Traveling light helps in life, too…

October 13, 2014

Air travelers would probably be quick to tell you that traveling light, without a lot of baggage, is the best way to man with heavy bagget through the airports. The advice to travel light, without a bunch of baggage, also works well for life.

In today’s post at the Jack’s Winning Words blog, Jack posted a yard sign that he recently saw – “Forgive, forget and move on!”  (Front-yard sign)

Many of us tend to travel through life with way too much emotional baggage in tow.  We insist on carrying around remorse, anger, hate, envy, sadness, and more. No wonder it takes us forever to get though the security checkpoints of life.

lifes stormsThe weight of all of this baggage not only slows us down, it effects how others look at us and deal with us. That weight tends to curl your lips down, into a frown, or case such a pall over our faces that we constantly look mad or sad. Beyond just how we look, the weight of all of that negative baggage can lead to depression; and continuing down that path leads to no good.

So, what are we to do? The advice that Jack saw on the yard sign is as good start. Whatever the wrong that you feel was committed against you; forgive the person for whom you are currently carrying the baggage of anger, hate, envy or revenge. Put that baggage down, forget about it and move on. If you are carrying the baggage of remorse for something that you did, make it right or apologize or just file away the lesson learned and forget about it and move on.

The baggage of sadness is oft the hardest to put down, especially the sadness of a the loss of a loved one. One dreams
must try to replace that baggage with the lighter and easier to live with memories of the good times when that person was still here. It’s OK to keep those bags of good memories with you the rest of your life. In fact get them out from time to time when you need to put a smile on your face.

As you start out on another week of life’s journey, check your baggage to see what you are carrying with you. Make sure to leave the negative baggage behind. Start by forgiving, forgetting about it and then you can move on. I think that you’ll find that traveling lighter makes your life more fun. I’m pretty sure that others will better appreciate taking a seat next to you on the journey, if they see that you don’t have a ton of emotional baggage stuffed under your seat.

Max Lucado put it well when he said – “The burlap bag of worry. Cumbersome. Chunky. Unattractive. Scratchy. Hard to get a handle on. Irritating to carry and impossible to give away. No one wants bag with goodbyeyour worries.” In fact, no one other than you wants to share your emotional baggage; so get rid of it before you set out on this week’s journey.

Forgive, forget and have a great trip!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Use your mind’s eye to find your happy place…

October 10, 2014

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, or even touched.  They must be felt within the heart.”  (Helen Keller) – from the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Isn’t the imagery that we have created around parts of our bodies and how we “use” them in our everyday lives interesting? We say that we see things “in our mind’s eye.” We may make decisions based upon a feeling in our gut or perhaps in our heart. We may love people with all our heart.  We feel things with our heart. We try to “get our head around” things. We can be “touched” by others without physical contact.  We may say that the death of a loved one can make the heart ache; and, thinking of difficult things is sometimes said to make your head hurt.

We tend to use those to describe feelings that are deep and most of the time very emotional and we need a place brain mapto locate them within our physical existence, so we choose body parts.  I suppose that we are lucky that someone in antiquity choose the heart as the symbol for love and not our brains; otherwise, we might be delivering box of candy shaped like the brain. Of course modern science has been able to locate and map out the portions of our brains that are really involved in all of the emotions that we have and so far none of the maps have pointed to the heart or revealed a real eye in the brain.

But, let’s let go of science and accept things as we feel them. Helen Keller couldn’t see or hear, but she somehow came to understand the concept of beauty and could see them in her mind’s eye and feel them in her heart.  Even if you have normal eyesight there are things that you cannot see that you may have some feel for in your mind’s eye. Hypnotists sometimes help people find their “happy place”, somewhere that either they have been to in the past or a totally imaginary place that they can conjure up in their mind. With your eyes closed you can “see it” and feel the happiness that being there brings. Do you have a happy place that you go to when you need to? Usually they are quiet, comfortable and safe feeling places; many times they may even be places from your childhood memories. They cannot be touched or seen but they are felt in your heart and thus seen in your mind’s eye.

If you have never really tried to conjure up your “happy place”, I encourage you to do so. Having a refuge like that, which you can visit whenever you need to, can be a life changer (sometimes a life saver). Some people get Butterfliesto their happy place through a form of meditation; others may use prayer to get there. How you get there is less important that the fact that you can get there and that being there makes you feel better, more at peace and more able to cope. It’s not really so much about escaping whatever caused you to need to go there; it’s more about regaining control over the emotions of the situation, calming down, and getting back within yourself. While you are there, if you look around; you will likely also find the strength and the courage to persevere, once you have to return to your conscious life.

There also tend to be a lot of faith and hope to be found in your happy place. That gets back to getting back in control of your emotions. You can once again have hope, maybe based upon faith or maybe just based upon taking a calmer look at the situation.  Even if the situation is beyond hope, there is still faith; for it is faith that allows you to step off into the abyss that you can see knowing that you will not fall due to the power that you cannot see. It is so much easier to take the step of faith if you are already in your happy place and at peace.  women dreaming

So, get off by yourself this weekend; maybe with a little soft music in the background and a nice glass of wine, perhaps sitting in front of a crackling fireplace, and find your personal happy place. Go there. See it in your mind. Remember it and how to get there; then use it whenever life starts to overwhelm you or when emotions overtake you. It’s a beautiful place that you will feel in your heart.

Have a great weekend! I’ll see you next week. I’m off to my happy place for the weekend.

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Posted by Norm Werner

I don’t know what to write about…

October 7, 2014

I get that statement a lot in emails and comments from followers of my blogs, along with the question, how you do decide what to write about? How do you get started? So, I thought I’d write a little riff on that topic.

As all of my followers know, I get lots of inspiration for what I write about from another blogger – Jack Freed. Jack is a retired ELCA Lutheran pastor who has found a new callingJack Freed and a new congregation on-line with his blog Jack’s Winning Words. Jack posts to that blog every day during the week, but never on the weekends. Jack’s format is simple and consistent. He starts each blog post with a quote that he has found and adds usually no more than a paragraph of his thoughts about the quote. Jack’s posts often take the form of questions about how the reader interprets the quote or what it may mean to them.

So, I read Jack’s post every morning and most of them (but not all) inspire me to write something in response to the quote or using the quote as the theme for my expanded remarks. Sometimes I’ll end up with a few paragraphs, sometimes more. But it is that approach that I try to pass on to those who as me about writing blog posts. Write about what something means to you. Do you have an opinion on that topic; then, let it find a voice through your writing. Does the quote resonate with you in some significant way, perhaps a life experience? Then write about that. Does the quote inspire you to take some action? Then write about that and the actions that you took. Does the quote beg a response? What is your response to it? Write about that. Is the quote too negative for your? Why? Write about that. Is the quote a positive inspiration to you? Great, write about that.

AppraiserSome days I don’t have much of a personal reaction to Jack’s blog (not many to be sure); so, on those days I have to look elsewhere for inspiration. Many days I find it in the news, in stories about things happening in my area of beyond that I have some reaction too or feeling about. That is actually how I get most topics for my real estate blogs. Yes, I do post to multiple blogs; although most of them not on a daily basis. In the real estate world I get 3-4 daily news feeds from various national sources. It is usually easy to find something in them to react to and write about. In the case of real estate my point of view is slightly different than just “what does this mean to me?”; it has more to do with what does this news mean to my real estate clients? Whenever and whatever the Federal Government does something with a program aimed at homeowners, whether good or bad; that supplies a topic for a blog post, maybe many posts.

For my more personal blog (this one) I also made the conscious decision to try to write from a positive perspective, instead of letting cynicism or negative vibes creep in. I’m not always 100% successful in filtering out the negative, but I try. There are enough blogger out there already spewing hate and negative posts about almost any topic. I don’t want to be a part of that group. Sometimes I find inspiration I the daily newspaper comic strips. Anyone who experienced the amazing and entertaining wisdom of the Calvin and Hobbs strip knows what a great source of inspiration that can be. Sometimes I just do a Google search
for quotes on a topic of interest. If there is nothing that sparks an interest or a reaction that day; I just don’t write that day.

So, how do I write? Well I will admit that I’m a stream-of-consciousness style writer. I usually write in the first person and I just take off on a topic and see where my brain leads me. Many times that means a lot of editing and rearranging things. Sometimes it writermeans abandoning and deleting entire paragraphs or multiple paragraphs. Most of the time it also involves a lot of typing corrections (I’m a terrible typist) and spelling or grammar corrections. Even spell check can’t save me from myself many times and really weird or incorrectly used words end up getting posted, that I have to go back and correct later. As I write, I’m less concerned about those errors than trying to capture my thoughts on the topic. I don’t get hung up on the mechanics the first time through. I can fix those mistakes later. That’s what great authors had editors for.

Another “technique” that I sometimes use and almost always advise others to consider is that your writing should be the same as if you were in a conversation with tpainted into cornerhe intended reader, maybe at a cocktail party or maybe on a park bench. This conversation isn’t really all one sided, it’s just that you have to give a “voice “to the questions that the other party might ask. Often when I get around to asking myself the “why” questions that I imagine a listener might ask, I find that I have written myself into a corner and there is no good answer to the question. Delete, delete, delete and start over again. I am occasionally surrounded by an imaginary pile of wadded up paper that has been ripped from my imaginary typewriter.

Is there a right or wrong to what I write about? I suppose that on occasion there are things man with questionthat others will not agree with – an opinion after all is just that and not necessarily the point of view that is shared by all. Advice given to others, as well meaning as it might be, may not fit the situation that the readers finds themselves in and thus is not well taken. However, taken in the spirit that it is written, my writing is my opinion or feelings about the topic at the time, shared in hopes that others might find it of some use. There is a term in comedy writing for an item that is tossed into a routine to see if it can get a small laugh. It is called a throw-away. It’s usually a single line or thought that may be added in the middle of a longer routine or even in the midst of a larger joke. Much of my writing could probably be considered a throw-away, but I toss it out there to see if it gets a laugh or a smile or a reaction. It has no big, earth shattering, life-changing intent or meaning. If you like it, great; if not, oh well, I enjoy doing it anyway.

For all of the stymied writers out there who can’t seem to figure out how to get started; just do it. Pick something out of today’s paper that you have some reaction to and write about that. Just start writing and see where it takes you. Post it and see if anyone comments. If no one seems to care, write something else and post that. Keep at it as long as you have something that you want to say.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Doing the right thing is never wrong…

October 1, 2014

“What’s right isn’t always popular.  What’s popular isn’t always right.”  (Howard Cosell). Jack featured that little saying by Howard Cosell a few weeks back on his Jack’s Winning Words blog.

I remember Howard Cosell. When I was younger, he was one of the major voices of sports. I think I first heard him interviewing Cassius Clay (Mohammed Ali) right after he won the heavyweight championship over Sonny Liston. Howard went on to have a long and always controversial career in sports broadcasting.  He wasn’t always popular.

This quote speaks directly to a major lesson that all parents try to teach their children. It’s usually within the context of judging right and wrong, but almost always also about understanding how to deal with peer pressure when making those decisions. Doing what is right is made all the more difficult if it is not what is popular; however, it is never the wrong thing to do. Eventually even teens understand that doing what is right will earn them a better reputation over the long run than going along to get along. Others will know that they can count on you to do the right thing and that builds trust. Having trust in someone is a major ingredient in any true relationship.

kids at schoolThere are so many choices (opportunities) presented to youth today that involve serious consequences if they make the wrong (sometimes the popular) decisions. The constant flow of new and different drugs that are readily available at the corner gas station is just one example. Experimenting with those drugs may seem to be popular, but that doesn’t make it right. No one ends up in the emergency room of the hospital for saying “no” to that temptation.

Later in life the temptations may become more subtle, but there is still a line there somewhere between right and wrong, no matter how popular something may be.  Discerning that line and staying on the right side of it may be a challenge, but it’s a challenge made easier if one starts with a strong sense of self and a good moral compass.

I’m a believer that one must first love themselves before they can love others. You must be comfortable and secure with who you are and not always striving to be like someone else.  Once you are satisfied with who and what you are; you can start to seek out others to share your life with. You will be popular with those people because you are giving of yourself and not just taking from them in an attempt to be like them. They will like you for who you are, not who you are trying to be.

Perhaps another little quote from Jack’s blog sums that up nicely –proud

“Be yourself.  Everyone else is taken.”  (Nicole Barutha)

So go out in the world today and be the best you that you can be. Do the right things. Do right by others and don’t worry about whether that is popular or not. The only one that you need to be popular with is you. Others may follow you along that path or you may follow others along the same path; soon you may even notice that you are now part of a crowd of happy people doing the right things. You’ve become popular without even trying.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Three little words that may change your life – change is good

September 30, 2014

OK, so back to the three little words theme, at least for today. I thought I’d change things up, because – change is good.

Actually, change is scary for most. Taking a new route means venturing into territory that you are unfamiliar with. Changing how you look means trying things that may not work out as you thought. Changing from a daily routine, means having to establish a new context for your day. All of those things bring uncertainty with them and out of uncertainty grows doubt and out of doubt grows fear. That is why we avoid changes, even though, change is good.

Why do I keep saying that change is good, even in the face of the uncertainty, doubt and fears that is conjures up? It’s because, change is necessary for learning. Going on to new things and forging ahead into uncharted territory is how we learn. Doing the same things over and over and following the same routine may allow us to get better at what we skatersalways do; that’s how some athletes, such as figure skaters, get to a higher level in their “routines”. They are called routines for a reason. They are the same time after time and eventually the skater gets better at performing the routine. But it is often the skater who tries something new, some new combination of jumps or adding one more revolution to a jump, who ends up winning and establishing a new standard. They tried something out of the routine and won because change is good.

I’m not espousing change for change’s sake, just the embrace of change when it makes sense, instead of the fear of change. It makes no sense to just decide that you are tired of driving on the right-hand side of the road and so you’ll change to driving on the other side; yet some people make arbitrary decisions to change some things with the same logic (or lack of logic). The word “capricious” was invented for them. They are not making good changes in their lives, just changes for change sake; sometimes they make changes just to see what happens. For them change can lead to disaster and they may never understand that, done properly, change is good.

afraidI recall periods in my life when I became a slave to routine. I would do the same thing each day, eat the same foods, keep the same schedule. It was comfortable. It didn’t require me to think, too much. It was easy. Then, I’d become aware of the rut that I was in and change something; usually something small in the beginning. After I got through first small change and the world didn’t come to an end, I might change other things or maybe everything. Career changes were the toughest. It’s hard to abandon a job or profession that you’ve become so used to doing every day and maybe even become proficient at doing. It’s scary to think of the learning curve that you’ll need to get over to go into a new career; but, at the same time it’s exciting. It exhilarates to think of learning new things, meeting new people, exploring new options. Soon you’ll love the changes because change is good.

But, what of your relationships with those that you love? Must those change, too? I would submit that they too must be subject to constant change. It’s not that you need to seek new people, it’s really that you need to continue to explore new avenues of the relationships that you have, do new things with them, constantly be aware of the need to examine the routines that you fall into and bring change into them. Have you become completely predicable? Does that predictability border on boredom? What things can you change about how you interact with your loved one to bringold coouple back some excitement and increase their interest in the relationship? Why aren’t you doing any of those things? Change things up a bit and see if the spark of change reignites a relationship that may have been reduced to just smoldering along. Embrace change in the relationship, because change is good.

A good way to start embracing change is to examine your daily routine. We all have a daily routine. Examine why you have that routine. For many the start of every day is about doing the same things over and over each day in order to get to work at exactly the same time. Why? Will the world stop if you get there a few minutes early or a few minutes later? Maybe you have to “clock in” and there would be consequences if you are late. Then change your routine to get there earlier. Perhaps you’d discover that there are people that you would have tome to chat with if you were there earlier. They’ve been there all along, but they were not a part of your routine. You may some new friends by just changing your morning routine. You’ll be happier and begin to understand why change is good.

flowersOnce you begin to embrace change look for other areas of your life that could use a breath of the fresh air of change. Most likely those will involve your relationships with others. How long has it been since you went out on a Ladies Night Out with your girlfriends? When was the last time that you played a pick-up basketball game with your buddies? How long ago was it when you last stopped on the way home to pick up a bouquet of flowers for your wife? When was the last time that you suggested going to a weekend football game with your husband? Those aren’t things you might normally do; they are changes and change is good.

Have a great day, but make at least one change in your routine today and see if it makes you feel a little different; hopefully a little better. Routines are comfortable, so you may have to leave that comfort zone a bit. I suspect just the adrenaline shot that you get from that change alone will make some small difference. You may even like it and want to experience it again; and out of that you will start to see that change is good.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Make some good this week…

September 29, 2014

Today’s Jack’s Winning Words starts us  all off this week with this little quote – “We are all manufacturers.  Some make good; others make trouble; and still others make excuses.”  (A.A. Stagg)  Jack went on to explain  who Stagg was – Stagg was one of great football coaches of all time.  The Univ of Chicago fired him as their coach thinking that he was too old at age 70.  He kept coaching at other places and retired when he was 96.

As we head into a new work week think about what you will be manufacturing this week. Will it be good or bad or maybe just excuses why your really didn’t make anything? It’s really about how you spend your time, the decisions that you make and your own predisposition towards the positive or negative. If you are a trouble maker you will likely end most weeks alone – not a good place to be. If you are prone to procrastination, you will end the week with a bad case of the “coulda, woulda, shoulda’s”. Don’t go there, either.

To get off on a more positive foot, you can start by going beyond the somewhat tentative childhood role model of the female workerLittle Engine that Could. Don’t start out your week saying to yourself, “I think I can, I think I can.” Instead start out on a more positive note by repeating to yourself , “I know I can, I know I can.” Instead of reaching the end of the week in disappointed reflection about what might have been, you’ll be saying – “I did it.”

So, what will you manufacture this week? Make some good happen in your life and in the lives of others. Maybe a new friendship or relationship is out there waiting for you. I know you can do it. No excuses.

 

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Posted by Norm Werner

Dealing with life’s pains…

September 27, 2014

“Knowing that there is worse pain doesn’t make the present pain hurt less.”  (Real Live Preacher), as seen recently on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

We all experience pain from time to time, whether it is real, physical pain or emotional pain. Sometimes people will say things like “shake it off” or maybe “it could be worse.” Those sage pieces of advice seldom help in the moment. In fact, recent studies have shown the harmful effects of decades of sports coaches telling a player with a concussion to shake it off and get back in the game. There are tons of stories from ex-athletes about how they wish now that they had taken better care of their bodies, instead of “playing through the pain.”

On the emotional level, people who have just experienced the loss of a loved one or child cannot be consoled by adviceremorseful from others. Theirs is a deep person pain that only they can feel and understand. What is really needed in those moments is a hug and a shoulder to cry upon. The release of letting it out through a good cry is much better than trying to maintain “a stiff upper lip.” The emotional pain that we experience in such times is our minds trying to get itself around the overwhelming senses of fear and confusion and loss and concern for the future all at once. It is too much to process and organize and compartmentalize, so we break down in tears and that somehow helps. The tears provide a way for it to all wash over us at once and get out.  After a good cry, you head can clear and rational thought return.

Once the initial pain subsidies we often settle into a period of dull, persistent pain, whether the injury be physical or mental. That can come in the form of a throbbing, back of the head pain or as sharp little jibs of pain as we are reminded of the loss or the initial injury. We begin to learn how to deal with the persistent pain and perhaps start the rehabilitation process to try to get back to a new “normal.”

Soman on cruthesme injuries in sport are career ending and many losses in life are life-changing. Things can never get back to the way they were, so you need to focus upon living with things the way they are. That is hard on ex-athletes and on people who have suffered the loss of a loved one. Many ex-athletes suffer though bouts of depression because they can no longer perform at the level that they were used to; but, more importantly, they are no longer a member of the team that defined them as people and served as a “family” of sorts.

People who lose their life partners suffer the greatest sense of loss of all. It is hard to lose a child, especially for a mother; but to lose your life partner is much worse. A successful long-term relationship with a life partner results in the melding of the two souls to such as extent that the loss of one will leave the other feeling only half there. The pain of having half of who you had become in life torn away is beyond that of all other human pain. Yet, we survive. We may cry longer and with deeper emotions that at any other time in our lives; but we live on.

When you are a child and got hurt, your mom might kiss your boo-boo and make it all better. You probably never toldcaring her that kissing the boo-boo really didn’t make the pain go away; but that being held and loved made bearing the pain a little easier. As adults we seldom still have mom around to kiss our boo-boos; but, if you are lucky you have friends or relatives who are there to give you that hug of assurance and tell you that things will be alright. In that moment, let yourself go; become that child again that finds comfort and relief from the pain in someone’s arms. Have a good cry; then, thank them for being there. They may not even understand what they just did for you; but, they’ll be glad that they were there to help.

An what if they aren’t there when you need them? Remember that you are never alone. You have only to acknowledge that God is there to comfort you to begin feeling the warmth of His embrace. There’s no boo-boo too big for God to handle, if you go to Him for a hug.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Let your butterfly land…

September 26, 2014

“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued is always beyond your grasp; but, which, if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne – as seen in the newspaper cartoon Nancy.

butterfly1Every now and then the daily cartoons in the newspapers have something that catches my attention and today was one of those days. The cartoon strip Nancy, which has been around it seems forever (with the Nancy character never aging one might add) sometimes has some very profound little thoughts embedded, as it did today with the quote above from Nathaniel Hawthorne.

It is certainly true that we spend quite a bit of our time in the pursuit of what we think is going to be happiness or things that we think will make us happy. Also true is the fact that the happiness that we pursue often seems able to flit away at the last moment and elude us. Perhaps because it was a mirage of happiness to begin with, a figment of our imagination of what happiness is all about.

True happiness does not come packaged as things – possessions, property, money or even position or power. One cannot earn happiness, although hard work on, and sacrifice for, the right things may result in a payoff of happiness. Happiness often comes packaged in joy – the joy of having done the right things for the right reasons and having seen the results. Happiness is often a shared experience with the most butterfly 2significant others in our lives – our life partners. It is possible to sit quietly and have happiness alight upon you, but it is some much better if the “you” is the two of you together experiencing the moment.

Happiness is a quiet delight that often occurs in those unguarded and unrehearsed moments in life when you have just relaxed and let go and surrendered to the moment. To be able to enjoy the moment with each other, without pretext or pressures or any other intrusions is often when the butterfly of happiness lands. Happiness oft occurs not only when you don’t expect it; but, because you don’t expect it. It is not something that you will to happen; it is something that happens because you are not in control. It happens to you, not because of you.

So, how do you achieve happiness? What things must you do to be happy? That’s just it. There is no magic formula that you can pursue. My advice is to look outside of yourself. Look around you. There are things that you can see need to be done. You can see them. Do something about them. There are people with butterfly 3needs everywhere. You see them. Don’t just ignore them; help them. Do what is right, Do what you can. Do and do and do until you are exhausted and then sit down quietly and let happiness land on you. You will begin to understand the biblical phrase “the joy that exceeds all understanding.” That’s the big butterfly that you should hope alights upon you someday.

Have a great and happy weekend. Let your butterfly land!

 

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Posted by Norm Werner

Just be you…

September 25, 2014

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”  (Steve Jobs)

I was torn between a few topics that I wanted to comment upon, but this little quote from Steve Jobs kept coming back to haunt me. Obviously Jobs was a person who never lived anything but his own life; but how does this apply to the rest of us?

I think all too often we may become hung up on emulating someone else or trying to be like someone else, mainly people that we thing are cool at the time. We want to be accepted and sometimes we think that this means being like others in the cool, “in” crowd that we so covet being a part of. How sad that we abandon friends at schoolwho we really are trying to live the life of someone else. Of course, we can never succeed at that and it may, in fact, brand us as a loser – a hanger-on who has no life of their own.

It’s better, I think, to spend more time getting in touch with who you really are and finding ways to express that confidently. If that doesn’t fit in with that “in” crowd, then maybe you weren’t meant to be a part of that scene. You have to find your own crowd, one that more closely reflects your interests and in which you are much more likely to be comfortable. Maybe you weren’t meant to be in the jock crowd; but, rather, fit better in the artsy crowd. Maybe you don’t fit in a crowd at all and need to find your own way. Take heart that you are not alone; you just haven’t found your fellow travelers yet. You may even find that there are people who envy you because you don’t run with the crowd.

Sometimes the very young get so hung up on trying to emulate someone else that they end up changing their appearance to try to look like that person. The may dress like them or change tier hair to a style that looks the same as their dream person or maybe they fantasize about becoming a big star. Ironically many of the so-called big stars fantasize about being able to be anonymous again, like they used to be before they became famous. They’d like to be like you!

Steve Jobs lived his own life on his own terms and changed the world a bit through his leadership and influence within Apple. Now Apple has become identified with Tim Cook, Jobs’ protégé and successor. Tim has not tried to live his life like Steve Jobs. He acknowledges and appreciates the work that Jobs did and
happy womanthe mentorship that he provided, but he is taking Apple off on a new direction that is of his making and not that of Steve Jobs. Somehow I think Jobs would approve of that.

Another lesson that I think follows from the Jobs quote, is not to live your life for the approval of others. When we are young we all seek the approval of others – our parents, our teachers and our peers. As we get older it is important to start living our lives for ourselves; doing things that we want to do and not just to win the approval of others. In fact, we may find a mission in our lives to do things not for the approval of others but for the betterment of others. Instead of waiting for them to say, “you did good”; maybe just hearing them say, “Thank you” for what you did will be reward enough. That is not wasting your time, it is spending it wisely.

So, instead of spending time wondering what someone else is doing or would do, get out and start being yourself. Make being you your full time job, not trying to emulate someone else. Enter a room not seeking the approval of someone else or trying to be like someone else; but, rather, seeking to share with others who you are and what you bring into the conversation. Displaying confidence in who and what you are can be one of the most powerful and attractive things that you can do. It’s not egotistical or self-centered, it’s self-confidence. It is saying to the world, man relaxing“Here I am; take me as I am; because, I’m not trying to be someone or something that I’m not.” You may be surprised that some in the room will start to gravitate to you and try to emulate you. They are people who haven’t yet figured out how to be comfortable just being themselves. Maybe you can help them just be themselves. After all, there’s already someone who is busy being you.

 

2 Comments | Inspiration | Tagged: , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

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