You’re divorced…don’t waste your time on the past

“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.” –  Shannon L. Alder

I found that quote when I went looking for quotes about divorce. I get involved in quite a few real estate transactions that are being driven by divorces. Usually the point at which I’m brought in is still in the early stages of the total process. Emotions and feelings are running high, wounds are still fresh and enough time has not passed for logic to kick back in. One side or the other probably hates me at first, since I’m usually brought in by one side or by a lawyer representing one side of the divorce. So, sometimes I bear the brunt of anger and frustration that has nowhere else to go. That’s OK (well, not OK but expected) and I try to maintain a calming influence, if I’m allowed the opportunity. So, today’s quote is sort of my throw-in bit of advice for those trying to cope with this big, emotionally charged event in their lives.

dissapointed ladyThis little saying doesn’t have to apply only to divorce. Especially in our younger years we seem to give ourselves ample opportunity to be hurt in affairs of the heart; so this could apply to all of the lost loves that you suffer through on our way to maturity. There is a natural tendency to have those little thoughts of revenge in the back of your mind, if you believe that you have been wronged. The quicker you can put them back out of your mind and get on with life the better. They serve no useful purpose. If you must find a way to make it a win for yourself, think of it this way – you are of such little consequence to me that I no longer even think of you. There- you win!

I found another quote that at least starts to take the approach of letting you be the victor, rather than the victim –

“Everything can change in a heartbeat; it can slip away in an instant. Everything you trust, and treasure, whatever brings you comfort, comes at a terrible cost. Health is temporary; money disappears. Safety is nothing big an illusion. So when the moment comes, and everything you depend upon changes, or perhaps someone you love disappears, or no longer loves you, must disaster follow? Or will you-somehow-adapt?”  –  Margaret Overton

I wrote about being the victor in an earlier post in my three little words series.  It is those moments of disaster that many people find their true strength as a person. There’s nothing  wrong with having woman boxera good cry, too. That can be a very cleansing thing and it releases the stress. The important thing is what you do after the cry. Don’t curl up in a fetal position and admit defeat. Stand up and say out loud, “Well, that felt good; now let’s get on with life. What’s next?”

Finally, here’s at least a partially positive quote to end this post –

“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” –  Jennifer Weiner, Fly Away Home

The point of today’s quote is not to let yourself wallow in the “poor me” syndrome of wasting time wishing ill to others for what you may believe that they did to you. What makes them worth that waste of time in your life? You have more important things to do – new challenges to take on, new people to meet, new relationships to build. Your life is not about the past anymore, it’s about your future and you just don’t have time to waste on things that didn’t work out in the past. You’re divorced. So, what? Nobody died. Move on. You’ve got things to do.

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