Feel the burn of success…

September 11, 2014

“Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it.  Plan more than you can do, then do it.”  (Joe Paterno). From a recent post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

I was glad to see Jack make this post of a quote by Joe Paterno because too many people have been avoiding anything to do with Joe Paterno since the child abuse scandal broke out about his long-time assistant coach. I don’t want to comment upon that here at all; but I do want to expand on the quote from Joe.

woman catching starThis quote is a nice follow-up to my last post, which was about stretching yourself to go for your dreams (read See it and be it). In most cases that may initially seem like you are biting off more than you can chew. I guess if it didn’t feel that way, it wouldn’t be called a “stretch” would it? And, in order to achieve it, you will need to plan more than it seems that your can do. Then to get there, you will need to do what you have planned. Somehow it all falls into place; doesn’t it?

So, what logically comes next? No, it’s not instant success and reward. There is no magic in the equation for success just lots of hard work. Another great football coach had his to say about that –

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary. – Vince Lombardi

Great coaches, whether in sports, business or life in general, tend to boil things down to simple, straightforward little phrases that make a lot of sense and inspire action. These aren’t just the “lunks” in the gym telling you to “feel the at the gymburn”; these are the leaders who help you understand that felling that burn is the only way to get to the next level and beyond; the only way to achieve your goals.

The “burn” that comes from success is not just about exercise and your muscles; it’s about putting in that extra effort, going that extra mile, studying that extra hour; doing what others are not willing to do to achieve the goal that you have set for yourself. The “burn” that you will feel when you’ve done what was necessary to achieve success burns your soul and it is something that only you will be aware of and understand. Once you’ve experienced it; it can become addictive. It’s not just the feeling of success at having reached that new level; it’s the good feeling that you get during the process. It is realizing how alive and in control you feel as you go through what you must to get to that new level.

A well-respected phycologist named Abraham Maslow reflected on this in his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation”. Maslow postulated that once you get past all of the things that motivate people out of their need to survive and be loved and accepted they will eventually reach a state of mind that he called self-actualization, in which that are chasing goalfocused upon things which are self-gratifying. That is what the “burn” of reaching for your dream of success can become – a self-gratifying and self-motivating energy that you can feed upon.
So, as you commit yourself to achieving your dream and do what you must do to get there, “feel the burn” that comes with success. Feel good about putting in that extra effort. Feel good about taking that extra class. Feel good about staying to make those extra charts for your presentation. Feel good about being the last one out of the building, because you put in that extra effort. Feel the burn of success. Let it warm you a bit, but then move on to the next thing that you need to do to reach your goal.

Once you reach your goal; once you have climbed the mountain that was before you; you may discover that you look out reaching goalfrom that peak and see another mountain far off in the distance that is even higher and even more challenging.
Congratulations! You’ve just discovered your next goal. Take a moment to savor this victory; then take a deep breath, visualize yourself at the top of that new mountain and start to feel the exhilarating burn from your next challenge. Nothing in life will make you feel more alive than the pain of the next struggle for success.

Feel the burn of success!

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Posted by Norm Werner

See it and be it….

September 10, 2014

“Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.”  (Arthur Ashe) From the Jack’s Winning Wordsstruggleblog earlier this week.

I understand where Ashe was coming from in this little quote, but, to me, it seems a little defeatist; a little too accepting of things as you find them; and a little to limiting on what you can actually do. There is no ‘stretch” in those statements. Those almost seem to be the aspirations of a plugger or a grinder. If I had to pick a fictional character to voice them, I’d pick Eeyore from Winnie the Poo.

If I were to rephrase this quote in a more positive and upbeat way, it would read like this –

“Start with where you want to be; visualize what you’ll need to do to get there; then, do what you have to do to achieve your goal.” ( Norm Werner)

It seems to me, that if you start each week with your goal to somehow make it through until Friday, then that’s exactly all that you’ll achieve. You’ll grind along using what you have and doing what you can, but at the end of the week you’ll still be where you started. Not very inspiring is it?

dreamsNow, I’m not saying that you can imagine yourself to success; however, a variation of imagining is visualization and that has proven to be one of the secrets to success of people who get ahead and for winners in sports. They “see” themselves being successful. They visualize the perfect golf shot or they “see” themselves getting the big promotion or creating the hot new company.  However; actual success is the product of hard work, in addition to high aspirations. No one said it would be easy; but no one is saying it’s impossible either.

Every story of great athletic success also has a back-story of tremendous amounts of training and striving and putting in the extra effort to be the best and to get to that goal. Every Olympics has tons of those stories associated with the Gold Medal winners. Every story of success in business has a background story of putting in the extra effort to learn or to try and fail and start over again when others would have given up. You don’t get to see how many times that Olympic ice skater fell while trying to perfect her triple toe loop, but she could show you the bruises. You probably will never heart about the 4-5 start-up companies that failed before that young business success got it right, but they are out there in the dust bins of history.  Winners get up, dust themselves off, learn from their failure and try again and again and again and again…until theyfacing new day achieve their goal.

So, here we are. It’s Wednesday and you’re half way to achieving your goal, if just getting to Friday was your goal. Woo Hoo!

What about your dreams? What about breaking out of the rut that you are in? What have you done about that this week? What about having something real to celebrate on Friday? You still have time. Forget about where you are. Where do you want to be? Forget about what you have. What do you need to do to get where you want to be? Do what you must to stay alive; but, then go beyond that and do what you need to do to get where you want to be – to get a new life. It’s only Wednesday, you still have time this week.

If you take the plunge to pursue your dreams you won’t be celebrating TGIF; you’ll be saying, “Oh crap, it’s Friday
already, I need more time to get stuff done.” Don’t worry, there’s always next week; and, if you start it with the right attitude of commitment to your dream you’ll have something great to celebrate again the next Friday.

I believe that’s celebrateanother other key to success, learning to celebrate your successes, no matter how small; and learning how to build upon them. Every hour that you put in is an hour that someone else didn’t dedicate to their success and that puts you an hour ahead of them. Every class that you take gets you closer to your goal. Every sacrifice that you make brings you a step closer to where you want to be. Every time that you fall (fail) but get back up again is another indication that you will not be stopped by adversity. Celebrate that; revel in that; you cannot be defeated and that is something to thank God for on Friday and every day of the week.

Print this quote out and put it on your wall –

I know where I’m going, I can see what I need to do to get there; and, I will not stop until I have reached my goal. (Put your name at the end, because it’s your dream and you own it)

Now get off your duffs and get on with your dreams. Thanks God it’s not Friday, yet.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Work the room that you’re in…

September 6, 2014

“If you’re the smartest person in the room, find a different room.”  (Richard Rusczyk), as seen on a recent post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Richard was not trying to be cute or sarcastic in his little quote; rather he was saying that you need to keep finding people who are smarter than you, so that you can keep learning from them. OK, there is probably a little underlying cynicism in that quote that has to do with even thinking that you are the smartest person in the room to begin with. Remember where the smartest people in the room at Enron ended up – in a tiny prison cell where they might be the only person in the room.

crowdI get to go to a lot of mixers and networking event in my role as an Ambassador for the Huron Valley Chamber of Commerce. The people you meet at those events always seem to have something interesting to talk about and I often learn something new. Once everyone overcomes the natural shyness that comes with walking into a room fill mostly with people that you don’t know it can become a very rewarding experience. Part of my “job” as an Ambassador is to seek out people who are new to the group and introduce them around. It is usually fairly easy to spot the people who are off to the side with that “deer in the headlights” look of bewilderment in their eyes. Once they’ve met a few people and get into the conversations they are usually OK.

We all learn something from our interactions with others. Usually it is initially about them, their background or family or where they live and went to school; but, eventually you wander off into topics that contain new knowledgeQ and A for you, perhaps starting with their opinion about something and then on to why they have that opinion – what basis in facts do they purport to have for having reached their conclusion. You may have the reaction of “I didn’t know that” or you may store the so-called facts away and think to yourself that you will check them out later, because you don’t believe that they are true. No matter; you’ve learned something or you will in your follow-up research about the “facts” that you’ve just been given.

There may be occasions when you are, in fact, the smartest person in the room, in some sense; however, there are literally no occasions that I can think of where you cannot learn something else from someone else in the room. If you do not understand that and at least try to learn by interacting with the others in the room, you may, in fact, be the dumbest person in the room. So, you don’t have to find a different room; you need to do a better job of interacting and learning in the room that you are in.

Look around you and see the possibilities of learning from those who are in the room with you.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Hope leads to great memories…

September 3, 2014

A strange thing is memory, and hope; one looks backward, and the other forward; one is of today, the other of tomorrow.  Memory is history recorded in our brain, memory is a painter, it paints pictures of the past and of the day. – Grandma Moses

If, as Grandma Moses said, memory is a painter, recording pictures of our past, then hope is a dreamer, imagining exciting new paths for our future. Eventually memory will paint the picture of the path that we have chosen to take.

Hope enables us to look past the darkness of a gloomy or sad situation and see a rainbow on the horizon. I wrote about hope in an earlier post about the four candles – peace, faith love and hope. Hope was the last candle burning and as long as it was still alive the others could be relit. The YouTube video in that post is a good watch.

man daydreamingIf you start rummaging around through your memories you might recall some of the hopes that you had at the time when those pictures were painted. How did that work out? Which of your hopes and dreams did you pursue and did they come true? Sometimes an old hope or dream can rekindle a passion that you once had and lead you off into exciting new directions. Maybe you had to delay things for a while, but you don’t necessary have to abandon those dreams. Many times they are actually more reachable now than they might have been years ago.

My wife had a dream of finishing college (I interrupted her academic life with my proposal) and, after raising our two children, she finally went back to school and a couple of years later got to walk across the stage and accept her degree. She never gave up her hope to one day accomplish that goal and she did. She also rediscovered the joy of learning. Are there still unrealized hopes hanging around somewhere in your head women dreamingthat you still have time to pursue? What’s holding you back?

So, take a quiet moment sometime soon and revisit your old hopes and dreams. Some of them you may now realize just weren’t right for you; but many of them might just have been put on hold, due to life circumstances. Drag them out, dust them off and see if they still excite you. If they do, then go for it. Find the way to stick with them this time and make them come true. Then you’ll have some great memories to paint pictures of in your later years.

Have a great and hopeful day.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Off to a good short start…

September 2, 2014

The weeks after a three day holiday always seem a little weird, but in a good way. This week in particular is strange because the schools started in this area today; so, traffic was up significantly as those parents with school buslittle princesses and princes who can’t walk to school or  ride the buses are transported by dads on the way to work or moms still in their pajamas. Perhaps many of them are “schools of choice” kids who can’t ride the buses, but I doubt it. More likely, they are our local versions of  Honey Boo-Boo. I guess the short week helps make the transition back into the school routine a bit easier for the kids.

Short work weeks are always a bit confusing, because the start feels like it should be Monday, even if it is Tuesday. By the time you get used to that, it’s already Wednesday and the week’s half over already – Yea! Wouldn’t it be great if every work week were only four days? There are some European countries that have proposed doing just that. They are looking at having four 10-hour workdays and then three day weekends every week. I could see that, since many already work 10-hour days (most without the benefit of overtime).

The people who really don’t like these short weeks are the garbage collectors, who have to make up that lost collection day by doubling up somewhere. Of course they will start entering the fall leaf collection period soon, which really doubles up their work with recycling bags of leaves.

Also this week…

The new minimum wage increase started in Michigan yesterday and so far the world has not come to an end.money paid The wage for our food servers and other minimum wage jobs moved from $7.40 an hour to $8.15. It will continue to gradually increase to $9.25 hour in 2018. Of course there was grousing about this by many small business owners who fear that raising prices to cover the new costs will drive away customers. The bottom line; however, is that this increase will impact only 4-5% of the workforce. Meanwhile, a new study commissioned by the Michigan Association of United Ways finds 40 percent of Michigan households with at least one worker don’t make enough money to meet basic survival needs.

Home Tour picture 1The countdown to the next big weekend in Milford started on September 1. The big Home Tour Weekend is September 20 and 21. The 38th annual Milford Home Tour will take place on that Saturday and Sunday, with 5 historic Milford homes offered for public viewing on the tour. Tickets for the Tour are on sale now at several locations in Milford – Acorn Farm, Main Street Art, Your Nesting Place, the Milford Township office and of course at the Milford Historical Museum. Tickets are $15 for adults and $13 for youth and seniors. The tickets are good for both days and include visits to the Log Cabin in South Side Park, a visit to the Milford Historical Museum and a walking tour of Oak Grove Cemetery. For more on the Home Tour, click here.

In addition to the Home Tour, the big weekend includes The Milford Car Show on Sunday all down Main car show graphic 1Street and into Central Park, with over 300 cars on display; and a Tractor Show out at the Huron Valley State Bank parking lot near the corner of Milford Road and GM Road. On Sunday the Milford Rotary also stages its annual rubber duck race in Central Park, this year expanded to include a family fun picnic event starting at 10 AM. Several hundred bright yellow rubber ducks are dumped into Pettibone Creek, which leads to the Huron River; with the first few RotaryDucksducks to make it to the catch net at the end leading to prizes for the duck owners. The first place duck earned its owner $2,000 last year. Events for the kids, plus food are part of the family fun day. Plan on spending the day in Milford on that Sunday. There will be something going on for everyone in your family.

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Posted by Norm Werner

 So you want to write…let your brain loose!

August 29, 2014

I get emails or comments to my blogs quite often asking for advice on how to write a blog post. These requests are usually from people who say that they’d like to write, but can’t think of anything to say. While
the specifics might vary from reply to reply the underlying theme of my answers is always the same – let your brain loose.

Our brains are amazing things that house unbelievable amounts of data, information, stories and man with key to mindexperiences. Writers apparently have just found a way to tap into that storehouse and let it work. At least that’s what I think I do. Quite often, in this blog in particular, I will play off the thoughts of the day from my favorite source Jack Freed and his Jacks Winning Words blog. Jack is the retired pastor of my church and he writes a short post each day (Monday thru Friday, only) that is always a quote of some sort and his take in 2-3 sentences on that quote. Jack usually ends by challenging his readers to think about their reaction or answer to the quote. I take that same quote and riff on it for 4-5-8 paragraphs, sometimes in directions that are completely different from where Jack went with it.

digital thinkingSo, how do I do that? The answer is that I tend to turn my brain loose and see where it takes me. I write in a stream of consciousness mode by asking myself questions like “what do I think about that?” or “maybe what experiences or stories do I have about that?” Sometimes I’ll just see a completely different meaning in the quote that Jack saw. Sometimes I’ll take off in one direction and end up going to a completely different place. I often have to edit and abandon earlier sentences or paragraphs altogether. Many times I may stop to look up something, maybe another quote that might fit and express what I’m trying to say. During those searches I will often find other quotes that I like and save or future posts. I have a whole list of topics for future posts sitting on my Desktop on my computer.

Many times I will find that I’ve somehow gone down a rat-hole with my thought process and have to back up and start off in a new direction – more paragraphs go into the bit-bucket when that happens. I try to stay positive in what I write, but occasionally will explore the dark (or cynical) side of a topic. I find more facing new daypleasure out of writing upbeat posts than I do from venting on a topic or taking the negative approach.

If the topic is one that I’m trying to give advice about, I will try to draw on my own experiences or stories. Such experiences and stories are all in there, in your brain, you just have to let them loose. I try to avoid rendering my own opinion of topics, especially controversial topics, although I’m sure that it comes through in the tone or content bias of the piece.

So, how do you get started? You could scan the daily news for stories that interest you. Why do they interest you? Do you have an opinion about that topic? Is there a story about a cause that you also support? Why? Do you know someone afflicted with whatever the cause is trying to prevent or help with? Have you helped in the past? Let your brain loose and write about it. Maybe you see a quote on the wall in a poster or in the paper or on the Internet somewhere; what does that quote mean to you? How do you relate to it? Do you have a story or experience that relates to it? Let your brain loose and write about it. Maybe a cartoon or a quote that you see triggers some thoughts in you. Run with it. Get those thoughts out and then look for more. Let your brain loose.

snow globeGary Larson is the creator of Far Side, one of the more offbeat and funny cartoons that appears in daily newspapers. Being able to create single panel cartoons that express such humorous thoughts is a real talent and one that he gets by letting his brain loose, or as he puts it –  “You know those little snow globes that you shake up? I always thought my brain was sort of like that. You know, where you just give it a shake and watch what comes out and shake it again. It’s like that.”

So, for those who write to me asking how I come up with things to write about, maybe the answer is that I just shake up my brain, too, and watch what comes out. You might amaze yourself. Startuncage typing and see what your brain creates. If you go off in the wrong direction back up, hit delete and start again. The real secret in that is to let your brain loose.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Stay in control of your life…

August 27, 2014

“Regardless of what’s going on around you, make the best of what’s in your power, and take the rest as it occurs.”  (Epictetus) – from Jackswinningwords.blogspot.com.

According to Jack’s comment, Epictetus believed that all of what happens around us is fate and thus out of our control. What is in our control is how we react to what is happening around us or to us. I have posted several missives on that topic here is the past. Today let’s look at the strategy of understanding what control you have over things and exercising good judgment in how you react.

TV interviewTV news people love to rush into situations of stress or tragedy with the important question (at least to them), “How do you feel about that?” They hope to evoke an emotional reaction of some sort that will make good viewing – tears or anger or hate. They are after ratings more than news coverage, since TV news is now presented more as an entertainment segment than true news coverage.

While there may be no newsman rushing up to you with a microphone in hand, when life happens around you there is often an expectation (perhaps your own) that you will somehow react to what’s going on. Will you get fearangry about something that someone did, even if they really didn’t do it to you? Maybe they ran a stop sign or made an illegal turn. How does that affect you? If they didn’t almost hit you by doing that, why do you have any reaction to that at all? I tend to get a little peeved at people doing those things, mainly I suspect, because it shows a general lack of respect for the laws that we are all supposed to live under and that we generally all accept. Those are acts of contempt; of thumbing their noses at our laws and saying that they don’t have to follow them. It is somewhat offensive (at least to me).

But, those examples aside, the next best thing to do when things are occurring around you is to quickly assess which of them you have any control over or the power to change. Perhaps the only control you have is to control yourself; to control how you react to the situation. In recent rioting in Ferguson, Missouri not everyone joined in on the looting or destructive behavior. In fact most of the protesters decided to exercise control over themselves and not take part in those activities. They made the best of what was in their power to control.

arguingThe hard part sometimes is recognizing the difference between those things that we can control and those that are beyond our control. Allowing yourself to react to things beyond your control can quickly lead to frustration or worse. Since you cannot see a way to control things, you might be tempted, as the Ferguson rioters were, into taking retaliatory or destructive actions. Once you step onto the slippery slope it is all downhill into looting or burning or shooting or doing other stupid things. It usually ends badly and the consequences are made worse by the fact that one often is destroying the very things that are needed around them – relationships or the stores and merchants that make a neighborhood viable.

Some people have the ability to ignore much of what is happening around them; things to which other might react. They may be totally oblivious, but more likely they are actually making quickly, sub-conscious decisions on the question, “What does that have to do with me?” If they decide that what just happened really has no real direct impact on them they just ignore it, even if it was aimed at them. That would have been a better strategy for the Tigers relief pitcher who let booing from the home town crowd get to him. He reacted poorly to the events going on around him, rather than just ignoring the booing. After all, people booing posed no real threat to him.

I often run into people who say things like “he/she knows all of the buttons to push to get me mad”. What’s angry coupleinteresting about that is that the person recognizes that someone else is able to control them and their reactions through some simple acts or words, yet they seem unable to take back control. Somehow they are really admitting that they are an accessory to this situation; that they are allowing that to happen, instead of exercising restraint and self-control. They could stop that cycle of actions and reaction any time that they really wanted to. Maybe they enjoy getting mad at that other person.

How do you react to the things going on around you? Do you allow the events to control you or do you stay in command of the only part that you have complete control over – your reaction? If you are the sort of person that others may say of, “He flies off the handle a lot”, then you need to be particularly aware of and careful of your thinking hardreactions to things. The old saw of counting to ten before you react may be especially useful for you (you may need to count even higher).

So, be aware of the things going on around you; but, be even more aware of how you are choosing to react to them. I am reminded of that line from the poem Invictus that was used in the Nelson Mandela book and movie as representing good advice – I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. You are only the captain of your soul if you stay at the helm. Don’t let event or others take the helm of your fate.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t just get wet; sing in the rain…

August 26, 2014

Reposted from the Jack’s Winning Words blog – “Some people walk in the rain.  Others just get wet.”  (Roger Miller)  Go to YouTube and watch Gene Kelly do “Singing In The Rain.”  It’s a perfect example of being in the rain and not caring about getting wet.  The resilience of some people is amazing.  Even with the bad “raining down” upon them, they can see the good.  Do you know anyone like that?  They are an inspiration, aren’t they?    😉  Jack

rainyA little rain comes into all of our lives, sometimes in buckets, and we all have the choice of how to react. You often see the sad, shocked and tearful reactions to bad events on the news, because the media believes that we want to see people suffering misery and not people coping in a positive way. It is often hard to find anything positive in a bad situation that has just occurred and the media doesn’t help by shoving microphones in the faces of the people involved and asking how they feel about what just happened.

Sometime later the media may go back and find those same people in a more upbeat mood, now able to find or see the good that was there all along. Many times that “goodness” has to do with the realization that much of the loss in natural disasters is just about material things and the things that really matter the people in their lives are still with them. Other times, when someone has left our lives due to a lady under clouddeath, it is the shift from the shock of their death to the celebration of the life that was lived while that person was alive.

Of course, situations that might “dampen our spirits” aren’t always about disaster or the loss of a loved one. The rain in our lives may come in many forms – our team losing an important game, getting turned down for a hoped for date, facing an unexpected bill for a home or car repair; the list goes on. Life throws a little rain in here and there all the time. How do you react to the rain in your life? Do you find a way to sing in the rain or do you become a “gloomy Gus” and mope around? Do you look for the silver lining or the rainbow in things or let those things
overwhelm you and drag you down?  Try to be a little more like Gene Kelly and find things to sing about when life rainbowhands you a rainy day.

Happy people tend to be healthy people. There are tons of studies that have been done about the positive health effects of being able to cope with adversity by “singing in the rain” (figuratively speaking). People who have that natural tendency seem to always be happy (much to the annoyance of some people who are usually unhappy) and healthy. For those of us for whom it is not our initial reaction to sing in the rain, it is a trait worth working on developing. Maybe you have to stop and make a conscious effort to find a positive note, happy thought or some other way to overcome the urge to slip into glum; but, just making that effort is a great way to stop the slide into despair or depression.  It stops you from just getting wet.

A little trick that I use sometimes is having a little tune to call up in your head (singing in the rain) that can help you refocus away from thinking about the trouble at hand.  There are two or three little songs that we sing in happy in rain
church every week during the service that are easy to remember and once started will bounce around in my mind for hours. I call them up as a distraction when I need to sing in the rain. What songs do you have that you could call upon?

Have a bright and happy day; but, if some rain enters your day today, don’t get wet; find your song and sing in the rain.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Take time to say, Hi…

August 25, 2014

Jack’s post today in the Jack’s Winning Words blog – “Today, why don’t you look up and say: ‘Hi, God!’”  (Noodles du Jour). Jack went on to write –One thing I like about Tevye (the Fiddler) is how he talks to God.  It’s like conversing with a good friend.  “Am I bothering you too much?”

My wife and I went to Stratford, Ontario to see Fiddler on the Roof last summer; an enjoyable day trip and a wonderful musical. We returned this summer to see Man of La Mancha, another great musical; although both have sad endings, as did Camelot two summers ago. If you live within driving distance to Stratford, Ontario,  I’d recommend it. We always spend the rest of the day and the night in Canada, which makes it feel like a mini-vacation. Maybe next year we’ll find a musical that has a happy ending.

tipping hatYou might also find value in a somewhat shortened and more secular version of Jack’s little quote – “Today, why don’t you look up and say: “Hi.” Just say, “Hi”, to the people that you meet. You’d be surprised how many people for whom this simple act of acknowledgement is a very powerful and positive start to their day. Too many of us don’t look up. We are busy these days staring at the screens on our smartphones (phones which have had the unintended effect of numbing our interpersonal skills), as if somehow the world and what is going on around us can be found on that tiny screen. We may be in the process of texting a reply to those seemingly important questions, “? r u” or “? r u doing?” Instead, why don’t you look up and say, Hi!

You might be one of those people for who taking the initiative to say,” Hi”, is difficult; I know that I am. I think it was the old “don’t speak unless you’re spoken to” thing that I got at home as a kid that might have caused that and it is something that I have to work at to overcome. I have discovered that most people will respond to a friendlyfriends at school greeting of, “Hi, how are you?” and sometimes even stop to chat. You can meet lots of interesting people that way; some may even become friends. So, today, take the time and make the effort to look up and say, Hi!

There was a story in the news this weekend about a mentoring program within a local school district to make incoming high school freshmen feel more welcome and help them get acclimated to the new surroundings. What a great idea and one that the school reports has had a very positive impact on their student body. The story related that the benefits of the program were felt by all of the parties involved, both the mentored and their mentors. If you don’t have such a program in place in your school, just take the initiative to seek out those incoming students wandering the halls with that “deer in the headlights” look and stop them to say, Hi. Introduce yourself and ask them if you can help them locate anything or answer any questions that they may have. They’ll be relieved that anyone from the upper classes even talked to them and you’ll feel better that you’ve done the right thing; because you stopped and took the time to say, Hi.

cheering upOf course, on a Monday you also have the built-in conversation starter, “How was your weekend?” Everyone likes to talk about themselves and what they did or maybe what they did with family over the weekend. You may discover a lot about that person just in hearing about their weekend activities; and, of course, they’ll want to know about your activities, too. So, there you go. You’ve started a new relationship and maybe even a new friendship, all because you took the time to look up and say, Hi.

And if you happen to look up a little higher, you may notice that God is looking back and He is smiling. Have a great week and if you see me on the streets, stop me and say, Hi.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Crying time will pass…

August 23, 2014

I was ask the rhetorical question “Will I ever stop crying?” recently by a client going through a divorce. It may asremorseful
well have been someone who had just experienced the loss of a life-mate. The obvious answer was yes, but at that moment more was needed. A hug was needed. Sometimes a good cry is a wonderful thing. It lets out the tension. It drains away some of the emotion and frustration of the moment. It is cathartic.

Unfortunately, many seem to use crying as an entrance into the realm of being a victim or worse as the slide into depression. Those are doors best left closed. You are not a victim unless you let yourself become one. Read or re-read my post on “Be a victor, not the victim” and/or “Make happy memories today.” But, eventually one must end the crying and get on with life.

Sometimes things change so fast in our lives that it can make our heads swim and become overwhelming. The person who used to do so many of the shared tasks of living is no longer there and all of a sudden it is your responsibility to think of everything, to do everything to be responsible for everything. For people whose long-term life mate is suddenly no longer there, even simple things like paying the bills or the taxes or cleaning the gutters or preparing meals or hundreds of other day-to-day tasks can suddenly start piling up.  In times like that it caringis often the help of a friend or relative that gets you through. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Many times you will find that there were people just waiting and wanting to help, but they didn’t want to offend you by “butting in.”

So, go ahead and have a good cry; but, when crying time has passed, put away the Kleenex, put on your big girl/boy pants and get on with life. I’ve posted several posts about that – facing reality and finding a way to survive and then thrive. The point of all of them is that life goes on, no matter what we may think or feel for a short while; and we must find a way to go on, too. Keep in mind, too, that there are people in your life who are standing ready to help. Ask them to help, accept their help and then thank them for their help. You’ll feel better and they will, too. Crying time will pass. Life will go on and so will you.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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