Don’t allow yourself to be imprisoned.

November 22, 2014

Gandhi“You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind.” – Mahatma Ghandi

The sentiment expressed by Ghandi in today’s quote was echoed by Nelson Mandela years later when he was asked about his imprisonment. He put it this way in his book, Long Walk to Freedom – “I realized that they could take everything from me except my Nelson Mandelamind and my heart. They could not take those things. Those things I still had control over. And I decided not to give them away.”

There are many forms of imprisonment, some involving the legal system or powers that be and some forced upon people by circumstance. One may be incarcerated by the government in most countries of the world, sometimes just for disagreeing with that government. Both Ghandi and Mandela faced incarceration and persecution due to their fights against unjust governments. Ghandi chose the path of peaceful civil disobedience, while Mandela chose to take the fight to the government after becoming disillusioned with peaceful means. Both men were incarcerated from time to time (Mandela for many, many years) and both came to realize that, though their jailers could contain their bodies, they could not imprison their minds. In essence they found that they could not really be imprisoned while their minds could still wander free.

The same is true of people imprisoned in bodies that don’t work as they should. One of the greatest minds of our time – Stephan Hawking – has been imprisoned in a body laid to waste by amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, yet his mind has soared to places that others couldn’t imagine and he has made major contributions to our understanding of space and the originals of the universe. Hawking did not let his enfeebled body imprison his mind.

In our daily lives we may encounter many examples of people who refuse to be taken prisoner by their circumstances. Some of these will be our wounded warriors who return from war with massive, life changing injuries. The ones that you often see on the news shows are ones who refuse to let their loss of limbs or other injuries imprison them in a life of dependence or self-pity. They have focused their minds on what can be, not what was or even what is. They have already freed their minds to take flight and are now training their broken bodies to follow.
man mad at himselfThere are also often stories of the victims of crime forgiving their attackers as a way to let go of the bitterness or hatred that might have been their initial reaction. These are often people who have suffered great losses; sometimes just the loss of the sense of safety or security, but, perhaps injury or the death of a loved one. The people in those stories have also reached the conclusion that holding onto feeling s of hatred or bitterness will effective imprison them, as did Mandela. Mandela had a quote that covers that, too. He recalled later the day that he was released from prison – “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” ― Nelson Mandela

For many of us, hatred or bitterness or envy or prejudice, are the things that imprison us; not physically, but in our minds. Those are the chains that we must throw off to really be free. We may be free to move about at will. We may have our physical health and full, normal use of our bodies; but, if we live in a constant state of hatred or prejudice towards others we are in a prison that is far caringworse than those suffered through my Ghandi and Mandela.

How can we avoid our mental prisons or free ourselves from the ones that we might already be in? A starting point is to acknowledge to ourselves that we have some hatred, some prejudice, some bitterness, some feelings inside, in our minds that are imprisoning us and preventing us from freely moving ahead. Once you can acknowledge the issue, the person, the problem or the thing that you have bad feelings about, you can begin to deal with it. A first step might be to ask yourself, why? Why can I not let go of this? Why can I not get beyond it?

Many times, if you ask yourself those questions, you may find that you are still in some stage of denial. Holding on to the rage or the hatred or the bitterness is just a way to put off having to deal directly with the loss involved. If you can deal with accepting that loss first, it might be easier to see that holding on to those bad feelings is doing nothing to help you get on with life. In fact they are your current jailer; and both you and the person who harmed you are being held captive in the same prison cell. Put them aside and walk out of that prison. Saying “I forgive you”, to the person who butterfly 3harmed you frees both of you from that prison.

So, today, free yourself from whatever mental prisons you find yourself in and get on with life. If you are physically constrained somehow, let your mind loose and refuse to be imprisoned by cell walls or a dysfunctional body. Freedom is a concept that lives in the mind, no matter what your circumstances.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Three little words – Not So Fast!

November 19, 2014

I posted a series based upon what I described as three little words that can change your life. I did a whole bunch of posts using three word phrases that can have great meaning in one’s life. Pastor Jack Freed, the retired pastor of my church and the author of the Jack’s Winning Words blog, often supplies the inspiration for my posts in his blog. He also sent me a whole bunch of three word phrases to think about, many of them very challenging. Today’s post – Not So Fast – is one of his suggestions.

The phrase “not so fast” is used quite often is a disciplinary way, as a warning to slow down. It may man rushingbe that the advice being given is not to jump to conclusions about things or people. It may be advising that a task or pursuit be slowed down, so as not to make a mistake. For teens it’s often an admonishment not to get to serious too quickly, usually with a sexual connotation. For children it’s often quite literally an attempt to get them to slow down, before they hurt themselves. Not so fast!

For all of us the phrase, “not so fast.” Might just be good advice on living our lives. We all tend to get caught up in the rapid pace of modern life and sometimes need to be slowed down a bit. “What’s the hurry?” is a phrase that my wife uses with me a lot. She’s right; of course, there really isn’t any need to hurry most of the time. It’s just that I’ve gotten so used to getting on to the next thing that I sometimes don’t take the time to enjoy the thing that I’m doing at the moment. Not so fast!

Sometimes she’ll say, “What else have we got to do today?” Usually there isn’t anything else that is women looking at watchall that pressing, it’s just me trying to get to whatever the unknown next thing is for the day. So, maybe it’s time for me, and perhaps some of you, too, to say “not so fast.” Maybe it’s time to slow down and enjoy what we are doing now and enjoy the people that we are doing it with; rather than always looking ahead to the next thing and hurrying to get there. Not so Fast!

There are things that we can do that almost force us to slow down. Going to a baseball game is one. Baseball just isn’t a hurry up type game. There’s no shot-clock in baseball or any hurry-up, two-minute offense. There are efforts to speed up the game a bit, so as to shorten the length of games; but who really wants to cut short a day in the stand when the sun is shining, the weather is nice and there are hot dogs to be consumed. Not so fast!

multitaskerElsewhere in life there are endless examples of things that we enjoy more when we take the time to give them our full attention and time. Even in our work lives the rush to get something done in a hurry often leads to more mistakes than good. We fool ourselves into believing that we can “multi-task”, when all we are really doing is screwing up multiple things at one time. In our personal relationships, one of the biggest reasons, I believe, that so many marriages end in divorce is that there was a rush to the altar before the relationship had been given time to mature beyond the physical ardor and into true affection, understanding and love. Not so fast!

In our daily lives we hear terms like “getting a rush on” or “being on the fast track” or “getting up to speed” and “full speed ahead” to describe success, or the path to success. We have speed dating,chasing brass ring because we need to make quick decisions and get on to the next candidate. We have Fast Food places with drive-through windows so that we can eat in our cars or carry the meal home. Many of us are now connected 24 X 7 through our ever present devices and constantly temped to take a quick peek to see if we are missing anything. We spend more time seeing that we are not missing anything else than actually doing what we might be currently engage in. Not so fast!

I have slowed my pace a bit (though not enough for my wife, yet) as I get older and I try a bit harder to focus upon the moment and not worry about the future or what else I might be missing. I still check my phone way too often to see if there are new messages; although, I do note that most man relaxingnew messages are n no importance and just get deleted right away. I wasn’t missing anything anyway. I’m trying to take my wife’s advice and slow down to enjoy the moment. In other words, I’m trying to live my life – Not so fast!

What about you? Are you still on life’s treadmill with it set for an uphill run? Are you looking past the moment to see if there’s anything else to do? Are you enjoying the people you are with now or constantly looking for someone else. Here are three little words that can change your life – Not so fast!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Let your light shine…

November 18, 2014

“ As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”  ― Nelson Mandela

We occasionally sing a little song in church that has the line, “This little light of mine; I’, going to let it shine.” That little ditty comes from the gospel song titled This Little Light of Mine and is a favorite for children’s choirs.

The essence of the message in that little song is that the singer is going to let his/her faith shinewalking candle through in the things that they do. I like Mandela’s take on that because it is true that by our actions and deeds we unconsciously empower others to act the same way – to let their own lights shine through.

Have you ever been in a group where one person breaks the ice by speaking to others or sharing a story? Did you notice that after that person got things started everyone eventually joined in? It’s human nature. Most of us don’t like to be the first to speak or to say hello to others; we prefer to hold back and wait for someone else to initiate things. Sometimes I’m that way, especially if I walk into a social situation with a whole bunch of people that I don’t know.

I’m a Chamber Ambassador in our local Chamber of Commerce and one of my duties as an
introductionAmbassador is to make sure that visitors to our various social and networking functions, like our Coffee Club, don’t end up standing in the corner of the room like a deer in the headlights. That can happen very easily, since most of the people who regularly go to our events know each other and tend to clump together in ad hoc little cliques during the events (that’s human nature, too). So my job is to take the visitor by the hand and introduce them around to the others in the room. A side benefit for me is that it forces me to overcome my own natural reticence in those same situations.

The little saying doesn’t necessarily have to have an overtly religious meaning. At it’s core is the thought to let your personality shine through; to let what you have to contribute to the situation – your knowledge, your opinions and your thoughts –  come out and be heard. All too often I find that people hold back because they think that they have nothing to contribute. That is especiallyopinionated true if the conversation or situation is being dominated by an opinionated blowhard who believes that he or she is the smartest person in the room. However, there is one thing which that person absolutely does not know and that is what your opinion is on the topic at hand. Whatever that opinion is, it comes from a different point of view than any other that has already been expressed. Let your light (and opinion) shine at that moment and you may be the catalyst that sparks a good conversation in the group, rather than having to put up with a domineering bore.

Religious connotations aside, another meaning for this little ditty focuses upon doing good, helping others and doing what is right. The impact of one person taking the initiative to start something good, do something good or say something good can be amazing. We hear all the time about some post on You Tube “going viral”, meaning that is has suddenly attracted thousand or even  millions of views. Someone initially posted that video to let it’s light shine. We also have seen the commercial on TV about saving for retirement where a very small domino is tipped over into a slightly larger domino which then tips over onto a bigger one, and so on, and so on; until at the end this huge domino falls. That first domino was a little light being allowed to shine. To see a video about that domino effect, click here.

So, do you let your light shine or do you hold back and wait for others to go first? Mandel’s message was, that by letting your light shine through acts or deeds or words, you give permission to others to let their lights out to shine, too. Soon you have a room full of shining lights. Here is a great example of a flash mob that was started by a single singer and takes on a life of its own as more and more people let their lights shine – the Do-Re-Mi video. Don’t you think that every traveler in that train station had a better day because of being a part of that? I do.

Have a great day and let your light shine – someone needs a jump start from you today.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Saying goodbye…

November 17, 2014

“I’ll see you down the road!”  (Circus good-bye) – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog. Jack explained that this phrase was often used by circus people in the heyday of traveling circuses. Jack went on to expound a bit on the fact that circus people are just like anyone else and to talk about the fact that traveling circuses often have a chaplain with them to serve the religious needs of the troop’s members.

Several years ago my wife and I visited Circus World in Baraboo, Wisconsin.  Circus World in Baraboo is one of Wisconsin Dells greatest attractions for Family Fun, Magic Shows, Circus Animals and more! That is if you visit it during the summer, while they are putting on daily shows. We happened to visit during the off-season, but it was still a fascinating place, with a huge collection of historic circus memorabilia. Baraboo, Wisconsin is where the traveling circuses of the early 20th Century used to circus1winter over and has the world’s largest collection of circus wagons from the era when the entire circus (animals and all) traveled about in large, ornate wagons.

Eventually those wagons were loaded onto trains for transport over long distances; however, the wagons were off-loaded at the edge of the town in which the circus was playing and used in a parade through the streets of the town as a promotion for the upcoming performances. There was usually a big calliope wagon leading the parade and many of the wagons may have been pulled by elephants.  The circus parade was quite an event in those cities and towns.

But, getting back to the quote for today; “I’ll see you down the road” was more than just the typical good-bye phrase, “I’ll see you later.” Contained within it is the acknowledgement of the common trapeesselifestyle shared by the circus troop of living on the road. It also had the positive connotation that this was really not good bye, because I fully expect to see you again. It might not have been unusual for certain acts to join or leave the troop, depending upon the size of the booking for the next town. There were also circuses that had both three-ring shows and single-ring shows, again depending upon the size of the expected audiences in the town.

In our modern lifestyle this good-bye might be appropriate for those who are ardent campers or RV’ers. Those people tend to see each other in different camp settings as they travel around. Some groups, likecamper the Tin Can Tourists that focus upon vintage travel trailer living are very organized and hold rallies and events to celebrate their hobby and lifestyle. Tin Can Tourists have one of those events out at Camp Dearborn every summer. I’m sure that the phrase, “I’ll see you down the road”, would be a very appropriate good-bye for members of that group.

woman wving on motor scooterI suppose one can also make the case that life is a journey and the phrase, “I’ll see you down the road”, is an appropriate way to say, “See you later.” It makes one sound sophisticated or, at least somehow, more worldly. Try it and see what reaction you get from those that you meet. As we head into the new week, I’ll see you down the road with more posts.

 

 

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Posted by Norm Werner

The person I was meant to be…

November 16, 2014

A reader of one of my recent blog posts sent me a little note of thanks for reminding her that it was OK to just be yourself, as she put it “to be the person that I was meant to be.” That brought to mind how many times we might say to ourselves “I never meant to be that way” or “ maybe “it was meant to be” or perhaps “this is the way that God meant it to be.”

I’m not a believer in predetermined destiny. I think we all create our own destinies. I was always taught that God allows us all free will, but reveals to us a correct path if we just ask – “correct” in the sense of making better decisions rather than one that lead us into trouble. There are people who wear those little rubber bracelets that have the initials WWJD on them – What Would Jesus Do – as a reminder to stop and think before making life’s decisions. For them, it’s a way to interject some of the lessons of the Bible back into the decision-making in their daily lives.

Back to the original opening thought. The intent of this person’s email was to say thanks for making me feel better about just being myself, about loving myself for who I am and for not worrying about what others may think about that. So, it’s not so much that she was meant to be who she is; but, rather, that, who she has turned out to be is OK with her. She is at peace with herself and that, for many, is a huge victory in life. I have known many people who never seemed to get comfortable with who they are. They were always striving to be like someone else and thus they were always unhappy when they could not achieve that goal. It is truly a happy thing when you can be at peace with who you have turned out to be.

I’ve also see the cute little phrase “Lord, please make me the person that my dog thinks I am” on T-shirts and other things and it points to the same thought process. Your dog gives unconditional love to you and asks for your love back. What could be more straightforward or simpler than that? If we all lived life with no other guidance than that, I suspect the world would be a much better place.

Are you at peace with who you’ve turned out to be? If not, get one of those little WWJD bracelets and dogwear it for a while. Maybe it will cause you to stop and take different directions on the life decisions that you have to make. Go get a dog, too. And, don’t get a puppy, get some lonely dog at the pound who needs a home. He (or she) needs you as much as you need him and that will work well for both of you. Think of it this way – you’re both lonely and afraid and in a cage that life has landed you in and both of you can free the other to live a better life. Then try to live up to the phrase on the T-shirt and be the person that your dog thinks you are.

Have a great week ahead!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Bob Dylan was wrong on this…

November 15, 2014

“What’s money?  A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to.”  (Bob Dylan)

I’ve had a tough time with that Bob Dylan quote ever since I saw it on the Jack’s Winning Words blog. Dylan was a pop-culture giant of the era that I grew up in and had a massive influence on the music of the time; but he was a crappy philosopher if he believed that quote. One can make a quote like that only if one has enough money already to have become a cynic.

If I were to modify Dylan’s quote, so that it makes more sense to me it would read, “A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he can to make others’ lives better.”

Success isn’t about money. That part I think Dylan had right. It isn’t about possessions or titles or power. Success is about being well thought of by others because you cared and you helped. Success is man winning raceabout being happy with yourself at the end of the day because you know that you gave it your best effort and got as much done as you could. Success is seldom measured in the miles that you’ve traveled, but rather in the few inches of progress that you’ve made. Accolades and applause are external things that sometimes come with it, but success really is an internal thing in which you take your own measure of what you’ve accomplished verses what you set out to do. If you’ve set the bar high for yourself, successes are just progress reports along the way to that higher goal.

reaching goalSometimes we take on things that we know going in we cannot beat. Worthy causes like overcoming world hunger or finding the cure for cancer or ending domestic violence are just too big for any one person to be able to claim success; however, if you define a reasonable role for yourself – maybe in terms of fund raising for a charitable organization that is fighting the fight, or maybe in terms of personal service to the cause; you can reach your personal goals and justifiably declare yourself to be a success.  It is important to pause after those little successes and celebrate, before taking on the next goal. Just as I have opined here in the past about liking yourself; it is important to reward yourself for success in achieving your goals.

So, every night, as you end the day, reflect on the little personal successes that you’ve had.  Successes don’t always have to be defined in terms of external things or causes; they may be as small as not eatingman thinking that second donut in your effort to lose weight or maybe making that extra little effort at the gym. Acknowledge yourself and your efforts. Celebrate your little successes and then plan to build on them for tomorrow. There is an old saying about success building upon success; and that can become true in your life.

Many times, if your focus is on things other than yourself, it may be hard to see anything of any significance that you accomplished during the day towards that bigger, external goal. Maybe you didn’t collect a single dime of donations or help a single needy person; however, if you were out there spreading the word about the need you have been successful.  If you educated one person who didn’t know about or understand the cause or the need, you have been successful.  If, through your actions and deeds, you have influenced one more person to join the cause, you have been successful.

So, how do you define being successful? Are you still measuring your success against some monetary goal? Is getting that new car or that bigger house the key to your success? Is getting to that executive level job the only way that you will be successful in your mind? Is having power success for you? So, why are you not smiling? Did that last raise or promotion bring you the feeling of success that you strugglewere seeking; or did it just leave you with that empty feeling that there must be more to life that just those pursuit of those things.

The good news is that there is more to life and it has little to do with most of what you may have been chasing in your pursuit of success.  The other good news is that there is a great book for you to read as a guide to achieving the success that you long for – it’s called the Bible. The bad news is that the author of most of the advice in that great book was not impressed with material things. In fact he advised those who would follow him to sell all that they had and give the money to the poor. You may not have to go that far, but you do need to do a radical reset of what you define as success in life.  A favorable side-effect of doing that is that what makes you happy in life also gets reset. In the end, you may well be living your life by this philosophy –  “A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he can to make others’ lives better.”

Strangely enough,your life will get better, too; and you will feel like a success.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Embrace your little happy’s

November 14, 2014

“I’m happier now, because…”  (Nataly Kogan)  – from a recent post at the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Kogan’s book – 3 Minutes A Day tells about Nataly who founded “Happier, Inc.”  After discovering that chasing the “big happy” wasn’t working, she began to look for the little happys in her life, like making a smilely-faced pancake for her young daughter…the things that brought her joy.  Her Happier website invites people to share their small, tiny, positive moments.

man mad at himselfFor most people the realization will eventually set in that chasing the big happys often only results in disappointments or frustration in life. Learning to be satisfied with life’s little everyday happy moments is a much better path to take.  Happiness is often accompanied by a sense of contentment, at least for a little while. But, life goes on and it is all too easy for one notice out on the horizon the next big happy that could be chased.  Once that next big thing becomes the thing to chase in order to be happy, the feeling of contentment with the current fades quickly away.

I suppose that we could all say, “I’m happier now, because it’s Friday”, but that isn’t the point that Nataly is trying to get across. I suspect that we all fall into the trap of chasing what she calls “the big happy.” In my mind that is when you have this big thing out there that you just feel sure will make you happy if you ever get it or achieve it. Maybe that thing is a possession – “I’ll be happy of I get that new car”; or, maybe it’s achieving some goal or accomplishing some task, like, “I’ll be happy if I get that promotion.” For some people the key to their happiness is supposedly to travel to some exotic place. For many the belief is that happiness will be theirs when they meet Mr. or Ms. Right.

The point that Kogan seems to be making is that we can all be happier if we focus on all of life’s little smiling manvictories and happy moments that we experience every day, instead of becoming obsessed with chasing a few “big happys.”  What are the little things that make you happy? Would you smile and be happy, if only for the moment, if someone gave you a pancake shaped like a smiley face?  The fact is that we get lots of smiley faces every day, if we just know how to look for them. Sometimes they are gestures of thanks for something that you did, like holding a door open for someone or helping a stranger carry something. Many times they are the small, sometimes hasty, thank-you’s that we get from significant others or children for something rather ordinary that we did for them. Learn to accept them as little smiley faces in your life and be happier because of them.

bathWhat little things in your daily life make you happier? These are your little happy’s. Accept them and embrace them. They are what takes life beyond tolerable and makes it worthwhile. You may find that a strange side-effect of being satisfied and content with life’s little happy’s is that life’s big happy’s just naturally happen, too. It’s all part of living life with a positive mental attitude.

So, listen to the words of Bobby McFerrin’s song and Don’t Worry, Be Happy. As you listen complete the sentence in this post title for yourself –“ I’m happier now, because…”

 

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Posted by Norm Werner

Smile your way to a great day…

November 12, 2014

“Your day will go the way the corners of your mouth turn.”  (Unknown). I saw that little saying on the Jack’s Winning Words blog recently. It certainly makes sense. Have you met people who always have a frown on their faces? Speaker of the House, John Boehner, immediately comes to mind. Boehner always looks pained and unhappy, like his underwear are riding up in a permanent wedgie. I can’t recall more than one time seeing him look happy in news coverage.

I do know some people whose normal mien is a down turned mouth. At best, with a full smile on their face sad looking manheir mouths may reach a neutral position. You kind of get used to looking for other facial clues with them – a twinkle in the eye, for example. Most people actually have “at rest” facial expressions that might initially be taken the wrong way. I know that I do. When the face is completely relaxed, it does tend to droop a bit and the lips turn down. One has to work at it a bit to appear to be happy, with a smile. I think that comes fairly naturally if you are happy. The completely at rest face is an outward sign of a somewhat blank mind, but for many that results in a look that can be too serious  at best (I get that a lot) and angry at worst. The old saying, “he looks down in the mouth” might have been uttered about someone who really wasn’t sad or angry, but just looked that way to others.

So, the solution is to be cognizant of what your face looks like if it is in its normal rest position and make the effort to put a smile on it. It doesn’t have to be a big, idiotic smile; just enough so that people who meet you get the impression that you are happy or content or at least someone that they might what to get to know. Don’t be the guy or gal that others avoid because you look like you’re ready to bite someone’s head off.

It’s a much better start to a conversation if someone says, “you look happy, what’s the occasion?” than if they note, “you look mad about something, I hope it’s not something that I’ve done.” People are much moresmiling girl comfortable being curious about something good than inquiring about what appears to have you so upset. Co-workers and bosses also prefer to deal with people who seem to be in a happy frame of mind; as opposed to someone who looks like they are about to be fired.

Resolve every morning to make your day the way that your mouth curls and then make sure that it is curled up in a smile. Have a great day and a great rest of the week. It’s hump-day, which is something to smile about.

 

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Posted by Norm Werner

Just be yourself…

November 9, 2014

As a rule I don’t listen to much music anymore. I have lots of it from my past interest in it and I have an iPhone and an iPad and iWhatever’s that I might need to download and listen; but I have other things that are more interesting to do and which take up my time. Listening is unavoidable at the gym that I visit every morning, since music is constantly on in the background. On Zumba days at the gym and on days when there is a group exercise class going on the music is an integral part of the sessions, providing the past-paced beat for the classes.

So, this morning I was going through my workout routine at the gym when a song came on in the background that caught my attention, mainly for its message. It is Joey McIntyre’s song “Stay the same.” The song resonated because that is topic that I have written about in the past, or at least I’ve written about being yourself and liking yourself ( see my three little words post on I like me or the post on “First believe in yourself”). In this song Joey sings about staying the same and not trying to change yourself; but, rather liking who you are.

look in mirorThe journey from childhood to adulthood sometimes takes a tortuous path through the badlands of self-doubt, self-denigration and sometimes self-destruction as developing youth struggle with finding their identity and being happy with what they find. We are surrounded by media images of perfection – the perfect face, the perfect hair and perfect bodies – so, it’s no wonder that many impressionable young minds come to the conclusion that they are not perfect and need to change something, maybe everything. They become enamored with the surface, with what they can see in the mirror, not what other “see” in them.

It is perhaps one of life’s greatest lessons to learn how to “see” beyond the superficial surface in people and find the true beauty of the person within. Equally important is learning how to be comfortable and confident with your own inner person and finding ways to let that part of you shine through. You can easily recognize people who have mastered that life lesson because of their smiles. Confident people often smile, not just because they are happy, but also because they are happy with themselves and they are unafraid of what others might think. It’s not that they don’t care what you think about them; it’s that what you think about them is not going to define them. They do not need your approval to be comfortable with who and what they are. They may seek your friendship; but, not because they need you to validate them.

Many struggle with establishing their own identity during those formative years. Some choose to run with a crowd full of people that they can emulate. The members of their crowd may dress alike, talk alike and act alike. Sometimes that is a at the gymbad thing, if the crowd becomes a bullying clique at school or elsewhere. Sometimes youth become fan-atics, following a particular performer or star in ways that can become obsessive. They may dress like their idol and change their appearance to look more like them, too. Fortunately most youth grow out of both of those options and eventually find their own identity. Somewhere in that transition is where they learn to like themselves, to accept what they look like, sound like and act like.

Both boys and girls (and many adults) may still go through a period of acting or disguising themselves to some extent while they are dating. They may take weight off, learn to make themselves up a bit more, dress a bit nicer, act a bit nicer, go to places that they would not normally frequent and perhaps do things that they would not normally do, all in search of the perfect mate. This is another phase in which just being yourself is actually the better strategy. Too many marriages later dissolve because the charade is dropped after marriage and one or both partners feel somehow cheated with what they are left with, especially if things progressed very fast and the opportunities weren’t taken to reveal the underlying people that were there all along. Marriage is a bond and commitment which should be made between two people who both “see” the other person for who they really are and love that person that they “see.”

accept me as I am So go listen to the song “Stay the same” and then get comfortable and confident with who and what you are. Learn to like yourself. Learn to love having time alone with just you. It will make it much easier to lile or love others.

Have a great week ahead!

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Posted by Norm Werner

What you “see” is what you get…

November 6, 2014

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”  (Henry David Thoreau) – from the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

We are a visually oriented society. We use phrases like, “see the inner beauty”, “I see where you’re going with that”, and “I can see you point of view.” Those all indicate things that can’t really be looked at, but which are “seen” in our minds eye. Thoreau’s little quote was talking about just such a thing.

We humans have the ability to look beyond the surface of what we see and “see” something different, perhaps deeper that women dreamingwhat appears on the surface.  In fact, sometimes we don’t have to look at something in order to “see” it. Love can’t be looked at, but you can “see it in someone’s eyes or how they interact with someone that they love. In the movie Avatar the phrase “I See You” took on added meaning, because for the creatures of that planet seeing one another went well beyond just looking at the other person. Mark Twain put it well when he said – “The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn’t indicate or promise, and which the other kind couldn’t detect.”

Do you look at people with a “seeing eye” or do you dwell upon their surface, studying their features, body, hair and such. What a pity to never really get to know them, if that is the case.

In the Jimmy Cliff song, “I can see clearly now,” the act of seeing takes on a more metaphysical meaning and relates to clearing away depression and dealing with life from a more positive point of view. Seeing is often associated with one’s perspective and that perspective may be influenced by many things, including one’s background and education. Two people can observe a destitute man/woman on the street; one may “see” a bum to be avoided and the other may “see” a fellow human being who needs their help. They will react differently to what they “see.”

Life’s challenges are oft “seen” in different ways too. Some cannot “see” past the challenge or “see” a solution to the butterfly 2problem; but for others the words of Jonathan Swift apply – “Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others.” How’s your vision? Do you just see the problems and not the solutions? Open your eyes and your mind to the possibilities and think positively. You will “see” things in a different light – the light of positive thinking. Remember these words from Anais Nin – “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” You have the power to change your attitude and then the things that you see will change, too.

Look around you and ”see” the world as it can be for you and the people in it for who they really are. “We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.” – Jawaharlal Nehru.

 

Open your eyes and “see”.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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