend to be an expert on things that you know nothing about. And most important; only make commitments when you are committed to keeping them. Practice these things and you will be known as a person who can be trusted to Walk the walk.


Three little words that can change your life… Be a victor.

April 11, 2014

Sometimes the simplest little things can have big impact on our lives. In this series of posts I examine very short sentences (each just three words long) that can make a difference in your life. If you have a three word sentence that changed your life somehow, share it with me and I will share it with the world.

Today’s three little words – “Be a victor” – were coupled with three more words – “Not a victim” – in a quote by Joell Osteen; however, they have often been used within the context of articles, weighty psychological papers  and blogs about the “victim syndrome” and the tendency of many angry woman 2people to see themselves as the victims of situations that occur in life. This is the “poor me, why does this always happen to me” reaction to life. There is comfort for some to wallow in self-pity; but, in the long run that is just a precursor to depression. Don’t go there. That is the flight reaction in the “fight or flight” choice that we all have to make when faced with confrontation or issues. You can shrink back into a pitiful little ball or you can suck it up, thrust out your chin, and Be a victor.

While researching the origins of this little quote I ran across some really good reads – posts that have been done and papers that have been written about the victim syndrome and how to avoid that. One of the better ones was by Guy Harris, a motivational speaker who describes himself as The Recovering Engineer. To paraphrase Guys three suggestions for avoiding being the victim – 1. Own your piece of the problem, 2. Talk it out, and 3. Forgive the other party.  Let’s expand upon those so that we both can see how to avoid being a victim and start to Be a victor.

angry coupleAs Guy says in his blog, there are seldom any conflicts or problems that are totally one-sided. It took two to tangle and it will take two to Tango again. Perhaps the other party did something to set you off, but the fact that you responded in a way that now defines this as a conflict makes you a willing participant. You must own your piece of this brouhaha. Until you admit to yourself that you are also a player in this situation and not just some innocent bystander that got swept up in things, you are playing the role of the victim. Don’t go there. Man up. Be a victor.

Guy’s second suggestion is to initiate conversation – to talk it out. All too often we get involved in something that has offended us or caused us pain or made us mad and we just hold it in and let it fester.  Instead of confronting the issue with the other party involved, we may turn silent, perhaps angry accusereven avoiding that party. We allow our own imagination to take whatever the incident was and turn it from a minor or off-hand thing into a huge deal of epic proportions. We may even back ourselves into corners by creating elaborate scenarios of what the other party will have to do to get back into your good graces. After all, they committed this grave offense against you. You were the victim of this injustice, right? They need to apologize to you because you were the victim. Don’t go there, either. Be a victor.

Guy’s final piece of advice is one that I have written about here in an earlier post (Click here to review that post) – Forgive the other party. It is essential to being able to move on to let the issue drop in your mind and forgive the other party. Nothing can sour a friendship, a relationship or a marriage quite as much as that lingering and unresolved disagreement that floats around in the back of your mind to be dredged up again and again whenever anything new happens between you. Let it go. Put it to bed. Forgive the other party. As long as that little thought floats around in your head you are playing the role of the victim. Get it out of there and Be a victor.

While I thought that Guy’s advice is great and the best way to deal with situations that have already happened, let’s take a moment to advance the thought for today into proactive territory. When you get up in the morning, ready to face a new day; you have the same choice to make before anything has even happened that day. If you get up with a dread about going to work, afraid of what might happen or a fear in your heart about maybe facing a test at school today or ju

Joan of Arcst a general feeling of waiting for something bad to happen to you; you are setting yourself up to be a victim. Don’t go there. Instead look yourself in the mirror and say “This is my day and I’m going to handle whatever comes my way and Be a victor.”

Remember as you face the day and whatever challenges you hit that you and only you can determine whether you will retreat and hide in the mantle of the victim or take up the sword of the victor and fight back by using the advice that Guy gave you. You own your piece of the problem and your reaction to whatever it is, so talk it out and forgive the other side and forget about it. Move on because you have other more important things to do in life, now that you have decided to Be a victor.


Three little words that can change your life… War is hell.

April 10, 2014

Sometimes the simplest little things can have big impact on our lives. In this series of posts I examine very short sentences (each just three words long) that can make a difference in your life. If you have a three word sentence that changed your life somehow, share it with me and I will share it with the world.

Today’s three little words were given to me by my ex-pastor (retired) Jack Freed, whose daily blog –Jack’s Winning Words often supplies me with inspiration for a post. Jack just returned from a brief stay in a local hospital and I wish him a speedy recovery. I missed his daily posts while he was there.

At first I was befuddled about what to do with those three words – War is hell. They certainly aren’t inspirational on the surface. Then I thought, why not write this from the perspective of trying to understand what the warriors that return from war have been through and what their needs might be. Most people have no idea what these brave men and women have been through and why it may take a while for them to assimilate back into what we call “normal” society. War is hell.

We see stories from time to time about wounded or disabled veterans returning from war and the trials that they go through. We have also had stories from time to time make the news of severe cases of post-traumatic stress syndrome. It used to be called “the fog of war.” Most people will never have an experience like going off to Afghanistan or Iraq or any of the earlier wars. That’s a good thing. Part of what the people who do go are fighting for is to make sure that others don’t have to go through a war. Some of the stories that we see and most of the stories that we never hear about come about because – War is hell.

Whether we call it the fog of war or post-traumatic stress syndrome, the effect that going off to war has on the lives of the soldiers who did go are hard for those left behind to understand. The best way I can describe it is to say that you never feel more alive, more scared, more brotherhood with those around you and more cut off from any other reality than you do when stationed in a war zone, whether it is Afghanistan or Iraq or Korea or Viet Nam or World War II. There is an old saying that there are no atheists in a foxhole. I suppose that would apply today to those out on patrol or riding in convoys in our current war zones. Nothing will get you praying faster than bullet whizzing by or mortar shells walking their way towards your position. War is hell.

So what happens to those who have been to the hell of war and back? We see the news stories about surprise homecomings, with screaming kids and a joyful wife rushing to embrace a returning soldier. Burt what happens when the cameras stop taping and the media all go away. Those who have been to war know that it is not so easy to come home. It is not easy to leave behind those brothers who had your back, like you had theirs.  It is not easy to sleep in a comfortable bed in quiet room when you are used to sleeping sitting up with the sounds of rounds going off around you. It is not easy to trust those around you and not scan around you looking for threats. You can’t just turn off what took you a year or more to get used to. War is hell.

It’s been over 50 years since I went off to my war in Viet Nam, yet I still have vivid memories from my time there. I also recall the bitterly divided nation that I returned to and the mixed feelings that I had at the time. Lots of water has flowed under the bridge and there has been a lot of change in how people think of that war, which has helped heal whatever mental wounds I had from that experience; but I still understand that War is hell.

It is important to understand and to be understanding with those returning from war, especially our youngest soldiers. We tend to pluck youth right from high school and hand them a rifle and send them off to war unprepared for what they are about to witness and be a part of. These are often youth whose biggest life decision before this was who to ask to the prom. Now they have to decide who to trust in a crowd, who they might have to shoot and who to kill. They learn that even the most innocent looking object next to the road may be a bomb ready to go off as they pass. They might encounter people ready to detonate explosives taped to their bodies; killing themselves and others. They might come face to face with death more than once themselves and they might watch their best friends get killed. Then we ship them home and tell them to be normal again. War is hell.

So be a little more understanding. Be a little more patient. Be a little more supportive. Be a lot more loving. Understand that he (or she) needs time to decompress and to suppress some of the things that have been driving their lives for the last year or so. It’s not funny to someone who’s been the target of IED attacks or gunfire when they duck for cover at the sound of loud car backfire. It might take a while for them to regain the comfort level at home with family and friends that they had with their buddies in the war zone. It’s not a testosterone thing; it’s a thing that comes from living on the edge all the time – the adrenalin high that comes from constant fear and action in a war zone – and the camaraderie that goes beyond being just friends, when you’re sharing that foxhole during a fire fight. Now that they’re back, the pleasure that you might  expect to come from going to their daughter’s concert at school is just not the same.  It will take time to adjust; and it will take lots of understanding and patience to help them find their way back.  War is hell.

Wars can be especially hard on the spouses who stay behind and try to kept things in the family together while their significant others are off in some strange foreign land. Spouses often just want things to be as they were before. That may not happen, because things aren’t the way they were before. For one thing a returning soldier has not been a part of the spouses’ life and frame of reference for a long time. They may have little in common to talk about for some time. The soldier is used to talking with his buddies about the latest skirmish or mission and not about the upcoming bake sale at school or whether to redecorate the house or not. Believe me that there is a significant difference between the vernacular they used in a war zone verse what they are expected to use at home. There may be a significant disconnect between you for some time. He may have to relearn how to enjoy just being with you again. Be patient and fight your way through that. Your soldier is trying to get back; he wants to get back; but, War is hell.


Make the pain go away…

April 9, 2014

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking; here Norm goes off on another esoteric riff on emotional pain and how to deal with it. I’ll get to that later, I promise; if I can figure out how to fit it into three little words. If you need an emotional or musical fix on that in the meantime, here’s the premier video of the band Brad doing “Make the pain go away.”

What I want to talk about today is real, physical pain; the kind you get when you do something stupid to your aging body and now it hurts. I guess it also applies to younger bodies too; I just have an easier time relating to the old dude doing stupid things description.

Actually it doesn’t really even require doing stupid things. As we get older our bodied change and not necessarily for the better. We get less limber, less able to stretch into the positions (yoga or otherwise) that we used to do with ease. And, we become more prone to slip and fall accidents. But falling down stairsmaybe for you who are younger it’s just pushing that one little bit beyond what you are still capable of doing. In any case, you can hurt yourself and you need help to make the pain go away.

Today I want to relate a wonderful experience that I’ve recently had and give a shout out to a particular practitioner of a healing art who helped make the pain go away.

I was out walking my dogs in February, when took one of those falls that you can only take when you hit an icy patch in the dark. Down you go, before you know it. I was just thankful that I didn’t break anything. At my age, breaking stuff is really bad. Anyway I landed on my shoulder after a failed attempt to catch myself and hurt something bad. I got up and made it home OK; but, I could not make the pain go away.

Being from the “old school”, I determined that there were no bones sticking out anywhere and I could move my arm, so nothing was apparently broken. There was pain; but, I thought it would get better over time. Weeks when by and it didn’t get better. I needed to do something more than just take Aleve to make the pain go away.

Tammy ware 2Fortunately I have a cohort in the local Chamber of Commerce referral network that I’m in who is a Massage therapist. Tammy Ware is co-owner of Essential Massage and Wellness Center in Highland, Michigan. Tammy has over 20 years of massage therapy experience and is trained and experienced in many different massage techniques. I decided it was to see if Tammy could make the pain go away.

What a wonderful experience! I had been having trouble sleeping because of the pain in my shoulder. On the first visit I nearing fell asleep on the massage table because of the wonderful relief from pain that Tammy was able to provide.  Just a half-hour of deep tissue massage was able to loosen all of the muscles in my shoulder that had tied themselves in knots because of the pain. Tammy was able to make the pain go away.

The relief provided by the massage session eventually faded and I returned a couple of more time, each one a respite from the pain. Tammy advised me to seek the opinion of a doctor because my shoulder was not getting better and it turned out that I have a torn rotator cuff that will require surgery and rehab. You can bet that a part of my rehab will be regular visit s to Tammy because I know that I will need someone thin who can make the pain go away.

Tammy and the massage therapy that she represents so well is just one of the alternative medicine approaches that are currently gaining support and credence in the healthcare world. There is growing recognition that therapies and alternative treatments, such as Chiropractic, massage, acupuncture and meditation and yoga have a place on the spectrum of care for many non-disease conditions. It turns out that modern medicine doesn’t have a pill to prescribe for everything. And sometimes what they can’t drug or operate on will respond to other approaches. In the case of many muscular-skeletal issues massage therapy is the best way to make the pain go away.

I certainly endorse it and wholeheartedly recommend Tammy Ware and her business – Essential esential massage logo
Massage and Wellness Center
–   if you happen to be I the southeastern Michigan area. If you are not from around here; at least make sure to get a therapist who has extensive training, certifications and experience. In Michigan massage therapists now have to be licensed as healthcare providers. That’s a good thing and is leading to more and more healthcare plans covering massage therapy as a valid treatment option to make the pain go away.

Of course there are other reasons that one might get a massage. It is a wonderful reward for yourself (do they call that selfie reward?) after a long hard week or just because you need to relax. Tammy also specializes in pregnancy massages because pregnancy can apparently make things hurt in places where you didn’t even know you had places. There are also the self-indulgent hot rock and aroma therapy massages, as well as the facial and sinus massages to relieve tension and sinus pressure. She even does Thai massage which looks in the pictures more like she’s trying to make pretzel out of you, but which is wonderful for maintaining flexibility. Whatever choice you make, remember that above all she has the ability to make the pain away.