Never start over…

July 25, 2014

From the Jack’s Winning Words blog  (Seen in a Hallmark store) – “If you’re tired of starting over, stop giving up.”  Jack went on to write – I like to browse in Hallmark stores.  Some good Winning Words can be found there.  Another saying that relates to this one is by J.K. Rowling:  “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” 

I’ve written here before about perseverance – not giving up; but, I like the twist that this little saying that struggleJack found in a Hallmark store brings to the message. I think to many of us get all too used to starting all over again, which means that we gave up on something. Maybe it was a task or challenge that we had been given or put upon ourselves, perhaps something like losing weight or stopping a bad habit. Maybe it was more personal, like the seemingly never-ending search for Mr. (or Ms.) Right. In relationships it may become too easy to just give up on someone before you’ve really gotten to know them. Perhaps you are judging people too quickly or against a very shallow set of criteria.

I suppose that J.K. Rowling’s statement represents the extreme case – having reached rock bottom in life. I don’t think it’s necessary to go that far before making the decision to stop giving up on things so quickly or easily. One can become way too comfortable with failure. Failure is not our friend and readily accepting failure should not become a way of life. Seeing life’s temporary setbacks as just temporary is a start. Roadblocks do not stop the journey; they may require detours along the way, but one can go on and complete the trip. In many cases we have to make our own detours. We stop, learn from our mistakes (hopefully), and try a different path. We don’t have to start over because we never gave up.

greek manThe underlying thought to today’s quote goes back as far as recorded history, as evidenced by this saying from Epictetus, an ancient Greek philosopher –  “It’s so simple really: If you say you’re going to do something, do it.  If you start something, finish it.” 

Really, it’s that simple. Never give up and you’ll never have to start over. The good news for today is that it’s a Friday, so maybe you can hit the pause button for  the weekend – just don’t give up.

1 Comment | Inspiration | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Are you open minded?

July 24, 2014

“Some minds are like Pullman berths at noon—made up and closed.”  (Harry & Joan Mier) as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog. Jack felt the need to explain what a Pullman berth is for those too young to remember sleeper cars on trains. I guess I do, too. Think of it as tiny little camper bulk bed on a train. Pullman cars and berths were quite popular when trains were the main way to get across the country and it took several days to do so. It’s a quaint concept, sort of like snail mail is these days, too.

But the idea behind Jack’s use of the quote was to highlight, especially in this political season, the dangers of having a closed mind, one that is already made up about things and which refuses to entertain compromise. I’ve written about that topic here before, especially in the political setting. Jack went on to write – But you do know about people who are closed-minded.  That’s one of the problems with today’s world…people closed mindwho will not consider other points of view and come to a compromise.  It’s as if compromising means losing. 

I’ve also written in the past about the zero-sum mentality that says that the only way that I can win is if the other person loses. I much prefer finding a win-win solution in life, where no one has to lose. Sometimes it is difficult for a person who has to open their mind to compromise not to see that as a loss. That is a person too ridged in their beliefs to ever really be happy, because the world around them will seldom be in lock-step with their beliefs.

Another short saying by George Bernard Shaw seems to apply here, too –

 There is nothing more dangerous than the conscience of a bigot. I think I would modify Shaw’s quote a bit to better fit here by stating it this way – There is nothing more dangerous than the conscience of a zealot. The definition of a zealot, if you Google it, is – a person who is fanatical and uncompromising in pursuit of their religious, political, or other ideals. These days many of the zealot type people tend to be politicians, but you can run into them anywhere, even in sports (the so-called “super-fans”).

Of course there are things all around us to which we may have a closed mind, without even thinking about it; or maybe we are just ignorant about some things, and thus are ambivalent; which some may take to be a sign of a closed mind. There are many things that I just don’t encounter enough or think about enough to have formed any opinion at all. It’s not that I’m for or against anything; it’s that I don’t yet care one way or the other. Sometimes that’s a good thing, because too many people try to make you line up behind what they see as the only two alternative positions – for or against. You seldom see the “I don’t care” choice on surveys; although “I don’t know” often shows up in survey results. Sometimes you just scratch your head and ask, “how can they not know about that?” I suppose a blank mind is better than a bigoted mind most of the time. At least that person is still open on the topic.

man with key to mindI find comfort in the fact that I don’t know all of the answers. I still have questions. I still have room to compromise. I don’t necessarily agree with the opinions that some politicians are expressing, but they certainly have the right to make all of the noise that they want (just don’t call me during the dinner house with one of your surveys, please).

A corollary to having an open mind about things is having the ability to change one’s mind. Often an opinion that we might carry for years will change if e acquire additional knowledge on the topic. Sometimes the “conventional wisdom” that we have bought into proves to be wrong or at least based upon inaccurate information. I’ve used this quote that is also by George Bernard Shaw before, but it fits well here – “Progress is impossible without women with open mindchange, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” Hopefully you are ready to make progress when it makes sense to change your mind on something. Do you have a mind that is open to new things, new ideas and new beliefs today?

Leave a Comment » | Inspiration | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Go for it; but have a Plan “B”…

July 23, 2014

Anticipating difficulties is far better than recovering from failures…

OK, so today’s quote is from me (at least as far as I know). There is a difference between anticipating the difficulties in any venture and having a “negative attitude”.  My wife is always admonishing me not to be so negative, which is how she sees my caution in certain things. Most of the time I’ve probably let that caution man thinkingget the better of me and she’s probably right; however, I reserve the right to at least consider in a somewhat thoughtful way what might go wrong and try to plan for it. It’s is when I let that planning turn into anxiety or fear that I need the slap upside the head (a duty she only too happy to perform).

The story of Captain “Sully” Sullenberger having the presence of mind to safely land his crippled airliner in the Hudson River is an example of someone who had anticipated what could someday happen and who had planned, as he put it, ”all my life for this moment.” Sullenberger had thought about what he would do if the plane that he was piloting lost power and he had to set it down. He knew instantly, based upon that planning what to do that fateful day. It was not instinct and it was not a plan concocted on the fly (other than perhaps the circumstance of being close to the river to begin with); it was the result of thoughtful deliberation of what the alternatives would be in such a case and what the best plan of action might be. He had anticipated this emergency.

For our run-of-the-mill, type of day-to-day plans, spending a little time thinking about what might occur that could throw your plans off could avert disaster. Checking with the Road Commission web site to see what roads may be closed or severely limited due to construction before you set out across town could mean the difference between arriving for an event on time or being late. Checking the weather forecast could mean not getting rained upon without your umbrella at hand. A few minutes up front can avert disaster and is time well spent.

So, in day to day life; does every invitation to someone to do something (maybe asking for a date) have toalternate outcomes be accompanied with anticipation of difficulties or failure? No, but knowing what you’d do or say if the person that you are asking is already busy for that time is at least advisable. What are the other times when you might be able to get together or plan the date? What other event might he/she want to accompany you to? When is another time when he/she did not have plans already? Obviously, if you get absolutely no positive answers to any of those approaches; it may well be that this is not a person who wishes to spend any time with you. Time to move on to Plan “B” or person “B”. At least, if you have a plan “B” you can tell yourself that you are not recovering from a disaster; you’re just moving on with life as you anticipated that you might have to.

Anticipating difficulties does not always mean that you do things to avoid them. You would have to hunker woman thinkingdown in the corner of a room and never move, if that was your only strategy to deal with rejection or difficulties. Rather, anticipating the difficulties gives you time to consider the alternate approaches to overcoming them and to choose the best plan. It may also provide you with a readily available Plan “B” and “C”, if needed. So, take a moment before launching into your day and think about any of the things that you have planned for which you may need to anticipate any difficulties and plan ahead. Have a great and safe day; and have a Plan “B”.

Leave a Comment » | Inspiration | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Believe, see and do…

July 21, 2014

“I wouldn’t have seen it, if I hadn’t believed it.”  – that little quote from today’s Jack’s Winning Words blog sounds a lot like something Yogi Berra might have said; however it was actually by  Marshall McLuhan, a well known media guru and futurist. Marshall was talking about the Internet as we know it, which he foresaw by decades. He is also the coiner of the phrase – “The message is the medium.”

aha momentThere are other things to which that quote might apply. Quite often people testify to witnessing miracles, which are usually based on believing that they can happen in the first place. Jack went on to discuss “aha” moments – those times in our lives when the light bulb comes on over our heads and we suddenly understand something or maybe have a great original thought or idea. Do you have those times in your life?

Sometimes the “aha” turns out to be an “oh, crap”, when you finally realize that you’ve been doing something wrong or just committed a faux paus. At those times, the light bulb that comes on is shedding light on something that we’d probably wish not to be in the spotlight. But, let’s stay on the positive side of things.

Many times an “aha” moment just pops out at us. It could be the name of someone or something that you just haven’t been able to recall or it could be the solution to a problem that you’ve been wrestling with for days. Sometimes; however, you just have to bear down and make that “aha” moment come, or as Gary Freidman said –

“Think until it hurts, until you can see what others can’t see so you can dothinking hard what others can’t do.”

Marshall McLuhan saw things in our future that others couldn’t see and he thought about them, wrote about them and did something about them. Lest we forget, it is that second part of McLuhan’s quote that supports the first part- first he believed.

 

So, if yowoman catching staru believe that you can overcome that obstacle in your life or make that breakthrough at work or achieve that relationship that you’ve always imagined; you have taken the first step to achieving your “aha” moment and making it come true. Maybe you will find it easier to believe that God will be there to help you achieve that “aha” breakthrough and that’s OK, too; at least you’ve placed your faith in the right place. Once you believe, start thinking and think until you can see a way to your goal when others can’t.

Believe and have a great week! I can see that.

Leave a Comment » | Inspiration | Tagged: , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Annoy someone today…

July 16, 2014

“A positive attitude will not solve all the problems in the world, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” – Unknown

I like that little quote because I’ve always found it to be true. I’ve hit a lot of negativity in my life – people who are mad or just disgruntled by some situation and who wish to take that out on someone. Sometimes I was that someone. The situations usually involved things that neither I nor they could really do anything about or change; but they were frustrated and needed to vent. Many times these are people who try to bully their way through life; always getting their way by being threatening, usually quite loudly.

positive attitudeI have found that it is initially annoying to them, but eventually disarming; if I did not rise to the bait of whatever comments they were directing towards me, but rather smiled and tried to react with some positive spin on things. It seems that people who try to bully their way through life need to see or sense some reaction of fear or acquiescence to their threats. It really bugs them when they don’t get that reaction. Usually they give up that tactic fairly quickly when they just keep banging into a wall of benign or positive responses to their attacks.

In other situations where there really isn’t an antagonist involved, perhaps just bad news or a cheering updisappointment in life, keeping a positive attitude in the face of events can impact those around you who see how you react or don’t react. That may initially annoy them too and lead to comments like how can you remain calm at a time like this or how can you not be sad that this happened. Well, I’m not immune to the immediate emotional reactions that we all have to disappointments or bad events; however, I can choose not to wallow in despair or sadness, but to find some good that might have come out of it or at least put it behind me and move on with life.

Allowing life’s tragedies and disappointments lead you down the path of despair stops you in your tracks and may lead to depression. Find a way to say, “OK, that didn’t work out and it doesn’t feel good, but life goes on” or maybe as we often hear from people who’ve lost everything in a natural disaster, “I’ve lost everything, but I’m still alive and that’s all that matters. I’ll rebuild my life.” What you are finding is a way to bring closure to the bad and focus upon the future – and there will always be a future.

Here’s another little quote that seem appropriate this morning. At least it puts a positive spin on things.

“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.”  (Seneca)

If you’ve ever met someone who has been through great difficulties you will understand that little quote. They come out much stronger people, not physically, but mentally. They usually also have a making rainbowpositive mental attitude, because they now know that they can get through things. They can be really annoying that way.

So go out today and see how many people you can annoy with your positive mental outlook on life. You’ll feel good and many of them will, too. You may be surprised how many other people have a better day from having interacted with you.

Leave a Comment » | Inspiration | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Make your time count…

July 15, 2014

“Don’t count time, make time count” – as seen in the Graffiti comic strip.

Do you often count time, looking every few minutes at your watch, the clock, or your smartphone to see if time has passed so that you can be somewhere else or be doing something else or be with someone else? When you count time like that you are just wasting it. Better to focus on the task the women looking at watchplace or the person at hand and make your time count.

Sometimes in church I’ll see people looking at their watches to see how much more time is left before the service is over. I doubt that they are contemplating or absorbing the message the pastor is trying to deliver. Sometimes I catch myself trying to politely end a conversation with someone that I apparently would rather not be talking with. And, I guess all of us have had moments at work or while doing a household chore that we hope will be over soon, so that we can do something more fun (or at least what we hope will be more fun). We are counting time, and not making time count.

During those times I’m not living in the moment; I’m not exploring the situation for interesting things to learn (in fact I’m not learning at all); I’m not giving that person the attention that they deserve (the attention that I would think I deserved if I had initiated the conversation); I’m not making time count. clockhead manIt’s not only rude to the person involved, but a missed opportunity to learn more about them and what it is they are trying to share with you.

The crazy thing is that so much of what we are in a hurry to scurry off and do is really meaningless and of less value than what we are so anxious to blow off. Is checking your email or text messages really more important than having a discussion with a friend, a relative or an acquaintance? Is it imperative that you immediately respond to that little sound that indicates that you have a new email or text message? Is the latest post to Twitter or Facebook of more importance than finishing your work for the day? How perversely distorted our lives have become if that is the case.

at sign bombI have to admit that I am as addicted to having my smartphone with me at all times as anyone. I’ve experienced the panic-attack response to discovering half way to somewhere that’s I’ve inadvertently left it behind. I’ve experienced the ghost buzzes in my pocket that seem to indicate that my phone needs my attention. And I’ve experienced both side of a butt-dial call. What does my phone know that I don’t, I’ve sometimes wondered?

I have discovered that life goes on when I forget my phone, albeit steeped in anxiety that I’m somehow missing something – some call, some email, some text or some importance. During those times I try to focus upon the moment and make my time away from my phone count. I have noticed that I do not have the same anxiety every night when I turn it off to go to bed. Perhaps my need for rest is stronger than my perceived need for connectivity. Then, again, I know that the system and my phone will be patiently collecting and saving anything that comes in overnight, so that I can spend my morning getting caught up.

Perhaps we need to look at all of the moments in life the same way – that the stuff on our phone (or anywhere else) will wait until later and we should focus on what’s at hand. No matter what it is or friends at tablewhere it is or with whom it is; if you say to yourself, “this is the most important thing in my life right now”; you can make the time count. Do the task or job, experience the place that you are in or enjoy the person that you are with right now. Imagine if you will that this is the last thing that you will ever do in life. Wouldn’t you at least want to enjoy it? You can, if you make your time count. Have a great day and don’t count every minute; make every minute count.

2 Comments | Inspiration | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Be the best you…

July 14, 2014

“Accept that you are MORE than you think you are…. not less than what you think you should be.” -Sephanie Kathan.

ugly mirrorI think sometimes that we all spend too much time beating ourselves up because we don’t measure up to some expectation that we set for ourselves. Sometimes that is because we hold ourselves up against others, many of whom may have different or unique skills or knowledge that we will never match. It’s OK to have an idol, maybe a star soccer player or baseball player; but to beat yourself up because you can’t perform at that level is wasteful and harmful.

Perhaps you could learn by studying your idol’s work and workout habits, to see if using similar routines in your life would better prepare you to maximize your own performance. Most self-help guru’s recommend the practice of emulating the practices of successful people, in whatever you are trying to accomplish. Books have been written about the practices of highly successful people, so that others can see what they might try to do to also be successful. It just makes sense to try to learn from a winner and not emulate the loser.

The important message in today’s little quote is accepting what you are and realizing that who and what you are is more and better than you give yourself credit for. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t continue to strive each day to be the best “you” that you can be today. It is saying that if you have done that; if you have done all that you can during the day; then don’t beat yourself up for the things that you didn’t get done; rather congratulate yourself for what you did accomplish. You probably got more done that you might have thought that you could do, not less than you thought you should do.happy woman

I am reminded of a cute little saying by Dr. Seuss – “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

So, given that you are You, be the best You that you can be. I’ll be over here trying to be the best Me. Have a great week!

2 Comments | Inspiration | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Snatch victory from the jaws of defeat…

July 10, 2014

From the Jack’s Winning word blog for today comes this tidbit – “I’m the best failure you’ve ever seen.”  (Matt Paxton)  Matt, a recovering alcoholic and gambler, a social loser, got an idea while cleaning his grandma’s basement.  She didn’t just give him money; she gave him a job.  That’s how Clutter Cleaners began.  He hires ex-cons (who need a job) to clean out basements, garages, you name it.

Now, obviously you needn’t become a failure to be successful; however, did you ever notice how many really famous and successful people embrace failure as a path to success. Here are some good quotes from  some of them:

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. – Winston Churchill

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. – Bill Cosby

I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. – Michael Jordan

Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. – Dale Carnegie

man winning racePerhaps the underlying message is not that you should strive not to fail (that would be an impossible goal anyway), but rather that you should use your failures as a learning experience and find a way to build a positive base for success from them. Hopefully, when you have an “Oh, Crap” moment of failure, you don’t just say “let me try that again”; it’s better to think about a different way to try that again and to keep trying until you get it right.

So, get out there today and start failing your way to success. Just remember to keep your desire to succeed stronger than your fear of failure.

2 Comments | Inspiration | Tagged: , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Gotta dance your worries away…

July 8, 2014

“The one thing that can solve our problems is dancing.”  (James Brown), as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Snoopy had his happy dance and Ellen DeGeneres is famous for her dances on her show. Do you get happy feet, too? Dancing is a way of letting go and expressing yourself through the movement of your body It is usually done to the sound of music, but occasionally the music is in your head. If it is organized and rehearsed it is called choreography.

Women seem to be much more able than most men to just let themselves go and dance freely. Men onWomen dancing the dance floor can look like they’re struggling to get out of a potato sack (at least that’s what I imagine I look like trying to dance to modern rock music). Men seem prefer the slower songs that allow them to move slowly around the room while trying to maintain some dignity and decorum. Perhaps it’s just that the slow songs accommodate their otherwise stiff and stilted movements.

Women on the other hand seem to be able to get into the moment, feel the music and go with it. I’m reminded of the opening of the movie Flashdance, in which Jennifer Beals just goes wild with her dance club number. Young people too seems to be uninhibited in their dance, especially young child dancingchildren and teens. I recall enjoying the movies Saturday Night Fever, Foot Loose and Dirty Dancing, too; which were dancing oriented and fun. Here’s a link to a list of the top 20 dance movies ever, as ranked by Danciness (whatever or whomever that is).

Dancing is letting go and getting into the music. Sometimes we all just need to do that. So, if life is starting to weigh you down, put on some good tunes, kick off your shoes and let go – dance. It will be impossible to dance and worry at the same time, so let get into the moment and let your worries fade away. Maybe that’s what you need to start each day. People will wonder why you came to work with a smile on your face. Maybe you’ll need to dance when you get home. Put on the song “Gonna Dance the Night Away” and go for it.

1 Comment | Inspiration | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Be unbroken…

July 7, 2014

“Never give up, no matter what!” (Louis Zamperini)

Zamperini died recently, but he was the inspiration for the upcoming movie Unbroken, directed by Angelina Jolie. He was an Olympic runner who served in WWII and was captured by the Japanese. The book about him, and now the movie, chronicles his unbroken spirit through great hardship while in captivity. Louis may have died, but he never quit.

I recently also watched an old episode of the TV show Extreme Weight Loss in which a young man named Bruce lost 50% of his body weight, going from 382 pounds to under 191 pounds in a year. He is the epitome of that same spirit, especially since his back story contained the disclosure that he had ugly mirrorbeen sexually abused by his father, who is in prison for that abuse and abusing several other boys. Bruce’s story was about not only losing weight but losing the monkey that had been on his back since childhood. He did that by confronting his father at a parole hearing and testifying against him being released. The transformation of Bruce’s body was amazing and the transformation of him as an individual no longer haunted by his past was special, too. He never gave up, no matter what.

I’m currently trying to lose weight, too; although nothing like what Bruce did. I want to get down to a weight that will allow me to get off all of the meds that I take for Type II Diabetes; so, I need to lose about 40 pounds total. So far I have been using only dietary methods and dropped about 10 pounds, but it’s time to add more exercise. I think it’s time to join a gym. Fortunately I have a friend who owns the Anytime Fitness in Milford, so I’m going to try that. I guess, for me, what’s important  to focus upon right now is not about giving up but getting started.

struggleDo you have things in your life that are frustrating you to the point of almost giving up? Maybe you have a goal that just keeps eluding you, no matter what you have tried. Maybe you’ve been playing a game or sport and reached a plateau that you just can’t seem to break through. Perhaps you’ve been trying to save to buy a new house or car and every time you get a little ahead, something comes up that causes you to have to use some of that money. Maybe you’ve tried several times to take classes toward a degree or certificate and just can’t seem juggle them with other obligations and finish enough to move ahead. Never give up, no matter what!

So, here we are at the beginning of a new week. No one has failed at anything yet; no one has said no to you yet, no one is telling you that you can’t do it; so we don’t have any excuses. Take the opportunitywoman boxer to do a mental reset, reflect on the things that you’ve tried already to reach your goal and discard those that didn’t work or think about a way to approach them differently so that your chances for success improve. Think about your goal and re-energize yourself with resolve to reach it. Pump yourself up and then get out there and go for it. And remember the advice of Louis Zamperini – Never give up, no matter what!

Have a great day…I’ll be in the gym.

2 Comments | Inspiration | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »