Whining about it is a waste of time…

December 11, 2019

In today’s post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog, Jack used this quote – “Realize that if you have time to whine and complain about something, then you have the time to do something about it.”   (Anthony D’Angelo)

Whining about things seems to be a favorite pastime for many, maybe because it is the easiest things to do when faced with a roadblock or setback or calamity. Whining is sometimes a cry for sympathy or help, but most often ii is just a convenient excuse for doing nothing about whatever it is that troubles the whiner. For them, it seems to take less effort to whine about it than to do something about it. Whining about it is a waste of time…

Now, sometimes having a good cry about something is a healthy emotional release. Once the tears stop, the next step should be about getting on with life and not about going into whining mode. There is an old saying that “misery loves company”, but nobody really likes to be around a whiner. That is why people try to avoid the “Debby Downer” types at work or socially. No one really expects, or hopes, to hear a long list of ailments or health complaints when they say to someone, “How are you?” Whining about it is a waste of time…

So, how do you implement the second half of today’s quote and do something about whatever it is that is bothering you? If it’s a problem that has you down, trying some of the problem solving steps that I’ve written about here many times (to start see my Problem Solving 101 post). If the issue concerns your health, the loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship, there are other steps that you can take to deal with it, rather than just whining about it. Whining about it is a waste of time…

Issues with one’s health can be particularly difficult because the initial reaction to bad health news is that there is nothing that you can do – it is what it is. The fight or flight reaction sets in and many use whining as their flight response. They seek comfort in someone else’s response to their bad news. Those people seldom appear in the nightly news stories about survivors of various forms of cancer or other ailments or afflictions. The people who appear in those stories chose to fight instead of whining. Instead of using what time you may have been told you have left whining about it, why not choose to fight instead and use that time finding a way to prove the prognostication wrong. You will find that many more people rally around a fighter than those who choose to commiserate with a whiner. Whining about it is a waste of time…

For those instances of the loss of a parent, child or life mate, the choice is more focused upon getting on with life and putting your memories of that person into proper perspective. For some, whose loved ones were taken by preventable circumstances; instead of whining about it they turn to doing something about it. That is how M.A.D.D. got started and how many worthwhile charities got started. The people left behind decided to try to do something to prevent the recurrence of the tragedy that befell them, instead of just whining about it. Whining about it is a waste of time…

The end of a relationship can also lead to whining or to actions. Step one is always accepting the fact that the relationship has ended. That is difficult for some and can lead to bad actions or disaster. For most, it is a matter of putting more time into answering the question, “What now?”  It is a time for some self-reflection. The breakup of a relationship is seldom a completely one-side decision. The importance of taking a little time for self-reflection is to understand the role that your own actions or reactions played in the end of the relationship. It is not a time to beat yourself up; but, rather, to understand what you might do differently in a future relationship. Whining about it is a waste of time…

So, did I mention that Whining about it is a waste of time…


Don’t be a whiner…

June 28, 2015

“Complaining about a problem without posing a solution is called whining.” (Teddy Roosevelt).

I run into quite a few whiners in my real estate business. Usually these are people complaining (whining) about their lives or what fate has done to them. They would rather whine than seek a solution, because they are looking more for whining childsympathy than for resolution of their issues. Besides, it is easier to just stand (sit) there and go, “Woe is me”, than it is to actually try to solve their problems. For many this is behavior that we deeply ingrained during a childhood of whining to get what they wanted. They never outgrew the practice of just whining in place until someone comes to serve or comfort them. One can still imagine them standing in their little cribs whining and crying away the hours until mommy or daddy came to pick them up. Later they found that they could get treats or toys or whatever by continuing the practice of whining.

Now, as adults they have refined their whining techniques but continue to find whining to be a satisfying alternative to actually doing anything about their problems or needs. Whining is a display of the lack of maturity on the part of the whiner. Many have never accepted the fact that, at some point and some age, they became responsible for resolving their own problems. For them, the solution is always to keep complaining about things until someone else solves the problems or comes up with a solution.

I deal with a lot of divorce cases in my real estate business and the whole divorce scenario is prime whining territory. No one ever wants to admit that they might have been at fault; that there was something that they could have done differently to make it a better marriage; that perhaps they contributed to the problems more than to the solutions. They’d rather just whine about it and about the other person and how bad their life had become. Whining and divorce seem to go hand-in-hand.

Do you know some people who are whiners? Do you give in to their complaining or tell them to grow up and get over stop whiningwhatever it is that they are whining about? There are lots of Stop Whining or No Whining signs and posters available that are aimed at this practice. One can also challenge the whiner with the question, “Well, what are YOU going to do about it?” That is the key to really helping a whiner. Don’t commiserate with them; don’t show them the pity that they are seeking; in fact, don’t give them the shoulder that they are seeking to cry upon. If you really want to help them; then help them see that they need to accept the situation and try to find a way to resolve the issues or deal with it. Help turn them from a whiner into a winner. Help them grow up, fess up, own up and stand up. You’ll be glad that you did and they will be, too (maybe not right away, but eventually).

And, if you have a true friend who is brave enough to look you in the eye and tell you to stop whining and start doing something about things, value that friendship, because that person is doing you a big favor. What they are saying to you is – “Don’t be a whiner. Get your head straight and become a winner.” Thank you would be an appropriate thing to say back to them.

Have a great week ahead and remember – No Whining!!!