Where’s that man gone?

July 29, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent August 3, 2018. Reposts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.

Mark Twain

“Never lie to someone who trusts you and never trust someone who lies to you.” (Mark Twain) I read that 60% of people will lie at least once during a 10-minute conversation – little white lies, mostly. Whatever…truth is taking a beating these days. We used to believe: “A man’s as good as his word.” Where’s that man gone? If we’re to have a culture of believability, it has to start with us. Lying, as a norm, is unacceptable. We can do better than that. 😉  Jack

 We have lots of new terms to cover lying, especially in the current political environment – misinformation…disinformation…fake news…and more. Twain would have simplified them all as lies. Although often attributed to Arthur Schopenhauer, Twain is also credited with saying, “All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” We have certainly witnessed a lot of the ridicule and violent opposition stages in recent years.

I think the key takeaway from Jack’s post is that if we want the culture to change it has to start with us. We can and should be doing better in our own day-to-day loves by embracing and living in an honest and ruthful way. We must be honest not only with others but with ourselves, too. There are no “little white lies”, there are just lies, especially when we are lying to ourselves.

The lies that we tell ourselves are especially insidious because they encourage us to lie to others about things such as how we feel or what we believe. Many times, the lies that we tell ourselves are really just excuses – excuses for failures, excuses for things that we have done and for things that we have left undone.

In the prayers of confession that start our church service each week we pray for forgiveness for things that we ‘ve done and things that we’ve left undone. Perhaps we also need t forgive ourselves in order to move on with life. I wrote about forgiving yourself back in 2022 – see https://normsmilfordblog.com/2022/10/08/forgive-yourselffree-yourselfmove-on/

So, stop lying to yourself and to others. Forgive yourself for things that are in your past and move on. You will have no need for lies. The creation of a culture of believability starts with you. Jack asked where has that man gone? Answer by saying, “He is here, I am him”. We can do netter than that and it starts with us.

Leave a Comment » | faith, Inspiration | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Imagine a different future…

July 14, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 7/14/25 – Reposts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed – Originally sent March 2, 2021.

Picture of Jack Freed

“Laugh when you can; apologize when you should; and let go of what you can’t change.” (Posted by Carrie Goldring) Carrie is a friend of mine and writes regularly about how to cope after divorce. Divorce can be a roller coaster ride, creating stress, anxiety, and fear. Relaxed exercise helps keep a mind ready for making decisions. While it’s certainly hard to abandon a dream, sometimes the moment arrives to imagine a different future. 😉 Jack

 I always get inspiration from Jack’s posts and today’s repost is a great example of why. Jack’s posts almost always related something about how the saying for that day can be used in our daily lives. He also almost always threw the ball back into the reader’s court to figure out how it related to their life.  Imagine a different future.

I’ve posted here quite often about letting go of the past and moving on, but I like the way that jack put it – “sometimes the moment arrives to imagine a different future.” Many of us spend too much time lamenting things from the past or imagining all of the things that could go wrong with something in the future. Imagine a different future.

If you would like to read my advice for letting go of things, please refer to:

https://normsmilfordblog.com/2022/08/03/dump-your-ego-and-find-peace/ or maybe https://normsmilfordblog.com/2020/08/12/let-it-go-spit-it-out-taste-the-joy/

In sports this is called visualization. Professional athletes, especially pro golfers spend some time before each shot visualizing (imagining) how the shot will go – the trajectory, the landing and the backspin. They “see” the shot before it happens and then they try to execute the shot as they have imagined it. Imagine a different future.

Many motivational speakers will tell you that you can do the same thing in your daily life. Whether it is attending a meeting or making a sales call or just how you will react or act when encountering someone else socially or on a date; you can imagine that event and see it as you would like it to occur. This “preloads” the desired outcome into your mind and prepares you to keep things moving in the desired direction by making good decisions that support your desired outcome, in case there are any glitches.  Imagine a different future.

Perhaps we can best sum up what Jack found helpful in Carries quote by adding Jack’s thought to it to make it read – Laugh when you can; apologize when you should; let go of what you can’t change; and imagine a different future. When you do that, if you can do that, your life will change for the better. Life can be what you imagine it to be if you let it. Imagine a different future.

Leave a Comment » | Inspiration, Pure fun | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Start all over again…

July 7, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent July 12, 2013. Reposts of the advice posts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.

“There are two disappointments in life. One is not getting what you want. The other is getting it.” (Oscar Wilde) Disappointments? We all have them. A job loss, a broken relationship, a health issue… I like the advice in this old song, “When my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again.” Life is a series of learning experiences, and there comes a time when we just have to move on. 😉 Jack

 It is interesting that Jack, like most of us I suspect, focused upon the disappointment of not getting what we want, not achieving a goal or winning at a pursuit. But, what about the disappointment of actually winning, of achieving what we have been striving for? How can that be disappointing? Start all over again…

After the initial feeling of euphoria or accomplishment following the achievement of a goal or getting wat we’ve been striving for so long, there comes the letdown (disappointment) of no longer having that goal to motivate us. Many athletes experience this once that have achieved their goals as competitors. What do you do after you’ve become the best in the world at your event or become the star of a professional team in your sport?  Start all over again…

It may be hard for us to imagine, but the accumulation of yet another million dollars to a person like Elon Musk, or Warren Buffet or Bill Gates brings very little satisfaction, if any. Star athletes also have a hard time sometimes moving on after achieving the athletic levels that they trained for all their lives. We are fascinated by how people react to having achieved the goals that were driving them. Start all over again…

We occasionally see the sad stories of people whom we thought “had it all and threw it away”. Some turned to alcohol or drugs when they no longer had the motivation of striving towards their goal. We have also witnessed people like Bill Gates refocusing their lives on bigger, more altruistic goals of philanthropy, like ending world hunger or maybe eradicating a terrible disease. Start all over again…

How we react to winning and achieving our goals in life is as important (if not more so) than how we react to failures. As with failure, in success we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start all over again. We must move on to establish new goals. Start all over again…

I think that refocusing from achieving specific and tangible goals, such as having so many dollars in the bank or achieving a specific record in some event onto the less tangible goal of just being happy is a great start. That might involve being happier with what you already have than being unhappy about things that you don’t have. Start all over again…

If you become more focused upon and cognizant of things that make you happy you will soon see that money, possessions and power over others has little to do with your own happiness. I think that you will realize that you are happiest when you have helped to bring happiness to others, when you have made a positive difference in someone else’s life. Start all over again…

Maybe you should start each day with a little prayer, not asking for more things for yourself, but by being thankful for what you already have and by asking God for the ability and opportunities to help others. At the end of the day, if you can look back and see the times when you helped someone, it was a good day and I’ll bet that you are happy about it. Start all over again…

The good news is that you may get another chance tomorrow to start all over again.

Leave a Comment » | faith, Inspiration | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Try empathy first…

July 3, 2025

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Reposts from the blog of the late pastor Jack Freed. Originally sent July 1, 2015

“Be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, and tolerant of the weak, because someday in your life you will be all of these.” (G.W. Carver) Often I can go into a gathering of people and know that I have once been the age of each person. Empathy is the ability to feel as others feel. People would be better able to understand poverty, ageism, homelessness and racism if they had experienced it. If you can’t be empathetic, try to be sympathetic. 😉  Jack 

When I Googled sympathy, I got the following response that was generated by the Google’s AI bot – Sympathy and empathy are both emotional responses to another person’s situation, but they differ in the depth of the emotional connection. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone’s misfortune, while empathy involves understanding and sharing their feelings. In essence, sympathy is “feeling for” someone, whereas empathy is “feeling with” them. 

Empathy is the harder of the two, since it requires you to have had the same experience or to imagine what the other person is feeling in this situation. You may wonder what the other person is feeling and experiencing, but you will likely not be able to “put yourself in their shoes”. There are a few emotions that most people experience, like the sadness at the loss of a loved one; so, if the moment at hand is one of those, then you may be able to empathize. More likely, in most encounters moving on to sympathy is the best choice.

The line, ” I know how you feel” is best left unsaid in any case, even if you have experienced something similar in your life. You really don’t know how they feel. That s especially true when you are dealing with cases of discrimination. No matter if it is racial discrimination or discrimination based upon religion, sexual orientation or any number of other examples. If you are not a member of the same class of people who are being discriminated against, you have no real basis for empathy and need to focus upon sympathy.

Expressing sympathy almost always involves offering help in some way. It’s the “is there anything that I can do for you” response. Finding something that you can “do” for the person with whom you are sympathizing helps both them and you. For both of you it involves breaking out of the emotional state that you were trapped in and refocusing upon the present and upon things that are needed to go on in life, things that need to be done.

So, try empathy first, but move on to sympathy and find a way to help. That will help both that other person and you move on with life. Sometimes you may just need to let that person cry on your shoulder for a while. When the crying stops, give them a hug and ask what you can do to help them right now. That may sound a little cold and calculating, but it is one of the best ways to help the person with whom you are sympathetic.

I have purposely left out any mention of prayer because that is something that should not be forced into your response. If you know the person well enough to know whether they have a strong faith that can be tapped into, prayer can be very powerful tool to help. It may help you if you quietly ask God for his help in your own response of sympathy. Perhaps praying aloud for God to bring his comfort and peace to the person that you are trying to help would help reset their frame of mind. Maybe that’s how you can help.

Leave a Comment » | Inspiration | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner