Try to understand…

 

From my usual source for inspiration, the Jack’s Winning Words blog, comes this bit of advice –

“If you would judge, understand.”  (Seneca)

Understanding the point of view and motivation of others for the actions that they take or the things that they say is perhaps one of the hardest things for us to do. We hear alljudge things sorts of sage advice about walking a mile in the other person’s shoes; and, of course, there is that old saw, “Judge not, lest ye be judged”. The truth is that we all rush to judge the actions and words of others based solely on our own point of view. Even if we pause to ask ourselves, “What could have made them do that?”, it is hard to really understand the perspective from which the other person was viewing the situation.

How then can we make use of Seneca’s advice? Perhaps if we understand that we are judging something or someone it will give us some time to consider that judgement in a different light. Why does whatever just happened need to be judged? Did it offend me or threaten me in some way? Did it disparage something or someone that I hold dear? Does my opinion or the action or the person really matter or change anything? How can I try to see and understand the motivation and point of view of the person who committedno judgement the act that I felt I must judge?

Mentally going through even a few of those questions or more that you might think of can take the edge off of your need to render judgement and may even help you see the other side of the issue that caused the incident. You still may not understand the other side; but, if you can at least acknowledge that there is an “other side”, you are on your way to understanding.

Many times judgments are snap decisions rendered out of the emotions of the moment. Going through that small mental exercise of questioning the need to react can take the arrogantsituation out of the emotional realm and puts it into the intellectual realm, where logic and intelligence tend to blunt the need for a reaction. It turns the reaction into an exercise in trying to understand. You may never truly understand the other person’s point of view and actions, but maybe you will also hold your judgement of them in acknowledgement that you really don’t understand. I’ll bet Seneca understood that when he coined his little phrase.

Have a great, judgement free day…

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