NormsMilfordBlog

“When we’re afraid, it’s because we don’t know enough. If we understood enough, we would never be afraid.” (Earl Nightengale), from the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

This is an interesting quote, because it give one great latitude to expand upon the basic premise. I’ve often commented in my blogs about fear and how it drives people’s behavior. Fear most often freezes people in their tracks. Fear prevents people from doing things, some of which are important to their success. Certainly taking the time to understand what  it is you are fearing and why will help you get over those fears and move on in life.

Most of the fears that people have in life grow out of ignorance – not knowing or not understanding.  However, there is another reaction to ignorance that some occasionally display – foolhardiness. The old saying “fools rush in where wise men fear to go” is based upon that premise. So perhaps Nightengale should have added that if we understood enough we would also not do stupid things.

That brings me around to a thought that I saw today in the Frank & Ernest cartoon in the paper the gist of which is “what makes life so scary is that there are no betting limits.” People without fear take life threatening risks, sometimes completely out of ignorance of the possible consequences. The difference between the professional stunt man who drives a car off the end of a pier into the sea and walks away, verses some idiot, who does the same and dies, is that the stunt man understood the risks, took the necessary precautions and was prepared. The ignorant person just did it on a dare. The problem was there were no betting limits on that fool.

Most of us impose our own betting limits in life through wisdom, common sense, our conscience; and yes, sometimes through fear.  If a person is missing one or more of these, life could be a short adventure indeed. So, I guess the moral today is that sometimes fear might be good as a betting limit on the truly stupid things we might do in life; however, understanding the things that you fear is the best way to overcome our fears and make the best decisions in life.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” (Agatha Christie) from the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Jack certainly has a knack for finding quotes that seem to be particularly applicable to real estate and life in general. Procrastination is perhaps the biggest roadblock to success in real estate and in life. There are many reasons for putting off getting started on things – fear of failure being one of the biggest. Other reasons include poor time management or poor prioritization of the use of your time, lack or planning or preparation for the task at hand and lack of personal accountability.

The point is that if you’ve identified something that needs to be done in order to increase your success, to get you ahead; then you should commit to get started on it. Sometimes getting started is putting together a plan and allocating the time and resources needed for the task. Not everything can just be jumped into immediately without prep time; however, you need to give yourself encouragement that the work you are doing to prepare IS part of the task. You are getting started when you have started preparing.

One thing that many personal coaches will tell you is that you should hold yourself accountable and a way to help yourself do that is to tell someone else (usually a life mate or friend) that you are going to do whatever it is that is at hand , so that you also feel a sense of obligation to get the task done, now that you’ve told people you were going to do it. That, too, is part of getting it done. I kiddingly tell my wife that I’m in the “fixin’ to” stage at that point – I’m fixin’ to do something. Sometimes I get stuck in the fixin’ to stage and she has to gently remind me that I never really got around to the actual doin’ stage. That helps me get started.

Sometimes the  big roadblock to actually getting started can be the imagined size of the task at hand. If you have a really big project that is daunting and causing you to pause before getting started, experts will tell you that a way to overcome your inertia is to break the task down to smaller sub-tasks and start by tackling a few of those small parts. Then the accomplishment of each little sub-task will feel like a win and make moving on to the next part easier. Still the real challenge is to get started. So look at your to do list of tasks and figure out the best approach to each, but GET STARTED. I’m fixin’ to do that right now.

“One who does not look ahead remains behind.” (Brazilian Proverb) from the Jack’s Winning Words blog. Jack wrote about looking ahead to the next Olympics when he used this saying.

I think it is very useful for real estate purposes and for life in general. Often there is a tendency (human nature I suppose) to dwell on the past. Some never let go of a past success, maybe throwing the winning touchdown pass in their final high school game; and some can’t seem to let go of a past failure – losing a listing to another Realtor for instance. It is equally sad to see the 50+ year old, ex-high school jock still walking around in his tatte4red high school letter jacket reliving that final game as it is to see the brooding and petulant agent grumbling about losing that last listing opportunity.

A wise and older agent who helped me get started tried hard to get me to understand his philosophy of being able to say “So, what?” So, what if you didn’t get that listing; or so what if the sale fell through; you’re still here and the future is still ahead of you, if you’ll just turn your attention in that direction, instead of dwelling on the past.

There is a time for celebrating and a time for sadness or disappointment, but both are brief and need to be let go, so that you can move forward with life. Don’t get left behind. Life is too short to waste it by dwelling in the past. Look ahead, there are many more opportunities for you to celebrate.

Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.” (Ellen DeGeneres) from my favorite daily blog – Jack’s Winning Words

The problem for many of us is probably actually being able to see ourselves through the eyes of others. That usually means that someone has taken the time (and risk) to tell you how they see you or something that you have said or done. Most of the time the kind of feedback that we need just goes unsaid and we don’t realize that something that we may have said or done was insensitive or at least not received as we intended. That can be particularly true in real estate where we really don’t have the kind of personal relationships with clients that would allow or encourage them to provide feedback on our behavior.

More than once in my real estate career I’ve heard back later, usually through a mutual acquaintance, that something that I did wasn’t well received by a client. Usually it had to do with appearing to be “pushing” the client to make a decision or seeming to be “taking the other side” in a deal. As I reflected back on those situations I can now see that what I thought was just trying to keep the dal moving along could have been perceived by the clients as pushing them. Real estate transactions are often full of emotions and being sensitive to the emotional needs of clients is something that I have to constantly work on, because it just doesn’t come as naturally to me as it should. I get wrapped up in the process details and lose site of the emotional side sometimes.

The other thing that gets in the way sometimes is logic. There are just lots and lots of places in a real estate deal where logic appears to be trumpeted – again by emotion. Sometimes I realize that I’m almost arguing with clients, especially young, first-time buyers, because I’ve taken the side of logic and they are coming from the emotional side. I have to step back and remind myself that I’m not playing a parental role in the deal, just an advisory role. I need to present them the facts and options without interjecting opinion, especially a parental sounding opinion.

So, as hard as it might be, it is good advice to try to step back every now and then and see yourself as others are seeing you. Sometimes you won’t like what you see, but then you have the opportunity to make corrections and be the person that you hoped you were. Here’s a little ditty to end these thoughts.

If I can understand how others see me,

Maybe I’ll become the person I’d like to be