No other option…

September 26, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 9/3/24 – Originally sent August 30, 2021.

“Everything is going to work out; there’s no other option.” Kari Miller) Kari is amazing! She lost her legs in a car accident caused by a drunk driver and took a bad situation and made it better by joining the American Paralympics Sitting Volleyball Team. Try playing volleyball while sitting! I have a hard time while standing. But when you have no other option, you do what you can do. All of the Paralympians give us encouragement that things will work out for those who don’t give up…like Kari. 😉 Jack

It is amazing how many of us (and I include myself in this group) spend (read that as waste) time mentally exploring or wishing for some option to the situation that we find ourselves in at the moment. In my last post I implored people to never stop dreaming; however, dreaming is different from the denial that leads to regrets or wishing that things were different.  Dreaming is about things in the future, while most time spent looking for options to the present are about the past – past decisions, past relationships, past mistakes that cannot be undone.

In truth there are no other options. The catch phrase, “It is what it is” best explains the situation. Mulling what might have been traps us in the past. As Jack wrote, “But when you have no other option, you do what you can do.”  Accepting what is allows us to move on to what yet may be.

Most of us will never face a situation like Kari Miller or anywhere near as drastic a change in our lives as she faced. Kari could have spent the rest of her life wallowing in self-pity or anger; however, she chose to do what she could. How do you handle the curve balls that life sometimes throws at you?

Do you spend your days thinking about what might have been different had you only made a different decision or chosen a different path? Do regret and remorse rule your life? Are you stuck in Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda land? How’s that working out for you?  Isn’t it time for a change?  

Here’s a way to start “A new way forward”, to steal a campaign phrase from Vice President Kamala Harris.  A key is to put things in perspective and put the past where it belongs – in the past. One way to help do that is to write down the bad thing or things that you have been hung up on. Then, fold up that paper and put it in an envelop and label the envelope “The Past”. Put that envelop in a drawer and walk away from it.

Now that you have put the past behind you, you can focus on your future and doing what you can do. You may be surprised how much that is and how much happier you will feel once you start doing it. You may not realize it at the time, but an important thing that just happened is that you stopped blaming yourself and beating yourself up for what happened in the past.

To help you with the future it is important that you let go of the thought that you can control it. You will be able to react to it (hopefully in a better way than in the past), but you cannot control it. I have found that, for me, the little prayer “Not my will, but thy will be done” allows me t let go of the pressure of the false belief that I can somehow control the future.

There really is no other option. So, let go and accept what has happened, acknowledge that it is in the past, and focus upon doing your best in the future.

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Posted by Norm Werner

You’re not too old to dream?

September 25, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 7/15/24 – Originally sent June 27, 2008.

“The world ages us too fast. We grow up too quickly; we stop dreaming too early, and we develop the ability to worry at far too young an age.” (Doug Wecker) I don’t know who Doug is, but I think he’s hit the nail on the head. If we would just dream more and worry less, we’d be in better shape. Sigmund Romberg wrote the song, When I Grow Too Old To Dream. Too old to dream? How sad. Dream on and stay young. 😉  Jack

I think the thing that ages us too fast is that we become too serious about everything , too focused, too intense, too logical. We lose the ability to let things go and relax. We lose the ability to be silly every now and then, to laugh at the things that happen in life and to laugh at ourselves. We embrace the idea that “acting like an adult” means being serious and sober all the time, not letting our emotions show and certainly not being silly.

That’s the reason that I wrote a post back in 2022 about not letting yourself lose the ability to be silly (see – https://normsmilfordblog.com/2022/12/10/never-lose-your-ability-to-be-silly/

In that post I suggested that you start each day by making a funny face at yourself in the mirror as you are getting ready in the morning. That’s still a good idea, It breaks the ice for the day and puts you in the right frame of mind to face whatever the day holds for you.

Another good exercise each day is to take some alone time to just let your mind wander and to dream. The human mi nd is an amazing thing. Not only can it conjure up all of the bad things that can happen when yo are being to serious and worrying too much; it can also imagine wonderful  things when you give it free reign to dream. And, remember Jack’s advice that if you would just dream more and worry less you will be in better shape.

As for me. I’m going to make a funny face in the mirror again tomorrow morning and remember that I’m never too old to dream. How about you?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Embrace your journey…

September 24, 2024

Today’s graphic, as applied to life, would seem to say that there are times or circumstances in our lives that we can accurately foresee.

Life is a journey, and it is not really possible to see a clear path forward. Some spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the future and what might happen. Others waste time looking back at what was in regret or in fear the past repeating itself.

The truth of this graphic is that we must embrace the present – the journey – and live in the moment. We cannot stop the twists and turns and surprises of life from happening, but we can be better prepared to deal with them.

There are a few keys to being prepared to deal with life’s surprises. Probably the most important is having a solid foundation upon which to base your life. Some call this a moral compass. It is the set of core beliefs upon which you base your decision making before taking actions. For many this foundation is rooted in faith. Having a strong faith in God provides a foundation “rock” upon which to build the rest of your beliefs.

Once you have a good understanding of right and wrong, of good and evil and of love, compassion and understanding, you are ready to develop your own process for decision-making that will allow you to deal with the twists and turns of life’s journey. A good decision process usually starts with thought, with patience and with perseverance.

Taking time to think before acting allows us to measure the situation against our beliefs of right and wrong. Stopping to think also allows us to put the situation into the perspective of time and to apply the patience and perseverance that may be needed. Thinking about the situation also allows us to overcome initial reactions such as fear or anger.

The British phrase “Keep Calm and Carry On” seems applicable here. One keeps calm but thinking about things, instead of just reacting to them and that allows one to carry on with the journey. Perhaps it might help to start each day by resetting your moral GPS with a simple prayer. The one I use is, “Not my will but thy will be done.”

Where will your journey take you today? What twists and turns will you face? Are you ready for them? Have you reset your moral compass? Remember to Keep Calm and Carry On. Embrace the journey.

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Posted by Norm Werner

No doubts…just do’s

September 19, 2024

Today’s graphic highlights one of the biggest roadblocks that people encounter in life – our doubts.

Whether you call them doubts or fears, it is our own mind that is creating the roadblocks to our progress or success as a person. You will often hear people say that they didn’t do somethings because they didn’t think that they could do it.

Why do people raise these fears and then let them stop their progress? Perhaps the biggest reason is that realizing our dreams or goals for tomorrow often involves embarking into uncharted waters -going someplace that we’ve never been, trying something new that we’ve never done, or perhaps engaging with someone that we’ve never really met. Just the fact that to get where we think we want to go means trying something new can be frightening for some.

Perhaps a start to finding a way out of this dilemma, is to stop and acknowledge to yourself that you are a little (o0r a lot) afraid of some of the possible outcomes that you envision. Just stopping and  overtly making this an intellectual exercise instead of an emotional one helps. Instead of wasting time playing “whet if” mind games with yourself, maybe focusing upon turning your dreams for tomorrow into plans to accomplish them is a better approach. Just the process of planning is a positive step towards those dreams or goals.

If you busy yourself with planning, you will have no time for the doubts or fears to are holding you back. Once you get a plan started you can jump to the Nike catch phrase “Just do it”. There is no reason to allow the planning process itself to become a roadblock. You don’t need a complete plan to get started.

Ready, Fire, Aim works just as well as Ready, Aim, Fire so long as you make adjustments as you go. Our lives are not like a Russian artillery shell, which once fired will either proceed straight to the target (or maybe fall short). Rather they are like a Ukrainian drone which gets airborne, then looks for the target and homes in until it make a hit.

So, don’t let your doubts hold you back. Get airborne already. Then, make adjustments as needed to hit your target – your dreams or goals.  

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Posted by Norm Werner

Learn from experience, don’t regret it…

September 10, 2024

The Best of  Jack’s Winning Words 9/9/24 – Originally sent June 20, 2013

“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.” (Victoria Holt) Victoria was an English writer of romance novels. Her quote could probably apply to some situations in her fiction. It could also relate to some everyday life experiences. You can find both romance and “the pits” in relationships, if that’s what you’re looking for. The key is to realize that life has ups and downs. So don’t regret, live a little, and learn a lot. 😉  Jack  

I like a line from the song “My Way”, made famous by Frank Sinatra, says, “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention.”

A setback or a failure, maybe a rejection or disappointment, every bad experience can be turned into a learning experience instead of a regret if we handle it the right way. What is the right way to handle the bad things in life? Maybe it begins by not taking everything so personally. Life and God aren’t out to get you. Most of the time other people who might have been a part of it did not do whatever it is purposefully to hurt you (bullying is the exception to that).

Things just happen, both good and bad and you can’t control that. What you can control is how you react to the things that happen around you or to you. You can stop and think before you react. If another person is out of control in the situation, you can try to be the calm voice of reason, rather than contributing to the chaos by joining in.

Most of the time, even in bad situations, things aren’t really out of control, it’s just your reactions that might need reining in. Some of the biggest things that might be driving your over reaction are anger, fear, stress or grief. Just stopping to ask yourself, “Am I angry at something or someone? Am I afraid of something or someone? What is it that has me stressed out? Or, what loss in my life is causing this grief?

Force yourself to ask and then force yourself to answer. Why? Because now you have started an intellectual conversation with yourself that will also force you to deal with whatever it is by asking, What can I learn from this?

Sometimes what you learn is that you need to take the time to have a good cry, to get them out and let the emotions wash over you for a few moments. A god cry can be a catharsis in moments of grief.

Sometimes you may just need to take a deep breath and retake control over a fear, usually by realizing that it is unfounded. Or maybe that deep breath will help you realize that the stress that you were feeling is a self-inflicted thing that you can control.

Many times, you may find that the anger that you were experiencing is anger at yourself. Go ahead and call yourself a name or whack yourself in the face. Doing either will allow you to see the stupidity and humor of the situation and free you to take the next step of forgiving yourself.

So it’s not really good or bad. It’s all good, so long as you learn from it. Just don’t regret it.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Accept and move on…

September 5, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 9/3/24 – Originally sent August 30, 2021.

Everything is going to work out; there’s no other option.” Kari Miller) Kari is amazing! She lost her legs in a car accident caused by a drunk driver, and took a bad situation and made it better by joining the American Paralympics Sitting Volleyball Team. Try playing volleyball while sitting! I have a hard time while standing. But when you have no other option, you do what you can do. All of the Paralympians give us encouragement that things will work out for those who don’t give up…like Kari. 😉 Jack

I’ve posted here recently about patience and perseverance. Today’s quote from the Jack’s Winning Words blog really depends on those two qualities. Life does have a way of rewarding those who are patient and persistent. In the end, things turn out to be OK.

When life throws us a curve ball, such as that which Kari experienced; too many spend too long (sometimes the rest of their lives) in denial, refusing to accept what happened and move on with life. Acceptance is the first step to recovery and moving on. It happened. It’s done. What’s next?

Some things, like what happened to Kari, require major changes in the direction in which our lives were headed. It may require starting a new career. It may require forming new relationships. It will most certainly require a reevaluation of the things that are important to us.

So when stuff happens to change the course of our lives, you might say, “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.” but you must accept it and go on to say, “What’s next?” You must move past it by moving on. Just remember – Everything is going to work out; there’s no other option.

Perhaps you will find the little prayer that I use to be helpful for you – “Not my will, but thy will be done.” This little prayer let you release yourself from the trap of self-pity and remorse by surrendering to God’s will. It let’s you accept and move on. Try it and move on.

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Posted by Norm Werner