Be flexible, not ignorant.

February 19, 2020

Jack Freed used this quote recently in his blog, Jack’s Winning Words  – “Blessed are the flexible, for they will not be bent out of shape.”  (Unknown)

In football one often hears the phrase “bend but don’t break” to describe a defense strategy of being flexible, but no allowing the runner or pass receiver to get past the defense.

It seems these days that there is a lot less flexibility in people, especially where politics is concerned. People tend to get bent out of shape, rather than have the ability to bend a bit to see the other person’s point of view. The political side have become much too rigid in their stances on the issues. Compromise – the political equivalent of bending rather than breaking has become a lost art.

Jack used another quote today that seems appropriate to add here – “Nothing is worse than active ignorance.”  (Goethe)

Were Goethe alive today he might label the current political situation as being representative of active ignorance. The two sides are so rigid in their positions that they refuse to even try to see the other’s point of view, especially where the solutions to the problems are concerned. It’s not so much that they disagree upon the problems, just on the best approach to fixing them.

Goethe’s term “active ignorance” alludes to the inability (inflexibility) to learn and change, especially from one’s mistakes in life. Sometimes people can become so entrenched with their beliefs that not even overwhelming proof that those beliefs are wrong can change them. Global warming immediately comes to mind.

Sometimes people who have a change of heart and mind find that they are still trapped and categorized by memories of their past, at least by others. It’s not that they have not been flexible enough to learn from their mistakes and change; but, rather, that others refuse to see the change in them and relegate them to their past positions. I remember when George Wallace proclaimed that he had  realized the mistakes of his racist past and changed his mind and heart on topics of race. Almost no one believed him. As a four-time governor of Alabama and a four-time Presidential candidate, Wallace was the personification of racism and resistance in the South to integration. Then in 1982 he changed -“We thought [segregation] was in the best interests of all concerned. We were mistaken,” he told a black group in 1982. “The Old South is gone,” but “the New South is still opposed to government regulation of our lives.” So, ,he was still inflexible on some things.

More recently, Michael Bloomberg has been held up to scrutiny for his past actions as Mayor of New York; specifically his “stop and frisk” campaign against violence in the city that was primarily aimed at blacks and Latinos. Bloomberg has admitted that he was wrong and stated that he has learned from his mistakes. Goethe might have been proud, but his Democratic opponents need something negative to say about him and are not yet ready to move on. They remain bent out of shape.

So, how about you? Are there things that bend you out of shape? Are their prejudices that you just can’t let go of? Are there pre-conceived notions about people, places, or things that dictate how you live your life? Are you willing (or do you even try) to see the different points of view that you might encounter in a day or do you “hunker down” in the shelter of your closed beliefs. Are you flexible or rigid? Do you do the intelligent thing and seek knowledge of the situation before making a judgement or remain actively ignorant? If you at least think, before you act that is a starting point that Goethe might be able to appreciate.

 Be flexible, not ignorant. Have a thoughtful day.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Advice from Ben Franklin…

February 18, 2020

In today’s post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Freed used this quote that is attributed to Benjamin Franklin – “Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.” 

Franklin was probably referring to those who stick their nose in where it doesn’t belong, or to those who jump into arguments seeking to be peacemakers. It often happens that the anger that was being vented between the arguing parties becomes refocused onto the peacemaker. We sometimes see on the nightly news that some would-be peacemaker in a street argument ends up being shot or injured by one of the parties to the argument.

While being a peacemaker is sometimes dangerous or difficult, it is a role to which we have been called. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (Matthew 5:9)

Perhaps suffering the occasional bloody nose is the price that one must pay to be a peacemaker. Peacemakers are the “first responders” in life’s brouhaha’s . Defusing a disagreement that could get out of hand requires that one jump in, separate the parties and stop the progression of the situation. Once the escalation of emotions is halted; the peacemaker can determine a course of action by listening to the two sides. Often it is a misunderstanding of what has been said or the words that were used. Sometimes just helping one or both parties understand what it is that they are disagreeing upon is enough to calm things down. Sometimes not.

In some cases, the best that the peacemaker can achieve is détente, a pause that one hopes will lead to a more permanent understanding. Even that may be looked at as a win, since the situation was calmed to the point where it didn’t boil over into physical conflict. Perhaps  the bloody nose that the peacemaker might have suffered that provided the outlet for the anger that was driving the situation.

Whatever the situation, it is better to act, to interpose as Franklin put it; than to sit by and do nothing, even if there is an element of danger involved in acting. Why? Because you know, it is right to do so.

So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. (James 4:17 )

And, what if you don’t act? Maybe Franklin would have put it this way –

Those who sit by and do not act, most often regret it after the fact.

Do the right thing! Be a peacemaker. Your nose will heal and you will be better for having acted.

Peace be with you.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What is your religion?

February 13, 2020

“When I do good, I feel good.  When I do bad, I feel bad.  That’s my religion.”  (A. Lincoln)

Those were the words of wisdom from today’s post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog. Jack went on to write that Lincoln was not a member of any organized religion, but he certainly did a lot more good in this world than many of his era that were church goers. Religion is sometimes defined as the practice of one’s faith, what one believes in. One would be hard presses to find a better example than Abe Lincoln of someone who practiced what they believed in.

So, the question, “What’s your religion”, really boils down to what do you believe and do you practice what you believe? Churches tend to build complex sets of rules and rituals for the practice of beliefs, turning them into dogma which cannot be challenged. Disagreements over that dogma has lead to the splintering of churches or religions, not matter what beliefs  they were originally based upon. That is why we have so many different faiths and denominations and sects within faiths. At their core, most are defined by a belief in a supreme being (God in whatever name is used). Once you get past that simple core belief, one begins to encounter the hand of man in the accepted practices of worshiping that God. Let the dogma begin. Most practitioners of religion eventually find a set of dogma that they can accept and settle into one of these groups, secure in their knowledge that they are practicing the one, true religion, while all others are doomed.

At least the religion that Abe Lincoln professed has very simple and straightforward rules – do good and feel good about it or do bad and feel bad about it. Jesus put it that we should love others as He has loved us and do unto others as we would have them do to us.  I suspect that you would end up doing good if you accepted that as your religion. Leave the dogma stuff to the people who are more concerned about perpetuating their institutions than about the faith that underpins their religions.

Perhaps you can reinforce your religion by saying a little prayer each morning asking God to help you practice what Jesus preached – love one another. Another of Jack’s posts came to mind as I am writing this. As much of a reach as it may be to see the connection here that quote from Emily Post was this –

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.  If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.” 

If you are sensitively aware of the feelings and needs of others and do something to help (do good) you have good religion, no matter what church (Sect/group/denomination/etc.) you worship in. Just keep the faith and all else will take care of itself.

What is your religion?

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Posted by Norm Werner

Imagine success…

February 10, 2020

In a today’s installment of the Jack’s Winning Words blog, Pastor Jack Freed used this quote –

“Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited about what could go right.”  (Tony Robbins)

I’ve also posted here a few times about not wasting your time worrying about all of the bad  things that might happen .

Robbins’ advice isn’t so much about not worrying as it is about completely refocusing your thoughts. Many professional athletes (especially pro golfers) use a technique called visualization to “see” the result that they desire before they even swing the club. They do not stand there worrying about how to get out of the sand trap next to the green. They have trained themselves to see and get excited about what could go right. In their mind’s eye the ball will gently land on the green and roll right into the cup. They imagine success, not disaster.

As you face a new day and a new week, there are probably challenges ahead that you already know about, at work or at home. You could spend your time fretting about what could go wrong or you can visualize how you are going to make things go right. Visualizing success does not completely discount any challenges that may be there, but it does “see” how you are going to handle and overcome them. It give you the confidence to face them, because you have already dealt with them in your mind and see the positive outcome.

Many events that you may be visualizing will have some unpleasant moments – moments of sadness or fear or anger. It is the fear of an unknown outcome that paralyzes many people. Visualizing how you will handle them and get through them allows you to “see” the desired outcome at the end of the event…it removes the unknown from the equation and allows you to imagine success.

Perhaps the best way to “see” success is to first visualize that God is there with you, giving you the advice and help that you need. Pro golfers have their caddies right there with them, helping them determine the right club to use and where to aim. You can visualize yourself walking into the situation ahead with God at your side to give you the strength and advice that you need to succeed. Start your day out with a quick prayer to ask for God to be with you throughout the day. Then visualize what the two of you can do together. Imagine what God can do to help you.

It’s going top be a great day and a great week ahead. Imagine success!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Thinking of selling…what should I do? Start with the 3-C’s.

February 9, 2020

As thoughts of spring start to creep into people’s minds, some start to think about selling their current home. For some, maybe it’s time to downsize. For others it may be time to make the move up from a starter home. Whatever the reason for the move, most quickly start thinking about what they should do to get their house ready to sell. Below are my thoughts on that, based upon almost 20 years as a Realtor°.

Many people think that the time to sell is the time to finally get to those  major updates that they have been putting off (for years). The short answer to that is DON’T DO IT. While a brand new kitchen or bath will help the house sell faster and for more, investing $30-40-50,000 in the house just as you about to move is not a wise investment. Sure, you may get more than half of the money back by getting a better sale price; but, who makes any other kind of investment with the hope of getting just half of it back? There are much better ways to spend a lot less and still help your house sell faster and for the most that it will bring.

The items that I stress with would be sellers are the three-C’s – Clutter, Condition. and Cleanliness.

The first thing that I tell would-be sellers is to spend time decluttering – getting rid of stuff that has accumulated in the house over time. Most people have too much furniture, too many accessory and accent pieces – just too much stuff. People who aren’t hoarders save lots of stuff because they think that they may need it some day or that they will give it to their children someday. I have news for you. They don’t want your old stuff. You may have 1-2 items that truly qualify as family heirlooms and have enough real or sentimental value for them to want them; however, most of your treasure would likely end up in the dumpster if you suddenly were gone. Ask the family about anything that you are keeping for  that reason and go ahead and give them the items now. Get it out of your house. Clutter is a major turn-off for buyers.

The condition of the house is next. This involves getting all of the little (or large) repairs jobs done. Most people get used to walking past that missing electrical wall outlet plate or dealing with the missing cabinet handle or pull. They are so used to seeing the chipped or dirty paint on the doorways that thyey don’t notice anymore. They see the dirty grout in the shower, but they just don’t have time to do anything about it. And those nail pops or drywall tape lifts are just what it is. So they conclude that would be buyers will overlook them, too. Not so! Poor maintenance is a huge turn off, even on small items. The buyers make the assumption (most of time they are correct) that if you haven’t maintained these small items, you probably let the big things, like the furnace, go unmaintained, too. They thought is reinforced if you also haven’t done updates in the last 10 years. In fact, the noticeable lack of maintenance heightens their concerns about the lack of updates.

Once you get the first two C’s handles, take care of the third “C “and give the place a thorough cleaning. Buyers will look differently at some of the other failures of the house if they think it is clean. It needs to look clean and smell clean. That may be hard in a basement area; however, a dirty and musty smelling basement is a huge turn-off and can sink and otherwise acceptable house. Cleaning includes doing something about that brown or black grout in the baths and making sure that the tubs, sinks and toilets don’t have rust stains or rings. Sometimes it is worth the cost to have a professional; crew come in and deep clean the house. It is certainly worth having all of the carpets cleaned. Also power washing the exterior, any decks or porches and the driveway (if it is concrete) is worthwhile. You might also wish to hire a window washing company to clean your windows. Do a good job on cleaning and you won’t have to worry about burning a scented candle during buyer visits. Buyer tend to think that you ‘re trying to hide something with those candles anyway. If you have pets, the visitors should not be able to tell that you have them by the smells or from pet hair all over.

So far, you haven’t spent big money and could, in fact, do all of those things yourself.  So what about the upgrades – the new kitchen or bathes? Leave those for the new owners. Yes, they need to be done and, yes, it will impact the sale price that they are not done; but now is not the time to sink big money into those updates. You should  have always been updating your home as you lived in it, so that you get to enjoy those updates. You didn’t; so, rather than beat yourself up over coulda, woudla, shoulda’s, accept the fact that your home is worth less on the market than it might have been worth had you done them and get on with life. Your Realtor might still suggest a fresh coat of paint for the interior, especially in high usage areas and maybe new carpeting or flooring in high traffic areas. There’s a cost for that, but still well below the cost of major remodeling.

Work with your Realtor to come  up with the best price for the house in the condition that it is in and then work to help him/her sell it for that price by keeping an eye on those 3-C’s while it is on the market. If your house is priced correctly to reflect its condition and the market in which it is competing, it should sell quickly to someone who will come in and do those major projects themselves. You’ll still have all of that money in your pocket and be ready to move on to the next phase of your life.

Most good Realtors are willing to go through your house and give you advice on the things that may need attention before the house goes on the market. Listen to their advice.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What makes you laugh?

February 5, 2020

A recent post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog got me to thinking about what makes me laugh. Jack posted this bit from Steven Wright – “Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time… I think I’ve forgotten this before.”

I remember really liking Wright’s humor and his ability to deliver it deadpan. Here are examples of some of his best routines – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9ciHpT4WuM

I grew up on a different kind of humor, the monologues and routines of Milton Berle, Sid Caesar and Red Skelton come to mind. Of course there was also George Burns, who used deadpan delivery and Groucho Marks, who off-hand and sarcastic remarks I found funny. One of the earlier wordsmithing comics that I remember was George Carlen, who could take a single word or theme and turn it into a whole routine. George suffered through the period in TV where the sensors restricted what he could say or at least what we could see of what he said. Here’s some of his best routines.

 I especially like comedians who play with words or whose humor forces one to think about what was just said and consider why we thought that was funny.

Some people prefer physical comedy, with prat falls or other visual things that tickle our funny bone. All of the early, silent film humor was based upon visual humor, since we couldn’t hear any funny lines. The Three Stooges, Abbot and Costello,and Martin and Lewis were more modern comedic teams that still relied quite a bit on the visual aspect in their humor. On the Carol Burnet Show, the humor of Tim Conway really came through when he was portraying the little old man shuffling as fast as he could from place to place. He always broke up Harvey Korman with that routine. Me, too.

Here are some of Tim’s best routines from that show – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me-BOWwtm2Q

I think we all need a little humor in our lives. Being too serious all of the time is a sure formula for health problems. Laughter allows us to break the tension of everyday life and, just for those few moments, get back to the innocence that we had as children. So find something that makes you laugh and take some time each day to go there and let go – laugh.

What makes you laugh?

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Posted by Norm Werner

You can’t wrap your head around God…

January 24, 2020

In today’s post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Jack used this quote, which appears to be his own thoughts – “They say that God is everywhere, yet we always think of him as somewhat of a recluse.”

Jack went on to relate a cute story about a child trying to understand the concept of God being everywhere.

The post and the story that he relates in it serve to illustrate one of man’s biggest challenges (and I might say failings) when it comes to God – the need to understand God within our limited abilities to define things. Our imaginations are so limited by our need to relate God to things that we can see, feel, touch or otherwise experience in the real world, that we are unable to find a place or category in which to put Him in our minds. We tend to use comparative phrases – “God is like…” – in order to try to get comfortable with the otherwise troubling concepts of God being everywhere, knowing everything, being all powerful and all of the other concepts and things that we have heard or read about Him during our lives. We are constantly trying to wrap our heads around the concept of God. But we can’t.

There is an argument t to be made that God sent His Son Jesus into our world as a physical embodiment that we might be better able to understand. We could see Jesus and touch Him and therefore we could believe in Him. Jesus made God real for us in terms that we can understand and made Jesus the route through which we could wrap our heads around God. Jesus even told us – “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

Jesus knew the limitations of men’s minds to understand  God and the concept of life after death and heaven. He used parables when he was trying to teach his Disciples as a way to relate what he was saying  to everyday things that they could understand. Even his description of Heaven is couched in terms that they could understand from their everyday lives. – “In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? “– (John 14:2).  

Faith is the only way to take the needed step beyond man’s limited ability to reason and understand. Instead of trying to wrap your head around God, by trying to understand God within your own limited intellectual context, one needs to shift from understanding to accepting, from being able to define God within the limitations of your own terms, to accepting God on His terms through faith.

We all have difficulty getting comfortable with the unknown and our imaginations can run wild trying to fill in the blanks. Sometimes fear takes hold and we imagine all sorts of terrible things. Sometimes cynicism overcomes us and we wander away from our beliefs and our faith. We can spend an inordinate amount of time wresting with potential explanations or definitions for God, but eventually it always circles back to faith – to our belief that the unknown that is God and the destination that is Heaven exist and that God will watch over us and Heaven awaits us, even if we don’t understand it.

We can’t wrap our heads around God; but, if we accept Jesus, we will start to experience, “The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)

Stop trying to wrap your head around God and just accept Jesus as your savior and your only route to eventually knowing God.

Peace be with you.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t get spit out; get committed…

January 23, 2020

“There are only two options regarding commitment.  You’re either IN or you’re OUT.  There is nor such thing as life in between.”  (Pat Riley)

That was the quote in a recent installment of the Jack’s Winning Words blog. Riley was referring to being committed in basketball terms, but he was also referring to life in general. Many seem to think that being a spectator in life means the same as being committed. It does not. I am reminded of the old saying , “The chicken was involved in the breakfast meal, but the pig was committed.”

Later is his post, Jack used this short quote from Revelations 3:16 – “Because you are lukewarm, I will spit you out.” Apparently, God wants us to get committed or get left behind.

But, how does one get committed in their faith? Actually, we got fairly specific instructions on that in the Bible. Many passages instruct the followers of Christ to share the Good News.  Some of the faithful take that commitment to the extreme, preaching from a soap box on a street corner; but, for most, there is another way to be committed.  

Two verses from the Bible  that I particularly like are these –

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”  (Matthew 5:16) 

“But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,” (1 Peter 3:15)

It seems to me that these passages are saying that living one’s life in quiet confidence of salvation and doing what is right for others (good works) is a great way to let the light of Christ shine through you. Showing gentleness and respect while defending your faith is just being consistent with that confidence.

We need not spend or days overtly bringing up our faith and cajoling others about their faith; rather we need to live our lives such that our decisions and actions reflect our faith. Often that will involve making decisions to help others or to do the “right thing” when faced with tough decisions. We should be able to look back at the end of the day and be proud of the decisions that we made and not ashamed of them. Some use the little reminder bracelets with the initials WWJD on them, because they help one stop and think about the decision at hand within the context of one’s faith.  Not every decision involves one’s faith, but many decisions have a right or wrong component to them that can benefit from that pause. The right or wrong component usually involves the decision’s impact upon others.

I have written here before that a good little prayer to start your day my include this line – “Help me make good decisions today.”  That helps you get committed for the day. Don’t get spit out. Get committed. Let His light shine through you.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t forget to forgive…

January 17, 2020

In today’s post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words, Pastor Jack Freed used this quote –

“Not the power to remember, but the very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.”  (Sholem Asch)

That may well be good advice; however, it is the power to forgive that is a necessary condition for true peace. Forgiving others is a key point in the prayer that Jesus left with his disciples – The Lord’s Prayer.

I have posted here a few times about how amazing the nightly news stories are about people who have been the victims of injustice or sometimes even savage violence saying that they have forgiven the perpetrators. They didn’t forget, but they are able to move on with life because they were able to forgive. Not surprisingly, many of those stories involve church members who suffered some atrocity or wrong while at church.

The first step to forgiving is to put whatever it is into the perspective of time. In most cases, one can say, “It happened, but it is over.”  So, put it behind you in time and then focus upon dealing with your feeling of the need for retribution. We often her people say that they are seeking justice; when, in fact, they are seeking payback. They seem to think that they will find peace in the fact that someone goes to jail or in the payment of some amount of money. Neither really brings the closure or peace that forgiving brings to the situation.

All of us have the ability to forgive, even if we can’t forget. Not being able to forgive most often means that we hold on to not just the pain of the event, but the feeling of the need for retribution. We keep a score to settle in our minds. That sense of need for payback keeps open the wound of the original incident, rather than allowing the wound to heal. We see life as a zero-sum game in which we need to inflict some sort of pain back in order to cancel out (zero out) our own pain.

Perhaps a better way to keep score is to see our ability to forgive as the means to zero-out things. We need to be able to forgive ourselves as well as others in order to avoid living in a negative state of mind. The Lord’s Prayer tells us to ask for forgiveness for our trespasses (sins) as we forgive the trespasses (sins) of others towards us. If we can do that to zero out the bad things that we do to ourselves or the things that others do to us, then we are left with only the good things in life to remember. That is a much happier place to reside than the dark pit of despair and vengefulness into which not being able to forgive leads.

As you start out today, think about the trespasses of others against you that you may be holding onto and focus not upon retribution but on forgiveness. Maybe saying the Lord’s Prayer will put you in the right frame of mind. At least you will have the comfort of knowing that you have asked for forgiveness of your own transgressions, and that is a great start to any day.

Don’t forget to forgive.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Thinking about love…

January 16, 2020

Today’s post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog is one of those short little ditties that gets you thinking about all of the other things that you have seen about it or could say about it. The quote was  –

“The duty of love is to listen.”  (Paul Tillich)

Almost immediately, the famous movie line “Love is never having to say you’re sorry” popped into my mind. Then came a flood of thoughts that might be quotes of their own from someone..

The opportunity of love is to share.

The reward of love is reciprocation.

If the duty of love is to listen; then the requirement of love is to act.

The opposite of love is not hate; it is apathy.

Once you start thinking about love, you eventually come around to Jesus final commandment that we “Love one another as I have loved you”.

He went on to say in the next verse of John 15 – Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

What do you think about when you read today’s quote? Hopefully those thoughts lead you down a happy path.

If you start down the path that Jesus laid out in John 15 it will lead you to a warm, secure and confident place where you know that you are loved.

Think about it.

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Posted by Norm Werner

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