Are you moving on?

“Sometimes you don’t get closure, you just move on.”  (Unknown) – from a post on my favorite source, the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

The concept of wanting to get “closure” on things that happen in your life is, at its root, an admission that you can’t move on, you can’t get past that incident, that rejection or snubwondering or that disappointment that you’ve just suffered. In fact, wanting to get “closure” may just be your method of prolonging the suffering; which, in some people, may be what they base their life around. We sometime hear of people described as “long suffering”; which means that they can’t get (or perhaps won’t accept) “closure” on some incident in their life. Just move on…

I would submit that almost all of the time people don’t get “closure” they just move on. I looked up “closure” and the best definition that I found that fits here is this one – Closure or need for closure are psychological terms that describe an individual’s desire for a firm answer to a question and an aversion toward ambiguity. The term “need” denotes a motivated tendency to seek out information. Just move on…

It’s that need (some might say obsession) for firm answers to why things happen in life that drives some people bonkers. They just can’t accept that some things that happenbored don’t have a firm or even logical reason or answer. Why did you get turned down for that date or that promotion? There is no closure to be had.  Why were you the one that got robbed or got hit in the accident. There is no closure there. Why were you the only one in your family to get breast cancer? There are no answers.  Just move on…

Life is much too complex and full of ambiguities to be reduced to firm answers for everything that happens to a person. Expending a whole lot of energy or time seeking answers to the why of the occurrences in life seems to be a big waste of that time and energy. Better, I think, to expend that time ad energy working on the “So what” of life – the ways in which you will react and go forward, based upon those occurrences. Just move on…

There is an old saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I would submit that perhaps meit also makes you smarter (if you learn from it) and maybe more interesting (if you assimilate it into your knowledge base). But, in order to gain those benefits you have to get past the incident or experience and assimilate it, rather than fixating upon it.   Just move on…
So, rather than seeking closure, seek acceptance, seek forgiveness (if that is required), seek the learning that is there and store away the knowledge that is to be gained. Learn to feel good about your ability to get on with life rather than being bothered by an ambiguity that you may never be able to understand. Sometimes “only God knows why” is the best answer and the only answer. Just move on…

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