NormsMilfordBlog

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words – Originally sent February 24, 2015.
“The ones who are hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most.” (Peaceful Warrior) When my sister would meet up with someone who wasn’t particularly likeable, she would bake a batch of cookies and give it to that person the next time they met. It’s surprising how often the relationship changed into a more positive one. I’ve found that angry people usually have other issues in their life, so I try hard to give them some slack. 😉 Jack

I’m sure that we have all met someone who is not very likeable, maybe even hostile. Is your immediate reaction to try to love them or to ignore them or to be hostile in return? It is not usually our knee jerk reaction to reach out and hug someone who is being unfriendly or unlikeable in some way.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:43-45 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven”.

So, Jesus wants us to go beyond just giving them a little slack. He wants us to love them, to pray for them, and I’m sure somewhere in there he wants us to forgive them if they have wronged us in the process of being unlikeable. I think it is important to keep the message from Peaceful Warrior in mind that these are people who most need your understanding, forgiveness and friendship.

Perhaps baking a batch of cookies for them would still work, but you can get started by just being as pleasant as you can towards them the next time that you meet. Avoiding them is not helpful to them or you. You must engage them if you are ever to find out what their real issues are. You have to go slow on that. Asking, “What’s your problem?” is more harmful that saying nothing at all. Whatever the issue or problem is will come out eventually.

Sometime just being willing to listen is the best approach. It is natural that people want to share whatever it is that is bothering them and causing them to act the way that they are. For unlikeable people the issue is often anger; anger at some recent event that they can’t change and need to vent about. Listen patiently and do not try to jump in with an answer or to say, “I understand”; you don’t. Just be empathetic and sympathetic and let them get it off their chest.

The process of venting and getting it off their chest is often cathartic enough to change them from an unlikeable person into someone who could be your friend. At the minimum, since they have unloaded their issue on you, you now represent someone that they can trust or at least talk to and that will change their approach to you.

Initially cutting them some slack at least partially defuses the situation; however, what Jesus commands and what Peaceful Warrior was pointing to is the need for you to take positive actions to love that unlikeable person and in the process help both of you.

Now get out there and find someone that you may think is unlikable and give them a hug.