NormsMilfordBlog

Jack’s Winning Words 2/17/25 – Originally posted February 17, 20
“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” (John Quincy Adams) On this Presidents’ Day, J.Q. Adams gives a good description of what a president should be…a leader. In your opinion, which president has been tSome great leadershe best leader? For me, it was FDR; leading the country out of the Great Depression and to the conclusion (almost) of WW 2. He wasn’t loved by all, but most say his economic and social policies laid the foundation for future stability and prosperity. 😉 Jack

The key to J.Q. Adams quote is the word “actions”. Leading by example is the best, and really the only, way to lead. Giving inspirational speeches but not actually doing the things that you are espousing that others do only serves to promote cynicism. That means that you have to dream more, learn more, do more and become more yourself, so that others will see your actions and follow your example. That is leadership.

Some great leaders recognized the importance of their action and their leadership role, but many leaders just go about their lives in such a way that they inspire others to follow in their footsteps. You see stories on the news every so often about teachers being honored for their many years of service and quite often you also hear stories from their former students about how that teacher inspired them to go on to do great things in life. That is leadership.

Faith leaders are often thrust into roles that require that they demonstrate their faith while consoling others by pointing to that faith for comfort and healing. They call upon their own faith to help them in that role. By demonstrating the strength and peace that faith can bring in times of great loss and sadness, they help to lead who are grieving out of their despair. That is leadership.

Perhaps one of the most important and little recognized leadership role is that of being a parent. There is nothing as powerful for teaching and leading than the examples set by parents. The old hack “do as I say, not as I do” is powerful testament to the role (good and bad) of the examples that we set as parents. If done well and consistently, the examples that we set fore our children result in wonderful adults. That is leadership.

You may not even recognize how some of your actions impact and inspire others. Stopping to help someone cross the street or maybe to load groceries into their car may be seen by someone else who then becomes inspired to help some else later in the day. Anything you do that reflects the “right thing to do” may be noticed by others and emulated. That is leadership.

So, be a leader today. Do the right things. Dream more, learn more, do more and become more. Live a life that inspires others by your example. That is leadership.

Turning your dreams into reality…

There are idle musings called “daydreams” which one never really expects to come true; but they are a fun way to pass the time. Then there are the dreams that define your aspirations in life, the things that you hope (or maybe wish) you can accomplish to have a better life. For some, those aspirations never become reality because they fail to take any action to realize them. Others overcome seemingly impossible odds to achieve their dreams. We often see stories about such people on the nightly news shows.

Most of us are somewhere in the middle. We have dream and aspirations and most of us take some action to turn those dreams into reality. Some lack the resolve to stick with the pursuit of their dreams when times get tough. Others make whatever sacrifices are requited to keep making progress. Persistence seems to be one personality trait that dictates which group you identify with. Calvin Coolidge put it this way –

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”

I would add patience to this list of traits. The impatient seldom stick with things that don’t provide immediate gratification.

A big part of the “action” needed to achieve ones dreams is thoughtful planning. Taking time to plan allows you to look at a seemingly big challenge and break it down into small, more easily achieved steps. It also allows you to prioritize the use of your time. Tackling those small steps one at a time also allows you to pause and congratulate yourself along the way, which encourages further action.

So, look at the achievement of your dreams as a journey and plan your itinerary as you might plan a real trip. Imagine that journey like you might plan a bicycle trip across the United States. It is a long trip, but one that can be accomplished in smaller, manageable steps, with segments of riding (action) followed by stops to rest, evaluate and reset if needed, and then more riding. Just as you might on that imaginary bicycle trip across the U.S., you can also pause to enjoy the places that you pass through along the way. You might even keep a journal of your progress, so that you can see your successes.

No matter what analogy you choose to use for the actions needed to achieve your dreams, never lose sight of the final goal. As you make progress, you may find that a slightly different final goal makes more sense for you and that’s OK.  I know a young woman who started out with a dream of being a physical therapist and then, as she better understood the health care field, decided to dream instead of being a nurse. She actually when on to become a registered, neo-natal care nurse and has dreams that go beyond that.

Never stop dreaming and never stop taking actions to achieve those dreams. Only you can make your dreams come true.

Two quotes from dramatically different source just seem to go together to provide some good advice.

“Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?” (Friedrich Nietzsche)

“The trouble is you think you have time.”  (Buddha)

Every now and then one meets a person that we might label as a “free spirit” – a person who is doing what they want in life, seemingly indifferent to what someone else might think of them. Have you met people like that? Were you somewhat envious of them? You don’t have time to bore yourself.

Most of us tend to limit ourselves in the things that we try or the people that we meet for reasons of fear or maybe fear of what others might think of us. In the end we may well become very boring people, boring even ourselves. You don’t have time to bore yourself.

A big part of that problem for most is that, like Budda said, we think we have time. We tell ourselves that we’ll get around to doing things someday in the future. The trouble is that the “someday” never comes and we may settle into a safe, if somewhat boring, lifestyle. You don’t have time to bore yourself.

The truth is that we don’t have time. Life is finite and the things that one puts off today will likely forever reside in the Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda bin.  Don’t let the opportunities for something new turn into regrets for things not tried. You don’t have time to bore yourself.

Now, I’m not advocating for doing stupid or inherently dangerous things; rather that you stop letting the fear of what others might think of you if you try something or putting off trying new things or meeting new people because you say to yourself that you’ll get around to that later. There’s a good chance that the things that you put off or that person that you pass up meeting, will not be there in the future. Don’t pass up opportunities like that. You don’t have time to bore yourself.

You don’t have to be a “free spirit” to try new things in life; however, you might find that your spirit feels freer when you stop limiting the new things that you try out of unfounded fears or concerns for how trying them night appear to others. There is no time like the present to change your life and start trying those things that you were putting off. You don’t have time to bore yourself.

So, stop spending your time thinking about reasons why you can’t or won’t do new things or meet new people and start thinking about how much fun it will be to have new friends and new experiences. As the Chevrolet TV commercial says – Find new roads. You don’t have time to bore yourself.

“We learn from history that we do not learn from history.”  (Georg Hegel) 

I’ve had that quote around for a week or so and it seemed to be appropriate for this weekend, with the anniversary of the attack on America by Osama Bin Laden’s Al Qaeda that took 2,977 lives that day and which has claimed many more since from the ranks of first responders.

It has been 20 years since the American response to that attack was to launch the “War on Terrorism” which, considering our recent embarrassing withdrawal from Afghanistan and the reemergence of the Taliban, has largely been as unsuccessful as the War on Poverty, the War on Drugs or the efforts to end racism and discrimination in America. The protagonists in these wars, whether from outside or within, have all discovered that the best route to defeat America’s well-intentioned, if ill-conceived, wars is through patience and persistence.

There have been many articles written about factors that cause these failures, mostly about how ill-defined the goals were to begin with and about the constant “mission-creep” that kept re-defining what or who it was that we were fighting or the reason that we were even fighting.  However, one of the most obvious is the lack of political will to see these “Wars” through to a conclusion. I hesitate to use the word victory, since that word has so often been usurped to cover our eventual withdrawals from the fights.

Even now, we are fighting wars on several fronts against cyber attacks mainly from outside our country, but from a few internal sources, too. We are also fighting an unseen enemy in the form of a pandemic that has turned us against ourselves with disastrous consequences. Diseases like other enemies patiently wait for us to let our guard down and then swoop back in to claim more lives.

Even Nature, to whom we assigned the benign personality of “Mother Nature”, is now exacting a terrible toll in retribution for our wanton disregard for the planet. I’m not sure that we ever declared “war” on global warming, but if we did, we are losing that war, too.

What have we really learned from the history of these failed wars? Hopefully that loud thumping of our chests as we declare “War” and military might alone does not assure victory; and perhaps that vigilance and preparedness are never-ending requirements for our nation’s safety. Both require patience and persistence, plus political will.

In our fights against diseases and global warming our efforts have been disrupted by misinformation or, even worse, by disinformation. So, we must also work to get back onto the team those whose “beliefs” have replaced the facts and work harder to combat the bad players who spread misinformation and conspiracy theories in place of the truth.

Perhaps Hegel is right that we don’t appear to learn what we could from history. We cannot change history anyway. But we do have choices in front of us that can change the future. Have we at least learned that? I hope so.

Pastor Freed took us all back to our childhood days with his quote in today’s post to his blog, Jack’s  Winning Words – “I miss the days when all it took to make me feel better was my Teddy Bear.”  (Unknown) 

As children, many find comfort or relief in some familiar physical thing, be it a Teddy Bear or maybe a soft crib blanket, like Linus in the Peanuts cartoon. When we grow up our Teddy Bears and blankies are left behind and many don’t seem to find a new way to make themselves feel better – something to turn to for comfort and maybe reassurance in tough times.

Unfortunately, many turn to alcohol or drugs when seeking relief in in times of stress. Some don’t find any way out of the situations that they find themselves in and sink into depression.

However, there is always someone to turn to when you need comfort, because God is always there.

Finding comfort in troubled times is really about being at peace and the best way to be at peace is to surrender to the comfort of God’s love for you. If you tell yourself that no matter what it is that is troubling you, God loves you and will help you get through it, you will feel the peace of the Lord settle over you like a warm embrace.

There is a peace that surpasses all understanding out there for you if you just reach for it. So let go of your Teddy Bear or blankie and turn to God for comfort and peace in times of trouble as well as in the good times.

Peace be with you.

In the post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words , today, Pastor Freed used this quote – “Sweat dries, blood clots and bones heal.  Suck it up, princess, this is softball.”  (Unknown) 

Jack went on to write – Anyone who’s played competitive sports knows about injuries.  Some can be serious (for sure), but most tend to heal on their own.  I’ve also noticed that a stop at the DQ after the game helps alleviate the pain.  Sometimes when we grow frustrated with the hurts of life, a trip to the ice cream shop with a friend might help? 

The bravado world of sports always seems to glorify the thought of sucking it up, shaking it off and getting back in the game. Recent medical and scientific evidence has shown that trying to shake off a concussion is the wrong thing for athletes to do. Most sports have adopted concussion protocols to deals with the seriousness of “getting your bell rung.”

We tend to adopt sports phrases and advice when trying to cope with life, telling others to suck it up or shake it off and get back in the game. But for those suffering from mental illnesses or depression there is no way to shake it off, there are no BandAids for the hurts that take place in the mind.

I posted here back in 2016 about what Autism feels like – See Trying to understand others without a frame of reference. That post resulted in quite a bit of feedback and eventually led to another post – What does depression feel like. In both cases I was writing blind, from the point of view of someone who had little to no first-hand experience with either of those hurts. Both contained links to blog posts or web sites suggested by readers who had dealt with the issues.

 Those and other mental conditions are examples of hurts in life to which we cannot just say, “Suck it up” or “Shale it off”.  While there are no BandAids for most mental illnesses, many do have treatments that can help. As with physical hurts, it is important to recognize when someone has a mental hurt that needs attention, usually the attention of a professional.

One could add to the list of life’s mental hurts those who are addicted, whether to alcohol or drugs. They tend to hear lots of advice to suck it up and quit cold turkey, but that seldom works. There are effective support programs to help with the pain (real and imagined) of freeing oneself from addiction.

Some mental conditions are temporary, but many are permanent and the best that can be done is to manage them and the effects that they have on the life of the sufferer. There are treatment plans that take into consideration that there are no BandAids for many of these conditions, but there are plans that can improve and seek to maintain a better quality of life for the sufferer.

So, what is one to do, if you know someone who is in pain from one of life’s many painful mental conditions?  Advising them to Suck it up and Shale it off is not the answer. Showing compassion and understanding is a start but helping them recognize that they cannot resolve it themselves and advising them to seek professional help is the best thing that you can do. Just as they cannot heal themselves, you are not the answer either (unless you happen to be a health professional in the mental health field). What you can be is a friend, a supporter during a tough time and maybe a facilitator (offer to drive them to the appointment) of the treatments that will help.

Resolve to be a part of the solution for the pain in your friend’s life. Instead of yelling “Suck it up” or “Sake it off”, quietly ask “How can I help?” Perhaps being that caring and compassionate friend in their time of need is the trip to the DQ that they need most right now. There are no BandAids for the hurt that they are suffering, but there is you.

Be there for them. Be the BandAid that they need.