We’re not all in this together…

April 7, 2020

Lately, we constantly hear the phrase, “We’re all in this together”; however, there are many who don’t seem to buy into that. There are the hoarders, who are obviously looking out only for themselves and their families. Then there are the ignorant, who refuse to believe that this is important enough and serious enough to inconvenience the, so they ignore the advice, and even the orders, to practice social distancing and avoid crowds. They are the beach party goers, those still playing team games and those in street corner groups. There is a tendency to sit back and go – “Tsk, tsk”.

A more insidious group are those that we see reported in news casts who have found ways to take advantage of others during this crisis. The scammers are not doing harmless things. Some are just finding ways to get money through frauds like fake charity sites.  Some are, in fact, leading many people to their deaths by schemes that extract money for fake cures or even collecting money from people at fake testing sites. The penalties for those people should be much more than just a fine; perhaps they should be charged with attempted manslaughter.

Some of the worst cases of ignorance may be the religious zealots and cultists who seem steadfast in their beliefs that God will somehow protect them from the virus. So, they believe that it is all right for them to continue to gather in their churches. If they were only putting themselves at risk one might be able to overlook them as harmless kooks; however, they go out into their communities after the church services, potentially spreading the virus and well as their good news.

I have posted here before about the divergence of faith and religion and the harmful effects that the hand of man in religion has caused. The latest examples of ignorance and intransigence from church leaders in Texas and elsewhere provide more fodder for religious skeptics. One minister was quoted as saying that they believe in healing by the laying on of hands and will deal with this pandemic that way. One can only hope that they avoid touching their faces while laying on hands (that hopefully have been washed).

We must all lean more heavily than ever on our faith and find ways (virtually, of course) to practice our religious beliefs, too. We can do that without endangering others. My church, like most others, has found a way to provide a church service experience remotely. I do the video each week and edit it to put in the music and graphics to help the viewers follow along. We post our services to YouTube. Other churches are using streaming services or Facebook to reach out to the congregation members with services, prayer sessions, bible studies and other church activities. Those alternatives help the participants reinforce the sense of being “all in this together” even if we can’t physically be together.

As people of faith, no matter of what religion, it is important for us all to find a way to use and share that faith to get through situations like our current one. As hard as it may be to initially accept; that includes finding ways to include those who were mentioned above – the ignorant and obstinate, the malevolent fraudsters and the religious cultists. We cannot turn our backs on them, even if they have turned their backs on us. We cannot leave them behind. If in no other way, we can at least include them in our prayers, asking God to be with them and accept them into His kingdom along with us. Only then, will we truly all be in this together.

Stay safe. Keep the faith. Share the faith.


NO, I’m not doing that anymore!

April 6, 2020

Like most of you, I had a routine, before all of this virus crisis started. It was a mundane routine that began at about 6 AM when the dogs got me up to go for their morning walk. I’d throw on my “dog-walking outfit’, which consists of a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and off we’d go. Our morning walks were usually about ½ hour; so, depending upon when they got me up, we were usually through before 7 AM. Then it was time to check emails and Facebook, look at my calendar of events scheduled for that day and maybe write a blog post. At 8 AM I usually walked down to the Rite Aid store a block away and got my morning paper (unless it was Thursday or Friday when it is still delivered). Most mornings my wife would make a breakfast or at least get out the cereal and pour a glass of orange juice. After breakfast, I would normally shower and get dressed for the day in a nice business casual outfit. Then it was on to the appointments and business of the day.

Well, that all changed about three weeks ago and dramatically so two weeks ago when Governor Whitmer issued her stay at home order. Both of the part-time jobs that I work at – as a Realtor and selling advertising for the Spinal Column Newsweeklies – came to a screeching halt under the governor’s order. Newspapers were exempted under the order, but literally all of the advertisers that I have as clients were immediately shut down. The order also restricted real estate agents from doing the things that they normally do – showing and listing houses, since both involved face-to-face time with clients. So, suddenly I had a completely open calendar.  (NOTE: Ever resourceful Realtors have since figured out how to do much of their business virtually.)

The dogs don’t understand that anything is happening, so they still get me up every morning about 6 AM. I still throw on my dog-walking outfit and we make our trek around the block to take care of business. I still check in on my email, although it is down quite a bit. Facebook has also changed, with threads about dealing with the virus now dominating. I still walk down to Rite Aid and get a paper most days and we still have breakfast. That’s when I noticed that things had changed  in a way that I don’t like. I have been getting latter and latter on my morning shower (which has even turned into an afternoon shower a few time) AND I have been exchanging one pair of jeans for another and sitting around in jeans all day.

That has to stop! I’m not doing that anymore. Sitting around in PJ’s or jeans all day is an admission of defeat and I will not let this thing defeat me. I may not have anywhere to go or any business appointments, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t put on a nice business causal outfit for the day. I am still conducting some business over the phone – talking to advertising clients and calling past real estate clients. Even though they can’t see me (I don’t use SKYPE for those calls), I know what I look like and it makes a difference to know that I am dressed as a business person while making those calls.

The other things that I’m not doing anymore is letting the situation drag me down into inactivity and boredom. That is like being a mime and allowing yourself to be trapped in an invisible box that is the product of your own imagination. There are just tons of things that need doing around the house and out in the yard at this time of year. Instead of having a calendar full of business appointments, I now have a calendar that was filled in from the “honey do” list that I had been avoiding tackling. My days will not be measured by how many dumb TV shows or old movies I’ve sat around watching all day; but, rather by how many things I can check off the list of things that I promised I’d get around to doing someday. That someday is here, now, and the stay at home order has become it’s “get to work” siren call.

wood worker

We all have the choice during this crisis of deciding if we will let it dictate our lives to us or we will remain in control of our lives and figure out how to live as best that we can under the situation at hand. Maybe you can stay in that one pair of jeans all day, but that doesn’t have to mean sitting around the house idle all day and feeling sorry for yourself. There are things to do and people to call and check up on. There are lawns that need raking and neatening up, closets that you’ve been promising yourself you would organize, small maintenance items around the house that you’ve been meaning to get to. There are always things that didn’t ever make the “A” list is our past lives that we now have time to get to. Sitting around and feeling sorry for ourselves should not be on any of those lists. I’m not doing that anymore and neither should you.

walking man

I have to go, now. I have things to do. But first, it’s time for my morning shower.


What soothes you during this crisis?

April 5, 2020

In his column today, Mitch Albom wrote under the headline “In a crisis, find the one thing that soothes you”. For Albom and his wife, that one thing is having a young man named Knox in their home during this crisis. Knox is from the orphanage in Hatti that Albom and his wife run. Knox was in America, staying at the Albom house, for a regularly scheduled therapy trip when the Covid-19 virus caused the shutdown of travel  back to Hatti.

For Mitch and his wife, being able to watch Knox explore and enjoy the things that they take for granted has provide them with a soothing distraction during the stay at home period. Perhaps the word “distracts” could be substituted for the word “soothes” in Albom’s headline; for it is something that takes you mind off the current crisis that his is describing.

There are many words that come to mind to describe the feelings, emotions or reactions that people are experiencing during this crisis. The words fear, frustration, anger, boredom and confusion all leap into the mind. But what is the one thing that is there not to distract us; but, to sooth us during this difficult period? I would argue that one thing is faith.

At the end of the day, every day, we all must put aside our feelings of fear or anger or frustration or whatever and seek comfort in the core beliefs that we hold. For Christians, those core beliefs always points to the same thing – that Jesus came to die for us, so that we might have eternal life. Nothing calms all of the concerns that our current situation has put us in more than a strong faith.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (Philippians 4:6-7)

This is not to say that we should do foolhardy things to expose ourselves to more risk. Practicing the recommended social distancing and staying at home to slow the spread of the virus arte both prudent and necessary. They are also not selfish acts; but rather acts of concern and kindness to others. One could and should view them as acts of faith. Viewing them that way allows us to see them as proactive acts, rather than reactive acts and we can feel good about doing our part, instead of feeling like a helpless victim of our circumstances.  

Bringing your faith to the surface during this crisis not only comforts you, but it empowers you to comfort others. We see and hear all of the messages that say, “we’re all in this together” (albeit standing 6 feet apart from one another) and “we’ll get through this together”. When you see or hear those messages, don’t you have a reflex reaction to look around at others to see if those around you are as afraid or concerned as you? What most are really looking for is are those people whose faith has made them strong enough to be offering aid and comfort to others.

YOU can be that person, once you have empowered yourself through your faith. Empowerment through faith always starts with the same thing – prayer to God. It is certainly OK to ask God for protection for yourself, but it is much more empowering if you ask for His protection so that you can do his work to protect and comfort others.

Another story in the paper this morning was about the role that many healthcare workers find themselves in as they provide the last bit of earthly touch and comfort to the dying in hospitals or nursing care homes who would otherwise be alone, due to visitation restrictions. Whether they acknowledge it or not, they are sharing their faith with those patients. Playing that role takes a huge emotional toll on those healthcare workers; but one cannot but see the hand of God in their efforts to provide comfort in those final moments. As you pray, pray for God to continue to give our healthcare workers the strength to play that role.

We cannot all be on the front lines of this crisis with the first responders and the healthcare workers; but we can all join in the effort through prayer and faith and by doing what we can. Perhaps that means making masks, collecting or distributing food, calling neighbors, friends and family to make sure everyone is safe or to see what they might need. Whatever you can do to put your faith in action will bring you comfort. At days end, when you have done all that you can do, pause and consider this…

“Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.”  (Esther 4:14) 

Keep the faith. Share the faith.


Don’t mess with your selfie…

April 3, 2020

In a recent post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words,  pastor Jack freed used this quote – “The easiest thing in the world to be is you.  The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be.  Don’t let them put you into that position.”  (Leo Buscaglia)

So, why is so hard for some  to just be yourself? I suspect that it is because we don’t necessarily like what we see when we look at ourselves. We take a mental “selfie” and immediately break out our copy of a virtual Photoshop to try to alter the picture.

For some it is their physical appearance with which they are uncomfortable. That may lead to all sorts of different and sometimes unusual steps to change that appearance. It may involve dying one’s hair bright orange or perhaps just wearing unusual clothes. Maybe it means getting a noose ring or a tattoo. It may even lead to plastic surgery to correct a perceived imperfection.

For others the desire to “fit in” may force dramatic changes in their behavior or lifestyle. If putting on the “uniform” of the group to which one wishes to belong isn’t enough, they change things like their vocabulary and speech patterns or maybe adopt a different lifestyle.

The rationale for making any of these changes is based upon trying to make yourself into something that you are not, to be something that you think other people want you to be. That rationale starts with your own dissatisfaction with what you see when you take that mental selfie. If you cannot love yourself and what you see in that selfie, it is natural to try to find others to emulate, in the mistaken belief that you will be happier being them than you are being you.

Life seldom works out that way. It is not until much later in life that most discover and appreciate the words of Meryl Streep – “What makes you different or weird, that’s your strength.” 

Maybe what you see in your mental selfie looks weird to you, or at least different. Start by embracing that and saying it is OK – it is your strength. In fact, maybe you should find ways to enhance and bring out those differences that make you unique. After all, they are your strength. Instead of being just another clone dressed in the cookie-cutter “uniform” of the crowd, you will stand out as someone with the confidence and strength of character to go their own way in fashion as in life. You might be surprised how attractive that can be.

How do you start to go your own way? Well, it starts with loving yourself and who you are. I’ve posted here about accepting and loving yourself first several times. Rather than spending your time seeking the approval of others, seek first approval of yourself. You must come to the conclusion that I am who I am, I like who I am and I’m not going to change who I am to suit others. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable you will be around others. In that comfort within your own skin you will find courage and confidence that will radiate from you and make you the type of person that others enjoy being around.

For some, loving yourself may start with accepting the fact that God loves you just the way yo are. God does not ask or expect you to change. He just loves you and accepts for who you are. After all, He made you what you are and how can you not love that. So, if you can accept the love of God, you should be able to love yourself and then you can go on to love others and be loved by others.

So, it is alright to look in the mirror in the morning and take that mental selfie. The goal should not be to makes changes to be like someone else; but, rather, to be the best you that you can be that day. Embrace the things that make you different. They are your strength. They empower you. Loving yourself will allow others to love you, too.

Today, start by taking that mental selfie and saying – “Hello world. Get a load of this. It’s me. Don’t you just love it? I do.”  The world will be a happier place because you let the real you shine through.


Take back control of your life…

April 1, 2020

I suspect that I have been like most of us during this crisis, either being swept along with it or going along to get along. For the first couple of weeks leading up to the stay at home order and for the first couple of days into that order, I was maintaining somewhat of a normal routine, in terms of getting up, getting showered and getting dressed for a business day. Eventually, I succumbed to the feelings of “why bother” and started staying dressed longer in my “walk the dogs” outfit of jeans and a sweatshirt that I normally put on when I get up. I also started just putting on a better pair of jeans when I finally did get cleaned up for the day.  So much for my normal business casual outfits.  It’s time to take back control of your life…

Today I decided to take control of my life back and get back to at least part of my old routine. Why? Because I refuse to let this crisis and the lifestyle changes that it has dictated for all of us completely run my life. Since I can’t actually visit with my clients and have to use email or phone calls, it is easy to ask, “Who will know” whether I’m in jeans or a business casual outfit? The answer is, “I will know.” That makes a difference; at least it does to me. It’s time to take back control of my  life…

There have been many Facebook posts from people who have begun lounging around the house all day in their PJ’s. In fact, Mike Morris, the TV personal injury lawyer, has a commercial running that shows him with a suit top and PJ bottom. One post that I saw talked of exchanging one’s daytime PJ’s for the nighttime version. For most it’s more probable that jeans have become the outfit of the day. How you dress during this crisis seems to be a trivial thing to focus upon; however, it is an important clue as to how this is all effecting you. Not getting cleaned up for the day and sitting around in your PJs or your weekend jeans all day is saying to the world – I’ve given up control of another aspect of my life. There are certainly enough things happening right now, over which we really have no control that we need not surrender on things that we can control. It’s time to take back control of your life…

The other aspect of taking this attitude is that it puts you in a better frame of mind to deal with the situation. By saying to yourself, “I will not let this thing dictate my entire life; I will stay in control of how I react to it”, you empower yourself. That empowerment will allow you to cope better with the travails that we are all facing. You can start making pro-active plans, rather than passively sitting there and waiting to react to whatever comes at you. It’s time to take back control of your life…

I’ve posted a few messages that were aimed at getting that same message to the small business people in my community and one that was specifically aimed at avoiding viewing yourself as a victim (see my post of March 21). It is all too easy to fall into that victim mentality, to surrender to the situation and find comfort in wallowing in self-pity; however, that is the slippery slope that leads to depression. The pervasive advertising messages that “We’re all in this together” and “We’re here for you”, tend to reinforce the idea that there’s nothing that you can do – that you are just a victim like everybody else Don’t allow yourself to focus on that message. It’s time to take back control of your life…

Sitting around in your PJ’s or jeans all day, watching TV or movies is not being in control. Stop worrying about what’s going to happen to me next and start thinking about what can I do about this next. For some that will mean finding meaningful ways to spend the time that they suddenly fine on their hands. Doing all of those little projects that you’ve been putting off is a much better way to spend the time. For others, there are tons of volunteer opportunities available during this crisis. Most organizations are taking steps to protect those volunteer workers, so that they don’t fall victim to the virus. Find the organizations that need help in your community. It’s time to take back control of your life…

walking man

Maybe you, like me, need to start by getting up each morning and getting ready for business. Your “business” now is greatly different that before this all started; however, if you start with the attitude that you ae going to remain in control, you are more likely to end the day with a sense of accomplishment and you will feel less like a victim. It’s time to take back control of your life…